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Original poster

I'm turning 30 and I've never even kissed anyone, is it time to admit it'll never happen?

110 replies

RichardsNewsPaper · 18/03/2022 20:00

Have I just missed all of the boats? I haven't even managed to arrange a date since re-joining Bumble in January.

I don't know how to do any of it. Dating casually seems impossible because I'm so nervous about it all. I just wish I had a friend that I could do it all slowly with.

How do you give up? How can I stop looking at all the couples and families and stop wishing it was me?

OP posts:
LaTomatina · 18/03/2022 20:04

30 isn't old! I didn't meet "the one" for me until I had turned 31. But it is true that they often turn up when you're not looking for them! Have patience. Mingle with other people, do things that make you feel happy and confident. There will be someone eventually....

SpringSpringTime · 18/03/2022 20:08

Oh OP never kissed is quite unusual. Have you ever wanted to kiss anyone?

Original poster
RichardsNewsPaper · 18/03/2022 20:11

It is old. If I was 'only' single it wouldn't be so bad, but I've been patient for so long, thinking it must happen soon.

I had a brilliant social life at uni. Not so much any more, but I only do what makes me happy and yet still, not a hint of anyone being interested.

I have wanted to kiss or been interested some men but it was never the right time or they weren't interested in me.

OP posts:

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Luredbyapomegranate · 18/03/2022 20:22

Of course you haven’t, loads of people haven’t met the one at 30. Never having kissed anyone is unusual at your age yes, but most of us are unusual in some way, and there will certainly be plenty of 30 year olds who haven’t kissed anyone in years (a long dry patch post uni etc).

2 things

  • pretty much everyone hates dating, feels nervous, fears rejection and would rather stay home and fantasise about just locking eyes with someone. You honestly have to get out there and just focus on meeting people - it is a numbers game. It’s also good to do things other than OLD to meet people, but OLD is going to give you the best chance.
  • Secondly, it sounds like you aren’t giving off I’m available signals. If that’s the case, you aren’t alone in this either, but you need to address it. There’s quite a lot of books and articles about this, and there are also courses and therapists if you feel you need support to be more open.

But honestly, the main thing is date

Original poster
RichardsNewsPaper · 18/03/2022 20:33

I just can't meet anyone though. People say go on 2 or 3 dates a week, but I've been getting barely any matches and no dates! I feel so utterly invisible.

OP posts:
Badbadbunny · 18/03/2022 20:40

How about trying to meet people in real life rather than OLD? Join clubs & societies, socialise more at work, etc etc. I met my OH through voluntary work, initially working together, then as friends, and then a relationship - intimacy came many months after we first met.

Badbadbunny · 18/03/2022 20:42

@Badbadbunny

How about trying to meet people in real life rather than OLD? Join clubs & societies, socialise more at work, etc etc. I met my OH through voluntary work, initially working together, then as friends, and then a relationship - intimacy came many months after we first met.
In fact, around the same time, I started working with another guy in a different place, and became friends with him too! For a "very" short time, I was "going out" with both of them, so almost had 2 of them fighting over me. Which was strange after a long time of no interest at all!
Original poster
RichardsNewsPaper · 18/03/2022 20:51

Honestly, I have tried. I volunteered pretty regularly pre Covid. I go to different classes regularly. I socialise regularly at work and I have friends. I am normal :(

My interests are very feminine and quite solitary. I don't particularly mind. There's nothing else I desperately want to join or to do, and if I forced myself to do something with lots of men I wouldn't be enjoying myself and then I definitely wouldn't attract anyone.

OP posts:
pamplemoussee · 18/03/2022 20:59

Ah that sounds tough OP

I have a really really lovely friend who I am pretty certain has never had a boyfriend (she's in her 30s) she wants to meet someone but understandably I think she's scared to put herself out there

Do you have any other single friends you can go out with ?
Are there other dating agencies that might be better for you than bumble ?

x2boys · 18/03/2022 21:01

You have to be proactive ,nobody is going to come knocking on the door ,if you want to be in a relationship you need to be going out meeting people ,pubs ,clubs,on line dating etc etc you can't have a defeatest attitude ,30 is very young to be thinking this is it.

dudsville · 18/03/2022 21:06

Honestly OP I think it's all so much harder than it used to be. OLD seems to be a nightmare now. And from what I understand, a lot of men are also really anxious about approaching women out of fear of getting it wrong. It's a shame, there's a huge difference between a nice hello and a chat and being a sex pest, but I do think that's part of it too.

It sounds like you're doing all you can. The only thing I wonder is whether you're possibly missing any cues. I always missed cues, always misunderstood what was going on. Several times I found myself just hanging out with guys not realising it was a date, back inthe days when men were more forward. Could you possibly be missing cues?

Calandor · 18/03/2022 21:07

Hn, tricky. What do you think has prevented you from kissing someone?

For example as a teenager or at uni when most just get a bit drunk and have a snog? Or at the end of a date?

x2boys · 18/03/2022 21:08

And I think you need not to get hung up on the having never kissed anyone ,
I didn't have a proper relationship untill I me my dh at 31 ,yes I had kissed lots of men and had sex but that's a bit of a red herring in terms of having a relationship and tbh having had quite a lot of one night stands and short term relationships wasent great for my mental health.

WildRosie · 18/03/2022 21:08

I shouldn't worry just yet, Richards. I'm in the same boat but I'm 51, not 30. Best of luckSmile.

Original poster
RichardsNewsPaper · 18/03/2022 21:09

My only single friend is much more relaxed and more confident than me, which sounds great, but I'm always left standing awkwardly by myself when she goes home with someone.

I genuinely would sign up for a match making agency (god I'd sign up for an arranged marriage at this point) but I don't think there can be any left!

OP posts:
x2boys · 18/03/2022 21:15

Funny you say that about an arranged marriage though an ex colleague and old friend of mine who was a Hindu ( but wasn't particularly religious) was so sick of being messed around by men she got her mother to arrange some meet ups with eligible bachelor's in India and met her husband ,20 odd years on with two teenage boys they seem very happy .

OnlyClothes · 18/03/2022 21:16

OP have you had a profile check? You can send it to me if you want, I’ve done it for friends before.

Only Bumble? How about another app too?

Original poster
RichardsNewsPaper · 18/03/2022 21:17

I was/ am so introverted and get even more quiet when I drink. And I overthink everything and worry about it all. I bought it into the idea that I would just meet someone and it would be fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
RichardsNewsPaper · 18/03/2022 21:19

I didn't like Tinder as much. The messages I got tended to be creepier. I briefly tried Match but they all seemed much older and were all on Bumble anyway.

Recently I tried Hinge but I'm not very sure how it worked! There didn't seem to be many men locally either.

OP posts:
DesertStorms · 18/03/2022 21:20

My friends son is 31 and never had a gf. He’s very good looking and intelligent, just shy. I think he would go for an arranged marriage too! You aren’t alone.

NeverChange · 18/03/2022 21:22

Have you told friends and family that you would like to meet someone?

Some of the best dates I had came from friend's matchmaking.

OnlyClothes · 18/03/2022 21:23

Some apps work better in certain areas. Please get yourself a profile check, a friend showed me hers once, it was awful but she wouldn’t change anything. Another friend was open to changing hers and got a date within a week. Choose someone who will critique it brutally.

x2boys · 18/03/2022 21:23

@DesertStorms

My friends son is 31 and never had a gf. He’s very good looking and intelligent, just shy. I think he would go for an arranged marriage too! You aren’t alone.
Maybe you could introduce him to the Op ,Why not ?
DesertStorms · 18/03/2022 21:25

Not sure quite how that would work!

Original poster
RichardsNewsPaper · 18/03/2022 21:25

Yes, my friends have helped me take photos. I have a very short bio but they liked it. They say they don't know anyone to set me up with up.

OP posts:
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