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Original poster

"Give us a smile love" - why is this so wrong?

127 replies

bonfireheart · 15/04/2022 20:17

DD is 14 - I see men glance at her but nothing usually to worry about. Today we were in the city centre and she was walking behind me with a very heavy bag after a long tiring day minding her own business and an older man said "give us a smile love". She seemed to find it funny and that it was "a nice thing to say, he wants me to be happy" and I really couldn't articulate to her why what he said was so wrong...now I'm doubting myself, am I being too precious?!

OP posts:

OceanAtTheEnd · 15/04/2022 20:19

Because women don't owe men smiles, we don't owe them anything. It means Be pliable, love. Just no, fuck off (not you OP).

jytdtysrht · 15/04/2022 20:20

Try flipping it. Would she say something like this to a random stranger?

I find it aggravating. I’ll be in whatever mood I want based on what’s happened or what I’m dealing with - not based on a randomer telling me.

Comedycook · 15/04/2022 20:22

I bet he wouldn't have said it to a 6'4'' 18 stone bloke....

A 14 year old girl though..

Fucking hate men who say this shit.

Comedycook · 15/04/2022 20:22

I don't know why I put a blushing face...I meant an angry one

OceanAtTheEnd · 15/04/2022 20:23

Also, I can't imagine a woman saying that to a man she doesn't know.

Men set such a low bar.

tearinghairout · 15/04/2022 20:24

Nope. It's pass agg. Not up to her to smile if she doesn't want to. Not his bloody business.

SpeedofaSloth · 15/04/2022 20:26

@volewriter on Twitter talks about girls not being allowed boundaries, evidenced through the images and messages printed onto girls clothing from babyhood onwards. It suggest girls only exist for the benefit of others. "Smile, love" does the same.
Creepy man.

BlusteryLake · 15/04/2022 20:28

It's wrong because it is only ever said by men to women, and implies that women should be compliant and smiley for the benefit of men, even if they don't feel like it.

Georgeskitchen · 15/04/2022 20:28

I absolutely hate anyone saying that to me and I'm 61!!

GreyCarpet · 15/04/2022 20:29

Women don't owe men smiles.

Women don't exist for the viewing pleasure of men.

Women don't exist to make men happy.

Men don't say this shit to other men.

Women might have a legitimate reason for not walking around with a smile on their face. Some men expect women to always be happy, and compliant. In a Manic Pixie Dream Girl way. We are not supposed to have inner worlds with thoughts and needs of our own that might impact on how we feel. Our sole purpose is to be agreeable to men.

Men who say this don't want women to be happy. They are not thinking about us at all. They want to see a woman smiling, carefree and happy at all times because then we are not going to make any demands of them. They want to be reassured that we ae the right kind of woman.

Much older men should not be engaging with 14 year old girls they don't know on any level.

thenightsky · 15/04/2022 20:29

I always wish I had a gun and I could shoot at their feet and shout... 'dance, dance for me you fucker'.

carefullycourageous · 15/04/2022 20:30

The only appropriate answer is fuck off.

You are right op, it is not on for men to say this to her.

Leave women alone!

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 15/04/2022 20:32

Come on service human I want to see a smiling face, and as you are of an age and disposition I see as favourable I demand you respond positively to me so i feel good, indulge me now.
What's wrong? ......Miserable cow...

These men don't see women and girls as fully human with feelings and thoughts all of our own, separate and independent of them. We exist to service their every need.

MadMadMadamMim · 15/04/2022 20:32

I think it's intrusive, arrogant and inappropriate to address a perfect stranger (either male or female) with a demand for them to 'perform' to your instructions.

Saying, 'Cheer up!' or 'Give us a smile!' to anyone is thoughtless. Perhaps they've just had the news that their granny has died. Perhaps they are worried that they are being made redundant, or they can't pay the rent, or their DC is taking drugs, or their partner is cheating on them.

It's such a vacuous comment to make to a perfect stranger in the street. It's not even well meant in my opinion. It's a polite way of saying Get that miserable look off your face because no one wants to look at it and as such should be met with some kind of pleasantry like Fuck off you wanker.

Iggyplop · 15/04/2022 20:33

Sounds like a northern term we use it all the time in Manchester, to us it's non offensive a bit like Keep your chin up Chuck 😊

Poppins2016 · 15/04/2022 20:39

I'll never forget a (male) family member constantly telling me to smile, even though I didn't feel like it and often had good reason not to. At the time I remember feeling invalidated and as though nobody cared about how I felt. Now in hindsight I feel incredibly angry. Why should women and girls have to plaster on a smile for the comfort and benefit of men? We are not ornaments.

TyneTeas · 15/04/2022 20:41

Show her this

brookstar · 15/04/2022 20:42

Sounds like a northern term we use it all the time in Manchester, to us it's non offensive a bit like Keep your chin up Chuck 😊

Saying it to your mates is one thing. An older man saying this to a 14 year old girl is creepy as fuck.

GastroNuisance · 15/04/2022 20:43

@TyneTeas I was hoping someone would post that link. Awesome

BarbaraofSeville · 15/04/2022 20:57

He doesn't want her to be happy, he wants her to be decorative.

I haven't read it, but I've heard the book linked below discussed on Womans Hour, it sounds like it would explain it to her.

Women don't owe you pretty

cherrysthename · 15/04/2022 21:00

I've taught my daughter to respond with 'fuck off'. Gone past the point of witty retorts or trying to get these men to question why they do it. Just fuck off. I'm a northerner too btw.

IncompleteSenten · 15/04/2022 21:02

Also this one

CarmenThePanda · 15/04/2022 21:02

Because these men think women are there to cheer THEM up, by looking decorative, smiling at them etc. They think they have the right to tell women how to look, how to be.

Sweet, or wanting her to be happy might have sounded more like ‘would you like a hand with that heavy bag?’

Comedycook · 15/04/2022 21:06

@cherrysthename

I've taught my daughter to respond with 'fuck off'. Gone past the point of witty retorts or trying to get these men to question why they do it. Just fuck off. I'm a northerner too btw.

Be careful... you don't want her to be in danger if a man becomes angry by her telling him to fuck off. Although I totally agree he should fuck off!

Rainbowqueeen · 15/04/2022 21:06

But what if she didn’t want to be happy?? What if she’s was having a terrible day and was still trying to process her emotions??

Why is a complete stranger allowed to dictate how she feels and how she presents herself. It’s all part of the broader picture of how men try to take away womens bodily autonomy.

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