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Mothers of adult children - what are your expectations on Mother's Day?

110 replies

ReeseWitherfork · 22/03/2022 11:10

I've always found the logistics of Mother's Day quote tricky; namely splitting the day between my mum, my MIL and my step mum. It's not horrendous, but does require some wangling to fit everyone in. I'm really happy to celebrate all of these women, they're incredible, but the day ends up feeling a bit forced and a bit more of a chore than anything else. (Which makes me feel awful.)
So my question is, how do mothers of adult children feel? / what are your expectations of your children?

I think it's even more confusing to navigate now that I'm a mother (well, this is my third Mother's Day but Boris dictated a lack of plans on the last two).

(If it helps, they're all local, we all live in the same town. And yes, DH and I could split up, I think that's how we tackled Father's Day last year.)

OP posts:
MayMorris · 22/03/2022 17:43

My dc are 25 and 27. They both live about 200 miles away. Neither have been able to be at home for Mother’s Day since they were 18- why would I ask them to come home for that.
I normally get a card from them. Sometimes one of them forgets..I don’t get worked up. I figure I don’t mother them a lot these days 🤣🤣. The monthering I do is mainly my menopausal anxiety type which I try to curtail 🤣🤦‍♀️

When they were at home my rule was no shop bought cards or presents- they couldn’t afford it. And I didn’t want to spend my money on buying me a present so to speak. So, they made stuff- either at school or they’d make something together, as they got older they’d play around on computer to create a card. They put effort in to thank me for effort I put into the nice things for them. That was it and it was lovely .

I do however expect birthday and Xmas gift. And for them to remember my birthday without forgetting. They did miss it one time each when they were at uni- but after the “talk” about how it feels when someone can’t be bothered to make effort to recognise birthdays they have never ever pulled that stunt again. In fact they do hold themselves to a high standard in coming up with a surprise I will like- and have become positively generous since earning power has increased 🤣🤣😉

Roselilly36 · 22/03/2022 17:43

It doesn’t mean much to me, my children are adults, I don’t expect anything, I am not keen on the commercialism of these type of days. This year for personal reasons, I just want Mother’s Day to be treated as a regular Sunday.

Babdoc · 22/03/2022 17:47

M and MIL are both dead, so it’s fairly straightforward. My childless adult DDs (plus partners) drive 50 miles to take me out for a gourmet lunch, bringing cards and presents with them. Then we take two cars, drive halfway back to their homes, and have a nice long walk - beach, loch, hills or waterfalls - and split up to drive home in opposite directions.
Their partners’ mums live 500 miles away, so it’s not usually practical for the lads to go there, which is why they come to me. I’m v fond of both, (and my DDs, obvs!) so it’s a lovely day.

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freshcarnation · 22/03/2022 17:49

A card from each of them. I've said I'll be cross if they buy presents. I don't need or want anything.

sunshinesupermum · 22/03/2022 17:56

I see both my adult DDs the day before and then DD1 can have her own Mother's Day with DGC. Except this year ruined again and DGS1 has Covid again!

AuntieMarys · 22/03/2022 17:56

My adult dcs live 250 miles away. They know my feelings about Mothers Day...I expect an " appropriate " ie non sentimental, sloppy card from Thortful. Not Clintons. No gifts. No faux platitudes.

Soozikinzii · 22/03/2022 18:16

Mothering Sunday is actually very old and traditional .It was originally more about servants and workers who lived away from their families returning home for one Sunday. It may have been elaborated commercially but it has been celebrated for centuries- more as returning to original Mother Church.

MisEnFlop · 22/03/2022 18:42

A card would be nice flowers , a book some lovely tea maybe.

DelphiniumBlue · 22/03/2022 18:51

My boys are all adult, they will all get me a card or small present. I normally organise something with my Mum and maybe SiL, or maybe we'll all go out to eat ( probably not on the day though, that would take planning!)or get a takeaway, or do afternoon tea. There's often cake involved tbh, often but not always made by one of my sons.
DH usually gets me flowers or a book too.

user1471538283 · 22/03/2022 21:32

We sometimes have breakfast out and the cinema. This year its lunch out. I usually get flowers.

For the covid mothers days I had breakfast cooked for me and flowers.

HeadNorth · 22/03/2022 21:39

I used to take my mum for afternoon tea & come back to cake made by my DDs plus flowers & fizz usually. Now they have left home they are joining me & mum for afternoon tea, which is lovely. I expect a scrap over who picks up the bill, in a Mrs Doyle ‘put your purse away’ style. I also get my mum a card and wee pressie and suspect my girls will have done the same for me. We all love spending time together and enjoy a good afternoon tea so it will be grand.

RuthW · 22/03/2022 21:47

Absolutely none. Mother's day is for my mum not me.

lljkk · 22/03/2022 21:54

it all feels very contrived, if I'm honest. I completely forget the day is coming. I'm about 2 notches above being completely indifferent what DC do. My mom long ago passed, I used to phone her before that.

lljkk · 22/03/2022 21:54

That said, I like getting flowers. I'd be chuffed if anyone ever bought me any.

D0lphine · 23/03/2022 07:52

Send a card and flowers to mum. (I use a postal flower delivery service which posts flowers through the door.)

Call her and text her on the day and have a nice chat.

Job done.

CollyFleur · 23/03/2022 07:56

I've got independent children (late teens / one at Uni) and hope to get a card or a bunch of daffs from them. Nothing more.

I will go and see my mum, DP will go and see his. Or we might ask one for morning coffee and the other for afternoon tea. Haven't really planned yet. Either way, it won't be a big deal.

CollyFleur · 23/03/2022 07:59

@Soozikinzii

Mothering Sunday is actually very old and traditional .It was originally more about servants and workers who lived away from their families returning home for one Sunday. It may have been elaborated commercially but it has been celebrated for centuries- more as returning to original Mother Church.
Yes and in this country we do mark Mothering Sunday and not the Mother's Day most of the rest of the world do (which is in May)
Sweetener12 · 23/03/2022 08:44

I personally would be disappointed if my adult children wouldn't acknowledge the day but I'd keep it as it is in my family: we have a small family gathering for lunch and make Mother's day smartshow 3d video cards and gifts usually aretickets or gift cards. It isn't huge. more like another excuse to have some fun together.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 23/03/2022 10:46

My mother expected the whole shebang or she would make clear her displeasure for weeks afterwards.
My MIL was similar (both are deceased)
My DCs rarely even mention it, it’s hurtful but I try to shrug it off. DH wouldn’t remember it for his mother if I didn’t prod him, he certainly wouldn’t do anything for me that day.

CluelessHamster · 23/03/2022 11:21

No expectations. Lovely if I get a card but genuinely not offended if I don't. I struggle and get very stressed with remembering birthdays etc especially if I remember last minute or my own mum texts me "you do know it's Auntie Maud's 80th on Saturday don't you?" and then it's a rush to sort it! Never wanted that for my dc! Plus none of them have a lot of money - younger two are students and eldest is saving for a house deposit so I don't want them spending it on flowers etc

This thread has reminded me to post my mum's card, so thank you Grin

intwrferingma · 23/03/2022 17:49

This will be my first Mother's Day not juggling the day with my mum's needs and expectations. Both my own children are hundreds of miles away. I think I may be a little sad tbh...

NeedleNoodle3 · 23/03/2022 19:33

I’m 53, I will take my DM out for lunch on Saturday (she has Alzheimer’s so I think she’ll be ok going out a day early). I’ll see my three adult DC at my house on Mother’s Day and I’ll cook a lamb roast. They all seemed really keen to see me and asking my DH what the plan was?

MrsPsmalls · 23/03/2022 20:32

Adult ds is on his way to the Ukraine borders with the British Army. I doubt he'll remember, but he may see it in Facebook on the day. In which case he'll probably pull his usually stunt of getting one of his local friends to rush round here with a bunch of flowers as if had always been the plan! Always good to see one of the old school friends and tbh a mother's Day present is the least of my concerns this year

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 23/03/2022 20:34

MrsPsmalls my ds goes next month.. Quite terrifying..

MrsPsmalls · 23/03/2022 20:42

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

MrsPsmalls my ds goes next month.. Quite terrifying..
Aw gosh, good luck to him and you! They will be fine x
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