Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Pronouns- here to stay??

189 replies

StuffLikeThat · 11/03/2022 21:32

Can I get people's thoughts on whether the act of stating your "personal pronouns" (after your name on LinkedIn or in your email signature etc) is here to stay? Is it just a fad or will this stick and just be a thing for ever more?

OP posts:
DancingBarefootOnIce · 12/03/2022 08:20

I think it’s a fad but some fads last longer than others.

I hope someone is doing a study on non-binary young people. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot drop it when they grow up.

MintJulia · 12/03/2022 08:20

I think it's a fad. I haven't bothered and no-one has ever commented. We had a new comms woman join recently who tried to get us all to do it. Most people just rolled their eyes and ignored her suggestion. One or two told her to mind her own business. Average age in our office is 36.

At the very least, it is a very personal choice.

MintJulia · 12/03/2022 08:26

@Kanaloa

I think it’s here to stay. I’m at uni (mature student) and it’s huge there. Seems every first class starts with an hour long piss about where we all have to share our pronouns and a fun fact. My favourite was one teacher who asked us to just say a bit about ourselves and our hobbies. I said ‘well I have four kids and when I’m not busy with them and work I like to bid x & y.’ The teacher then went ‘your pronouns?’

I am very obviously female and I just told you I have four kids. Shall I tell you I’m white and quite short and wearing jeans and trainers?

What a total waste. If I was paying university fees, I'd complain about the flagrant waste of teaching time Smile
Mumteedum · 12/03/2022 08:29

@Bagelsandbrie

I’m not sure.

Dd aged 19 who is at university told me her and her friends now call everyone “they / them” initially when they meet someone new as they don’t want to offend them and they wait to be corrected.

If anyone assumes me to be they when I've spent nearly 50 years on this earth being a she, I'd be pissed off. That said...the likelihood of them referring to me as they when I am present is pretty slim so I doubt I'll have to deal with this hypothetical.
DrSbaitso · 12/03/2022 08:30

I have a female name and I look very typically feminine. I'm not saying I'm a stunner, I'm just saying you couldn't possibly look at me, even just my face, and think I'm male or trying to look male. It's obvious who and what I am.

I'd feel such a tit adding my pronouns. I might as well add "and I'm white with unmanageable hair and a severe case of bitchy resting face". No shit, Sherlock!

balalake · 12/03/2022 08:30

I think it will remain. I'm not fussed as long as it is your choice whether or not you wish to include them.

Bagelsandbrie · 12/03/2022 08:33

@DrSbaitso

I have a female name and I look very typically feminine. I'm not saying I'm a stunner, I'm just saying you couldn't possibly look at me, even just my face, and think I'm male or trying to look male. It's obvious who and what I am.

I'd feel such a tit adding my pronouns. I might as well add "and I'm white with unmanageable hair and a severe case of bitchy resting face". No shit, Sherlock!

But this is what’s confused me about dd and her friends (she’s been home this weekend and we’ve had lots of these sorts of discussions)! You’d think it would be that straightforward but it isn’t …. Dd has a friend who appears to be female, very outwardly feminine, traditional female name, has a boyfriend, but identifies as “they / him” and gets annoyed if people refer to them as “she / her”. It’s all a minefield. I’m glad I’m not their age.
Duchessfloofy · 12/03/2022 08:35

Fad. It's a good way of immediately identifying self indulgent tw*ts tho'.

dementedma · 12/03/2022 08:37

Fad. And I will refuse to do it if asked

DrSbaitso · 12/03/2022 08:40

Dd has a friend who appears to be female, very outwardly feminine, traditional female name, has a boyfriend, but identifies as “they / him” and gets annoyed if people refer to them as “she / her”.

Well in that case I'd think it's a silly affectation it might make sense to announce pronouns if you clearly present differently to how people will reasonably assume they should address you. If, like me, the blimmin' obvious answer is the right one, I can't see the point.

Iamnotamermaid · 12/03/2022 08:40

I suspect because everyone else does this and feel they have to. I have no objection to people who feel they want to do this but would strongly object to be forced to do the same, in which case my pronouns would be piss and off.

LittleBearPad · 12/03/2022 08:43

It’s a fad and as with all fads it’s will go away.

Most people do it unthinkingly because they think they’re being kind and a good person

Mumteedum · 12/03/2022 08:43

I agree with someone up thread who said that the implication that you are somehow ignorant or bigotted because you don't subscribe and join in with the pronouns thing IS a problem. That's why I dislike it too.

The culture wars are horrendous. You have to declare yourself an 'ally' or else the implication is you are not and therefore against someone because of race or gender or sex. You have to state your pronouns so other people feel validated about their identity and if you don't you are seen as needing to be educated.

I don't want to go round declaring anything. I don't state my politics at work. I treat people as I find them and treat them fairly and kindly. I don't need to virtue signal. I know people are complex and I don't have to agree with even my closest friends on everything. I would like a world where others do the same and we learn to listen and understand each other and respect difference. Nobody ever won any ideological argument by compelling speech or creating a climate of fear for not being in the in crowd. That just breeds resentment and them and us.

LittleBearPad · 12/03/2022 08:44

Dd has a friend who appears to be female, very outwardly feminine, traditional female name, has a boyfriend, but identifies as “they / him” and gets annoyed if people refer to them as “she / her”.

Goodness they sound tiresome.

Bagelsandbrie · 12/03/2022 08:45

@DrSbaitso

Dd has a friend who appears to be female, very outwardly feminine, traditional female name, has a boyfriend, but identifies as “they / him” and gets annoyed if people refer to them as “she / her”.

Well in that case I'd think it's a silly affectation it might make sense to announce pronouns if you clearly present differently to how people will reasonably assume they should address you. If, like me, the blimmin' obvious answer is the right one, I can't see the point.

But I think the point is that amongst younger people (my dd is at a Russell group university) the trend is now to refer to everyone as “they” initially until you’re corrected otherwise. I’m not saying I agree with that but that’s what they’re all doing where my dd is.
Terfydactyl · 12/03/2022 08:46

@StiggyZardust

No thank you
I like the cut of your jib. No thank you indeed.

FWIW and I've not read the entire thread yet, it's not a simple no fuss way of showing support, I mean in itself yes its oh so simple to add pronouns everywhere.

But if you go on the feminism boards and the few other places that allow us to talk about the bigger picture, then you will see 13 year old girls having double mastectomies to become non binary yet full grown men literally do nothing except change pronouns and now ta da they're a woman.

So again somehow the females get the shitty end of the stick, they lose perfectly healthy body parts and possibly a lot of skin from the arm to make a neo penis to be non binary or male and Alex drummond just boasts about the beard.
And set some time aside to read the it'll never happen thread, that will open your eyes to what's really happening. Dont think I can link to it here cos fwr has different rules.

Bagelsandbrie · 12/03/2022 08:46

@LittleBearPad

Dd has a friend who appears to be female, very outwardly feminine, traditional female name, has a boyfriend, but identifies as “they / him” and gets annoyed if people refer to them as “she / her”.

Goodness they sound tiresome.

I have spent a lot of this week nodding and smiling and nodding and smiling. There’s no point getting into debates about it with these youngsters.
DevonTF · 12/03/2022 09:12

My 'pronouns on LinkedIn are No Thank You.

We need to fight back more.

Thewindwhispers · 12/03/2022 09:15

Fas

FoxyFoxyLoxy · 12/03/2022 09:16

I won't be doing it. It will probably die out as a practice as people come to their senses.

PAFMO · 12/03/2022 09:19

@StuffLikeThat

So do you think that the vast majority of people who are declaring their pronouns are aware of the underlying ideology/ reasons for it... or do you think they are just naively doing it because other people are and they think it's a nice thing to do?
They think they're being liberal and inclusive. They have no idea what they're buying into. It's no coincidence that the vast vast majority (at least that I've seen) are teenagers.
Terfydactyl · 12/03/2022 09:32

@DancingBarefootOnIce

I think it’s a fad but some fads last longer than others.

I hope someone is doing a study on non-binary young people. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot drop it when they grow up.

No one is allowed to do studies on anything trans at all. It seems to be a protected class. Even the hospital you go to (name escapes me right now) managed to have no follow up on all the children that passed through its doors, in a court case fgs.

So you are asked in a court of law to provide info on detrans or long term studies on testosterone use or if transitiong actually works for these young people and apparently you dont follow up or you dont keep that info, and that's ok?
Poor bloody kids, no one cares about their long term health.

Terfydactyl · 12/03/2022 09:32

Tavistock, I knew soon as I posted I'd remember name of hospital

C8H10N4O2 · 12/03/2022 10:10

They think they're being liberal and inclusive

I think you overestimate the thinking which goes into it.

From observation for most senior white corporate/large org men, and a fair few of their female counterparts, it is done with exactly the same level of thought and commitment which goes into using the company font. Its diversity theatre for those who are unlikely to experience the downsides.
If it ends up disadvantaging some women or those who don't want to out themselves who cares? They have their virtue signal.

maeveiscurious · 12/03/2022 10:20

Depressing