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Original poster

Mothers of adult children - what are your expectations on Mother's Day?

110 replies

ReeseWitherfork · 22/03/2022 11:10

I've always found the logistics of Mother's Day quote tricky; namely splitting the day between my mum, my MIL and my step mum. It's not horrendous, but does require some wangling to fit everyone in. I'm really happy to celebrate all of these women, they're incredible, but the day ends up feeling a bit forced and a bit more of a chore than anything else. (Which makes me feel awful.)
So my question is, how do mothers of adult children feel? / what are your expectations of your children?

I think it's even more confusing to navigate now that I'm a mother (well, this is my third Mother's Day but Boris dictated a lack of plans on the last two).

(If it helps, they're all local, we all live in the same town. And yes, DH and I could split up, I think that's how we tackled Father's Day last year.)

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 22/03/2022 15:02

I have adult children but no mum myself , my husband will see his mother on Saturday as usual I expect . WRT my children my daughter is Ill and lives at home she puts a lot of thought and creativity into a card ( I still have last years one on the side in my bedroom ) , my son who lives away usually does a present , chocolates and flowers . My sister usually cooks dinner for us all at hers but I’ve already told her that this year I’m staying home and watching the first weekend of the IPL so she’s off the hook .

MrsGHarrison87 · 22/03/2022 15:07

I buy my mum and my dad's partner cards and a gift from me and the kids and we will see my mum on the day to give her her gift, but don't make any special plans to have a meal or anything like that. She doesn't expect a huge deal because she knows I spend the day with my own kids.

Jemimapuddleduk · 22/03/2022 15:07

We see one mum on the Saturday and the other on the Sunday. I sort presents for mum and mother in law. Dh is usually pretty good and sorting gifts from the kids as they are only 7 and 9. It’s also our 12th wedding anniversary this weekend but the focus will be on the mums. They won’t be around forever (they are in their 70’s) so we like to make a fuss.

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luckylavender · 22/03/2022 15:08

@ErmineAndPearls

Major fall-out last year when Mother's Day was not mentioned in this house. DD is 9 and DH is an idiot. I choose, buy, post cards to his mum, even though my own DM died 16 years ago. This year, I've bought my own present and will give it to DD. I was raging last year.
Raging? Really? It's just commercial. Are you the same about your birthday, wedding anniversary, Christmas, Easter, Valentines, other significant anniversaries?
luckylavender · 22/03/2022 15:11

I feel exhausted every year by these needy threads. Honestly.

RantyAunty · 22/03/2022 15:14

My parents have passed.

I like some flowers or small houseplant, card, cake or biscuits.

Nothing fancy. Just enjoy being together having a laugh and some cake.

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 22/03/2022 15:17

I just send mum flowers and a card. I'd just like a card from my older kids, certainly no presents or being taken out somewhere. It's a whole lot of fuss about nothing.

ukborn · 22/03/2022 15:19

Mine are teens but not a lot. We'd usually go out for a meal and my daughter might make me a card. When my mother was alive I'd send her a card maybe flowers or go out. Don't do anything for mil.

Original poster
ReeseWitherfork · 22/03/2022 15:23

@Jemimapuddleduk

We see one mum on the Saturday and the other on the Sunday. I sort presents for mum and mother in law. Dh is usually pretty good and sorting gifts from the kids as they are only 7 and 9. It’s also our 12th wedding anniversary this weekend but the focus will be on the mums. They won’t be around forever (they are in their 70’s) so we like to make a fuss.
Happy anniversary! It's mine this weekend too ☺️

Glad to see a houseplant is an acceptable gift, was thinking of that over flowers. I'd prefer that myself!

@ErmineAndPearls I'd be pretty pissed off if DH completely ignored it too. It's not bloody hard to pick up a card in the supermarket.

OP posts:
Justkeeppedaling · 22/03/2022 15:23

We didn't celebrate Mothers' Day or Fathers' Day (although that wasn't a thing then) when I was a child, and my own family now don't celebrate either.
Two days made up by Hallmark I think to increase sales of cards. The amount of plastic tat that is bought in the name of both those days, and is alarming.
I don't need a day for my children to show me how much they love me - they show me every day, even now they are all grown up.

Justkeeppedaling · 22/03/2022 15:26

Raging? Really? It's just commercial. Are you the same about your birthday, wedding anniversary, Christmas, Easter, Valentines, other significant anniversaries?

That wasn't my post, but neither do we celebrate Valentine's Day, we don't buy Easter presents and don't really mark our wedding anniversaries, or those of our nearest and dearest.

We do celebrate Christmas and birthdays, but even then I'm getting fed up of having to think of something for everyone to buy me, and me them, when we all really have everything we need already.

Madre123 · 22/03/2022 15:26

I have no expectations.....ever....I completely appreciate all my beautiful daughter does for me....I would never put any pressure on her just because of a certain date

PurpleHollyhocks · 22/03/2022 15:40

I spend it with my DM but actually always wanted to spend it with my DC, particularly when they were little. My DM sees it as a day for mother’s to spend the day away from their young DC, whereas I always liked the idea of spending it with my young DC.

My own mother has always had expectations of a big day out with lots of wine and a nice meal along with a fairly substantial gift (circa £100)

To keep the peace I go along with this and my DH spends it with my DC and his DM.

So I don’t think you are being unreasonable ibut I don’t know what your DMs expectations are

Wizzbangfizz · 22/03/2022 15:57

Phone call and a card to my own DM, wouldnt visit or take out (not close).

I hope to be close to my own dc but wouldn't expect anything other than the above when they are older.

Recycledblonde · 22/03/2022 16:06

I'm working on a 06-18 shift so won't be doing anything, I'll probably get a small present from all the kids. Both mine and Dh's mothers are dead so it'll just be another day. We never went out when the kids were little as prices go up for the day but DH always organised a card and small presents and I got a lie-in and didn't have to do anything beyond breastfeeding the babies.

Mama1980 · 22/03/2022 16:23

Things like Mother's Day are very important for my eldest dd especially for various reasons. She driving over to spend the weekend with us, and they all have some kind of surprise planned - so I don't know but they always make a fuss and spoil me. One thing is certain that I will have a homemade card from each of them (tradition) I expect I will be taken out somewhere lovely and fed Smile

WhenDovesFly · 22/03/2022 16:46

My DDs are 21 and 23 and live at home. I just want acknowledgement through a nice card and a small bunch of daffs maybe. Wouldn't expect to be waiting on them in any way on Sunday. Other than that I don't expect anything. I'll visit my own DM during the day with a card and flowers.

bluejelly · 22/03/2022 16:58

A card and some flowers would make me very happy. Nothing fancy.

MegaClutterSlut · 22/03/2022 17:06

All I've asked for is a bag of Milky buttons which is my crack Blush so they've bought me two share bags but in all honesty, it wouldn't bother me if I got nothing.

Beebumble2 · 22/03/2022 17:06

Two adult DS, both with families so their wives should get Mother’s Day spent with them.
I usually get a card and flowers, I wouldn’t want them to do anything else. I know they appreciate me through the year.

Blanketpolicy · 22/03/2022 17:24

For my own parents we always lived within 15 miles of each other so I always visited on mothers/fathers day even if it was only for an hour or so. There was plenty of time in the day to see both my own dc and my mum/dad.

I never bothered with mothers/fathers day cards after my early 20s, I found them too gushy, insincere and wasteful. Mum loved her garden, hated cut flowers, so I would take her to, or get her some bedding plants from the garden center for spring planting and perhaps a bit of cake at the garden center, or if visiting later share a take away. Fathers day was usually a BBQ, weather permitting.

dh and I took a divide and conquer approach, I never visited or bought a present for my MIL as she wasn't my mum, I left it entirely to dh to organise. I don't have a stepmum, but would think a token gift/visit would be nice, perhaps start a family tradition to do it the day/week before/after, unless you are closer to your stepmum than your actual mum.

I have a newly adult ds(18) so it will be interesting to see what he does. I have told his dad not to arrange/prompt him. In the future it would be nice, if ds lives close enough, for him to want to come over on the day. I wouldn't want him to come if he thought it was a chore and certainly would not expect to see any of his future partners on the day as they would have their own parents to see.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 22/03/2022 17:36

I’d love a card. I just need the thought, not anything else. I don’t expect to see them, but that’s fine. They h e their own families.

Nelliephant1 · 22/03/2022 17:38

I've left mine in no doubt that Mother's Day is a no go it's my privilege to be their mum and I don't want or need any thanks

TimBoothseyes · 22/03/2022 17:38

I got sent a gift and card which arrived today. She lives a 3 hour drive away and is working on Sunday which she has done every year for 10 years so I won't be seeing her, we'll just have our usual Sunday evening phone call.

shiningstar2 · 22/03/2022 17:40

My adult daughter will give me a card and flowers or a small gift. I will give my own 91 year old mother a card and flowers. My dh and I will take dd, dsil, dgs, dgd and my mother out to lunch which works out pretty expensive but I like them all together on the day but definitely don't want to cook for 8 myself that day. I'm coming up to 70 myself now and want dd to have a break that day as well so we go out and celebrate all 3 mothers. When mil was alive we gave her a card and flowers and she spent the day with one of her daughters and their children.

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