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Original poster

My Ukrainian refugee visitors on way back to Ukraine

102 replies

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 17/04/2022 06:13

And I'm sitting in my lovely, peaceful garden sobbing.

They'd been here a week on a family visa but the hospital where she works have now told her that my new friend that her three week holiday allowance is up and if she doesn't go back she'll lose her job. As a cardiac doctor her speciality is in demand, as you can imagine. They'd been out of Lviv for two weeks by the time they got to me as it took that long for the visa.

I'm telling myself it's only Lviv, they can come back anytime but watching a woman and her two small boys climbing into the taxi for the airport for a flight to a country under invasion has just about undone me.

It's so fucking wrong.

OP posts:

butterpuffed · 17/04/2022 08:13

Apparently, 30,000 Ukrainians are returning to their country every day. It's just as unsafe there now as it was when they left so unsure as to why.

entropynow · 17/04/2022 08:23

@butterpuffed

Apparently, 30,000 Ukrainians are returning to their country every day. It's just as unsafe there now as it was when they left so unsure as to why.

For all the reasons previously stated, including most importantly that not all of the country is in the same position - and it's a big place.

KyieveMii · 17/04/2022 08:27

@butterpuffed I’ve put a number of reasons in above posts.

Also when many left initially there was no idea of knowing where would be hit. It’s now appearing the west is almost untouched .

London to Lviv is nearly the distance Lviv is from Donetsk - if that gives you some idea of the scale of Ukraine. Some believe the geographical heart of Europe is in Western Ukraine. It’s a huge country.

Also- Ukraine has all the food not being exported. That reassures people. Ukraine can feed half a billion with their agriculture- and short worries are coming. They also fear Nukes coming to Europe

butterpuffed · 17/04/2022 08:37

Hoping they'll all be safe then on their return.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/04/2022 08:38

That’s very sad. I imagine she feels she needs/wants to go back to help, which is right if she’s able to do it.

You did a really valuable job taking them for 3 weeks, it gave her a chance to think through what she could do.

Are you able to take another family?

ilovebrie8 · 17/04/2022 08:38

It’s odd she would go back so soon. You don’t know the ins and outs. Home is home and it’s complex, being in U.K. is far from ideal for many reasons and perhaps she felt no it wasn’t for her and didn’t want to hurt your feelings...it’s nothing you did OP.

grotsnags · 17/04/2022 08:43

Apparently, 30,000 Ukrainians are returning to their country every day. It's just as unsafe there now as it was when they left so unsure as to why.

feeling displaced, hopeless, wanting to do something, missing home. I don't think it's hard to imagine why

Reluctantadult · 17/04/2022 08:46

It's so strange isn't it. My Ukrainian friends family have moved west from Dnipro so they're safer, but get brother who is a dental surgeon commutes back in every day to work?! My friend has just been over there and has brought her elderly parents back here for a 'break', but they very much think they're going back.

Honestopinion23 · 17/04/2022 08:48

She would have known this in advance about her job so obviously after a week of trying this, she thought it was better to go back, despite the war there. Sorry you’re upset OP but it’s an enormous upheaval and damaging for kids to be plonked into a brand new culture (even if the hosts imaging it would be wonderful). I can completely imagine why they’d want to go back.
A friend of mine is taking a family in and is going on about how well they’re all going to slot into her middle class lifestyle, which is total and utter wishful thinking. She also has developed a very strong attachment to them and they haven’t even arrived yet.

KyieveMii · 17/04/2022 08:56

@Reluctantadult everyone is going back at some point. It’s just a question of when. Now, when they still have a job and house. Or when their visas runs out, they have no job, a dilapidated or even looted house.
They have no refugee rights to stay. They are on family visitor visas or temp sponsor ones.
That’s what they are weighing up.
Imagine also sitting unemployed and cramped in a strangers house whilst your children’s education wastes away alongside your prospects.
If possible you take your chances.

KyieveMii · 17/04/2022 09:00

My family applied for visas in feb, arrived at the end of March. After a month of homeless stress in Poland. They still don’t have bank accounts here, they are stuck in endless admin loops. No work, money running out too. On top of being cramped. It’s soul destroying, isolating, scary. We’re talking visas, it’s worrying about the future. If they do get jobs, they know it’s not a permanent life. They can’t move out and rent as on visas and no one will rent to them.
Cousins who have stayed moving to the west honestly seem happier overall.

Reluctantadult · 17/04/2022 09:02

[quote KyieveMii]@Reluctantadult everyone is going back at some point. It’s just a question of when. Now, when they still have a job and house. Or when their visas runs out, they have no job, a dilapidated or even looted house.
They have no refugee rights to stay. They are on family visitor visas or temp sponsor ones.
That’s what they are weighing up.
Imagine also sitting unemployed and cramped in a strangers house whilst your children’s education wastes away alongside your prospects.
If possible you take your chances.[/quote]
@KyieveMii the people I'm talking about are retired elderly parents over here staying with their daughter though.

KyieveMii · 17/04/2022 09:04

They still have to go back one day don’t they, they can’t just stay here

Original poster

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 17/04/2022 09:04

Ah, all these posts , my phone didn't update.
A few points,
She doesn't speak much English so couldn't get a job here, never mind a medical job.
She came over on a family visa not the scheme.
Nobody knows how long the situation is going to go on for. I truly believe they thought it would be over in a few weeks.
They have family still there who they are desperately worried about, including disabled elderly parents.
They are going to try again with her work because originally single parents were given leave so hopefully those medical personnel who are sole carers for children have more options going forward.

I know that if they could have stated they would have. The ex husband was my parents' closest friend but they (my parents) died last year so I offered space in my house as DD is at uni. The father speaks excellent English, many languages actually, and there is enough affection and trust there for honest conversations.

And yes, whoever said they're not refugees was exactly right, temporarily displaced persons and I should have said that instead. They do not have refugee status, just family visas and a war in their home country.

OP posts:

ilovebrie8 · 17/04/2022 09:06

It’s far from ideal for them, I can see the pull of home. @Honestopinion23 that just won’t happen them slotting in and if she’s already attached it’s plain weird she’s not met them. These are people not a puppy she’s taking in...some people are in for a shock and she sounds like one of them ..

Countdownis35 · 17/04/2022 09:09

There could be many many reasons. Maybe she has family to support finicially in Eukraine. OP can't expect to her to leave her kids like a poster suggested is that even allowed? She doesn't know OP from Adam...

Poor woman I don't know what the right thing is perhaps you could email and keep in touch OP?

Reluctantadult · 17/04/2022 09:10

@KyieveMii

They still have to go back one day don’t they, they can’t just stay here

Yes but it would be good if they could stay until things were a bit safer! Imagine my friend driving her parents back home next week?!

Original poster

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 17/04/2022 09:16

And just a point about disrupting childrens' lives. The parents genuinely believed they would be safer here. Air raid sirens have been going off multiple times a day in Lviv increasing all the time. Until today the children have yet to experience the sirens and evacuation to basements and hallways.
As far as the children have been concerned it's been an adventure, the parents have been very careful in this regard. And yes, their education has been mildly disrupted by missing a week or two but then school in basements isn't that great either.

I wasn't upset because they've gone back, per se, I'm upset that they're walking back into a scary situation.

OP posts:

Original poster

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 17/04/2022 09:19

@Countdownis35

Poor woman I don't know what the right thing is perhaps you could email and keep in touch OP?

We are planning on staying in touch and hopefully I'll go to see them when this madness ends. Although I'd never met the mum and boys my parents had their baby photos on their fridge for years so it was a bittersweet meeting when they arrived.

OP posts:

ilovebrie8 · 17/04/2022 09:26

At the end of the day OP they need to do what’s best for them. You did a good deed helping out but it’s not worked out for varying reasons ...you seem way over invested to be sat sobbing in your garden....they will know better than anyone where is best for them to be.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 17/04/2022 09:33

What a brave and noble thing this cardiac doctor has done - like the Syrian doctors consciously remaining to treat the population, even without power or medication as best they can

doublemonkey · 17/04/2022 09:34

Lol. How ridiculous.

Does anyoe actually believe this?

Original poster

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 17/04/2022 09:36

Haha, I knew at least one person would say I was over invested.

I'm not still sobbing in the garden, that would have been over invested, granted but after I waved them off , all smiles and hugs, I just felt so pissed off and sad and worried for them because however you spin it, they were going back to uncertainty at best, who know what at worst.

I think about the hospital where she works being targeted and how absolutely stressed she's going to be in the coming days and weeks.

I certainly don't blame her for the decisions they've made. Who knows what any of us would do in that situation and I'll wager that most of us on here will never have packed a bag in haste as our country's infrastructure crumbled and very real danger of death and destruction was clear and present.

OP posts:

Moochio · 17/04/2022 09:36

It's her choice.

Original poster

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 17/04/2022 09:37

@doublemonkey

Lol. How ridiculous.

Does anyoe actually believe this?

Eh? What's the issue with the credibility? What don't you believe?

OP posts:

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