Brother stealing my inheritance - so upset can hardly think straight

[helpmecanhardlybreathe]

I'm the youngest of 4 dcs, with 3 older dbs.

My df passed away a few years ago, my dm about a year and a half ago. My df left most stuff, including the house, far and away the biggest asset, to my dm. She originally wrote a will that left everything to her 4 dcs equally. However, as my 3 much older dbs all own their own (very expensive) property, and only the oldest db has a dc, who's a doctor, so not likely to be short of cash either, my dm decided to change her will, to leave the house to me, as I have 3 dcs and we still rent, and have never been able to afford to buy a place of our own, due to house prices shooting up in recent years.

I know she was very worried about our financial security. I think she also wanted to leave the house to me, as it was me and my youngest db (who is a millionaire and doesn't need the money at all) who looked after her and my df in their old age. My eldest db, who lives in the US, didn't bother to visit at all in the last decade or so, and would only agree to come if my dps agreed to pay for him to fly first class (yes, really). He never called on the phone either - she called him and spoke to him maybe twice a year.

Anyway, she made the mistake of telling db1 she wanted to change her will and he kicked off. So she changed her will instead to leaving everything to be split equally between her 4 grandchildren, assuming he'd be ok with that, as his family would still get a quarter share. But he was furious, and basically blackmailed her into changing her will back again to leave it to all 4 of her dcs equally - he told her if she didn't, he would not attend her funeral or say the prayers for the dead that are crucial in my religion.

She was incredibly upset by this - she told literally everyone, must have heard her say this hundreds of times. It's like she wanted to apologise to me for not leaving me the house, and make it clear that she wanted to leave it to me, but was too scared of my db to change her will again. She did resist when he demanded to be made an executor - that was given to db3. I should add that db2 keeps out of all this, not particularly materialistic, no dcs, financially comfortable.

Anyway, when my dm passed away, it was lockdown, so in practice it would have been very difficult for db1 to attend the funeral (not that he tried). A year later, in my religion, is the stonesetting, which is also a very important religious event. Despite having blackmailed my dm into rewriting her will or he wouldn't attend the funeral, not only did he not attend the funeral or stonesetting, which he could have attended, he couldn't even be bothered to dial in via Zoom to attend it that way. He was going on holiday somewhere else instead.

He's now finally bothered to fly with his family over to the UK - which he couldn't be bothered to do when my dm was alive, or to attend her funeral or stonesetting - to take stuff he wants from the house before it's sold.

I just heard he's wrapped up to take a picture that wasn't left in my dps' wills, it belongs jointly to me and my 3 dbs as it was left to us by my grandma. It's painted by my great-grandpa (my dm's grandpa), who my ds is named after. Again, it's something that my dm said hundreds of times she wanted me to have, knowing how important this great-grandpa is in my family. My db1 claims he should have it because he likes it and it used to hang in 'his' room (we only inherited it a decade after he moved to the US!). He has so little interest in our family history he couldn't be bothered to see his dps, or attend my dm's funeral or stonesetting.

I'm just so upset - it's not enough that he blackmailed my poor dm into changing her will, he's now walking off with precious family heirlooms that are shared by all my siblings! I've said he has no right to take it as it belongs to all of us, and his answer is basically, 'Tough, I want it. I don't to discuss it further. I'm taking it.'

He'll be flying back to the US with it in a few days and I feel like I'm being stabbed - so upset. Is there anything I can do? He's just ignoring everyone's wishes except his own. I know db3 thinks I should have the picture but will almost certainly want to avoid a family row. Db2 will likewise want to keep out of it. I'm just so angry and upset.

If anyone has any suggestions of anything I can do, or can just calm me down so I'm not hurting so much, that would be appreciated. Just can't believe anyone would behave like this. So upset that my dm's wishes are being ridden roughshod over again. So sad that this precious heirloom will go to the US, to people who care nothing about it, and we'll never see it again.

Oh, nuts, just realised I'm in Chat. Ignore me. Wish I could bloody delete posts.

I can't see how the OP has had an inheritance stolen.

It is very difficult to see beyond that thread title.

OP sorry for your upset and grief.

Agree with other posters that children should not be able to be disinherited.

Nah, thanks. Having had most of my inheritance stolen by a blackmailing sibling I don't feel there's a lot I need to consider about how 'unreasonable' I've been.*

Without meaning to get too petty, you sound like a pretty nasty little girl typing like that.

And for the record, something can't be stolen if it never belonged to you. The house was never yours to be stolen. You may have laid claim on it, but that doesn't make it yours.

It belongs to me and my dbs jointly

So in claiming YOU have more right to it than your brother (because you you gave your son the same name as the artist ) you are actually trying to justify stealing your brothers’ inheritance.

You are so hypocritical

Because he knows it's a family heirloom so wants it to get passed onto the next generation. He knows the strong link between the artist and me/my ds (we didn't just happen to call ds after him because we liked the name - I translated the artist's WWI letters, which no-one else in the family cared about; no-one else had thought about him for about half a century). And he is beyond furious at db1 and doesn't think he has any moral right to anything relating to our dm's family.

But it will get passed on. To db1 child?

And the rest of it, what does that have to do with db3?

Sounds like db3 was just backing your claim. He doesn't have kids does he, so he is trying to claim it for your kids.

Naming your child after someone doesn't increase how much you are entitled to something. Neither does translating their letters.

This is the issue. You have decided that doing somethings that you chose to do, make you more entitled to this shared item.

I get how shit these things are. My mum died 4 months ago. It's shit.

But this is all just about emotion for you. Plus your view that db1 should get nothing at all and you are more entitled. This is more about your issue with brother, I think, than the painting.

I translated the artist's WWI letters, which no-one else in the family cared about; no-one else had thought about him for about half a century)

YOU ARE SO FUCKING SELF INVOLVED.

Oh praise thee holier than thou, we must bow down to you oh holy one

Honestly you and your brother sound quite alike!

There is a technique whereby they can make copies of paintings that are unbelievably faithful. It's not cheap, but maybe you can suggest that the estate make a copy for each of you so you can all have it (or something close?).

See beyond the attention grabbing headline of “brother steals inheritance” and focus on the hurt “brother doesn’t care for mother and puts her through hell and is now doing it to me too”.

But all you have to go on is the OP saying that.
The brother might equally well be saying the the OP put their dm through hell and didn't care for her other than to get her hands on the money. We haven't got his side of the story at all.

She says dbro3 agrees with her, but it could be just as easily that dbro3 is sitting there making soothing noises while thinking "hopefully this will blow over because she's wrong."

You all sound scared of him.

When I read the headline of this thread, I had no idea that the "evil brother" was one of four children and was going to be (shocker) wanting a quarter share of his mother's estate. I thought that this was going to be a tale of woe where the OP was going to be cut out of her mother's will entirely, or left with some tiny sliver of the estate. And yes, the brother is taking one item unilaterally. But I am sure there are many items with sentimental and financial value that could also be disputed. The fact is, you don't know why your brother had such a remote relationship with his mother. Every child has a different relationship with his or her parents, and there may be reasons why children keep their distance. But those children are just as legitimately the parent's children as the ones who never fly far from the nest. I personally think it is really ridiculous to say he is unreasonable to want a fair share, and I think his need for that painting could easily be greater than yours.

No OP I have not your brother lives in the US as you stated. Your brother could not have travelled during lockdown, when your mother died.

@CrushedPistachios

Ultimately all of the contents in your parents property are shared equally between you and your siblings.

So, what’s the cash valuation of this painting? If for arguments sake it’s £1,000 then your brother either needs to forfeit other items to the value of £750 or pay that off the balance of his ‘share’ of the sale of the house.

No, she split her estate between four grandchildren. And the picture was not part of the estate, the four children owned it equally, it did not belong to the mother. Which is clearly ridiculous. Cut in four, take a bit each....

Take a good photo of it and have it printed on art canvas.

Having had most of my inheritance stolen by a blackmailing sibling I don't feel there's a lot I need to consider about how 'unreasonable' I've been.

But he didn’t steal your inheritance.

Quite the reverse. You were aiming to have your mother leave YOU everything, thus cutting all your 3 siblings out of any inheritance. You were attempting to “steal” your brothers’ inheritance.

You attitude is completely hypocritical.

My brother lives abroad and when my parents had both died I let him take all the things he wanted that he could take with him on the plane and the rest was mine.
I’ve sent him odd things from the things I saved over the years that I thought he’d like
Some of the things he took I would have like but it seemed selfish not to given he could take so little. Maybe it’s the only thing that meant something to him that he can take home on the plane. Maybe he also loved his great grandad. Let him take this one thing and focus on other mementos that you can have to remember your family. Let it go

@MargaretThursday true we are not mind readers, nor is OP. And unless an Oprah like intervention is staged bringing all four siblings on here there will be no way of knowing the others perspective. All we can do is respond to the concerns raised in the post.

By the way, in the 80s, house prices were low, but so were wages. And inflation was high, and so were mortgage rates. So it wasn't the financial heaven you are imagining. In the 1980s, the interest rates ranged between 8.375 and 14.875 percent in the UK. In recent years, the rate has been less than 1 percent. www.mortgagestrategy.co.uk/analysis/historical-interest-rates-uk/

@Eggshausted

I agree that db3 in particular deserves his inheritance and db2 arguably too.

I argued as much to my dm.

You argued with your Mother about her will?

How grabby can you get? That alone would make me change my will, listening to someone try to stake a claim in my money before I had even breathed my last. And you have the right to question your brothers morals? Just because your brother has made money and done well for himself why should he be left less than you?

Your poor mother , having your daughter assessing your wealth and arguing for a share of it in your last years.

Do you find reading hard?? My dm said to me she wanted to leave me the whole house. I said she ought to consider my dbs, particularly db2 and db3.

And you think that makes me 'grabby'?

Not everyone who disagrees with you is “DB1”

You’ve made it clear you think your mother was unfairly treated when she was changing her will to include all her children. Regardless of any pressure you believe she was under, she was an adult who made that choice. You also seem to think you have more of a link to the painting than any of the others.

You have the choice to go and take it back, or not. Your other siblings should help if it is as much of a problem as you say it is.

Your brother sounds like a sociopath, OP. I'm so sorry for what he's putting you through. I hope you can at least be rid of him once and for all.

The thing is, even if both of your other brothers wanted to give their quarters to you, your brother doesn’t have to relinquish his ‘share’ as it’s not a matter up for majority vote, is it?

He’s wrong to unilaterally take ownership, but you’re also wrong in thinking it should be solely yours. ‘Should’ doesn’t come into it.

Why has this house not been emptied and all the goods distributed or sold after 18 months? The housing market is hot ? No wonder the brother is getting frustrated. The Executor is not doing his job in sorting out the estate. The whole process is getting dragged out.

And you think this makes me 'grabby'?

Well yes, as you clearly didnt mean it.

@Happyher

My brother lives abroad and when my parents had both died I let him take all the things he wanted that he could take with him on the plane and the rest was mine. I’ve sent him odd things from the things I saved over the years that I thought he’d like Some of the things he took I would have like but it seemed selfish not to given he could take so little. Maybe it’s the only thing that meant something to him that he can take home on the plane. Maybe he also loved his great grandad. Let him take this one thing and focus on other mementos that you can have to remember your family. Let it go

Our great-grandad died in 1922 - many many years before we were born! None of us knew him. I felt a bond because I found and translated his letters from WWI from the Western Front. That's why I named my ds after him.

My db1 has never read the letters, or shown the slightest interest in his great-grandad; we didn't even inherit the painting till over a decade after db1 had moved to the US! He literally only ever saw the painting on the incredibly rare trips he made to the UK.

Lots of these posts seem to enjoy making up fantasy justifications for my db1's behaviour. It's not convincing.

@PrincessNutella

Why has this house not been emptied and all the goods distributed or sold after 18 months? The housing market is hot ? No wonder the brother is getting frustrated. The Executor is not doing his job in sorting out the estate. The whole process is getting dragged out.

That's true. I'm also getting frustrated.

It has nothing to do with this painting, which IS NOT PART OF THE ESTATE. FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME.