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Original poster

Do you know anyone who went missing?

423 replies

FuckThatBullshit · 20/03/2022 18:01

Inspired by another poster and it's an internet rabbit hole I regularly go down because I find missing people stories fascinating and spooky and obviously very sad. Do you know anyone who just... vanished?

OP posts:
Nightdancer · 20/03/2022 22:33

Well, this thread has made me shed many tears, but also made me realise that things aren't always what they seem. I'm so sorry to those who have lost someone in these circumstances, and I'm so sorry for those who are missed and to those who miss. It really puts things into perspective and makes me realise that I'm very lucky that I've never been through this.

Meidid · 20/03/2022 22:33

I'm not judging because I don't know what you've been through, but isn't thereanyway you could let them know you're safe? A one off letter with your handwriting perhaps? Posted from a far away location so they don't know where you are?

I have thought about this, or anonymous messages from a fake account, or even a phonecall.

On a selfish level it would be really hard for me to do that. I cant think what I would say at this point. I also don't want to stir up more people tracking me down by bringing myself to the forefront of their minds again.

I don't know what it would achieve for them either tbh, they would know I'm alive and that I just left, I couldn't explain, I cant tell them what I'm doing now, and it would probably taint the memories they have already.

Its a tough decision, and one I will struggle with forever, but that is the choice I made when I left. At this point I have children I need to think of too and I wouldn't compromise their safety for anything.

leavingtime · 20/03/2022 22:33

Strange to read this subject as I have been thinking tonight that I understand why people just want to get away from everything and leave it all behind. I'm having a difficult time atm and can find no support at all so if no one gives a toss I may as well disappear.
I won't. [I'll find a therapist or something]. But I understand the appeal of starting anew.

NellGwynne · 20/03/2022 22:35

[quote Gilead]**@Meidid* I moved a long way to escape abuse. I know (and love) that feeling of freed. I NEVER* share Facebook posts about missing people, simply because nobody knows if it’s an abuser hunting down someone.[/quote]
That’s a very good point and something I had never thought about.

AnnaBegins · 20/03/2022 22:35

Sort of. One of my best friends just suddenly cut all contact with friends and family. With some of them he kind of manufactured fallings out, but not with me. There were definitely some MH issues. We believe he is alive and have an idea of the general area he might be in, but no one has heard from him for 2.5 years, since a text to me and phone call to his dad. I just wish he would get in touch.

Thelnebriati · 20/03/2022 22:36

Yes I do, her husbands account of what happened to her doesn't add up at all, another family member hinted she met a gruesome death. I hope she's lying. I'd love to be able to hire a private detective to try to trace her.

GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin · 20/03/2022 22:37

Yes, a friend whose family joined a Catholic cult, dumped her in care then disappeared. This was in the mid-90s.

I often wonder what happened to her, even 30 years on, but I fear she ended up on the streets. I don’t even know how to begin finding out what happened to her.

If you’re reading this, you recognise the above and your initials are (or were) FR, please do PM me.

Meidid · 20/03/2022 22:40

[quote Nightdancer]@Meidid I'm so sorry for being so intrusive, I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry that this happened to you and I hope you have an amazing life.[/quote]
Not intrusive at all.

Its actually been a bit cathartic for me giving the other side of the story (for some).

My life might not be great to some people but the freedom I have is all I ever wanted so it is amazing to me, thank you Flowers

Dipsydoodlenoodle · 20/03/2022 22:41

OHs friend (sort of) went missing. He left his parents home (he lived there, he was only a young lad)...took a walk and vanished...now this is where I find the story strange...a witness saw someone with a similar description jumping into the sea (no cctv, no evidence of body)...a few weeks later his family held a funeral for him...for me it just seemed that it was all rushed, if it were my son even if there was a strong chance he'd jumped in the see I'd have put posters up in the area and social media etc just in case...it just seems that it was a strange circumstance and it was all hush hushed quickly. However, everyone processes grief differently. I hope one day his remains wash ashore just to give everyone the right closure.

GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin · 20/03/2022 22:46

I moved a long way to escape abuse. I know (and love) that feeling of freed. I NEVER share Facebook posts about missing people, simply because nobody knows if it’s an abuser hunting down someone.

I can completely understand that, and that my friend may well not want to risk her family being able to find her, or that she’s simply moved on. But I just would value knowing that’s she’s OK, even if she wants no contact.

CollagenLady · 20/03/2022 22:51

F

Susu49 · 20/03/2022 22:52

These accounts are all so heartbreaking Sad

@Meidid I'm glad you've found happiness and freedom now. If you ever seriously wanted to send a message to your old life that you're safe, it might be worth looking into the salvation army as I think its possible they'd pass on a confidential message saying you're safe but don't wish to be found/contacted. I've heard of the police doing the same too, so if you've been officially reported as missing it might be an option if you wish in the future.

elbea · 20/03/2022 22:53

A girl a few years above me at school went missing whilst working on a Disney cruise ship over ten years ago. Her family never found out what happened to her and it’s my understanding that Disney were less than helpful in investigations.

Smokeahontas · 20/03/2022 22:54

Yes, someone I knew socially. It’s accepted now that he is deceased, despite a body never having been located. No one knows what happened.

TheMooch · 20/03/2022 22:55

@elbea

A girl a few years above me at school went missing whilst working on a Disney cruise ship over ten years ago. Her family never found out what happened to her and it’s my understanding that Disney were less than helpful in investigations.
I think I read an account about that, long piece in the Guardian. It was heartbreaking and very questionable .
Susu49 · 20/03/2022 22:55

@elbea that's so awful for her and her family. I'm not surprised at Disneys attitude, I believe its common for cruise liners to not be that helpful. Also for those who work on private yachts.

Snorkelface · 20/03/2022 22:56

A girl on my course at college a few weeks after we all started. She left her shared student flat in slippers to go to the shop one evening with enough money to buy cigarettes and vanished. Her flatmates presumed she'd bumped into other students and gone off somewhere and it was an era before mobile phones, so they didn't start to panic until the next day. Her body was found near a popular suicide spot 70 miles away a few weeks later and it was ruled as suicide. We'd all only known each other a few weeks so it was difficult for anyone to know much about each other but it never made sense to anyone.

milkyaqua · 20/03/2022 23:01

I'm not judging because I don't know what you've been through, but isn't there any way you could let them know you're safe?

Well, you are judging. And why on earth would she want to let her abusers and those who've lied about her know she is 'safe'?

Theimpossiblegirl · 20/03/2022 23:02

A girl in my class vanished just before our GCSEs. She came back a few months later. She'd been really stressed and run away to London and had been sleeping rough. Someone convinced her to go home, thankfully.

marvellousmaple · 20/03/2022 23:02

The Daniel O'Keeffe story in Australia is so bloody sad. The looked for him for over 4 years and he never left the house.

Giggorata · 20/03/2022 23:06

A teenage boy I worked with, who had MH issues and often went off and got himself into all sorts of trouble, which we would try and help him sort out when we found him. He finally disappeared completely, with his bank account untouched and no word to his family.
The police went through various channels and I believe his family advertised, but nothing has ever been found. I fear he got caught up in something and was killed. ☹️

CoastalWave · 20/03/2022 23:11

@Meidid

I'm 'missing'.

The story from those who reported me missing, and the actual story are very different.

I now live my life freely, hundreds of miles away, I can wear what I like, go out when I like, it's amazing.

I sometimes Google the old me and some people I cared about look for me still, that's hard, but my abusers also look for me too (even in the paper with sad faces once).

Its been hard, but overall it was the right thing.

Do you have a Mum/child/sister etc? Do you not ever considered contacting them just to let them know you're alive?

I would imagine the absolute worst thing about someone going 'missing' is the 'not knowing' Death, whilst bloody awful. at least brings closure to those left behind.

Paleninteresting · 20/03/2022 23:11

My ex-husband 20 years ago. He did return from a another country but had left due to debts. We limped on for 2 years and then split. The time of him being missing was hell and I’m surprised I was able to read this thread, let alone post. The trauma that caused must be lessening slightly.

Threeboysandadog · 20/03/2022 23:12

The husband of a former colleague set off for work as normal and never arrived. He was eventually traced in France almost two years later (it seemed to be mental health problems and women) He did return but they’re not together anymore. I see her fairly often to speak to but I don’t know her well enough to ask what happened and obviously, it’s not my business.

Manekinek0 · 20/03/2022 23:15

I don't know anyone personally but I have been listening to the trace evidence podcast for years. It freaks me out a bit, I always assumed that people going missing and not being found was near impossible.

The John and Jane Doe cases are heartbreaking. I know at certain points of my life I could have been one of them if something terrible had happened.