Do you know anyone who went missing?

[FuckThatBullshit]

Inspired by another poster and it's an internet rabbit hole I regularly go down because I find missing people stories fascinating and spooky and obviously very sad. Do you know anyone who just... vanished?

Nobody in my life now knows my past.

I've told as much of the truth where possible to people who really matter, my ex knew I had an abusive start in life, but I also had to lie and say that certain people were dead. I feel like I can't be honest because if me and the person I tell fell out it could be hugely dangerous.

I'm lucky in the fact that I was pretty young when I did this because its allowed me to have a past where I am now, friends who have known me for years etc so it isn't questioned too much nowadays. I have a backstory, friends who knew me as a teen, an ex and children etc so if you met me now you wouldn't find anything amiss.

Though if I'm honest it doesn't seem like a lie anymore, I've been me longer than I was ever 'her', and if I insinuate that certain people are dead nobody ever questions it further. I'm of an age now where it really isn't unusual to have dead parents etc and they are dead to me I guess.

When I'm writing it all down in one thread it does seem a lot more dramatic than the reality is. The leaving itself and the first 6 months were awful and freeing in equal measure, then there have been a couple of rough spots like my ex wanting marriage, and a couple of massive facebook posts trying to find me, but generally my life is great, I just quietly get on with things without having to worry too much, I have a small business, I'm a mum, have a council house, on the PTA etc, just a normal person getting on with things.

I am sorry to some of those I left behind, and if its any comfort to anyone on this thread missing someone, I do check on those from my past, and I still love them and think about them frequently, the situation and the choices I made prevent me from doing anything about it, but that doesn't mean that it was anything to do with those people at all. It breaks my heart when I think too much, the person who you are missing may well be missing you just as much.

@Insuburbia2 Thank you for telling us your very difficult story.

I've never personally known anyone go missing but one case that always stands out in my mind is Lee Boxell. He was a young teen who went missing on his way to the football in London. He was just a couple of years younger than me and I used to go to watch my local footie team, too, so his disappearance really struck me. He has never been found.

I did. (Trigger warning) I had an extremely abusive childhood sexual, physical, emotional, psychological. All of it. One day I could take it no more and "vanished in to the ether" I've changed my name by deed poll and live hundreds of mils away from them. The parents are now both dead (hooray) but I stay low-key because I don't want to be found by other members.

May have already been mentioned but there is a podcast on Spotify called The Missing.It features a different case each week about people going missing in the UK and who are still missing some for decades.

I used to work with a lovely man whose 16 year old daughter disappeared from North Devon nearly 20 years ago. Her body has never been found but a 'family friend' was convicted of her murder and sentenced to life...he has since died in prison.
Her father was one of the nicest, happiest people you could meet, how he faced each day knowing his daughter was dead & missing I'll never know, I admired him greatly.

@southlondoner02 has made a very important point.

‘… Plus the use of bounty hunters in some cases.’

It is a human reflex to be helpful & maybe share what we know, but as @Meidid & other posters have told us they have taken bold & brave decisions to make their lives their own because they had to for their own safety.

Any of us can be played by people, who are paid to get results, to provide just enough information to be scammed ourselves or endanger other people.

The phrase ‘careless talk costs lives’ comes to mind, from a different context but relevant to us all.

for all of you who are ‘missing’ & getting on with your own life off grid. I admire you & wish you the best of life.

@Meidid
Thank you so much for sharing your story (not sure that is the correct term but you get what i am saying).

It really does give those of us who have no experience of this a new insight into the fact that the person who disappeared may have had a very good reason to do so, and not to presume that the family on the news or internet crying for their lost family member are all good people.

Because of when you left home, I presume the 70s or 80s, you had a better chance to restart your life than anyone would today.

Look after yourself and your current immediate family because they are the ones who need and count on you now

[quote Gilead]**@Meidid* I moved a long way to escape abuse. I know (and love) that feeling of freed. I NEVER* share Facebook posts about missing people, simply because nobody knows if it’s an abuser hunting down someone.[/quote]
I got kicked off a missing person group once for being “too forthright” about the fact that people should only be giving information to the police or Salvation Army etc. Never someone’s long lost brother or the likes.

So many people never think about the reasons people choose to disappear.

A friend of mine was missing. She was in a bad way mentally before she went missing and wasn't getting the support she needed from health services. She was missing for 3 weeks before her body was found but we just knew pretty much straight away what had happened.

My grandmother was 'missing' for about 20 years, she just upped and left her family(parents), married my grandad and had a family of her own about 100miles away from where she was brought up. It was never really spoken about so I'm not sure of the ins and outs but I know she was tracked down by the salvation army and got back in touch with her brother.

Yes, a young man in the 80's just vanished. They assume went off to the city and never heard again. No mobiles in those days and social media wasn't around. Posters up by friends and family with no success.

Still missing. I feel for his family.

I wonder if some of these missing were killed and body disposed of and not yet found.

Friend's sister and husband led chaotic lives and then one day just left. First she knew was when the kids called and said they couldn't get into the house! They had just up and left not only their lives but 2 school kids, so overnight she became their parent.

She never saw her sister again and was informed by someone that she had died and her husband had started a new life abroad. It still staggers me someone could plan to leave their kids while they were at school.

Yes a neighbours teenaged son went off to Asia with friends and never arrived at a pre arranged meeting place.he had gone off somewhere to explore.gut wrenching as nothing could be done from UK.this was approx 25 years ago.but nowadays drones could be enlisted to search.not then though.

@UKRAINEwearewithyou

I wonder if some of these missing were killed and body disposed of and not yet found.

Those of us who have loved ones who are missing really don't need to read comments like this.

Of course we've considered it. We've done little else for as long as our loved ones have been gone.

Only Robert Robinson

A lovely friend I've lost touch with over the years... her sister vanished. She'd been travelling round Europe with her partner, all excited about their adventures, and then suddenly contact stopped.

This was in the 1990s, before social media etc. The family just had no idea what could have happened.

After a lot of investigation, they discovered that a ferry somewhere around the Greek islands had capsized. Her sister had been travelling in that area, so they put two and two together, but no body was ever found. Eventually they did a ceremony to bid her farewell. Terribly sad.

Sending massive best wishes to @Meidid and @ToxicBuns and anyone else who has had to deliberately uproot themselves to create a whole new identity to escape danger. May Life be much kinder to you in future.

I worked alongside a man who went missing, leaving his jacket and briefcase in the office. It was a shock because he'd arrived at work that morning and nothing appeared to be amiss.

He was found eventually, he'd taken his own life somewhere in Snowdonia. His wife was apparently about to find out he was having an affair.

@PhoboPhobia We might live in the same place. Does her name begin with R?

Thank you for the 'missing' posters who have shared their own perspectives, as a pp said it's amazing you've been willing to and I hope you are all at peace living happy lives. You've certainly made me think about not sharing posts in future if it's not been requested by the police.

I guess one of the things I find puzzling (this is just a general wondering about the whole topic in itself I'm not quizzing the missing people on here) is... HOW is it even possible to just disappear? I mean unless you have a lifetimes supply of £50 notes and everything can be paid for in cash, or you're going to just live in a jungle and eat plants forever, how could you not leave a trail? Perhaps years ago it would have been possible but these days with everything being electronic I think it would be so much harder!

Lord Lucan

I have a thread at the moment about Noah Donohoe, who went missing in June, 2020. Tragically, his body was found 6 days later. His mummy Fiona still has so many unanswered questions about what happened to him. Here are some links for those who are interested and can offer support:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4507415--As-its-St-Patricks-Day-today-can-I-ask-you-to-spare-5-minutes-for-Noah-Donahoe-and-his-mummy-TW

www.change.org/p/brandonlewis-release-the-noah-donohoe-files-justicefornoah

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/craicnet/3951182-Noah-Donohoe

@Blairwaldorfsbestbag

A girl who my partner went to school with went missing in 2003, she left her baby at home with family to pop to the shop .. 5 minutes away. Was never seen again.. she was only 17 and her baby 11 weeks. It’s devastating and something I think about often.

I often wonder about Natalie. It makes no sense that she walked out.

I used to work with someone who went missing on a night out. His remains were found about eight years later beneath a flyover. He was married with a young child. They must have gone through hell not knowing what had happened to him for all of those years.

My husband's grandfather - went out for cigarettes in the 60s

I used to work with someone who would talk about her missing Daughter and unfortunately years later her remains were found, she was one of Fred and Rose West’s victims.