Do you know anyone who went missing?

[FuckThatBullshit]

Inspired by another poster and it's an internet rabbit hole I regularly go down because I find missing people stories fascinating and spooky and obviously very sad. Do you know anyone who just... vanished?

Heartbreaking situation for families/loved ones left not knowing what's happened or why someone has gone missing.

The father of Claudia Lawrence campaigned for Claudia's Law so families are not not left in limbo

www.gov.uk/government/news/new-law-to-help-manage-affairs-of-people-who-are-missing

Some of these are so sad. Thanks for sharing @Meidid.
My friend from school's dad disappeared in 2005 after a walk in the hilly bush (where I grew up there are heaps of hills and steep tracks, bush etc - a lot of people get lost). He had early dementia, so they think he just got lost and disorientated. He was never found and decleared dead in 2011. It was incredibly stressful for the family as you can imagine.

F

My ex husband has been technically missing for a few years now.
He was an alcoholic and drug addict who had cut himself off from family and friends. He left some very desperate sounding messages on his mum’s voicemail begging for money and when he didn’t return any calls, she and his brother went round to his last known address. It was a rented property and it was a complete mess. Everything was filthy and in a state and he’d literally ripped the copper out of the walls.
They reached out to the police who couldn’t have given less of a shit and we still don’t know where he is or even whether he’s alive. It’s sad to say but the family is pretty resigned to the fact that perhaps one day they’ll get an answer but don’t expect anything other than to hear his body has turned up somewhere.

A young woman who use to work for me went missing for 6 months as a child.Her father kidnapped her from her mums custody in the country in which she was born a couple of years past their divorce and took her to live in his home country with his new wife.

Her mum and her family had no idea where she was and went through a lot to find her and bring her home.My heart goes out to them as I couldn't imagine being in that position.

My passport is not in my birth name, all I had to do was complete a form the passport office sent me affirming this was what I am now known as, didn't even need a deed poll or anything. I got my first passport (in that name) in the early eighties. Nothing underhand nor was I missing I just hated my name and use a different one. All my docs are in my "new" name, driving licence, HMRC pension etc

@Meidid

You obviously don't to answer this, but do those who love you know that you are still alive?

No they don't.

There isn't a way that I could let them know and still be safe unfortunately.

I compartmentalise my old and new lives, and they have to be just a sad story from my past now.

Its hard because it was a long time ago and when I see people online who still think of old me it hurts.

Even if I felt I would be safe now I wouldn't know where to begin with telling them.

The loss of some people I love was the price I paid for my life I suppose.

Unless you're in witness protection then I think that's incredibly selfish, I'm sorry. These people who loved you will be in extreme pain and are no doubt suffering daily. Why should they have to be for the rest of their lives? There are ways & means of letting them know truly anonymously. Websites such as www.pc2paper.co.uk allow you to send write letters & pay for the postage and then they print & post them. So no concerns over area stamps and you can pay via PayPal so no billing address is given to the company. You could even go as far as creating a new email address and a new PayPal account to use and adding funds to the balance to use to pay, so no billing address is given to anyone at any point.

These people who loved you will be in extreme pain and are no doubt suffering daily.

Meidid is putting her safety and the safety of her children above all else. She cannot risk being traced even if she contacted them through an anonymous method. She is in fear of her life, that is more important than some one else's hurt feelings. She has said that when her abusers are dead, she may get in contact with people who love her.

It's going to be difficult for her to tell her children, when the time comes, that she was once known by a different name and had a different life.

A lot of people don't realise that some abusers will abuse people's goodwill/lie to the Police/the legal system etc to find a missing person who is actually their victim.

The Salvation Army find it frustrating that the DVLA will not help when it comes to trying to trace someone. Quite rightly some might say, not least GDPR.

Or tracing someone via their National Insurance Number or any other was of abusing the system if you worked in the relevant government department.

I think Meidid said she got a new N.I. number, but what I said still stands.

Meidid know her situation far better than anyone else. If she anonymously tips of someone that she is still alive it might spur them to try and find her, they may tell her abusers and they renew their attempts to find her. Someone in her new life may discover the new email address or whatever and open a can of worms. Everyone has the right to disappear if they want to, we are not obliged to contact anyone.

Unless you're in witness protection then I think that's incredibly selfish, I'm sorry.

So if I witnessed a crime it wouldn't be selfish, but because I was the victim of countless horrific crimes over a number of years I am selfish?

I don't wish to do it anonymously while my abusers are alive, I have thought about it, at length.

Say I contacted an old friend anonymously. Said I was alive and OK.

That friend is still in touch with my abusers, they would, of course, go and tell the 'suffering' family I was OK after all these years.

That would spark up those people looking for me again, made all the easier now because of social media. I not sure where the status of the missing persons report is, but the police may well be interested again too.

Even if I said what I had been through over an email or whatever, how do you think that would make the person who I dumped this on feel? They can't contact me and ask questions, and they have to decide if the people who they have supported for years are, in fact, evil monsters, or if I am that person I've been made out to be with severe mental health problems, or if the anonomous email was even from me at all.

You have absolutely NO idea what I have been through, none at all. I cant even tell you most of it because I'm worried it would be outing. You know a snapshot of my life that I posted on a relevant thread, that has had some very kind poster's give me a lot to think about with regard to safely moving forward for me and my children. The posters on here have been lovely and understanding of my position, which isn't hard to see if you apply a little critical thinking. Nobody would do what I did and live life as I have for a flippant reason.

How dare you call me selfish.

Meidid I hope you are free from the abusers long shadow soon and get to enjoy your long awaited holiday.

@Runningupthecurtains

Meidid I hope you are free from the abusers long shadow soon and get to enjoy your long awaited holiday.

Thank you.

This thread has inspired me to buy one of those saving cans that you can't get into without a tin opener (I have no willpower with money otherwise) and start my holiday fund actually so I'll be all set to go as soon as I'm able to safely get my passport sorted

Unless you're in witness protection then I think that's incredibly selfish, I'm sorry.

You know that old phrase “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? You might want to remember it in the future.
What an absolutely dickish thing to say after the the bravery Meidid has shown in posting here.

Another one wishing you well in the trip that you will make one day @Meidid. Your story is inspiring and you deserve all the happiness in the world.

MotherofAutism
Well perhaps you have a sad tale to tell, which makes you unable to see "the other side of the story".

And perhaps you haven't read enough of the posts on this thread to understand quite how unutterably sad most/all of the tales are.
But if you were to think it through just for a moment, you'd realise that Meidid's life was unspeakably sad, and the last thing she needs is for someone who hasn't even followed her posts to pronounce on something they absolutely don't understand.
I think an apology is in order.

Meidid I, for one, am rooting for you.

Thank you so much for your kindness everyone.

I promise, the day that I make it to my destination I'll post a thread on here, of my JD and coke (first time I will have tasted it, I have heard it will be a let down though ) at my dream destination, in my dream bar raising a glass to you guys.

Its been quite strange, but therapeutic, to get it out into the open, so thanks to the op for starting the thread and thank you to everyone for listening, and sorry for derailing a little

If prioritising your own safety and that of your children is selfish, then I think any decent parent is selfish.

Honestly, I can't understand some people on here.

I too am rooting for you Meidid, you're so brave and so glad you had the courage to speak of your ordeal. Ignore the detractors, they have no idea what you've been through
Best of luck to you!!

@motherofautism you don't have the tiniest clue what you are talking about. NOBODY changes their entire identity without good reason. Hurting the feelings of people who love her is clearly nothing compared to the abuse and torture @Meidid suffered at the hands of her abusers. She has said on this thread time and time again that there is no safe way to tell those from her previous life that she is alive and safe. She does not owe you or anyone else on MN any kind of explanation as to why that is. Take it as fact and shut up judging what you don't understand. I pray nobody ever harms you or threatens your life, especially to an extent you have to make an entire new life for yourself to keep yourself and any children you may have safe.

@Meidid, you don't owe any of us an explanation. You've suffered, clearly, far more than anyone ever should and we know you did not take these steps lightly without carefully considering every aspect of your old, and new, lives. Do not share any details with anyone which could threaten your safety. I wish you peace, safety, security and happiness, always

I know someone who disappeared - suspect he killed himself but we can't be sure.

He had mental health issues but it was still a massive surprise - good career, wife, son busy life - good community person very active locally.

Took a train to the coast one day and hasn't been seen since.

very sad

@Meidid Your story makes me think that there should be some way for people to disappear like you have same as witness id, new legal identity so you can still have your life and holidays.

I work in safeguarding and deal with the police a lot, and the ones I work with make every effort to make sure people who are “missing” aka don’t want to be found stay that way.

But like you say all it takes is a naive newbie PC to fall for a relatives spiel and the whole thing is out. Records should be sealed so the link absolutely cannot be made.

Unless you're in witness protection then I think that's incredibly selfish, I'm sorry.

It's you being selfish, you're only thinking about how you would feel if someone did this to you, you're not thinking about Meidids need for safety from her abusers at all.

Any hint she's still alive and maybe findable will only kick everything up again thats currently dormant at full strength, I wish people on this thread would stop badgering her to do what she's already explained is not safe for her to do.

Meidid thank you for having the courage to share your story. For those who disappear in similar circumstances like yourself I totally get why it is too risky to make contact with anyone from your past, even to the good people.

For others who disappear for different reasons, I guess it can be hard to make that step to renew contact because there will be anxiety around how others will respond.

As you may have seen I’ve already said that we’ve family members go missing and a couple have returned. Some of our family members are still missing, and it does grieve/hurt us greatly that we are no longer part of their lives but we respect that it is their choice not to have contact. Cant deny that there is always a part of us hoping that one day they will get back in touch because I do think that is natural when you love and care for someone you want them to be part of your lives. However it has to be their choice because if it is forced, then that relationship is not going to built on mutual respect and trust.

For those that are missing, know that the good people left behind will always love you and the door is always open for return. All we want is for you to be safe and happy wherever you are, no matter if we see you again or not.

@Meidid you are NOT selfish
You are awesome 👏
YOU stay safe - xx