If you are pretty/attractive can you be friends with men?

[Quirrelsotherface]

Just that really. Not a boast I am definitely no supermodel but I am pretty. I am married, it's not perfect but we love each other, work well as a team and have decent sex and he's got a big willy so I'm perfectly happy and do not want to shag anyone else.
However I like men, I like talking to them, having a laugh, I have an interest that is male dominated. I would happily chat away to their wives too but here's the thing. I am met with coldness, suspicion and actually just fucking nastiness sometimes from their partners.

What can I do, save from shouting 'I don't want to shag your husband!'?
Can anyone honestly say they have great friendships with men if they are pretty?

I dunno. I used to be pretty enough to get chatted up plenty, but I've never experienced what you describe, OP. My DP doesn't care, she's fine with it, and so are all the female partners of men I know (and the male partners for that matter). That said, I never expected partners of my friends to be particularly interested, so perhaps that's the issue? Why would they be extra friendly towards you just because you share an interest with their partners? Perhaps they're just not that into the hobby you share.

My mum has some old male friends and they are genuine. They may have had bouts of feelings when they were young-on both sides-but think that's inevitable sometimes actually. Always blows over and friendship continues. I have male friends that I see quite causally or I'm groups with. Nothing closer that lasted. Though enjoyable. That might be a generational thing - my mums generation were just right between traditional 50s and the pornified sexualised culture of today. both make it hard for men to separate woman from sex and marriage - and inferiority. Equality is a key component of friendship and unfortunately i think that many men sadly just dont really respect women.

Yes, I am attractive/good looking but quite 'boyish' and so have lots of male friends and never have strayed into anything other than mates territory.

Tbh I dont think they or I would ever consider it!

Plus I am now quite old, however twas the same when I was young!

@peaceanddove

I'm far from beautiful, but back in the day I was good looking enough to turn heads, get into clubs for free, do promotional work etc.

No, in my experience I don't think men seek out friendships with women, unless they find them physically attractive. Looking back, just about every bloke of my acquaintance has either made a move on me, or behaved in a way that made me slightly uncomfortable e.g. the hug that lingered just too long, the hand that rested just too long on your hip. The way their eyes would keep sweeping you up and down. When they kissed your cheek you realised they were also breathing you in.

Half the time, I genuinely believe they were doing it unconsciously - just a totally instinctive, masculine response.

Exactly this. Eye scanning up and down your body, sitting too close, unsolicited hand on the back to “guide” you, open the door for you so they can step right behind you etc, things that they will not do to their mates.

Same OP. I'm attractive, not girl next door type pretty but I know I'm "sexy" (cringe!!!).

I've had platonic male friendships in the past but only briefly. I find it hard to maintain male friendships for the same reasons you do: mainly the women want their husbands to stay away from me because they think I want to shag them OR the men actually do want to shag me so stay away once their married.

I'm happy with my big circle of girlfriends

You can but there’s always a doubt that they’ll stick around if they’re absolutely sure there’s no chance of more.

Plus when they’re drunk they ask for photos of your bottom which becomes a bit wearing

I’m pretty hot. Have never had a male friend - and I have many - try to come on to me, don’t have issues with their wives or girlfriends thinking I’m trying to steal them. Presume the latter is because I’ve known most of my friends since long before the OHs were on the scene and it’s taken as obvious that if anything was going to happen it would have done already.

I would happily chat away to their wives too but here's the thing, I am met with coldness, suspicion and actually just fucking nastiness sometimes from their partners

I get you, OP. This kind of thing started happening when I split up with ex-DH. (I wasn't at the front of the queue when they were handing out prettiness either!). All of a sudden the menfolk I had known for years rather annoyingly started buzzing like bees round a honeypot, and their wives and partners noticed. So they gave me the cold shoulder because they thought I was encouraging them. I wasn't.

At least it doesn't happen these days, I'm too old and fat for anybody to feel the slightest bit threatened that their DH might fancy me. Because they can see that he's not.

I don’t think I’m anything special but men appear to. It is really annoying because every time we meet couple friends, the man ends up fancying me and making it really obvious. Then the woman falls out with me, which I can understand but I don’t encourage it. I thought we had really good couple friends until a recent night out when it turns out nope… he felt up my leg and spend most of the evening I’m talking about my boobs 🙄.

Men come and talk to me because of my looks.
They become (and stay) friends because of my brains.
I occasionally flirt with their partners

I was model and people said i’m good looking in my 20s. I have lots of male friends but all of them wants to be more than friend. The only male friend i have is gay and our friendship last until now. Now i’m 33 and married and all the male friend i used to have gone .

3 years ago one of my male friend from uni call me and ask to meet me for catching up. We had lunch together. He flirted hard even though he knows i’m married.

So yeah. Man cant be friend with woman.

I get on so much better with men now I'm not that attractive. (Life has took its toll 🤣)
One of my jobs is in a male dominated environment and apparently they're all a bit scared of me ( definitely don't want to shag me...) But they'd all do anything for me and to be honest, as my looks have gone my charm has stepped up and I can pretty much twist them all round my little finger. Also get on with their wives/partners & I have serious girl code.

Women are not obliged to kindly welcome other women trying to make friends with their husbands.
I like to not kindly welcome other people of either sex trying to make friends with my husband. I mean if I can't trust him with female friends, it's better safe than sorry 😂

Sadly I don't think men are (generally) fussed about maintaining friendships with females that aren't physically attractive to them. I must have got lucky then!

If you heard the way that men talk about you/women when you’re not around you wouldn’t want to be friends with them. Trust me.

I generally get on better with guys as I typically have more in common with them although I have some female outdoorsy friends it's definitely more blokes I also work in a completely male dominant industry.

I've also been hit with the hostility even though happily married although it's something I've encountered since a teenager not helped that I had a boyish nickname so quite often they presumed I was a guy only to meet me 😬 (would do outdoor sports with their OH)

I tend to be very nice with the gf/wife so they don't really have a excuse to openly be a bitch to me but mostly I clock it up to their own insecurities.

I find women who have the attitude that other women don't like them because they are pretty are overly conscious of being female, often fairly sexist in their views of what 'women' and 'men' are like.

Maybe I am jumping to conclusions, OP, but are you completely straightforward, friendly, and forthright with men and women alike, genuinely not at all flirtations, treating men and women in the same way?

I had 2 male friends who I'd known for a couple of years through studies and work.
I'd meet up with them every 2 months or so and chat regularly.
I've been in a relationship the past 2 years and I've tried to message/meet up with each of those male friends, both have shown absolutely zero interest in meeting. All it is is a simple coffee, but they've both made excuses as to why they can't meet and never contact me themselves so I've given up trying.
No idea what to make of that but it's a little disappointing

If I'm completely honest with myself, I only have only one male friend (excluding partners of female friends whom I knew first) who has never once been interested in more.

I am attractive and have been more so but I wouldn't say everybody's type.

Well, two if I count one who is an ex but is now like a really caring family member, neither of us would go back there. It's a shame as I do have a good number of really nice male friends but all but these two would like more, or have done at one point. It is a bit awkward to negotiate a new partner with male friends I want to keep in touch with, and see occasionally (I've moved quite far away from where most are based), knowing that honestly, yes, they would like more or there has been history.

That said, I've just started retraining on a course where I am the oldest by a good bit and have started making some nice platonic relationships with some of the younger guys. Not sure whether these will develop into real friendships but I don't think there's that tension.

I find women who have the attitude that other women don't like them because they are pretty are overly conscious of being female, often fairly sexist in their views of what 'women' and 'men' are like

I don't think so but I accept that others may think differently. I didn't say other women don't like me because I'm pretty, either. I have a few close, wonderful friendships with women.

I do think how you look influences how you are perceived though so I mentioned it. I wonder whether it is insecurity. Interestingly there's an older man I chat to and get on well with, I spoke to him first then met his wife and similarly got on great with her too. No strange vibes there. Maybe it's down to individuals and how secure they are in their own relationship.

I was once told when I was younger and defending my friendship with a man that men do not work on building a friendship if they are not wanting sex I thought they were being sexist.

Took me a few friendships to realise that was true

I am friendly with men at work and friends partners but not true friendship and that’s fine I get what I need and want to give from my friendships I have with women

No because their wifes/ partners don't like it, and the man likes the idea that two women might fancy him, a bit too much.

I've never met a man who doesn't imagine, despite all the evidence, that all the women are desperate to sleep with him. And this mad delusion seems to infect their wives.

I'm single, (by choice and because I can afford to be) considered attractive, not by me obviously, because acknowledging you have a face and figure which in in fashionable order is strictly verboten. But being single does help with getting to the gym/ looking after myself/ eating what I want. Single women often look great, not because we're trying to steal a husband, but because we're living our best lives.

I'm looking at these men, drunk on their own fantasy, preening their paunches, suffering delusions of adequacy. I can't imagine why their wives want them, let alone me.

No, I stick to being proper friends with women only, not couples and not single men. I prefer women who have enough going on for themselves, that they aren't on high alert for skulduggery and would ditch him if he did and live very happily, as I do.

I’m prettyish and haven’t found it a problem. Maybe it’s different if you are supermodel attractive.

1. How would I know if I was pretty or not?
2. Not sure I care about answer to 1)
3. Don't think I'm good at being friends with most people, so probably wrong person to sample from

Thinking about it, if my husband had an unusually beautiful friend who was also quite flirty in demeanour I can imagine feeling threatened. I think some very beautiful women make a big deal out of showing they’re a “girls’ girl” to avoid that kind of dynamic. Maybe you just need to make more of an effort to put their partners at ease?