Mothers of adult children - what are your expectations on Mother's Day?

[ReeseWitherfork]

I've always found the logistics of Mother's Day quote tricky; namely splitting the day between my mum, my MIL and my step mum. It's not horrendous, but does require some wangling to fit everyone in. I'm really happy to celebrate all of these women, they're incredible, but the day ends up feeling a bit forced and a bit more of a chore than anything else. (Which makes me feel awful.)
So my question is, how do mothers of adult children feel? / what are your expectations of your children?

I think it's even more confusing to navigate now that I'm a mother (well, this is my third Mother's Day but Boris dictated a lack of plans on the last two).

(If it helps, they're all local, we all live in the same town. And yes, DH and I could split up, I think that's how we tackled Father's Day last year.)

No expectation at all. I really hated mothers day growing up, it felt so contrived and forced and DM was never happy with what she got. I do expect to be treated well throughout the year though!

Ds1 lives and works at the other end of the country. He also has adhd, so he won't even be aware it's mothers day 🤦‍♀️😄 I don't mind though, and we have a good relationship. Ds2 will get me a card and a chocolate bar 😃 he has aspergers and is careful with his money. I'm not into gifts and fuss.

I'm expecting nothing, anything, even a phonecard will be a bonus.

Major fall-out last year when Mother's Day was not mentioned in this house. DD is 9 and DH is an idiot. I choose, buy, post cards to his mum, even though my own DM died 16 years ago. This year, I've bought my own present and will give it to DD. I was raging last year.

I created a WhatsApp group for me and my young adult DC about 3 years ago. Every year I recycle the first ever message I wrote in it setting out what I'd like for Mothers Day. Works like a dream.

I’ll just get cards, maybe a very small present from my adults dses. I don’t expect to see them, which is absolutely fine. I was the same with my own dm.

I have one at uni and one teen at home. The home one won't remember and the uni one will be busy working. She might send a text though.

I've had a tough couple of weeks with my own mum and have been seeing her almost daily but this weekend i'm going to relax and not make the 2 hour round trip to visit. I'll still phone her and there's a card/flowers too.

I've never wanted or expected mothering Sunday gifts or a big fuss. When the children were little they made cards, picked a bunch of flowers/weeds and made lukewarm tea and soggy toast. Now they have their own small children so they are either the recipient or the organiser of the above!
I enjoy getting a card or a phonecall but really don't want more.
I find it sad when posters write about their problems with finding a suitable present that will be well received.

My eldest 2 stopped doing cards of any kind a couple of years ago because they're quite invested in saving the planet, carbon footprints etc and that's absolutely fine with me (but a massive bone of contention with my mum who thinks her grandkids are just being mean and gets annoyed if she doesn't get a birthday card from them!!).

So if it's anything like the last couple of years they'll both chuck a couple of quid in and get me some chocolates from all of them, and DD11 will probably get me a card. I'd be perfectly happy with nothing tbh, they're great kids and we're all really close, I don't need Mother's Day to show me how appreciated I am.

My mum.. I'll get her a card and some flowers. I see her most days so I'll pop them in on Saturday so I can chill out on Sunday.

I don't expect anything. They show me randomly throughout the year how they feel about me.
As for my own mum the beauty of nc is that I don't feel obligated to do something so she doesn't sulk!

I have two adult children.i have no expectations at all of mothers day. I love them I know they love me I don't need a day for them to show it. They both have busy lives I don't want them to have to worry about making a display of affection just because of mothers day. Besides everywhere is too busy to go anywhere on that day anyway.

I have none. For me, it was the last few months and weeks where my husband was dying (not their father and only been in their lives for four years) that showed me how much they loved me as their mum. Their love and support has been unending and selfless.

I always get a card from DS, and often a little gift in the post, or lately a token to spend on e-books, which I like as I've got quite enough "stuff". My lovely daughter in law also sends me a card, and sometimes flowers or family photos, she's very kind to me.

No one in our family celebrates it and that’s going back four generations.

We only celebrate Christmas and birthdays.

DSD has booked a yoga and cold water immersion in the morning, meeting up with DD and DM for a lunch time walk and a late lunch. We always celebrate anything and everything together, we don’t need a reason . DH will go and see his mum.

I don’t understand people say once you are a mum you don’t celebrate with your own mum, seems a bit bonkers.

We send cards and have booked a lunchtime zoom call with DC, DMil and DM as it's also adult DS' birthday (but he's working).

Both sons join together and book a table for themselves and their partners, me and their dad, their nan and grandad,their partners parents, and they split the bill.
Everyone usually comes back to my place.
The boys buy me a present each. They ask what I want so its usually something round my hobbies.

My 20 year old is abroad. She doesn't believe in cards from a environmental point of view. We're hoping to go over and see her in April and she says she's doing presents then - which I guess will cover DH's b'day and Mother's Day. I'm guessing she'll phone me in the evening as she knows I always start work early on a Sunday.

This thread is so interesting. My mum I will always send a card and gift/flowers and will occasionally see her (often if we were going to visit that weekend anyway- they’re 250 miles away!). My MIL makes a massive deal if my husband doesn’t make the day all about her- a phone call first thing and going to hers to shower her with gifts and take her for a meal. This is the first year I know (as my 5 year old told me) they’ve planned lunch locally for me and I presume we won’t be seeing MIL on the day (1.5 hour round trip) so I’ll be interested to see her response. Ill make sure DH has sent a card and flowers though. I hope when my kids are grown I’ll get a phone call and maybe a card but when they have kids I’ll encourage them to be treated for the day!

Before they all started getting married we would celebrate with my mum who lived with us. I'm not bothered about cards or anything like that but I would be touched if they all phoned me.

Card and a small gift from my adult daughters, and as they are both living not too far away atm, a short visit for tea. Neither have clashing MIL problems.

I’d be happy with just visit or failing that, a card.

Blimey, this makes me feel quite sad. We always make an effort to see each other on Mother’s Day and corporate all in laws; sil in laws mothers etc etc. Usually all come to mine, bring a bottle and I provide cake. Luckily it’s usually beautifully sunny

I see a few people getting round the logistics of fitting everyone in by doing something joint with lots of people. I'm one of five, as is DH, so that would be quite the headache. Maybe that's why my day feels like such chaos, lots of people coming and going. Never know which siblings I'm going to bump into on my rounds either!

For those of you whose kids are crap, have some virtual from me. Not even a phone call is bad form!!! (Ignoring mitigating circumstances of course.)

I'm happy with a card and a phone call from my adult children.

My own difficult mother expects the works.

I am meeting up with both my sisters after a short shift at work, then we are all going over to our Mums house, l have brought her a soft pair of yoga trousers, some nuts and bubble bath, we are all bringing over nice things to eat as easier for Mum, so etimes we will go out another day to eat, the four of us often meet up.
With regards to my own two sons 16 and 20 they are good at offering to go out for something to eat, they know l dont like doing that on the day itself, its too busy, so we do it a few days after, and they usually buy me something for my garden, because l have a huge love of gardening. When they were younger l would have to finance my gifts myself so its lovely now they can and want to do it themselves.