I'm turning 30 and I've never even kissed anyone, is it time to admit it'll never happen?

[RichardsNewsPaper]

Have I just missed all of the boats? I haven't even managed to arrange a date since re-joining Bumble in January.

I don't know how to do any of it. Dating casually seems impossible because I'm so nervous about it all. I just wish I had a friend that I could do it all slowly with.

How do you give up? How can I stop looking at all the couples and families and stop wishing it was me?

@NeverChange

Have you told friends and family that you would like to meet someone?

Some of the best dates I had came from friend's matchmaking.

Very true my friend from work introduced me to her brother ,17 years later here we are🤣

I didn't have a relationship until I was 28 (and I could dedicate an entire thread to that narcissist!), and met my DH when I was 33. I'd just had a handful of one night stands before that.

Can you go out, get drunk and have a snog, just to get that mental barrier out of your way.

Then if you can afford it get some good quality counselling. I had this after a mental breakdown following 'narc' boyfriend, but doing it before getting into a relationship might be a better order!! But bottomline was all my issues were down to my upbringing and emotionally abusive mother, who I'm now no contact with.

I'm 41 now, and married with a 4 year old, so there is still plenty of time for you OP.

What about Plenty of Fish? It has a bad reputation but there are some lovely men on it. I’ve met six men on there, all really lovely, I’d willingly work with them or set them up with my friends. You don’t need to match, you just write to whoever you want to. Ignore the messages you don’t like, just don’t reply.

This can actually happen sooo much easier than people might assume. I bet you aren’t the only one! I was the same about having sex with someone for the first time. It never happened when I was at school and everyone else was doing it. It then became such a ‘thing’ that I was so worried people would know I hadn’t that I’d put all my effort into avoiding situations where it might come up. A year later we went on a girls holiday and a guy came out a night club at the end of the night. I don’t think I even spoke to him at all and literally just marched to his hotel room along the road with him, had sex and left. I felt so relieved I had ‘done it’ but now looking back I didn’t want to, didn’t enjoy it and never would do that now. I just wanted it out the way though. After that friends would be in relationships and I never was. I would then have to do a similar thing on the odd night out just to tick a box so it didn’t seem like I was the only one not doing it. It makes me so sad looking back now 🤦🏼‍♀️ I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 25 but we now have a baby and are getting married all in a short few years. Don’t rush it all. You’re so young, you could literally tick that box in one weekend if you wanted to but what would be the point? You’d then just be in the cycle I was in of having to prove something to other people. Just do what you want to do! The best way for it to start off relaxed is probably to start messaging someone you already know or possibly someone online if you can message for a while to build up a friendship first

Try speed dating, it's an event so are only just getting going again after covid but I did one pre covid and it was fun - you paid an entry fee that included 2 drinks and it was very well organised, I had 5 enquiries but I didn't follow through because I had met now dp on old literally the day before and we just clicked.

If nothing else it's a fun night out and might help your confidence. There's still matchmaking agencies too but they are expensive

I feel better for having a bit of a moan anyway

It's so hard to talk about. I don't think I need counselling because thankfully, I've really had no bad experiences in life. I'm just single!

I second pp advising getting someone to check your profile etc xx

I would say it’s highly unusual not to have kissed someone by age 20. If you’re super nervous then the men you date might think a) you’re not interested or b) you’ll freak out if they try to kiss you (and they don’t want to be accused of anything). I think you need to make the first move or at least make it super clear that you fancy them.

@RichardsNewsPaper

I feel better for having a bit of a moan anyway

It's so hard to talk about. I don't think I need counselling because thankfully, I've really had no bad experiences in life. I'm just single!

There is nothing wrong with being single and please don't get hung up on never having kissed orbeing a virgin etc I had had several one night stands and short term relationships by the age of 30 but it didn't give me any experience of being in a long ter. relationship which I assume is what you want? And it didn't make me feel any better about myself So work on what you actually want .

I heard a nice saying about going through hard times- something along the lines of ' one day without sun brings you a day closer to the sun'

Or something like that...

If you want it to happen, then eventually, it will

@PinkNails1

I would say it’s highly unusual not to have kissed someone by age 20. If you’re super nervous then the men you date might think a) you’re not interested or b) you’ll freak out if they try to kiss you (and they don’t want to be accused of anything). I think you need to make the first move or at least make it super clear that you fancy them.

Yes I think that you are right. I don't really know how to address it though. I feel like I just need so much time to get comfortable with someone and OLD is so fast paced.

One thing I would say is that OLD can promise a lot but often delivers very little. I've found Bumble good for finding nice people online, ok for chatting and a bit crap for turning those into dates. I've had a couple of dates from Hinge, and a couple from Match. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that OLD is really a numbers game and so only being on one site, with a short profile, may not get you many actual dates. If you are on more than one (like Hinge you don't need to pay for extra) or rotate Match and Bumble, you will see more people and thus up your chances of actually getting a date (plenty of people chat but then don't follow through).

I don't think just OLD is enough either, definitely try some real life classes or volunteering, not so much because it's going to be packed with eligible men, but to get your confidence up with strangers and to have some fun- the more you do that, the easier it will be when you are actually on dates.

Speed dating is not a bad idea- do you have any friends who could go. What about Meet-up clubs, there's singles ones round here for 30/40's for starters, or even one not related to dating, but to something like a reading group, again more for socializing than dating.

I don't think it's all over at all by 30, but if you start sitting in, only doing your 'feminine' hobbies and with a vaguely ok profile on Bumble (I wonder if your friends really know what would work for OLD, could get help on here to up that profile) then your chances are much lower.

I also think it's been a weird time lately with the pandemic and people aren't quite throwing themselves back into socializing or dating completely, so things will warm up over time.

There's never too late with regard to dating, kissing or anything else, I have friends who took a very long time to get off the ground, or really saw no action til late twenties, then it all clicked with one person. It will happen for you.

don't worry 30 is young. nice lipstick is the answer, guys are very visual. it's very easy if a woman wants to attract a guy. so hopefully, soon, I would say go for brigther shades, pinkish type or red in comparison to browner shades.

when you were a teenager did you never go to parties, or have male friends at school/uni who fancied a quick snog?
Do you give out signals that you are not interested?
Come over as cold?

How do you think men see you?

@mumznet

don't worry 30 is young. nice lipstick is the answer, guys are very visual. it's very easy if a woman wants to attract a guy. so hopefully, soon, I would say go for brigther shades, pinkish type or red in comparison to browner shades.

what????

I’m the same, I’m 31, been on one date, never kissed and never had sex . I’ve never had the confidence in myself . I’m gay too which I think makes it harder because I don’t know where to meet others, I’m not confident in going to pride things etc . Just a lass I could cuddle up with and read and watch films …!

@mumznet

don't worry 30 is young. nice lipstick is the answer, guys are very visual. it's very easy if a woman wants to attract a guy. so hopefully, soon, I would say go for brigther shades, pinkish type or red in comparison to browner shades.

Well thank goodness for that insight.

Try a real life dating agency 😊 they do exist! For example, they have a great reputation: drawingdownthemoon.co.uk/

Failing that, speed dating is definitely a good idea!!

@mumznet

don't worry 30 is young. nice lipstick is the answer, guys are very visual. it's very easy if a woman wants to attract a guy. so hopefully, soon, I would say go for brigther shades, pinkish type or red in comparison to browner shades.

What??

@mumznet

don't worry 30 is young. nice lipstick is the answer, guys are very visual. it's very easy if a woman wants to attract a guy. so hopefully, soon, I would say go for brigther shades, pinkish type or red in comparison to browner shades.

Are you for real?

@JinglingHellsBells

when you were a teenager did you never go to parties, or have male friends at school/uni who fancied a quick snog? Do you give out signals that you are not interested? Come over as cold?

How do you think men see you?

No

For a long time I thought men didn’t see me. I was always the plain one in my group of friends and it took me a long time to find my look and my confidence. I try to smile and ask questions but I fear I come across as boring.

You sound like a lovely person. The only advice I have is to stop looking for a while and to fill your life with things that make you happy. When I did this I suddenly had lots of men interested in me, I think I just gave off a different vibe? Things like walking clubs are good because you can meet and chat with people with no pressure and get to know someone slowly. There used to be a tv show on about 20 years ago called Would Like to Meet, which gave advice on giving the best impression on a first date, things like confidence and body language. There were loads of people on it in the same boat and did give some handy hints and tips.

I think relationships don't often fall into your lap. I hear that you are making an effort, bit I think you are going to have to pursue partners you are interested in more strongly.

Do you have a close friend who could offer some brutal honesty about whether there are any subconscious ways you are making others think you aren't interested in them? I think shyness can look a bit like standoffishness sometimes.

I would say get on as many online dating sites as possible and if a guy seems non-creepy and reasonably genuine when you get chatting then ask him out. Repeat with a few more guys and it will get easier. You don't have to even see them again or share your number, full name etc. Think of it as more if a learning experience than looking for "the one". Men are simple creatures and won't turn down a date if asked.

If you do like any of them then be honest about your experience. If they don't run then maybe one of them will be a keeper.

To the poster who said OP should just get drunk and snog someone to get it over with, wow, that is depressing and terrible advice.
I know 2 people in their thirties who has never had a relationship or kissed anyone. Both lovely people, just hasn't happened and neither need it to happen either. Relationships aren't the be all and end all. You only need to look at the relationship board in here to see that.