Why won’t my kids just do as they’re fucking told?!

[ColourfulOnesie]

I know you’ll all say about them being their own people not robots yadayada
But I’m not barking orders like an army general over here

I’m talking things like - ‘I’m washing uniforms tonight go and bring me any other dirty things and your pe kits’ they go upstairs, come down say there’s nothing so I wash what I have, then two days later they have no clean uniform because it’s all screwed up on their bedroom floor
‘Go get dressed so we can go out’ they go upstairs, I wait, and wait, half an hour later I go up to see what’s taking so long - they’re still sat there in pjs making no effort to move
‘Can you set the table, dinners nearly ready’ - no movement
‘Are there any dishes in your room?’ No … there’s hundreds!!
‘Shower time’ … hours pass, ‘go and get in the shower’ … half an hour still no shower!

Why?! Why do they make life so difficult!?!

Does anyone have kids who just do as they’re told?! How did you do that???

What ages?

How old are they? Mine are only 8 and 6 so still at the stage of doing as they’re told! The toddler does what he’s told if it’s something he wants to do

What are the consequences of them not doing what they're told? Do you clean their clothes in a rush anyway?

Sorry ages are quite important here aren’t they - they’re 12 & 10

Yeah mine are 8 & 6. We are getting stricter with dd 8 and age is asked 3 times and then misses out/ loses toy/ tablet time etc

What consequences do you have?

Consequences are loss of screen time
But they just don’t give a shit tbh!

Sounds horrible but I'd leave them to it. Miss out, have dirty clothes etc and let them sort it out.

Mine do mostly. I got them into the habit as I’d not let them get onto their gadgets or phones until all their chores were done.

Totally understand. Drives me insane.

Mine are 8 and 6 and just get distracted on their way somewhere. So you inevitably find them staring out of a window half dressed. Then they look all hurt when I shout at them and make them jump. Drives me bonkers.

Growing up, if we didn’t put our uniforms in the laundry, they simply wouldn’t be washed and my mum just would not hear about it. She didn’t care if we went to school in dirty uniform, she wasn’t interested in hassling us for washing or going through our rooms to find it.
It worked well, we knew when uniform would be washed, and then it was up to us to put it in the basket. Of course, this worked because we didn’t want to go to school in dirty uniform - if you had kids that would happily wear a shirt for weeks it wouldn’t work so well.

My Dd does as she's told first time but I can't help you with how I did it it's just her personality I think. Perhaps the fact that it's just me and her makes a difference so she's not getting distracted by a sibling.

However, I'm a procrastinator and can be messy whereas shes a get things done type who is very tidy. So she often moans at me

Mine have to go to school in normal clothes which they hate as their friends ask why they’re not in uniform.

Answer is simple - put it in the washing basket and it’ll magically appear clean, dry and folded on your bed.

Today there have been no devices… yet still bedrooms have not been cleaned. 🤷‍♀️

Mine are 14 and 11 so I definitely feel your pain. I have found that I have to be very direct and give time limits. Limited questions and choices.

School uniform washing - I will say something like "You have school uniform in your room that needs washing. I am putting the wash on in 10 minutes. Get stuff you want washed now please. Anything that doesn't get washed today will have to wait until the weekend".

I wouldn't say things like "Can you set the table?" because to the teenage brain, that gives them a choice. I would say "Dinners ready in 10 minutes, start setting the table please". If they don't do it, I serve myself and let the penny drop.

But it is never ending. I've even had to put alarms in phones as reminders. I find myself constantly saying "I will help you, but I won't o it for you". And repeat.

Mine are exactly the same ages and the same. Absolutely no sense of time, urgency, scheduling, anyone else's needs or priorities. 'in a sec' 'one sec' 'this has got 3 mins left' are the soundtrack of our house. I'm a SP so it's all down to me and it's v v wearing.

How long do they lose screen time for plus how important is it to them?

Do you threaten and then not follow through?

It’s just parenting isn’t it? Doing loads of thankless jobs that they don’t help with? By 14 I was doing all my own laundry and regular chores. They aren’t that far off being trained up to look after themselves, but you’re a couple of years off. You could try rules to just make your life easier, like no eating in the bedroom and one single family laundry bin?

Mine are exactly the same OP, DDs, 11 & 12, not too screen obsessed at this stage, but definitely forgetful procrastinators!

Uniforms not brought down, they don't get washed (not that they seem to care... Yet).

There's a count down to get dressed on school days. Weekends I tell them, and would go out without them if necessary.

I remind them to shower. They will get better at it eventually I expect, but they're not yet sweaty teens.

It's mostly natural consequences here. It hasn't made them do stuff quicker, but it winds me up less when they don't.

One thing that got DD1 to tidy her room was telling her that her friend was coming over straight from school yesterday morning. Never seen her dress or tidy her room so quickly .

I feel your pain.
Last night my 14 year old walked in his room and I told him to put any dirty washing in the basket so I could get a wash on first thing.
At bedtime I reminded him ‘make sure you put all your washing out’

This morning he hadn’t put any out so I banged on his door, he brought out a couple of items. ‘DS there’s no uniform or football kit in that, if you don’t bring it in the next 30 seconds it won’t be washed for next week’
He brought out his blazer.

3 hours later he’s filled the basket

I've heard no "please" or "thank you" when you ask your kids for help. Maybe start there.

HTH.

I’m not going to say a word about them being their own people, not robots, because it’s not relevant.

What’s needed is stricter boundaries set by you, which are consistently enforced with appropriate consequences if they don’t comply. That’s it.

If you say bring your washing, they do it, or else. Obviously the screen time thing doesn’t work, so find something that does.

If it’s shower time, don’t let them get away with not going for a shower when you say so. Make them go. You are in charge, you are an adult they are kids.

It’s normal and healthy for kids to push boundaries but enforcing them is actually good for their emotional health. It makes them feel safe and loved.

@blockbustervideo

I've heard no "please" or "thank you" when you ask your kids for help. Maybe start there.

HTH.

Kids aren’t helping, they are learning to live independently and be responsible for clearing up their own shit.

@Quamora

I feel your pain. Last night my 14 year old walked in his room and I told him to put any dirty washing in the basket so I could get a wash on first thing. At bedtime I reminded him ‘make sure you put all your washing out’

This morning he hadn’t put any out so I banged on his door, he brought out a couple of items. ‘DS there’s no uniform or football kit in that, if you don’t bring it in the next 30 seconds it won’t be washed for next week’
He brought out his blazer.

3 hours later he’s filled the basket

By that age he’s old enough to start taking responsibility for his own washing. What’s difficult about putting a wash on?

Omg I'm so with you, had enough today of the constant go brush your teeth go get dressed..... have to ask 10000 times before anything is done!