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Do you know anyone who went missing?

423 replies

FuckThatBullshit · 20/03/2022 18:01

Inspired by another poster and it's an internet rabbit hole I regularly go down because I find missing people stories fascinating and spooky and obviously very sad. Do you know anyone who just... vanished?

OP posts:
noirchatsdeux · 21/03/2022 18:00

My whole family, from 1982 to 1989.

We were living in Australia, my parents decided in late1982 to return to the UK. But they didn't bother telling me, or my two brothers, my grandmother, my 6 uncles or my 3 aunts...all of whom we had an ongoing relationship with in Australia, at the time. Myself and my two brothers were told my father had got another job working abroad, in Hong Kong.

We didn't find out the truth until we were going through immigration at Hong Kong Airport. We stayed there a week, and then came on to the UK. My parents dropped all contact with my mother's family in Australia from the moment we left, and we were told in no uncertain terms not to contact them ourselves.

That lasted until my younger brother turned 18 in early 1989. He got drunk on his birthday and called my grandmother. To say my mother was not pleased when she found out - he'd given my grandmother our address and she'd written to my mother - is the understatement of the century.

There was no real reason for it, apart from the fact that my father was always jealous of the close relationship my mother had with her family. He left my mother for OW in late 1989, and my mother ultimately returned to Australia in 1993. I don't think her family ever really forgave her for it, she was excluded from my grandmother's will - the only one of 9 siblings that was.

My father than disappeared for more than 15 years, to avoid having to pay my mother the full amount of what he owed her in the divorce financial settlement. Even the private detective my mother hired couldn't find him. He eventually resurfaced when he retired at age 65. I've had no contact with him since 1989.

GoLightly282 · 21/03/2022 18:10

There's an article in the news today about a man who went missing 10 years ago. His body has been found in a freezer in a disused pub which is being renovated. He was 70 and thought to still be alive somewhere.

firstidrinkthecoffee · 21/03/2022 18:26

@RomeoOscarXrayIndigoEcho

I got the year wrong but here's the person: charleyproject.org/case/rosemary-cosgrove

It's interesting the page doesn't mention the GP refused to stop her going. Several people spoke to the GP asking them to do something official that would remove her passport.

This is so unnecessary and sad😞 she should not have been allowed to travel. Poor woman.
Dimebag10M · 21/03/2022 18:35

My private guitar tutor went missing in 2001, noone has ever heard from him since :-( his partner had been very poorly and I think she died, he disappeared immediately after. It makes me think from time to time if he ever hurt himself or if he managed to pick up the pieces of his life

SunshineCake1 · 21/03/2022 18:39

@Meidid

This resonated with me. I was moved from the place I loved and the mother told everyone it was because I stole from them. It took decades but now the whole village knows the real reason I was moved.

Phew. This has actually really got to me.

I'm so glad that people now know the truth. It's amazing that the people who are supposed to love us the most will happily make us look awful in a bid to make themselves look good and garner sympathy from everyone. You are amazing for going back and telling your truth, I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for you Flowers

This is why I don't think I ever could. People have been supporting my abusers for years, at this point I think it's probably better for them to believe I was a wrong un who disappeared, than to face the reality that they have been mopping the fake tears of liars and manipulators all this time.

The person who lied wasn't my mother and certainly didn't love me but I appreciate your sentiment. You are so kind to be so lovely to me when this thread has brought up so many memories and emotions for you.

Turns out a neighbour of the mother is friends with my oldest friend so she has now told her the truth so things have certainly changed in the village.

I really wish I had been brave enough to ket everything go into the press as it was front page news and if not for another news event it would have made the national news.

Chipperfish · 21/03/2022 19:42

Meidid, you sound incredably brave and I am glad you have made a good and free life for yourself

I wanted to ask if you have ever thought about telling your children/other people close to you about your past, perhaps in the future when your abusers are no longer a threat/or you yourself are older or more vulnerable?( or even leaving a written record of it)
The only reason I ask is I have seen the fallout such secrets can cause when they come out after a loved one has died (family members with concealed pasts, earlier families, totally invented history and names)- and the strong emotions/ feelings of doubt and betrayal that come up can be incredibly difficult, and so many questions never resolved.

This is in no way to criticize your actions, but it might be something to think of in future - finding a way that your truth can be told honestly to those that matter to you - and thus if your secret is ever revealed the abusers don't get to set the narrative

Wishing you all the best

Susu49 · 21/03/2022 20:11

@Chipperfish she has said she will tell her children in the future, when it is safe to do so.

alphasox · 21/03/2022 20:13

Yes my brother, and then he died a couple of years after disappearing and it took another year before we were informed. A horribly sad affair that still haunts our family.

Chipperfish · 21/03/2022 20:28

Thanks susu, I must have missed that in the thread

Will0wtree · 21/03/2022 20:33

My uncle lived with his Mum (my Nan). In the days between her dying and her funeral, he disappeared. (No suspicious circumstances to her death, so nothing like that).

He would have been in his forties, there one day, never seen again since.

Qwertysmalls · 21/03/2022 21:22

I was missing for over a year.

When I was 16 I left school and went to live with my bf who ended up becoming my dh.

The police got involved and when I proved to them that I was safe and didn't want to contact my family, who at the time was trying to break us up, they left me alone to get on with it.

I had no documents except my child oyster card. So I used the Internet to get random things with my name on delivered to my new address and paid I think £2.50 for a copy of my birth certificate to get delivered to me.

With these I registered at the local gp surgery and the letter from the GP surgery was good enough to open a bank account (with all the other letters too.)

I had a baby and was pregnant when one day I caught the train and turned up at my mums door.

Now many years later, its like it never happened we have a normal relationship.

RoonilWazlib21 · 21/03/2022 21:56

Guy I was at school with went missing in 1999 aged 19, his body was found in 2013 about 15 miles from where we live. Absolutely devastating for his family and friends.

Ginger1982 · 21/03/2022 22:05

@Qwertysmalls

I was missing for over a year.

When I was 16 I left school and went to live with my bf who ended up becoming my dh.

The police got involved and when I proved to them that I was safe and didn't want to contact my family, who at the time was trying to break us up, they left me alone to get on with it.

I had no documents except my child oyster card. So I used the Internet to get random things with my name on delivered to my new address and paid I think £2.50 for a copy of my birth certificate to get delivered to me.

With these I registered at the local gp surgery and the letter from the GP surgery was good enough to open a bank account (with all the other letters too.)

I had a baby and was pregnant when one day I caught the train and turned up at my mums door.

Now many years later, its like it never happened we have a normal relationship.

Why did you decide to go back? Are you and your DH still together?
Arghhconfused · 21/03/2022 22:12

I was reported missing, and for being deranged,dangerous by my ex husband. He also said I'd kidnapped our daughter.

Reality was that we left DV and I was terrified he'd kill us.

Im sure the people in his circle still think im missing.

Hes now came out as trans, is openly a Wiccan witch, and believes his own delusions.

Birthdayblunder · 22/03/2022 00:21

@Georgeskitchen

Manchester is notoriois for young men going missing on nights out and ending tragically. A documentary was broadcast not too many years ago asking the question why there is such a high incidence of this. Many are convinced that these are not accidents (someone is pushing these young men into the canals) the police have constantly denied this. Another unfortunate man went missing (around Christmas time I think) in Manchester and his body found weeks later in the Ship Canal. Awful situation and I alway s fear for my son who lives in Manchester x
This was something I'd been looking into too as I'd noticed it was a common theme where I lived (not anywhere near Manchester).

Every year where I lived there was at least one man who'd go missing for 2/3 weeks around Christmas or New Year. They'd usually be found in water although never the same place and the cause would always be put down to being drunk and slipping in to a body of water accidentally. I hadn't paid much attention initially but after around 5 years of this happening, I started paying more attention to these men going missing in other areas too. It's so worrying.

I do often think of these social media posts by family and friends asking for information rather than responding to police appeals and wonder if the person is missing because they want to be left alone. It's such tricky ground as some posters have mentioned the police don't always take information and investigations seriously, but at the same time you could be giving someone up to abusive people. I do think the police are the best bet for information though.

I really hope those who are truly missing are found, I can't imagine what it's like for those loved ones.

Qwertysmalls · 22/03/2022 07:56

I'm still with Dh, we had an argument so I just went there without any plan.

I cant believe how young I was. I definitely shortened my childhood.

Dietcokeaddiction · 22/03/2022 08:39

I'm loving the notion that a GP can take away someone's passport or stop them travelling 🙄🙄🙄.

Mariposa67 · 22/03/2022 09:13

I had a great aunt who went missing at 16. She went to work one day and never came home. This was back in the 1920s.

Years later, in the 1980s my grandmother was on holiday in a seaside town on the south coast of England and saw in a local paper one of those notices in the paper appealing for relatives of someone who had died intestate. My great aunt had a fairly unusual name - it was her. My dad and various family members all inherited some money from a woman they had never met.

No-one knows what happened to her after she left home but she would have been in her 70s when she died and didn't appear to ever have married or had children.

Mariposa67 · 22/03/2022 09:15

I also knew Ruth Wilson and her family. I've always believed that she planned her disappearance. I hope that wherever she is she is happy and I hope one day she will make contact with her family.

Meidid · 22/03/2022 09:42

@Chipperfish I absolutely will tell my dc when they are old enough.

I hadn't really thought about what to do about that until a point in the past few years when I was diagnosed with something that could have been fatal.

The thought of me dying and my children discovering a version of me that isn't true and being taken in by my abusers story was sickening and frightening.

My health condition was sorted within a few months, but I (very dramatically) wrote practically a notepad full of the whole story when I was at my worst and it is safely hidden in my room.

I would rather tell them in person and answer any questions they might have, and I hope I'm able to do that when my abusers die.

If I'm honest, when I left I had no plan, no real vision of how my life would go or what to do, I fully expected to be dead long before I ever had children so I've, stupidly, never thought too far ahead. I have also managed to live a life for years without worrying too much about my past catching up with me, it's not really something I think about every day, or even every week. Once I had made the decision never to go abroad or get a driving licence I adapted my life to that I just sort of got on with normality, so I'm not sure how to bring things up.

I'll also have to decide whether to tell them individually as they get old enough or to sit them all down together when I feel the youngest is ready.

There's a lot to think about, and this thread has actually helped me realise that I have to make some uncomfortable decisions in the next few years.

zafferana · 22/03/2022 10:06

I often wonder about Natalie. It makes no sense that she walked out.

From a quick Google search it appears that the police believe she was murdered and are treating her disappearance as such. A blood stained t-shirt belonging to her was found in the attic of her ex's place, she and he had 'a tempestuous relationship', she had just split up with him and got together with someone else, all of which is highly suspicious.

zafferana · 22/03/2022 10:13

Re: Lars Mittank

From what I can find online it seems like a clear case of drug toxicity leading to paranoia. Did the police in Bulgaria really search those woods he was seen running towards? I'll bet that's where he is. Poor guy Sad

zafferana · 22/03/2022 10:45

@Dietcokeaddiction

I'm loving the notion that a GP can take away someone's passport or stop them travelling 🙄🙄🙄.
I know! So unfair for posters to be blaming the poor GP. It's up to the family and friends to remove the passport, not the family doctor.
zafferana · 22/03/2022 10:49

@Meidid your story is very thought provoking on the whole 'helping the family to find closure about someone who is missing' issue. I'm amazed you've managed to keep your secret all this time and build a new life for yourself - good for you!

Do you think that once your abusers are dead you'll feel able to reclaim your identity, or at least officially change your name to the one you use now, get a passport, possibly learn to drive and do those things that you've never been able to do before, for fear of detection?

ToffeeNotCoffee · 22/03/2022 11:20

*I often wonder about Natalie. It makes no sense that she walked out.

From a quick Google search it appears that the police believe she was murdered and are treating her disappearance as such. A blood stained t-shirt belonging to her was found in the attic of her ex's place, she and he had 'a tempestuous relationship', she had just split up with him and got together with someone else, all of which is highly suspicious.*

The ex-boyfriend was seen getting into a taxi with several bin bags. What was in those bin bags ? Did he still have them when he arrived at his mother's house ?