Health Visitor turned up after I declined appointment

[AliceBeazley]

So, the Health Visitor. I understand it can be a valuable service to some, and it's good we have this available to us if we need it.

That said, I've never really felt the need myself. I had a visit from one once or twice after my first son was born, and she was very nice but it wasn't especially useful and just took up my time when I would rather have been doing something else.

Whenever I've been sent an appointment, I've gone through the checklist and never had any concerns. I've also got various books on child development in the early years and am proactive about checking whether milestones are being met. I've therefore cancelled all HV appointments that have been sent, and other than the office staff seeming a little puzzled, I've never had an issue doing this.

Roll on to baby number 2. I declined the checks from the start, other than arranging for the HV to come and weigh him when he was a few weeks old. When the 1 year check appointment came through I called the office and cancelled again. The woman said she would pass the message on to the HV.

The HV called and left a message to say she had my message and that's fine, but she could come and do another weigh if I wanted to, yada yada yada.

Feeling the matter was resolved, I forgot about it.

This morning the HV turned up at the door for the 9-12 month check. I explained it had been cancelled, and she sort of made noises as if that was a surprise. I said hang on, did you say your name was "Emma", wasn't it you who left a message for me to acknowledge I'd cancelled. She then said "Yes but as I said, it would be nice to meet you both". I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited". It was this point she obviously could tell I was annoyed at her intrusion and decides to scuttle off again.

I'm pretty annoyed by this to be honest. She knew I wasn't interested but she tried to disregard my wishes and try and come in anyway. I know a lot of people think HV appointments are mandatory and they don't do anything to point out the contrary. I feel like she just wanted to railroad me into letting her in whether I wanted to see her or not. This tactic probably works on some. I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like complaining about this as its a complete overstep. I've no idea who to complain to or if it would even do any good. I'd appreciate other's thoughts on it. TIA.

You do realise that not all babies and young children have nice homes? And for far too many the only point of safety are resources such as health visitors and doctors (( ever occured to you why babies are always stripped during appointments?))
Tbh HV visits should be mandatory, those who have nothing to hide have nothing to hear about...... And those who do have a chance of being caught before yet another child ends up dead.

Having the HV turn up for a cancelled appointment when there have been no reports of concern is a terrible way to try and find children who slip through the cracks. It is expensive and ineffective. It doesn't provide what most children need - which is for their parents to feel empowered and supported, not checked up on and harrased. It doesn't fill the gaps in service that have been identified in serious case reviews where children have come to harm and the state could have intervened (which in general have been - more resources, better analysis of reports of concern, a stronger focus on safeguarding the child and more tenaciousness when there are concerns).

OP allowing the HV in wouldn't have saved any other child because the HV does not have any authority to see any other child and OP letting her in wouldn't have given her the authority to see any other child.

Take your authoritarian, poorly thought out wishful thinking back to the drawing board @TrayBakes The state does a poor job of caregiving. It can be better than abusive parents but it is way, way worse than the vast majority of parents and should not be given free range when there are no indications of concern for the child.

These comments are bloody ridiculous and irrational to be Frank. OP is overreacting the HV has a duty of care. OP didn't want the visit granted.

A lot of mums can't spot PND in themselves... so posts like this are worrying!! A lot of people decline help and feel ashamed to reach out or possibly they are totally unaware they even have PND for a START!!

Great point too. I remember my having my sister... the HV noticed something in eye. My mother snapped and told her it's her 4th child. Let's just say my mother was really grateful the HV stuck her Orrr in because it effect both baby and mum!

What absolute nonsense. Of course HV shouldn't be mandatory. If it ever became mandatory, then anyone who choses to parent their child in a way that goes against official guidelines will be putting their child at risk. No one wants that. No one else should decide for you whether you can co-sleep, breast or formula feed, when to wean, how to educate, what treatments your child is put through etc. HV is support and guidance for parents who NEED it. Not everyone needs it. It is for parents to decide. It should not be forced.

I think they have a safeguarding role so if people try not to see them they want to check the kids are ok?

They were very persistent with us and we could not seem to get the message through to them that we had moved to California...

You sound like a rude, entitled arrogant person OP. Like you know everything about child development because you read some books. Ffs. Find another hill to die on about something that actually matters. 🙄

I don’t agree with your characterisation at all but if OP was rude entitled and arrogant and if she has earnestly read lots of books about child development that doesn’t make her more likely to be abusing her child or to suffer from pnd. In fact it still means that she can refuse to see a HV and opt out.

Personally I think the HV is demonstrably rude, entitled and arrogant for trying to impose on a woman she has no business bothering.

It depends on whether you opted out of the service or just kept cancelling appointments. I get what people are saying about safeguarding, but if the purpose of the service is safeguarding and it will raise red flags if you opt out, parents should be made explicitly aware of that. If engaging with HV services is a yardstick to whether your children are considered at risk, then it's not really optional.

Perfectly said!

I'm similar to you op but I did let them visit because I know how important it is for them to make sure they aren't missing anything that could later come back to bite them. But the poster I've quoted basically sums up everything.

I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

This is SO unreasonable, I just don't know where to start, but perhaps you^ could start with reading some of the serious case reviews from child deaths around the country over the past few years. Or just follow the news for a few weeks, and the outcry about "why didn't anyone do anything?" and how "everybody let that poor little child down" etc etc. for the occasional child that for some reason hits the headlines more than most.

YABVVVVVU

(Goes completely off point)

Enjoy your newborn OP! Its feels like ages since I held one....

You sound rude and aggressive yourself in this post!

HV are not only there to protect our children. They’re there to protect Mothers too. Let’s not forget that

I'm sure you are a capable mum most of us are but you didn't do the best for your little baby by declining her visit as she may have picked up something you didn't.

"Mine told me the 50th centile was average. I think one has to assume they're just not kosher"

Is this a joke ? I have an A- Level in Maths and did stats at university, why osn't tbe 50th centile average ?

Sorry to derail

Isn't

And can someone help me quote ?

Just under the message you want to quote there are 3 dossiers the and you will see a few options znd quote is one of them on the left so just press that and send the message you want in the usual message box and when you press post it will join up

Dots not dossiers 😅😅

She was just being responsible. You were rude for no reason.

Opt out of the service rather than just cancelling appointments, she knocked and left without a fuss so not sure why you were so rude or why you are so put out by it.

@CarryonCovid I think it’s the median but close enough to mean/average to not make much odds, and the “not Kosher” is a play on jewishmums name. But it wasn’t my post.

I don’t really know how anyone who has watched the news in the last few months and seen the horrific child abuse that has happened behind closed doors could resent state interference in checking up on a child’s well-being. You being difficult has no doubt resulted in more forms/tedious paperwork for an overstretched service which takes them away from what they actually need to be doing.

IMO these visits, or something similar, absolutely should be mandatory.

Mandatory? So let's take a woman who has just had a baby and is now bonding with the new baby and the family, is exhausted, emotional and happy and let her be subjected to a visit by a random person, in their own home who will observe, judge and very often just parrot some out of date leaflets as some form of unwanted advice.

Or you know, let's do even better, let's take all those babies and keep them somewhere safe, in a state organised care, so they are completely safe from their mothers.

Mandatory! FFS. Where did I wake up, in North Korea?

I too declined the services of the Health Visitors with my second baby, after having had a bad experience when my first daughter was born with a very rude HV and finding it all a bit pointless. They did exactly the same and knocked on the door after baby number 2 had been born which was irritating, but I let her in, we had a quick chat, she saw DD2 and went away after 15 minutes or so. They haven't bothered me since.

I think you need to step back and see the bigger picture that this is a safeguarding/welfare check. It's a minor inconvenience for you but could be majorly important in another situation. Your baby is lucky to have a happy, capable parent but not all babies are so lucky..... surely you can see that?

I wouldn't complain OP, I think it would make you look a bit of an idiot tbh. All they would say is that cancelling appointments can be a red flag, they have no way of knowing whether you're cancelling for genuine reasons or ulterior motives so they gave you a quick visit to check all was well and went away when you told them to. I really can't see they've done anything wrong here.