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Original poster

Would you take a 3 year old to a funeral?

110 replies

blancoss · 15/03/2022 20:05

DS is 3.5.

The mother of a family friend has died and her funeral is tomorrow. I met her mother a couple of times over the years but didn't know her. My mum told me she felt I should go as it would mean a lot to friend.

Only problem is, I'd have to take my restless DS. I could entertain him with videos on my phone but surely that will be too loud in the church? It's a full catholic service. It's also being live streamed.

I don't want to be a shitty person but also don't know if it's appropriate to take along a small child?

OP posts:

RiverLily · 15/03/2022 21:22

No. The fact that your mum told you to go and you didn't feel the need speaks volumes too. Don't put your daughter through this. You can be there for your friend in another way.

Xpologog · 15/03/2022 21:36

No. Child playing on a screen with sound on is also distracting to others and also rather disrespectful. It would be a long service for a three year old with nothing to hold their interest.

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 15/03/2022 21:40

Yes, if I was in Ireland, though I’d being crayons, colouring sheets and a picture book rather than a screen.
Definitely not in the UK.

ChairCareOh · 15/03/2022 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

WarmSausageTea · 15/03/2022 21:40

I was left with wrangling duties for a spirited two year old at a funeral some years ago. If was massively stressful trying to keep him quietly amused and stop him running around doing his best aeroplane impression. I don’t blame the child, but he really shouldn’t have been there.

Dyrne · 15/03/2022 21:44

Fucking hell.

Are you really asking whether it’s appropriate to bring your toddler along to a funeral and play loud music to entertain him during the service???

Get a fucking grip OP.

AuntieStella · 15/03/2022 21:45

It's a dfficult age.

Babe in arms yes, a child who had started school and learned to sit quietly yes.

The inbetween age, not if it can be arranged otherwise

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 15/03/2022 21:45

Yes I would but not with a phone. I'd sit right at the back and be ready to dive out if necessary absolutely no whispering and trying to keep him quiet just out straight away. That way your friend can see you're supporting them but you won't be disruptive.

alexdgr8 · 15/03/2022 21:48

totally inappropriate.

MsTSwift · 15/03/2022 21:48

Cringing at tobypercys post. The family likely too polite to say anything but that was not your finest hour.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 15/03/2022 21:51

The issue with using a screen is that if headphones are pulled out for any reason then suddenly you could have Peppa Pig blasting away.

nutellingyou · 15/03/2022 21:56

Depends on your 3yo. 2/3 of mine would've been fine at the very back with a sticker book. Obviously I'd take them out if there was a hint of noise/build up of potential tomfoolery...
I agree it's risky with technology. I'd be thinking a small (quiet) snack and a new sticker book - which you'd prepped beforehand and go rid of the outside sticky bits to make it easier.
Chocolate buttons in pocket perhaps 😉

40thanniversayfastapproacning · 15/03/2022 22:00

No, didn't take my children to their gandmother's funeral. Stayed in the house and was their for the wake.

Copenhagenoffice · 15/03/2022 22:01

Obviously I'd take them out if there was a hint of noise/build up of potential tomfoolery...

I'm speechless though really, a build up?? It's just totally inappropriate it really is. Even you just going out would be distracting, good grief.

Perfectlystill · 15/03/2022 22:05

Absolutely not

Minfilia · 15/03/2022 22:05

Absofuckinglutely not!

RealRaymondReddington · 15/03/2022 22:08

Definitely not. Also if you are using phone and videos in public places like churches etc the sound must always be off. I would attend the wake afterwards though.

cravingmilkshake · 15/03/2022 22:10

No, please dont do this.

bloodywhitecat · 15/03/2022 22:13

It's DH's funeral on Monday, there are young children coming to his funeral but the children are significant in DH's life not just someone he met a couple of times. I am not expecting them to sit quietly for one second, maybe I am just weird but I think the children were important in his life so are equally as important in his final goodbye.

ufucoffee · 15/03/2022 22:23

No. You don't need to go.

AccidentalMindFuck · 15/03/2022 22:28

Think of the grieving family and not just of yourself! Of course it’s not ok!

Marlena1 · 15/03/2022 22:42

Could you go near the end of the service and stand at the back/outside so your friend sees you when she gets outside? Would mean noise is not an issue and would take less time.

thebellsesmereldathebells · 15/03/2022 22:45

We took our 2yo to my beloved uncle's funeral. I did have misgivings about it but was fiercely told by all the aunties that he was welcome. I sat in the front with my family, and DH sat with toddler at the back. One peep out of him and DH would have whisked him out. He was as quiet as a mouse and obviously he wasn't taken to the cemetery bit.

It isn't always inappropriate - it depends on the family, and how they feel.

gogohm · 15/03/2022 22:48

Take your ds but no you cannot have the volume on in church! To be honest it's never appropriate to have the volume turned on in public, what are you thinking. Buy him headphones

Viviennemary · 15/03/2022 22:50

Please don't.

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