Do you know anyone who went missing?

[FuckThatBullshit]

Inspired by another poster and it's an internet rabbit hole I regularly go down because I find missing people stories fascinating and spooky and obviously very sad. Do you know anyone who just... vanished?

@Meidid @InSuburbia2
I'm glad you're as free as you can be and hope life is better.

@Fuckthatbullshit

The Andrew Gosden case is shocking. Also Brian Schaffer, Asha Degree, Ruth Wilson. I think she is probably alive somewhere...

You and me both. I'm a bit too well versed/well acquainted with those names and their case histories.

Andrew Gosden - probably lured to London on false pretences ? (Did he attend a Summer Camp near his home with other children on the Gifted and Talented scheme ?) There's been an update on his case recently i.e. indecent photos found and suspects questioned.

Brian Schaffer - did he run away with the band from the bar that night ? How come his best took legal advice pretty soon after the disappearance ?

Asha Degree - 9 year old girl left her home in Alabama in the middle of a cold rainy night wearing only her pyjamas and has not been seen since.

Ruth Wilson - 'Surrey Schoolgirl' disappeared after taking a taxi to a local beauty spot. She had spent the day in the library reading about how to disappear. She had arranged for flowers to be delivered to her step mother the next day. (Her Mum's favourite flowers ?) There's a whole back story regarding her Mum's suicide and that her Dad lied to her or just kept it age appropriate ?

I too suspect she is still alive and still living in the area. Someone fitting her description was seen buying newspapers in a local shop on the first anniversary of her disappearance and apparently were upset that they couldn't get a local newspaper that day. I also suspect her Dad knows what happened to her.

I'm a bit too fond of my internet rabbit holes aka YouTube channels:

That Chapter
CC Unsolved
Top Five mysteries
Mysteries of Ireland/anywhere
Real Stories
Unsolved No More

Yes, a young man about 20 years ago. Came out of work and was never seen again, heart breaking for his family. He was a school friend of my DS.

A cousin, in the 1960s.
Her father and brother had already committed suicide. She went on holiday to Switzerland and vanished. My grandfather travelled out to help the Swiss police look for her. Months later, when the spring weather melted the snow, her body was found in the centre of town, in a roadside snow drift.

Suicide assumed, but no evidence.

@Ratonastick that is horrendous, I’ve met some horrible people in my life but fortunately no one as despicable as your ex. I don’t know how one could ever get over that, but hope your life is happy and peaceful now.

A family friend, disappeared about 15 years ago. Travelled abroad for university, went missing by a river and has never been seen since. It was presumed a suicide, there have been vigils and an unofficial funeral service. He had mentioned wanting to travel, and his bike was never found, but he was also a troubled young man later thought to have been depressed. I don't think we'll ever know what happened, truly.

One of my cousins had her father disappear when she was young. He went fishing in a storm and never returned, his boat never found. While there's obviously the likelihood that his boat was sunk in the storm, there has always been the possibility that he simply upped and left, moved somewhere else. I didn't know him personally, but many family members believe in that likelihood so there must have been signs he wasn't happy. I don't think we'll ever know, now.

@Dazedandconfused28

Yes - someone close, won't give too much detail as it would be outing. Never found & presumed drowned

Same - however myself/husband not close to said person. We were friends of his (lovely) partner at the time. It was very sad.

Never known anyone else to go missing though.

[quote Nannewnannew]@Ratonastick that is horrendous, I’ve met some horrible people in my life but fortunately no one as despicable as your ex. I don’t know how one could ever get over that, but hope your life is happy and peaceful now.[/quote]
My life is bloody great and, more importantly, DS has grown into a fine young man. He seems well adjusted and confident and is off to uni in September. I marvel at him daily.

My family stepped up brilliantly and my 2 DBs and my DF have been father figures to DS. Everyone rallied round and it has worked out, though not without cost. Neither of my DBs have had their own kids as they both felt that it would be bad for DS as he would feel rejected again. This had an associated impact on their relationships, one is married to my lovely SIL who already had kids from a previous relationship but the other has never married or had a long term relationship. DM gave up work earlier than planned to help with childcare. DM and DF didn’t travel in retirement as they had planned. Basically it took five of us to manage the damage of one pathetic shit weasel.

My uncle walked out of the family home as teenager.

A PI did find him about 30 years later, but he told the PI, very politely, that he had no interest in any contact with any of the family. so that was that.

I know of three one sadly had unhappy ending.

First was over sixty years ago when a nine year old girl whose widowed mother had remarried and had a baby went missing for seven weeks. She was found at a seaside town 5 hours away by train and boat but never returned to our school.

Second was a new neighbour with very young baby. Her body was found several months later in a wood where she had hanged herself.

Third was the widowed father of a friend. Friend was living abroad due to husband’s job when she lost all contact with her dad. My husband was convinced he saw him in a town 300 miles away and she contacted the Salvation Army who traced him to the town, alive and well and newly remarried. Seems he had lost his business and was too ashamed and embarrassed so ran away. Now happily reunited with family.

Disappeared stories are all so sad.

Really odd one fairly recently. One of my D.C. childhood friends was reported missing in London was in all the newspapers and many social media appeals sharing the Surrey police website with the official appeal, including cctv photos of last sighting of her purchasing a tube ticket. She was missing for about a week when suddenly all the official appeal police posts disappeared. When you google, the links show up but when you click on it, error message appears. Very strange indeed.

@Meidid Thank you for sharing your very touching story. You've showed us that all might not be as it seems in these situations.

Sensing you my very best wishes for a free and happy future.

Years ago I clicked on an article in the Guardian about a young man who had gone missing abroad and realised as soon as I started reading that it was someone I knew from a Meetup group. He has never been found. The thing I remember most was how his disappearance brought all these aspects of his life out - I knew him as a huge film buff because of the group we were in together. He’d seen everything. But actually that was nothing like his main interest; that was performance poetry. He was very well known on the local scene and apparently very talented. I’d never had even an inkling of it, despite having spent many hours talking to him because he had his film head on when I saw him. He was an extremely vibrant and interesting person, and cliche that it is, genuinely had touched many people in his short life.

@RantyAunty did your sister manage to have any sort of relationship with her daughter after all those years ? Did you look for her sporadically or was it all consuming ?

Yes, years ago though. One of my grandmother's brothers went to live abroad and nobody ever heard from him again.

@Ratonastick so pleased to hear that your son is doing well and off to uni in September and you’re also feeling great. What a lovely supportive family you have to help you get over the actions of that shit weasel! ( Love that name for your ex-so appropriate)

My DS. Last saw/spoke to him 2yrs ago, he came and spent the weekend with me (he was living with his gf). We had a great time and I've never heard from him again. He's 21 now. He's also cut off my parents, his aunt and cousins and his brother although he sent a text to his brother on his birthday and said he and his gf had moved to another town but that's it. He never answers his phone, isn't on SM and I'm quite honestly heartbroken.

@Meidid

Do you have a Mum/child/sister etc? Do you not ever considered contacting them just to let them know you're alive?

I didn't have children at that point, I was pretty young.

Only one member of my family would deserve to know I was OK, but I can't, it would put them in a terrible position, and compromise my life, and worse still, my children's lives.

I'm not really at peace with some of the choices I had to make, but there was no easy way. Its been a long time now, and I've had to come to terms with things as best as I could.

It makes it hard to get close to people now though. I cant tell anyone about the first couple of decades (or so) of my life.

Other things in my life have been impossible such as passport, marriage, driving licence, voting etc. One day though.

Assuming ( sorry if wrongly ) does your Husband/partner/father of your children know you are 'missing' or not who you say you are if you've changed names etc and has it prevented any problems?

@Meidid

I always wonder when I see other appeals for people what the actual story is.

Me too. Sometimes it's for reasons such as yours. Sometimes someone has run into some trouble and doesn't want to hang around for the repercussions. Sometimes their life has got on top of them and they just want out. Sometimes they are ego centric and it suits them to up and leave and start a new life elsewhere. Some are frauds i.e. they are not who they say they are and have invented a whole back story for themselves. Some just want to bugger off and don't want to hang round to answer any questions.

Meidid - if you out live your abusers i.e. after they have died would you get in contact with anyone you care about from your old life ?

I'm glad you're safe now, but, it's interesting that someone who is a long term missing person and is alive, they don't have a missing person to worry about. No one that they care about is missing without a trace.

I've heard the feeling of not knowing what happened described as feeling like being buried alive.

I've heard a mother cry like a child for her long term missing child.

There is a well publicised missing woman in our town - missing for 4 years now - it is still very much in the local news often - large reward offered by local paper. Reading @Meidid's posts has really put a different perspecitve on things - I hope you have a lovely life Meidid.

DH and I are currently looking at his family tree and investingating one of his Dad's siblings who apparently went abroad and never came back. We have found some military records and think he may have gone AWOL. DH's Dad died when DH was a teenager and there are no remaining relatives on that side so we don't really have anything to go on but fnding it fascinating.

I'm so sorry for all of those of you who have had to flee awful situatuins and to those who have unanswered questions about loved ones.

Not a mystery for us but my friend dated an asshole who did that to his family though.

He was 19, his mam gave him a fiver and asked him to pop to the shop for milk for his little sister's breakfast and he just got on a bus and fucked off. He only told her he was still alive 2 years later after we told him what a nasty thing it was to do to just vanish mid errand and not let her know he was ok.

I was a wander in my younger years backpacking around but I would never stand someone up or vanish when someone is expecting me and I checked in with people periodically its just basic manners so people don't worry.

30 or so years ago not in the UK when I was in primary school the younger brother of a boy in my class was abducted whilst riding his bike to school and taken out to the country. He managed to escape and get to safety.

I remember the headmaster and local policeman telling us in great detail the abductor, the car (model, make), what happened to him, advice as to what to do etc if they tried to abduct us.

Then the next day the whole school were ushered into the hall to be told it was a hoax and the boy had made it all up. He had rode out to the country on his bike himself, stayed out there for a while and then rode his bike back home.

The boy and his brother never returned to our school and the family left the area. Strange.

I had mutual friends with Rebecca Coriam who went missing off a Disney cruise ship. A few months before she went missing we all went on a night out together, she was the life and soul of the party and we had a great time that night. So shocking to think how life changes so quickly. Our mutual friends were/still are devastated by it, they still post on SM every year on the anniversary of her disappearance.

I hope her family can get justice, the investigation was so sketchy and a lot of information is obviously being withheld about what happened to her that night.

Xavier Dupont de Ligonnès

I watched a documentary (unsolved mysteries?) on him and his family a few weeks back. Still having nightmares about it. Absolutely shocking story.