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Original poster

Mothers of adult children - what are your expectations on Mother's Day?

110 replies

ReeseWitherfork · 22/03/2022 11:10

I've always found the logistics of Mother's Day quote tricky; namely splitting the day between my mum, my MIL and my step mum. It's not horrendous, but does require some wangling to fit everyone in. I'm really happy to celebrate all of these women, they're incredible, but the day ends up feeling a bit forced and a bit more of a chore than anything else. (Which makes me feel awful.)
So my question is, how do mothers of adult children feel? / what are your expectations of your children?

I think it's even more confusing to navigate now that I'm a mother (well, this is my third Mother's Day but Boris dictated a lack of plans on the last two).

(If it helps, they're all local, we all live in the same town. And yes, DH and I could split up, I think that's how we tackled Father's Day last year.)

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 22/03/2022 11:12

My kids are still small
But once they have kids, a text or maybe a meal a diff day.

Surely it’s about thought not that day

derekthe1adyhamster · 22/03/2022 11:13

Not a lot. A card in the post is all I do for my mum and all I expect from my sons

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/03/2022 11:15

My daughter usually gives me flowers or something and a Sunday dinner but I don't have expectations, as such, and I know she is hard up this year.

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DetailMouse · 22/03/2022 11:15

My mum gets a card and a visit for a cup of tea. I think I'm a decent daughter, I visit often we just don't really "do" mother's day.

My sons are 18 & 21 and they'll have either done nothing at all or spent far too much on chocolate and/or the kinds of gifts produced for mother's day. I'd rather they do nothing. I've hinted if they want to do "something" I'd prefer coffee and cake or similar but it doesn't need to be on Mother's Day.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 22/03/2022 11:16

All adult dc come here for lunch or tea. They have a group chat I /they can add gift ideas!!
I appreciate I am very lucky..
I am nc with dm as is dh with his.

Lulu1919 · 22/03/2022 11:16

I get a card and some gifts from my adult ..late 20s daughters
Before covid we would meet and have a coffee and cake out usually - or sometimes lunch
Neither me nor my husband have mothers around.

SoManyTshirts · 22/03/2022 11:19

My mum gets a card, visit and a bunch of flowers - flowers normally a few days before/after to avoid feedback about being ripped off.

My birthday is close to Mother’s Day and over the two occasions I’d hope to get at least one card and flowers or chocolate from each child (they live far away). A call would be great but probably over-optimistic.

IncompleteSenten · 22/03/2022 11:19

I don't have any. I don't care about it.

I think that, like anniversaries, birthdays, valentine's Day and so on that when you love someone, if it matters to them you should make the effort because you care about them, not because you personally care about the occasion.

nearlyspringyay · 22/03/2022 11:21

I always get a card and a gift for my mum, but rarely see her on mothers day now as my kids are small and they want it to be about us. We'll have my mum over before or after for a meal / go out.

I can't bear restaurants on actual mothers day, same as valentines day with their over priced fixed menus.

Onlywomengivebirth · 22/03/2022 11:29

That they forget occasionally and I don’t hear from them, that they call, or text. Some years if the weather is nice and they’re all free perhaps a bbq in the backyard. That on any other day of the year they might pop in or call for a chat and when they do they give me an enthusiastic hug and throw me the occasional ‘love you’ . That they never buy a card, but perhaps some flowers, sometimes. Same as I did for my mum and nana, basically.

Nutsabouttopic · 22/03/2022 11:38

I ordered books and chocolates online for my mum, she lives two hundred miles away. I won't see her on mother's Day and haven't since I moved twenty years ago. I go to see her the following weekend.
My own four darlings, teenagers and early twenties, normally get me books, vouchers, smellies, chocolates and bake a cake. They bring me breakfast in bed, they all sit on my bed having their breakfasts too including the dog. And I know I sound like a bitch but I hate it. There is always something spilt or marmalade dropped and crumbs left. I'm sitting there thinking I have to change this bed now. But I don't say anything because I'm delighted that they still want to be with us. My DH buys and cooks dinner and they are usually all here. However eldest started a new weekend job (college student) so I presume that she is working. His mum is not with us sadly

Itwasscary1 · 22/03/2022 11:39

I don't expect to see either of my adult children on Mother's Day this year due to circumstances.

We'll have both DM and MIL round for afternoon tea on the Saturday.

3peassuit · 22/03/2022 11:40

Normally a card, flowers and dropping by for tea and cake if they’re free.

AwayInMyMind · 22/03/2022 11:52

Nothing. It's a load of rubbish.

TheOrigRights · 22/03/2022 11:52

I will be disappointed if DS22 doesn't send me a card.
I will be disappointed if DS12 doesn't make or buy me a card and make me a cup of tea and generally be nice to me.

I am a single parent so no husband to chivvy the kids along.

It's not about material things, more that I would feel I've raised them well if they acknowledge on this one day that I am important to them.
That sounds really shallow - like I need validation. Maybe I do - just for one day.

I don't have a mother and while I am very fond of ex MIL I probably won't see her.

TheOrigRights · 22/03/2022 11:55

Thinking more, I guess it's that I'll see on SM and on some of my whatapp groups what other Mums are doing and I'll feel the isolation of being a single Mum even more than usual. Of course I know I am not alone in this.
Maybe I'll make sure I do something for myself and leave the pre-teen to rot his brains on his X-box!

Blimecory · 22/03/2022 11:55

I wouldn’t expect anything. Maybe when they were little they would have made cards etc or bought flowers. I think it seems more of a thing - encouraged by school or brownies. But not as adults.

aftonwater · 22/03/2022 11:59

My own mother is no longer around.

My dc are in their 20's and don't live at home but always arrange lunch, sometimes near to where they live, sometimes in our home town. This year dd is overseas and ds is working on Sunday so he is coming home on Saturday for the day. What I love more than anything is the fact that the two of them communicate and plan it together.

MiL is dh's responsibility, not mine. He sends a card and will pop over with some flowers and stay for a coffee.

TheOrigRights · 22/03/2022 12:02

@aftonwater

My own mother is no longer around.

My dc are in their 20's and don't live at home but always arrange lunch, sometimes near to where they live, sometimes in our home town. This year dd is overseas and ds is working on Sunday so he is coming home on Saturday for the day. What I love more than anything is the fact that the two of them communicate and plan it together.

MiL is dh's responsibility, not mine. He sends a card and will pop over with some flowers and stay for a coffee.

That's really lovely. Enjoy your weekend.
eddiemairswife · 22/03/2022 12:08

4 adult children..... youngest usually comes for weekend, oldest lives an hour away so will probably visit, middle two...daughter lives locally so will visit if not working, other son usually sends a present via Waitrose. I normally get a mixture of plants/flowers, booze, chocs...all very welcome. I think I am very lucky.

Original poster
ReeseWitherfork · 22/03/2022 12:33

So I think what I'm generally hearing is that there's no real expectation for anything, just something to show a little thought. And I could potentially get away with seeing one of the three (at least) a different day than actual Mother's Day. That could make it easier. Thanks all, food for thought.

For those who have lunch with their children, would you still expect that (or hope for it) when they have children of their own?

@Nutsabouttopic definitely don't sound like a bitch for not wanting marmalade on the bed, especially as I assume you're the one to clean it up!

OP posts:
SheWoreYellow · 22/03/2022 12:35

Once you have children, it’s your day?

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 22/03/2022 12:43

My parents, siblings, and their in laws usually come to ours with all the kids for cake and Prosecco!

MarvelMrs · 22/03/2022 12:48

Once I became a mother I put pay to going to both sets of mothers, mine and MIL. I go to my mother for a cup of tea and I bring cake and a card. I insist my DP goes to his at the same time. The kids tend to go with one or other of us. I make sure they don’t all go to one GM so we encourage one to go with DP if they don’t chose that way naturally.
Then the rest of the day is mine as a mum. My kids will usually make breakfast and dinner for us all which is lovely.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/03/2022 12:49

One at uni, one at home. I've told the uni DD that I don't expect her to do a 5 hour round trip just for mothers day, as she has a lot on at the moment. I'll be happy with a card and facetime.

The other is working but we'll hopefully go to in laws for a takeaway in the evening. My mum no longer around but we would have included her in the past, obv.

No GC yet but I would hate for them to feel torn and rushed about when they are mothers, it should be about them.