@MMBaranova
>I can't imagine how difficult it is for you.
I feel guilty about being affected to be honest. Partly because I know I am safe and partly because, though I have Ukrainian heritage, I have a mixed bag of other ones. The stable anchor in my childhood was my London Irish grandmother for instance.
Posting occasionally here has I hope shone a slightly different light on things than generally hit the headlines. I am heavily invested in Ukraine as a vibrant if volatile multi-party democracy. Things haven't been perfect, and what could be given the back story of say the twentieth century there? Back in late 2013 when visiting I wandered down to the Euromaidan protest, before Christmas when you could and the crescendo had yet to be reached. It was a time of hope. How we got to here with Putin's terrible invasion I just do not know.
You shouldn't feel guilty. Not at all.
Its a collective trauma to everyone of Ukrainian heritage whether they live abroad or are still in Ukraine. Psychologically it will affect everyone who has that blood connection. How you are feeling is normal for the situation. You do have the worry of whats happening to your family in Ukraine.
Just because you are safe and you haven't directly experienced things doesn't mean you are ok. Its people you love, its your culture, its your memories...
Try and keep in your head if you are struggling with it, that war crimes also include the destruction of culture / heritage of a group or people. These acts by design are part of harming you and your family even if you are not where acts of violence are happening. Its supposed to psychologically hurt you.
Not knowing exactly what is happening to people you care about, especially given what has happened elsewhere in the country, is being done by design to terrorise people. It is a deliberate form of psychological warfare. You do not have to be present to be affected by it.
Your feelings are a normal response. Try not to beat yourself up over your guilt. I understand why you have it, but please don't forget some of the aims and purposes of what is happening is also being done to affect anyone with Ukrainian heritage no matter where they are.
Be kind to yourself. I hope your family stay safe and you can continue to keep in touch with them.