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Original poster

Would you take a 3 year old to a funeral?

110 replies

blancoss · 15/03/2022 20:05

DS is 3.5.

The mother of a family friend has died and her funeral is tomorrow. I met her mother a couple of times over the years but didn't know her. My mum told me she felt I should go as it would mean a lot to friend.

Only problem is, I'd have to take my restless DS. I could entertain him with videos on my phone but surely that will be too loud in the church? It's a full catholic service. It's also being live streamed.

I don't want to be a shitty person but also don't know if it's appropriate to take along a small child?

OP posts:
Whatsthestoryboringglory · 15/03/2022 20:08

No.

OnTopOfThePiano · 15/03/2022 20:09

I think if you can’t get anyone to look after ds. You don’t go.
You can’t have noisy screens in a church.

Whatsthestoryboringglory · 15/03/2022 20:09

Argh fat fingers. No, I wouldn’t. At that age they won’t understand and are liable to be unintentionally disruptive, which could be distracting and potentially upsetting for the family.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 15/03/2022 20:09

Only if the deceased was a very close family member. Definitely not in the circumstances you’re describing!

MsTSwift · 15/03/2022 20:10

Definitely not.

PiesNotGuys · 15/03/2022 20:11

Yes I have and yes I would, but I would not play videos on my phone, I would feel that was disrespectful.

My DC at 3 did very well at funerals and did not interrupt. For some if they had, I would have taken them out. For others, they could make all the noise they liked, but it did not come to that. They seemed to understand the solemnity.

Perhaps you could meet the funeral gathering after the ceremony if it is likely that your dc will not understand

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 15/03/2022 20:11

Are there still covid restrictions on funeral numbers? If so, that’s another reason for you not to go - leave the place free for someone closer.

Rainbowqueeen · 15/03/2022 20:11

No
Do something else nice for your friend - drop her round some meals for the freezer, offer to be a listening ear.

She will not appreciate a child being at the funeral. Your mum is wrong on this one

PourSomeLove · 15/03/2022 20:11

No, definitely not.

FluffMagnet · 15/03/2022 20:12

Not at this distance from the deceased. I recently had to take my 2 yr old and newborn to DH's grandfather's funeral, but that was at the express request of MIL and DH's grandmother. That was stressful for me, and that was a shorter Anglican service! Would your mum not watch your DS?

masha17 · 15/03/2022 20:13

Definitely not

FlippyFloppyFlappy · 15/03/2022 20:14

I definitely wouldn't.

LoganberryJam · 15/03/2022 20:14

I would go, and take him outside if he was noisy. But if you think that would happen very soon then I guess that would be a bit pointless!

MissBattleaxe · 15/03/2022 20:16

No way, unless you were immediate family and the mourners wanted you to. In your circumstances I agree with PPs who suggest offering help in another more practical way.

EncroachingLoaf · 15/03/2022 20:17

The mere thought of taking my 3 year old to a funeral and keeping him under control is bringing me out in a cold sweat. I mean mine is particularly, erm ... spirited, but still.

XenoBitch · 15/03/2022 20:19

No way. A child being disruptive at something like a wedding could be laughed away. A funeral is a totally different atmosphere.

PrincessScarlett · 15/03/2022 20:20

No definitely not. You didn't even know the deceased very well. There are plenty of ways to be supportive to your friend without going to the funeral.

confettisprinkles · 15/03/2022 20:21

No I wouldn't, I wouldn't want them disrupting the service and unless a very close family member I don't think funerals are a place for children.

Ionlydomassiveones · 15/03/2022 20:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Dinoteeth · 15/03/2022 20:22

Op does your friend need a babysitter for her own kids?

I'd avoid taking a 3 yo if I could, difficult questions and definitely not unless it was close family.

I've babysat acquaintances kids who I didn't know to allow them to attend funerals.

Would your mum babysit for you?

GalactatingGoddess · 15/03/2022 20:24

If it was a really close family member then yes definitely.

If not, no probably not unless specifically requested

Fl0w3ry · 15/03/2022 20:25

I wouldn’t. I think also it depends on the child. At that age if I had had to take mine (which I didn’t) one of mine was really sensitive and would have been upset themselves if they saw anyone cry, my other one would have been oblivious but would have been like a whirlwind. If your friend is a good friend she will understand you can’t go with a child that age. You could offer her some practical help like pick her up something from the shops or cook her some food. She might appreciate that more than you just being there on a day that is likely to be like a blur for her anyway.

minniep · 15/03/2022 20:29

No definitely not in the circumstances you describe and I'm in Ireland where we attend funerals a lot. What I would do is go to the church and meet your friend outside and sympathise with her in person either before or after the funeral mass. That's what would happen here.

Newuser82 · 15/03/2022 20:31

I wouldn't take mine but only because I wouldn't trust him to sit still and quietly.🙈

museumum · 15/03/2022 20:32

I wouldn’t in your case. Though I did and would again for family.

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