Priority for wheelchair when with a buggy

[Hshuznw]

I’m just wondering what the etiquette is when you’re queuing for something and someone in a wheelchair arrives.

I was queuing to use a lift at a train station earlier today and a man in a wheelchair arrived to join the queue, which is what got me thinking. Do I keep my place in the queue, or let the wheelchair user go ahead?

I remember another incident when DS was an infant. I had been using the baby changing table at a coffee shop, which was in the disabled toilets. Whilst I was in there, someone kept trying to get in even though I kept shouting out it’s in use. I leave and there’s an elderly lady waiting to use the loo, with who I assume was her daughter giving me evils, and continued to give me stares until we left.

I’m not talking about priority for the wheelchair space on the bus, but priority in a queue to use a service.

My husband uses a wheelchair. If you are queuing in a shop, bank, cafe, etc., no need to prioritize him, if it's for the toilet, please do!

@Howareyouflower this is exactly my point about the accessible toilets- some wheelchair users need priority whereas some can wait… so I would let your husband in front of me, my disability doesn’t affect my continence. The only way round it is for everyone needing the accessible loo to say to everyone else what their issue is… which really isn’t ideal!

I would probably offer a wheelchair user to go ahead of me to use the lift but I don't have any strong feelings on who should go first. Same with queues.

Toilet situation is different. The person who actually needs the toilet (the wheelchair user) should go first. Especially if there's a queue... who knows how long they can wait and ensuring human dignity (I.e. that no one is forced to have an accident) is the most important thing. The baby's nappy can wait for a little bit. If I was already in there, I would try to be as quick as I could if I knew someone was waiting.

@takemeawayyy

My sons in a wheelchair and able bodied people always wait in the lift que an were often left waiting. This really annoys me as they can clearly use the stairs as their walking about or get out the lift an run off for the train or something !!! We went London museum a few weeks ago and my lord I couldn't go past the first floor due to the amount of lazy people waiting for the lift an then walking off whilst we stood their for around 15 mins waiting to get in. But you have a buggy so you need get in if just wait in line. It's when people just get in who don't neee it that annoys me.

There are large numbers of people who can walk about OK, but painful joints or back make using stairs either painful or impossible.

They are already struggling and really don't need to be called lazy, or have their need judged by people who know nothing about them, as well.

@BlackeyedSusan

You can be a disabled parent with children.

Or you be out with a disabled child.

People forget not all disabilities are visible.

Disabled toilets tend to be the only toilets with a sharps bin or the space to sort out and take medication.

I think it's complicated and I say that as a disabled parent. I used to be a wheelchair user, I have been a buggy user - using the buggy not only to transport my child but support myself (I couldn't walk without it) and although most people can't tell have a generally hidden disability.
I cannot bend my big toe or ankle properly so stairs are actually quite dangerous and my hips and knees are shot so waiting and distances are difficult but most of that is invisible to the casual bystander.
I think everyone should stop judging everyone else and concentrate on what they can do to make other peoples lives easier not just their own.
If you are waiting, think can I let that person go first or can I go another way - if you really can't, not just don't want to, then don't feel bad but if it's a case of yeah I could do something else (wait go another way) be a nice human being and do it.
If you are waiting consider that other people may not be selfish gits and may be dealing with stuff that you can't see.
Of course there will still be selfish gits but they won't care about conversations like this and there is no point in tying yourself up in knots about things you cannot control.

i just wish people who can do stairs/escalators would.
that would make things easier for people who can't.
I only use lifts when I have dc (wheelchair) with me, I use stairs as its quicker.
if you go to our local shopping centre... the queues for the lifts are silly.

Bus obviously I'd move my pram for the wheelchair.

In a queue though, I wouldn't. The person with a pram and the wheelchair user are both physically not able to use the stairs so we both have equal right to use the lift. If you join a queue, you get in line and wait behind those already there. That's the point of the queue. It would be different if the person was on crutches for example, then I'd let them go first obviously.

As for the baby change in the disabled loo... perfectly fine to use this. This is literally where the baby changed has been placed so it's fine to use. You have a right to change your baby. I wouldn't apologise for arriving first if someone in a wheelchair was waiting afterwards, I've used it because it's empty not because I pushed in. There's no way of telling if a wheelchair user is going to come along when you're in the baby change so you're not doing anything wrong imo.

If I arrived at the disabled toilet to change baby at the same time as someone in a wheelchair then obviously I'd let them go first.

Obviously if you feel like letting the wheelchair user go first then that's the kind thing to do.

Maybe on another day, your baby could be screaming blue murder at the lift and maybe the wheelchair user would offer to let you go first because you seem frazzled and need to attend to baby ASAP... also kind and ok to do.

@saraclara

Nope, he can’t walk at all, he severed his spine when he was a teenager, no use of his legs what so ever 🤷🏻‍♀️ They are vital, I agree- infact there should be more disabled parking available. It would make his life easier but he’s too stubborn. He just looks for the furthest parking space away from any other cars, he’s been caught out a few times.

@MajorCarolDanvers

Toilets and transport - wheelchair users Lifts - whoever got there first

Completely agree. I would not even have considered losing my place in a queue for a lift with my baby in his pram to let someone with a wheelchair go ahead. I don't see why there is any need for it. You can't just expect to skip ahead when other people who also need to use the service have waited their turn

@AllThingsServeTheBeam

I am disabled myself and occasionally use a wheelchair. If I aren't using it I'd have a crutch. I'd go first with my crutch, but in my chair I'm quite ok to wait my turn

Why do you think that because using crutches you queue jump for a lift?

Crutches are you norm. The lift is for all. You don't, imo, deserve to jump in ahead of me say, who you won't realise is also disabled.

cafes may not have enough space for disabled & baby changing - so loos are accessible to both. As for disabled loos as poor previous posters experience on a bus & other pp comment about her husband wanting to be treated as everyone else even though he is in a wheelchair, some disabilities re either needing a seat (heart disease physical frailty) some issues are invisible re accessible loos (Crohn's or urological issues for instance catheters etc) & they may have greater immediate need of toilets. With respect within disability groups & in the main population there is sometimes a perception of hierarchy of impairment or need. People should have their needs met & everything should be fully accessible without judgement

I had to use the lift when DTs were small, no possible way I could have folded the buggy and lugged it and two babies up the stairs.

I didn't bother with public transport, I walked everywhere, and the priority should always be for wheelchair users.

I have a bowel condition and when I need to use the toilet, I need to use it pretty immediately, You wouldn't know it to look at me but I wouldn't give priority to a wheelchair user.

Depending on the size of the lift and your buggy both could fit in there.

If wheelchair user is before you let them go first if there’s no room

If I was already there. I didn't say I would push in. Though I can't stand for long so if the person was decent in front and offered I would gladly accept.

I used to live on a bus route that operated 3 times a day, with no walking route. The driver and passengers made sure that every person, pushchair and wheelchair user could get on the bus, including holding to babies and toddlers, helping with bags etc. Parents made sure it was umbrella fold pushchairs not big bulky ones.

I still praise the day I passed my driving test

Well no, they dont have to offer to help but a lot of people are quite pleasant and offer to help others and I wouldnt sit by and watch someone walk home in the snow when i could just hold a baby for a few seconds whilst they folded a buggy.

Am a little puzzled at the notion of 'and another one' series of wheel chair users sequentially arriving to deprive the able-bodied of their place in the queue. Perhaps at a disability access protest or a Da Vinci Products show entrance.

If its clearly a shared thing, eg lift at station then I wait my turn with everyone else wanting to use the shared facility. I did this with my dds when they were in buggies. Now I often use the lift at station due to my back issues.
With baby changing facilities being in the disabled loo, I mean what are you supposed to do? If you were queuing for it, then yes I'd waive a disabled person ahead. But if there is no queue, and you start using it, what can you do?

Not in a queue I wouldn't (I would for the bus though). Mainly because most disabled people I know want to be treated like everyone else.
With toilets I'm afraid my 7 year old (ASD) would be my priority and I wouldn't let anyone hop in front (unless they stated they really needed to go.

For lifts I think you queue in order of arrival unless someone appears unable to wait or asks to jump the queue.

Generally although a person in a wheelchair has no alternative but to use the lift they aren't less able to wait than anyone else who may also need the lift. Someone on crutches or sticks may have much more difficulty waiting and also be unable to safely navigate the stairs.

My Mum uses a wheelchair but isn't permanently restricted to a wheelchair. When she's in a chair she can wait as long as necessary, when she's on her feet she has limited standing duration (plus issues around balance and a visual impairment which make stairs very difficult) she would struggle to wait in a lift queue when walking.

For disabled toilets some people may have an urgent need to get in. They may or may not be wheelchair users. Some people have "can't wait cards" to help deal with this but not everyone will. If someone expresses urgency then you should let them go first irrespective of whether they appear disabled. If you are already in there obviously all you can do is be as quick as possible.

Just to clarify, my post wasn’t about people who can use the stairs against wheelchair users. It was about those who have a buggy and also need the lift. I know it is possible to use the stairs, but it is often difficult (not more difficult than for someone in a wheelchair obviously).

Interesting responses - shows there isn’t a general right or wrong way. I was just worried I came across very entitled when I had been queuing for a lift (it’s a slow lift in a busy station, so you often wait ages for it), and a wheelchair user arrived but I didn’t offer them to go ahead.

Good point about the hidden disabilities, I forgot about that and very often people don’t know what someone is actually dealing with. It reminds me of an incident when I was younger. I had cancer when I was a teenager, and despite being on high doses of chemotherapy, I never looked obviously unwell. However, I couldn’t walk longer than a few minutes without needing a break, and definitely couldn’t stand. I was seated in the priority seating area on a packed bus when a middle aged woman who needed a seat came on. Someone else in the priority seating offered her a seat, but the woman refused, saying that I’m young and I can stand. She then kept saying go on, stand up. I somehow found the courage to tell her that just because I’m young it doesn’t mean I don’t have cancer (I was a teenager - so standing up to an older woman and declaring my illness was a big deal!). To her credit she apologised and took the seat that was initially offered, but it was an incident that has stayed with me since. It’s easy to make assumptions about someone’s health just because they look ok.

I mean, with the toilet situation you were absolutely in the right to continue changing your baby. If the only changing table available is in the disabled toilet as is often the case then what else can you do?

With regards to the lift, I’ve always offered the wheelchair user dibs on going first which they have always refused. It’s nice to offer but you don’t have to. I mean, it isn’t like you can drag a pushchair down a flight of stairs alone and they aren’t allowed on escalators so…

For lifts I think order of arrival is reasonable. There is no more likely to be urgency for any one group in that scenario. But it is true that parents have far more choice than most wheelchair users. As an example, I have claustrophobia. I have never used a lift with any of my 3 DC, because I have that choice. We always use the stairs, always without exception. If I were to become wheelchair bound I would not have that choice.

Toilets and buses are different.