Why won’t my kids just do as they’re fucking told?!

[ColourfulOnesie]

I know you’ll all say about them being their own people not robots yadayada
But I’m not barking orders like an army general over here

I’m talking things like - ‘I’m washing uniforms tonight go and bring me any other dirty things and your pe kits’ they go upstairs, come down say there’s nothing so I wash what I have, then two days later they have no clean uniform because it’s all screwed up on their bedroom floor
‘Go get dressed so we can go out’ they go upstairs, I wait, and wait, half an hour later I go up to see what’s taking so long - they’re still sat there in pjs making no effort to move
‘Can you set the table, dinners nearly ready’ - no movement
‘Are there any dishes in your room?’ No … there’s hundreds!!
‘Shower time’ … hours pass, ‘go and get in the shower’ … half an hour still no shower!

Why?! Why do they make life so difficult!?!

Does anyone have kids who just do as they’re told?! How did you do that???

@dollymuchymuchness you’re absolutely right, I have two younger children too including one with additional needs so sometimes I just do not have the time to follow the older ones round pointing out what needs doing
It’s bloody draining and tbh I’m not great at being strict because I feel so guilty that the other DC takes up a lot of my time
I just wish they’d see that doing these simple things would free up more time and we wouldn’t spend our time together arguing!!
I clearly need a new approach

Oh op my two are the same.age. I ask in a reasonable tone, then if there's no response, I ask more firmly,then tell, then get cross and the kids act as though I'm being totally unreasonable as they were "just about to do it".

It's not every time though. I sense the older one is about to grow into that grunting teen phase. Can't wait for that 🙄

I would go nuclear. The WiFi would off and there'd be no fun. Consequences.

I ask mine kindly but they ignore me until I shout like a banshee. I never planned to be a shouty mum. I genuinely have no idea how “gently parents” achieve anything in their day - my dc would be in pjs dancing all day.

Gentle not gently

OP I have just been crying because I'm so angry and exhausted.
My 14 year old DS2 has been told numerous times not to take food into his bedroom,don't mind the odd sweet biscuit etc but nothing else.
He is incredibly clumsy and drops everything!
My DH and I had an Indian takeaway tonight,DS2 had already eaten but asked for some of it in a bowl.
I gave him some in the kitchen then went and sat down to eat mine infront of the TV.
I heard a loud bang and said to my husband what was that?
I went upstairs to find a horror scene......chicken tikka masala splattered everywhere in his bedroom.
When I say everywhere it was up the walls,on the bed,all over the door and all over the carpet.
It has taken us both an hour to clean it up,I'm so pissed off with DS2
I have spent the day cleaning,washing etc and feel my children couldn't give a flying fuck that sometimes my DH and I just want a rest.
Why can't they do as they are told when you are telling them for good reason.

Mine are the same
No suggestions only massive sympathy

It feels really mean to say but I am so glad that others are saying their DC are the same - it really makes me feel like it’s not just all my fault!
Sending everyone lots of solidarity and
Particularly @Rebelmcstreettuff - extra for you, that would’ve absolutely sent me over the edge today!!

@NeedAHoliday2021

I ask mine kindly but they ignore me until I shout like a banshee. I never planned to be a shouty mum. I genuinely have no idea how “gently parents” achieve anything in their day - my dc would be in pjs dancing all day.

Same, totally same. Mine is 11 and just won’t do anything unless I actually stand over her, so it then becomes my task. Great.

No idea how to get her to actually do stuff. Mostly I just yell and then she complains I’m a nag.

This thread has made me feel so much better.

Top tip: hide Nintendos amongst the clean towels. Literally the last place they’d look… 🙄

Yep aged 10 dd and it is the same every day.
She is a good girl but honestly drives me mad with this op.

My DD is pretty good but my DS8 is like this. Pretending he can't hear anything he can't be bothered with. I sometimes think it's his way of being in control. They are worse with DH because he's a nagger, I calmly say this is the third time I have told you this so next time I'll be shouting, it generally gets them going!

Mine are 9 and 6 and dont bloody listen. The 6 year old is a horror, he is so bloody stubborn. Often wonder what's wrong with him

@NeedAHoliday2021

I ask mine kindly but they ignore me until I shout like a banshee. I never planned to be a shouty mum. I genuinely have no idea how “gently parents” achieve anything in their day - my dc would be in pjs dancing all day.

Don’t ask them kindly, it’s not working. They are waiting for you to shout because they can get away with it until you do shout. Just make them do it. You’re the adult they are kids. Don’t shout just absolutely insist they do as they are told.

@DinosApple

Mine are exactly the same OP, DDs, 11 & 12, not too screen obsessed at this stage, but definitely forgetful procrastinators!

Uniforms not brought down, they don't get washed (not that they seem to care... Yet).

There's a count down to get dressed on school days. Weekends I tell them, and would go out without them if necessary.

I remind them to shower. They will get better at it eventually I expect, but they're not yet sweaty teens.

It's mostly natural consequences here. It hasn't made them do stuff quicker, but it winds me up less when they don't.

One thing that got DD1 to tidy her room was telling her that her friend was coming over straight from school yesterday morning. Never seen her dress or tidy her room so quickly .

Mine happily receives guests in her pjs. If I know they’re coming, I make her get dressed, but I don’t always know.

At her age I was cooking meals for the
family once a week, cleaning the kitchen afterwards, emptying the dishwasher or walking the dog daily, ironing my school uniform plus a share in the cleaning at weekends. The only thing is didn’t do is washing. Dunno why - my mum went through this big performance of ‘sorting’ it into five million different piles all over the stairs and landing every weekend. I just check it all in, with no noticeable ill effects! My DD will, if no food is forthcoming until mid afternoon, make herself a Nutella sandwich. She knows how to cook other things, but won’t do it. She just waits for me to come back or be available and is vile because she’s hungry. I didn’t make her anything to eat until 4 o’clock today. How much effort is it to make yourself a bowl of cereal ffs?!

She hates doing as she’s told. The faff to get her to clean her teeth adds up to days of my life! She’s actually much better than she used to be, too.

Clothes not in the wash, dirty or no clothes. Don't help at the table setting or clearing? No food. It really is that simple. Don't get ready? Then you/we don't go out.

My 14yo does exactly as he's told but I think this is very unusual. He adores structure.

I think it's more normal for kids to take zero interest in doing anything that immediately benefits them. I'm guessing you need to harass them more, follow them up to their bedroom and make them sift through mounds of mess and patrol as they gather up all dirty items and deliver to laundry. (Do not let them hand it to you, they must pick it up and deliver to end location)

Same with table setting/clearing. Be on their case until it is a habit.

Good luck!

@PurpleThursdays

Mine are 9 and 6 and dont bloody listen. The 6 year old is a horror, he is so bloody stubborn. Often wonder what's wrong with him

There’s nothing wrong with him. You have to make him listen. In case anyone is wondering, I raised three boys by myself, whilst working full-time.

Part of our job as parents is to raise kids to be able to live independently. My grown up sons cook, do the washing clean, care for their kids, garden, and anything else that needs doing.

I know how this sounds but I make no apology for that. If my comments help just one person, then good.

I think also that tons of praise when they do the right thing helps.

Like completely over the top, thank you for setting the table so nicely, I really appreciate it. Now the table is ready for everyone to eat dinner.

Or thank you for bringing down your dirty laundry, it makes mine and your lives much easier when you do this. You are really starting to grow up, well done.

I’d be worried if my kids did what I asked the first time! They are here to rebel and piss us off. Then they grow up and leave home. Always remember they know EVERYTHING!

@sweetbellyhigh

I think also that tons of praise when they do the right thing helps.

Like completely over the top, thank you for setting the table so nicely, I really appreciate it. Now the table is ready for everyone to eat dinner.

Or thank you for bringing down your dirty laundry, it makes mine and your lives much easier when you do this. You are really starting to grow up, well done.

Yes this

My mum was genius with this kind of stuff. It’s only now as a parent myself I see why we always did as asked.

She just very matter of factly applied natural consequences. Didn’t set the table? No dinner for that person until done. Didn’t put the washing in the basket? No clean clothes. Not ready to go out? Left at home (easier in the 80s/90s!). Didn’t shower? Fine, and no sympathy if anyone at school mentioned it. Plates etc left in bedroom? Nothing left for that person to eat off.

@Rebelmcstreettuff

^ It has taken us both an hour to clean it up,I'm so pissed off with DS2^

When you mean “us both” do you mean you and your son or partner?
If your son didn’t do most of the cleaning then that’s the answer why he doesn’t care. Mum will fix it anyway.

The problem with these natural consequences is that it often impacts on the parent as well - e.g. not ready to go out - left at home - maybe the parent wants a day out with the child but the child doesn't care. Thus the child gets their way and the parent doesn't...

My eleven year old has turned into Kevin Patterson aka Kevin the teenager. Seven year old loves to follow suit and he becomes Perry.

It's a fucking nightmare.