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Original poster

If you are pretty/attractive can you be friends with men?

102 replies

Quirrelsotherface · 26/03/2022 20:49

Just that really. Not a boast I am definitely no supermodel but I am pretty. I am married, it's not perfect but we love each other, work well as a team and have decent sex and he's got a big willy so I'm perfectly happy and do not want to shag anyone else.
However I like men, I like talking to them, having a laugh, I have an interest that is male dominated. I would happily chat away to their wives too but here's the thing. I am met with coldness, suspicion and actually just fucking nastiness sometimes from their partners.

What can I do, save from shouting 'I don't want to shag your husband!'?
Can anyone honestly say they have great friendships with men if they are pretty?

OP posts:
timeforteaforyouandme · 26/03/2022 21:27

Nope they will fizzle out and you will realise some of your male friends liked you partly because you are pretty even if it was platonic

Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/03/2022 21:33

I'm no stunner but I've been told I'm pretty. The only real male friend I have is gay. I get on better with women though to be honest as I'm a bit weary of males, I work in a heavily male dominated environment and the conversations I've heard make me despair sometimes.

Perfectlystill · 26/03/2022 21:33

Yes I have always had great friendships with men who are not my husband and have done since I was younger and single. It is 100pc possible.

I am quite a boyish girl/woman (was a tomboy when young) so despite being 'pretty' (cringe writing that) I have always felt a bit more at home with men than women.

Yes occasionally a man has had too much to drink and lunged at me when saying goodbye but I have always said no and that's been the end of it.

Echobelly · 26/03/2022 21:35

I think so - one of my husband's oldest friends is a total stunner. I know he fancied her when they were teens (although feeling wasn't mutual) but they are just good mates!

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/03/2022 21:42

Yes I do. So do plenty of women, and vv.

Blackberrycream · 26/03/2022 21:53

I have 2 long-standing friendships. I used to be not short of attention ( not so much now). I think it’s key that they were developed in youth. We were in and out of relationships and had a brotherly, sisterly like relationship through it all.
I wouldn’t really expect a friendship to develop at this stage of life with a man in a relationship. I think your expectations are unreasonable. People rightly prioritise their relationship and the truth is their partner is probably right to be suspicious of your motivation. That is not a reflection on you but just a fact that you are an unknown quantity.
Also, you are complaining about women feeling uncomfortable about you hanging out with their partner and wondering if it is because you are too pretty. You may be giving off a bit of a vibe! Trust is earned.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/03/2022 21:54

Nope. I was really beautiful when younger.

No man ever wanted a ‘friendship’

MrsGHarrison87 · 26/03/2022 21:58

Men have only wanted me to date/ sext/ have sex with. I've been friendly with guys but there's always been flirty undertones.

Pugfostermum · 26/03/2022 21:59

Every man (bar one) has wanted more, that I’ve been friends with. I really enjoy the company of men, but I’ve given up trying to be friends now (40’s). I’m no stunner, but I have a good body and look young for my age.

Enzbear · 26/03/2022 22:08

Yes but they have to be kept at arms length and absolutely no flirting. I am also very clear about my relationship with DH and am not available in any way. I am very friendly and outgoing as well as a social butterfly but I never flirt. Few are sincere, they are always looking for an opportunity. I have had a couple get really silly with absolutely no encouragement and have always been open with DH about it when they do. The ones that know how to behave I stay friends with. I have never been able to be friends in the same way I can with a woman friend.

peaceanddove · 26/03/2022 22:22

I'm far from beautiful, but back in the day I was good looking enough to turn heads, get into clubs for free, do promotional work etc.

No, in my experience I don't think men seek out friendships with women, unless they find them physically attractive. Looking back, just about every bloke of my acquaintance has either made a move on me, or behaved in a way that made me slightly uncomfortable e.g. the hug that lingered just too long, the hand that rested just too long on your hip. The way their eyes would keep sweeping you up and down. When they kissed your cheek you realised they were also breathing you in.

Half the time, I genuinely believe they were doing it unconsciously - just a totally instinctive, masculine response.

Gwegowygwiggs · 26/03/2022 22:22

No only mingers can

waterrat · 26/03/2022 22:25

Ah I was young and pretty once....(those were the days ) and being honest I was generally aware that all the men around me had sex in their minds. I always assumed men were after sex because they were. I can categorically state that is not true now my looks have faded!

Original poster
Quirrelsotherface · 26/03/2022 22:28

No only mingers can

That made me laugh. Thanks for all the responses. I'm not talking about deep friendships here, just getting on well, having a chat, laugh together type thing. Pah maybe I'm thinking too much into it.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 26/03/2022 22:32

the truth is their partner is probably right to be suspicious of your motivation. That is not a reflection on you how is it not a reflection on op that you think their partners are right to be suspicious of OP?? They'd only be right to be suspicious of her if she wants something to happen with these men. Are you saying she secretly does but is in denial?

merrymelodies · 26/03/2022 22:34

Definitely. By setting boundaries.

peaceanddove · 26/03/2022 22:36

And, I want to make it clear that there's been no one else for me since I met DH. I never flirt and I'm utterly loyal. It's just how I am. But it didn't seem to matter to most men. If anything I think they saw it as even more of a challenge.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/03/2022 22:40

Well I guess I'm glad I'm fat and plain 😂. I have one male friend from my teens (now 40), who is my "play group husband". Nothing never has happened between us and it never would. It would feel incestuous. I also have one friend made in adulthood, we see each other alone twice a year, go sightseeing, have dinner, have a drink. See each other around a shared interest through the year. Text periodically about random stuff. He came to my wedding. DH has the kids when we go out. Def nothing happening 😂

Blackberrycream · 26/03/2022 22:43

@SleepingStandingUp

the truth is their partner is probably right to be suspicious of your motivation. That is not a reflection on you how is it not a reflection on op that you think their partners are right to be suspicious of OP?? They'd only be right to be suspicious of her if she wants something to happen with these men. Are you saying she secretly does but is in denial?
No I’m not saying that. It’s not specific to the OP. I’m saying it would be naive to not be wary. Women are not obliged to kindly welcome other women trying to make friends with their husbands.
Original poster
Quirrelsotherface · 26/03/2022 22:45

SleepingStandingUp
both friendships sound lovely.

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 26/03/2022 22:46

I think so - one of my husband's oldest friends is a total stunner. I know he fancied her when they were teens (although feeling wasn't mutual) but they are just good mates!

But had she reciprocated then he would have got together with her. Would he want to be friends still if she wasn't attractive?

Sadly I don't think men are (generally) fussed about maintaining friendships with females that aren't physically attractive to them.

Waggily · 26/03/2022 22:49

God, I must be hideous 😂. One of my best friends for the past 35 years is male and one of my newest friends is a dad with similar age children. There is not
a hint that either of them fancy me, or any of the other men I’m friends with.

oliviastwisted · 26/03/2022 22:52

Yes and no. I am not pretty anymore but once I was. I have a very technical job in a male dominated environment and when I started out in one of my early jobs I had loads of male friends. When I was leaving a number of them pulled me to one side alone on the night of my leaving party to tell me they fancied me. It was a little uncomfortable and to be honest a complete surprise to me that happened because I literally did not suspect at all. I was pretty sharp on the banter could definitely give and take it and I was also really into going to common interest sports events at the time so I was always into the office chat but I had no inkling that some of the guys were interested in me.

I was pretty glad they left it until I was leaving because it saved on the discomfort I would have experienced otherwise but it was such a weird night that every time I ended up chatting in anyway alone to someone they seemed to tell me they had always liked me.

So yes I had what I thought were just friends but it turned out some of them had a crush. However I stayed friends with a few of them after and they were absolutely fine with being turned down.

Now I still have a good number of male friends but I’m not pretty anymore so that doesn’t count Grin

Smidgy · 26/03/2022 22:56

No I don't have male friendships. Not because I don't want to but because over the years I've learnt that most men who I am friendly with assume that me smiling at them or laughing at their jokes means that I want more than just friendship. So I've basically stopped being friendly with men because I got sick of being put into awkward situations by men who misunderstood my friendliness for something more.

Patienceisntvirtuous · 26/03/2022 23:00

I manage it but the difference is I'm gay. The larger problem for me is men not believing me and disrespecting me and my relationship.
I have some absolutely amazing male friends who more than make up for it.

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