What small things did your parents get wrong when you were a child?

[Forevergold2838]

My mum and dad were/are wonderful but I remember a lot of stress about meal times. We had to clear our plates even if we didn't like it. I was allergic to eggs but it was dismissed as fussy eating even though I would vomit every time I ate them. They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

I was expected to be my disabled brother's carer. He is a decade older than me and it was always drummed into me that I would have to look after him all my life. That's what I was bred for. It made a lifetime of anxiety for me

Not much to drink (in the 80s) definitely was the case. And also I was only allowed to wash my hair once a week. I had such greasy hair and had a friend point it out at age 12-13, and then I took matters into my own hands.

Ive had a bunch of issues with my mum over the years. We just don't get along being in close proximity to eachother. DP and I moved away 8 years ago and now our relationship is much better.
Her and my dad's main issue was respect. Children SHOULD respect their parents. No questions asked. I do believe this to some extent but I also think there is a certain amount of earning involved. I didn't like a lot of things my mum said/did over the years but I was still expected to respect her. I didn't for the longest time. I've always loved her but haven't always respected her.

I wasn’t taught about personal hygiene. At 11 years old I had dirty, head lice infested hair which was gross but for some reason I was too ashamed to ask for treatment.. I still don’t know why! I also didn’t know how to ask to be measured for a bra so I didn’t and I didn’t get one until I was about 16. I now have a morbid fear of head lice and frequently check my oldest for them though I am told treatment is much more advanced nowadays

My mum would never spend time with it just being me and her, the neighbours kids were always involved, holidays, days out or even just watching a movie one of them had to be there, she wouldn't even hug me as it "wasn't something she did" but she'd hug them. They'd also fight each other constantly and if one of them was ever hurt (most days really) I'd get blamed without it ever being questioned and I'd be punished for it.
She also never complimented me, never said I look nice instead would tell me I looked ridiculous or had got too fat(she was the one feeding me though, as I was a child). But she'd comment on friends how beautiful and pretty they were.

When I got an A in my History GCSEs my mums response was "well its not an A* is it?" That was really crap and has stayed with me 14 years later 😬

We used to have a little dog who would sit on the back of the sofa so he could see what was going on down the street. But he used to have quite a lot of that stuff that comes out of dogs willies and he’s leave the deposits on the sofa until it was about the size of a saucer. My mum NEVER cleaned it off. God knows what visitors thought but then again we didn’t have many.

@Fridafever

Mine is really petty but I think did impact me. They never let me care how I looked. So I wore very sensible crap clothes and had short easy to care for hair, everyone thought I was a boy. They’re such nice people and fantastic parents in most ways but I can’t help feeling that I wouldn’t have had such a tough time at school if I’d been allowed to look better. I’m ugly either way but it could have less apparent especially at an age where everything is difficult.

I'm so sorry you feel like this about yourself 😔. I'm really keen to see how you look, I'm sure us ladies on here can tell you otherwise!

@Fridafever

Mine is really petty but I think did impact me. They never let me care how I looked. So I wore very sensible crap clothes and had short easy to care for hair, everyone thought I was a boy. They’re such nice people and fantastic parents in most ways but I can’t help feeling that I wouldn’t have had such a tough time at school if I’d been allowed to look better. I’m ugly either way but it could have less apparent especially at an age where everything is difficult.

@Fridafever

I'm sure you're not ugly. The most reassuring comment I've heard was that most people are quite ordinary looking. And it's true. As I walk around my town, I see the odd person who is quite attractive, but the rest really don't stand out at all

God where to start.

My dad was awful with food and force fed me when I was little. To the point where it upset mgm so much she refused to let him in her house after that. He wouldn't have cared though he cracked right on with the food torture until I started running away in my early teens. It gave me eating disorder issues that took until my late 30's to resolve.

Aside from the full on forcing my dad insisted on moving the goal posts constantly. So he would order a takeaway pizza but on the condition I had something I didn't want after it taking months to feel safe to eat something from the takeaway. He was always bargaining over trying something new but actually it was just cruel.

I can remember breaking down on dates in my 20'a being taken to nice restaurants by men and thinking I would be forced to eat things I didn't want to because that's how I was conditioned.

@CornishGem1975

Would never ever buy food or drink if we were out of the house. Refused to pay to park the car so we'd drive around for ages and ages looking for a free space. Never ever gave me a drink with a meal. Always thought it was such a novelty when I went to friends houses. How bad is that!

They probably used up more money in fuel than if they'd just paid to park!

I was 13, I came home from school one day and went to see my pet rabbit Bun Bun as usual. Cage and rabbit gone. My mother had sold it to a boy who took it on his go cart. I was bereft. I still think about it 63 years later

My parents were the type that worked hard and gave us the world, we honestly wanted for nothing. But when I look back, there wasn’t a lot of focus on developing our character and resilience to challenges. If anything got too hard we were simply allowed to quit. For example I started to learn the flute and when it came to taking my grade 1 exam at 11 I was nervous and said I wanted to give it up. Rather than encourage me to try, I was simply allowed to hand back the instrument and stop taking lessons. When I was having a few issues with some girls in my class aged 13, my mum demanded I was moved to a different class rather than deal with the problem. I’ve taken this coping method into my adult life and when the going gets tough I have an instinct to walk away.
Determined to not raise my son that way!

Tried to buy my love with money, they still do it and I'm 30. Yeah it sounds good to have money given to you but I'd have preferred if I actually enjoyed their company and they had spent time with me. I was allowed to stay out as late as I wanted (sometimes wouldn't get home until 7am or would come back by night bus) when i was 15 and my parents would be tucked up asleep, not even worried. Also as a kid my parents argued a lot, I used to listen through their bedroom floor and have memories of hiding behind their bed or behind my dads clothes in the cupboard to avoid getting involved.

Car parks are an adult novelty for me. My parents obsessively only parked in free spaces. Now the kids are only and I don't have a pram I do try and avoid the cost though.

No affection as a kid from either parent, don’t get me wrong I had a lovely home to live in but there was no love, my parents worked long hours too but again to give us nice things, we went on holiday every year but I can never remember spending just time with my mum, she was just too busy with working & cleaning up.

Putting Farex in my bottle from 2 weeks old because I was a hungry baby (can't imagine that happening now). Having to finish whatever was on my plate even if I was full. Having to wear clothes my mother picked for me until I was 15 (she had terrible taste). Being left alone in my grandparents' flat above their shop whilst my mum worked for them (from a very young age). But it was the 1970s, my parents were very young and hard up and sadly no longer here

Yes yes to the drinks! I was also a child in the 80s and only drank orange juice from concentrate as a kid or fizzy drinks.
My mum also always cut my hair so short saying it was rats tails if it was long! I love my hair long now and let my daughter have hers long if she likes.
Also constant dieting in front of me and encouraging me to go on diets with her before id stopped properly growing.
All the talk of 'shall we be naughty and get chocolate' 🙄

My parents usually took flasks of tea when we went out - and tbh even as a young child a cuppa was my preferred drink. Fizzy pop was an occasional treat. We did have squash at home too and sometimes a drink of squash was taken out in a tupperware beaker (especially on school/brownie/guide trips) but of course was always horribly warm by the time we drank it. But trips out - even going into town shopping - usually meant a visit to a cafe for a drink and maybe a cake. I think that was led by Mum who was a smoker, but very much of the opinion that walking round smoking was not "done" so a cafe it was.

Another thing I remembered. In my teenage years my dad would actively set me up for arguments - eg he would agree to pick me up at 5pm at X location, would deliberately arrive at 4.30 and phone me absolutely raging to demand why I wasn’t there. I would have to abandon whatever I was doing and sprint over to the meeting point. Cue a huge argument in the car on the way home where he just would not accept he deviated from the agreement.

I once went away for a few days with 2 school friends (educational type thing), my dad agreed prior to give my friends lifts home because one of their parents took me on the outbound journey. Upon arriving back at the ferry terminal, my dad picked me up but refused to pick up my friends (age 12 at the time) because ‘he had made plans’ with my stepmother and was running late for them. It was hugely embarrassing and I bet their parents thought he was a right arsehole when they got phone calls from their tearful daughters who had been left an hour’s drive from home. Again - not his fault apparently.

Mine never played with me, I was an only child and remember playing monopoly on my own (🙈) mum would never play it. It really sticks in my head.

@helpfulperson

This obsession with water and being hydrated is really very recent. I still don't drink water, only tea and coffee. I'll drink water if out hiking but that's the only time.

I agree. I never ever drink water and also don't feel the need to constantly have access to a drink.

Allowed me to be overweight as a pre-teen and teenager with everything cooked in a chip pan and all full fat and takeaways a lot when i was older. It took a lot to lose it as an adult. My siblings are all obese with no plans to change. Never took drinks or food places either but might get a can of coke out.

This post makes me so sad.
Instead of thinking what my parents got wrong I’m thinking how I have messed my own kids up 😢😩

I don't remember a lot of encouragement or support from my parents. I think they worried that we would become big headed if they lavished praise on us