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Original poster

My Ukrainian refugee visitors on way back to Ukraine

102 replies

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 17/04/2022 06:13

And I'm sitting in my lovely, peaceful garden sobbing.

They'd been here a week on a family visa but the hospital where she works have now told her that my new friend that her three week holiday allowance is up and if she doesn't go back she'll lose her job. As a cardiac doctor her speciality is in demand, as you can imagine. They'd been out of Lviv for two weeks by the time they got to me as it took that long for the visa.

I'm telling myself it's only Lviv, they can come back anytime but watching a woman and her two small boys climbing into the taxi for the airport for a flight to a country under invasion has just about undone me.

It's so fucking wrong.

OP posts:
QuebecBagnet · 17/04/2022 06:23

That’s so sad. I get that she’s needed in Ukraine…..but could she not have looked for a job here?

LegMeChicken · 17/04/2022 06:41

Surely a cardiac surgeon can find another job? What’s the issue with ‘losing’ this?

You can’t claim to be desperate and in fear of losing your life if you just up and go back.

Zonder · 17/04/2022 06:54

I suspect she could get another job but perhaps she felt she was needed more in Ukraine with her skill set.

What a tragedy. Well done to you OP for looking after them even if it was just short in the end.

CorsicaDreaming · 17/04/2022 06:56

Yes it is the most unimaginably vile invasion. I hope Putin is tried as a war criminal.

Patchbatch · 17/04/2022 06:57

Can't she leave her job there? Presumably with an in demand skill it won't be challenging to find work in the future and doesn't need money here as there's support isn't there? Why on earth earmark them for the scheme and not others who are still waiting if knew she'd be going back- very odd.

QuebecBagnet · 17/04/2022 06:59

Lviv got shelled last night. Seems crazy to go back.

THisbackwithavengeance · 17/04/2022 07:03

@QuebecBagnet

That’s so sad. I get that she’s needed in Ukraine…..but could she not have looked for a job here?
But she is needed in her own country, no? Her own people are dying, she's a doctor and she is desperately needed.

If all the key workers simply leave and the population of the country is significantly reduced then the country will fall to it's knees and Putin will have won by default.

Just because noone on MN is patriotic and would just save their own skin, sod everyone else in the event Britain was invaded, Ukrainians think differently.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 17/04/2022 07:04

You can’t claim to be desperate and in fear of losing your life if you just up and go back.

I think you can, it must be incredibly complex emotions to have left your old life behind, including probably your husband to fight in a war to protect your country. Her job too is one which probably engenders a lot of reliance on teamwork and reliance on each other. Medicine seems to be much more a calling than just a job. Although it is probably not the decision I would make I can see that she is in a difficult position. Although yes she might be able to work here, it takes time for registration etc. to be agreed, assuming she has all the requisite evidence and sufficient English.

It is terribly sad for her and her children and of course OP. I think it is not right to apportion blame on this woman or even the hospital.

QuebecBagnet · 17/04/2022 07:05

@THisbackwithavengeance and for a single woman or man I’d agree. But not to take kids back to a war zone. 🤷‍♀️

MarshmallowSwede · 17/04/2022 07:09

She’s a doctor and I imagine in her mind she feels duty to her country. Yes it’s dangerous and it’s a war zone, but this is the nature of war. Someone has to be willing to stay and fight and someone has to be willing to care for the wounded.

alphabetsoup1980 · 17/04/2022 07:14

@LegMeChicken

Surely a cardiac surgeon can find another job? What’s the issue with ‘losing’ this?

You can’t claim to be desperate and in fear of losing your life if you just up and go back.

She was told she had to go back.... 👏
LegMeChicken · 17/04/2022 07:15

@Unexpecteddrivinginstructor

You can’t claim to be desperate and in fear of losing your life if you just up and go back.

I think you can, it must be incredibly complex emotions to have left your old life behind, including probably your husband to fight in a war to protect your country. Her job too is one which probably engenders a lot of reliance on teamwork and reliance on each other. Medicine seems to be much more a calling than just a job. Although it is probably not the decision I would make I can see that she is in a difficult position. Although yes she might be able to work here, it takes time for registration etc. to be agreed, assuming she has all the requisite evidence and sufficient English.

It is terribly sad for her and her children and of course OP. I think it is not right to apportion blame on this woman or even the hospital.

Blame? For what? She feels a calling to her country, fair enough, but that means what I said. She’s not desperate to live at all costs.
oakleaffy · 17/04/2022 07:15

Maybe the Dr felt more “ At home” in Ukraine?

She could surely have stayed here if she’d wanted to?
She probably felt she was needed in her own Country?
There must have been a pull to go back that was more than the thought of losing her job.
Respect to her-
Just hope to goodness that they will stay safe.

listsandbudgets · 17/04/2022 07:28

I am so sorry. I know how much effort you put into getting them here, annoying g fkr their arrival and doing as much as you can to make them feel welcome and cared for.

Our group of refugees arrived Tuesday and after a good meal, a short walk and a shower fell into bed and slept for 14 hours..I feel as if they're already part of our family and I'd be devastated of they suddenly had to go back to a war zone.

She obviously felt her country desperately her skills and I'm.sure she wont ever forget the love and kindness you showed her. Even the brief respite in the comfort of your have may have given her the mental energy to return. A very brave woman

listsandbudgets · 17/04/2022 07:30

Arranging for their arrival ( though frankly I had to annoy quite a few people in pushing for the visas it took 21 days)

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/04/2022 07:32

This is terribly sad,

She must feel such a strong pull tp her country - is there no way she could have left her children with you? Or do the govt rules not allow it?

KyieveMii · 17/04/2022 07:36

A few of my family members have gone back.
Homesickness, living on charity, cramped conditions, no future. Even if they get a job here they gave to return in 3 years. The kids schooling will be a mess on return, no job on return. If it’s possible to return it’s so much easier. Mine have gone to the west where it’s been safe so far.
Remember your guest can’t work as a doctor here. She’ll de-skill sitting here then return after three years to nothing in Ukraine with the rest of her life stretching ahead. That’s a big big deal

baroqueandblue · 17/04/2022 07:41

Just because noone on MN is patriotic and would just save their own skin, sod everyone else in the event Britain was invaded

Makes you sound so good, doesn't it?

Well, if the definition of good was suddenly changed to 'self-righteous' Hmm

SpringGeraniums · 17/04/2022 07:42

@Unexpecteddrivinginstructor

You can’t claim to be desperate and in fear of losing your life if you just up and go back.

I think you can, it must be incredibly complex emotions to have left your old life behind, including probably your husband to fight in a war to protect your country. Her job too is one which probably engenders a lot of reliance on teamwork and reliance on each other. Medicine seems to be much more a calling than just a job. Although it is probably not the decision I would make I can see that she is in a difficult position. Although yes she might be able to work here, it takes time for registration etc. to be agreed, assuming she has all the requisite evidence and sufficient English.

It is terribly sad for her and her children and of course OP. I think it is not right to apportion blame on this woman or even the hospital.

I agree with this. No-one wants to be a refugee. They want to be home with everyone they know and love and safe and sound and living their lives. Coming to an entirely different country in such circumstances especially when you have been through such trauma- you might feel guilt for leaving others behind. Guilt for getting to safety. A desire to go home and do everything you can even if it means dying on your own soil.
Butfirstcoffees · 17/04/2022 07:45

Op I understand why you are upset. But you have to remember, it's not just about being told she will lose her job. When she decided to leave she decided to leave her job. I am sure her intention was not to just leave and return after a few weeks. There will be alot going on that you have no idea about. So much going round her mind.

Its an obviously complicated situation. I am surprised she took her kids back. But until anyone is in the situation we can't say what we would do.

Try and comfort yourself with tbe fact that you helped get her out, but she has made a decision that she thinks is the best one right now.

KyieveMii · 17/04/2022 07:47

You need to remember they are not refugees. They are temporarily displaced. They have no refugee rights. They cannot stay, apply for asylum. They need one eye on what they return to.
If in anyone possible they need their job, their child’s schooling still with hope. They are not in the EU either, they cannot just resettle.

RedMake88 · 17/04/2022 07:47

Most ‘ordinary’ Ukrainians are still in Ukraine. Only the well off have made it to the UK. I imagine most will need to /have to go back. Their lives would have been better there. Also a number of foreigners do English language Medicine degrees in Ukraine it wouldn’t be too difficult I believe to register here.

OP can you take another family?

oakleaffy · 17/04/2022 07:51

@KyieveMii

A few of my family members have gone back. Homesickness, living on charity, cramped conditions, no future. Even if they get a job here they gave to return in 3 years. The kids schooling will be a mess on return, no job on return. If it’s possible to return it’s so much easier. Mine have gone to the west where it’s been safe so far. Remember your guest can’t work as a doctor here. She’ll de-skill sitting here then return after three years to nothing in Ukraine with the rest of her life stretching ahead. That’s a big big deal
Very good points. ''Home'' has a very strong pull, even if it is being bombed heavily .{Relatives, the female ones, stayed in London during Blitz} One even painted the blitzed buildings of Mayfair outside her window, one she called ''Oh where is the happy party now?''

They could have decamped to the countryside as refugees, but chose to stay ''Home''.

Relying on charity must be very hard for many people.

nomistake · 17/04/2022 07:55

Did you discuss her leaving the kids behind? A very tough choice and I don't know what I would do in that situation, but I hope her children are safe. I think I would prefer to leave them somewhere guaranteed safe rather than leave them in a war zone while I went to work, but I don't know for sure.

oakleaffy · 17/04/2022 07:57

@SchadenfreudePersonified

This is terribly sad,

She must feel such a strong pull tp her country - is there no way she could have left her children with you? Or do the govt rules not allow it?

~Who would want to leave their children with ''Strangers''?...

Many child refugees in WW2 were sent to ''Safe'' places in the UK Countryside, and loathed it.

Terrible homesickness.
Children need to be with their mothers.