Priority for wheelchair when with a buggy

bloodywhitecat · 20/03/2022 23:57

For me, the wheelchair user goes ahead.

MichelleScarn · 20/03/2022 23:58

@bloodywhitecat

For me, the wheelchair user goes ahead.

Why? For a space on bus/train absolutely, but why when in a queue?

pepsirolla · 21/03/2022 00:00

Wheelchair

FlyingIsEasy · 21/03/2022 00:03

I would offer the wheelchair user to go first. The way I think about it, the wheelchair user doesn't have a choice so gets priority.

I would finish changing the baby if I was already in there but try to be quick about it. Sounds like the daughter was BU.

Original poster

Hshuznw · 21/03/2022 00:04

What if another wheelchair user arrives when you’ve let the first person go ahead? You could end up waiting and waiting.

I often visit family who live near an orthopaedic hospital, so having several wheelchair users waiting around is not unusual for me.

OP posts:

bloodywhitecat · 21/03/2022 00:08

Because for most of us using the lift is a choice, for a wheelchair user it is the only way to access upper floors.

RedWingBoots · 21/03/2022 00:10

I remember another incident when DS was an infant. I had been using the baby changing table at a coffee shop, which was in the disabled toilets. Whilst I was in there, someone kept trying to get in even though I kept shouting out it’s in use. I leave and there’s an elderly lady waiting to use the loo, with who I assume was her daughter giving me evils, and continued to give me stares until we left.

How are you suppose to know whether it was another person with a baby who needed changing or not?

The fault is with the cafe owners for not having a separate baby change.

JellybeansJelly · 21/03/2022 00:12

Hmm I would say keep your space in the queue. I know strictly speaking someone can help you lift the pushchair up and down the stairs, but you need the lift as well.

TyneTeas · 21/03/2022 00:12

Wheelchair user

If there wasn't a lift you could presumably fold and carry, or you may have planned to not take the buggy in the first place, which are options not available to the a wheelchair user

DinosaurOfFire · 21/03/2022 00:14

If you have a buggy, and a baby in it, then you are not choosing to use the lift, you don't have a choice especially in a lot of shopping centres round here where parking could be 10 floors up, and each floors set of stairs is 20 steps. You can't bump a baby in a buggy down those. If you are in a queue you keep your space in that situation. If you have several people with you, then the courteous thing to do would be to have one person with the buggy, and the rest use the stairs or escalator. I say this as someone who had a mother with mobility issues- at no point would she have wanted or expected anyone with a baby to move aside for her to use the lift, she would have waited in line for her turn. She had this view for disabled loos where they doubled as baby changing rooms as well. Your baby isn't mobile, they can't choose to use the stairs.

ralanne · 21/03/2022 00:26

I would challenge the idea that a mother with a baby in a buggy can use the stairs. That is not safe at all!

And also not an option in most cases to fold a buggy and carry it - how can you carry a baby and a buggy up or down a set of stairs at the same time? Extremely dangerous.

If you carry them separately, where is the baby going to be while you go back down for the buggy?

That's not to mention birth injuries, c-section wounds and pelvic floor injuries.

Both wheelchair users and babies in prams need to use the lift and don't have a choice. That's all I would say.

georgousbold · 21/03/2022 00:27

@ralanne

I would challenge the idea that a mother with a baby in a buggy can use the stairs. That is not safe at all!

And also not an option in most cases to fold a buggy and carry it - how can you carry a baby and a buggy up or down a set of stairs at the same time? Extremely dangerous.

If you carry them separately, where is the baby going to be while you go back down for the buggy?

That's not to mention birth injuries, c-section wounds and pelvic floor injuries.

Both wheelchair users and babies in prams need to use the lift and don't have a choice. That's all I would say.

Most sensible thing I've read here all day

Chloemol · 21/03/2022 00:28

As someone who has two family members in wheelchairs I would be happy to wait my turn to get into the lift. I would not expect any different treatment because of the wheelchair, and certainly not someone with a buggy

Lorw · 21/03/2022 00:36

My DH is a wheelchair user and hates the fact that people fall over themselves to let him in front of queues, he just wants to feel as normal as possible and part of that normal is also queuing, if someone told him to go to the front, he would decline and wait, he regularly lets people in front of him. He won’t get a disabled parking pass or anything as he doesn’t want a ‘special parking space’ even though he’s fully entitled to one and would make things easier. I do always let wheelchair users, mums with buggies, OAP’s etc in front of me in queues though, it’s nice to at least offer.

The toilet thing isn’t your fault though, the cafe should have separate changing facilities 🤷🏻‍♀️

kittensinthekitchen · 21/03/2022 00:46

I would challenge the idea that a mother with a baby in a buggy can use the stairs. That is not safe at all!

What about a father with a buggy?

Anyway, in a queue for a lift, no I don't think a wheelchair user should 'skip the queue' of other people in genuine need. I would expect those who don't need it to allow those who do go first though.

The toilet - you were already in there. What else could you have done?

By the way, by focusing on the 'wheelchair' aspect, many people forget there are a whole variety of people who may need access to a lift, or an accessible toilet, who aren't wheelchair users.

alexdgr8 · 21/03/2022 01:12

but someone could help a parent use the stairs.
i know it's not ideal, but it can be done.
in the underground for example, people always seem willing to help
the parent carries the child while the helpful bystander carries the pushchair.
this cannot be done for a wheelchair user.

georgousbold · 21/03/2022 01:31

@alexdgr8

but someone could help a parent use the stairs. i know it's not ideal, but it can be done. in the underground for example, people always seem willing to help the parent carries the child while the helpful bystander carries the pushchair. this cannot be done for a wheelchair user.

Ha, you're counting on someone being available or willing to help. Not everyone is and sometimes lots of people will go by and not offer help. That's a really unfair comparison there

Poppins2016 · 21/03/2022 01:58

@RedWingBoots

I remember another incident when DS was an infant. I had been using the baby changing table at a coffee shop, which was in the disabled toilets. Whilst I was in there, someone kept trying to get in even though I kept shouting out it’s in use. I leave and there’s an elderly lady waiting to use the loo, with who I assume was her daughter giving me evils, and continued to give me stares until we left.

How are you suppose to know whether it was another person with a baby who needed changing or not?

The fault is with the cafe owners for not having a separate baby change.

I agree with this.

I think that attitudes on both sides can be... unnecessary. This is a slightly different context, but I still remember an incident over a decade ago when I used an accessible loo because the standard loos were closed; there was a sign apologising for the inconvenience and directing everyone to use the accessible loo instead. I left just as a lady in a wheelchair was entering the corridor and she unpleasantly snarled at me and asked me what I was doing using that loo before she even had a chance to take in the signs. It almost feels wrong to say that I disliked her sense of entitlement, because she was of course technically entitled to use the loo more than I was(!), but it felt as though basic human to human respect was completely lost in that moment and her rude attitude was unnecessary...

Now, as a mother, I often cringe inside when I see that a baby change is inside an accessible loo, because a) ideally it would be somewhere different and b) I hate the idea of a confrontation upon opening the door to someone who may need the space for reasons other than baby changing.

If I'm queuing for a baby change in an accessible loo I always 'give way' to people without babies, as I think that's fair... it's much nicer to change a baby on a mat with a sink nearby, but not completely necessary (unlike someone needing a loo)!

Side note... why, oh why, in places that provide a dedicated baby changing room, do they not always think to provide a loo that's accessible with a pram?! I've encountered so many spacious rooms with sinks, mats and armchairs but no thought as to how mothers might go to the loo in privacy.
I've now perfected the art of finding the cubicle in the most tucked away corner and screening myself with the pushchair (thus solving the issue of wanting to keep an eye on my child(ren) and giving myself some privacy)... but it's not ideal.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 21/03/2022 02:12

Everyone needing the lift should queue in order of arrival. Why should women (mainly women, not irrelevant) with prams wait until no one else needs it, like they should apologise for existing?

MotherofAutism · 21/03/2022 02:18

It's not just wheelchair users. Many of us have severe disabilities but still walk around (on good days) because we're also mothers with pushchairs...... I'd be furious if I was expected to move for a wheelchair user, just because I'm not in a wheelchair. Waiting longer will cause me extreme pain (standing still is much more painful for me than walking believe it or not) whereas this may not be the case for a wheelchair user (note: I said may not).

I realise you're not talking about bus rules OP, but to give an example of my point, when DD was a newborn, I was still recovering from birth with sore stitches but could just about walk with the aid of the pram. My Motability car had been collected for its service, so I took my baby on the bus for the first time, for a trip to town.
After 10 mins, on came a wheelchair user who just looked at me blankly until the Driver got out of his seat and demanded I move. I calmly explained I'm disabled & unable to collapse the pram. I was ordered off the bus whilst what felt like all the other passengers chanted insults such as "Selfish cow" "Can't you see he's disabled!!" etc etc
I had no choice but to shout loudly "I HAVE MULTIPLE SCHLEROSIS FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Whilst waddling towards the door of the bus and getting off, humiliated and frankly, frightened. We were on an A Road 4 miles from home & 7 miles from town.

Yes, people will no doubt do a comparison of disabilities and say I still was in the wrong but what if I'd had a walking stick? (no pram but baby in sling for example). Would I still have been thrown off the bus, because I have a baby or would the Driver have compared our disabilities and only let the 'most severe' one stay!?

sashh · 21/03/2022 02:30

@Hshuznw

What if another wheelchair user arrives when you’ve let the first person go ahead? You could end up waiting and waiting.

I often visit family who live near an orthopaedic hospital, so having several wheelchair users waiting around is not unusual for me.

You use a buggy for a couple of years, and you don't want to 'wait and wait' imagine doing that for life?

MotherofAutism · 21/03/2022 02:33

I guess my point is, so so many people make the ridiculous presumption that if you're not in a wheelchair or using an aid, then you're not disabled especially if you have a young child! It's almost as if people cannot fathom somebody fitting into two different categories
Don't even get me started on parking..... The fact that I'm under 70, not in a wheelchair & have a child under 8 but park in Disabled, seems to mean I'm fair game! I can park in both Parent & Child and Disabled, but do I? Do I heck! Not worth the tirade I get Every. Single. Time. I can practically hear the "Ding Ding Ding Round One 🛎" as I open my car door to get out....

Anyway, no I don't think you should have to give way for anyone. As PP said, you need a lift with a pushchair, just as much as I would or a wheelchair user. My examples above merely highlight hidden disabilities and the fact that whilst people do judge others, we never do know if somebody is in pain

Moodycow78 · 21/03/2022 02:48

A queue to use something is a queue, you wait your turn. Why someone should go ahead just because they're in a wheelchair I don't know. I think I'd find this quite patronising. If anything I'd say let the child go first (who is much more likely to start playing up if they have to wait too long) over an adult who can no doubt regulate their behaviour better, wheelchair or not.

spotcheck · 21/03/2022 03:47

Surely if two people who need the lift, and whose only way up is the lift ( wheelchair user and person with pram) , then you use a queueing system as per normal?

I can't say I know many people who use a wheelchair, but the ones I do know don't expect special treatment.

babywalker56 · 21/03/2022 04:31

I'd keep my place in the queue for this exact reason.

Surely if two people who need the lift, and whose only way up is the lift ( wheelchair user and person with pram) , then you use a queueing system as per normal?

We both need it so let's be fair and queue up for it

Priority for wheelchair when with a buggy

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