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She took my bloody co-op card

627 replies

HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 01:18

I’ve had a friend staying with me for the last few days, she due to go home tomorrow. As a thank you for letting her stay she offered to cook us a meal this evening which I gratefully accepted. She needed to go up to Co-Op to get the ingredients so I said to her to take my membership card if she hasn’t got one.

She went up and bought all the ingredients and cooked a really lovely meal. We had a bottle of wine with the meal but fancied another so I popped up to Co-Op again to buy another. I scan my member card like always and she’s spent all my points! There was about £30 on there that I have saved up for months. I like to know that I’ve always got a bit on there in case I’m short one month, it’s just a bit of reassurance.

If someone asked you to take their loyalty card to a shop when you had offered to cook them a meal would you assume that meant the person was offering to pay for the meal with their points? Or would you think they just wanted you to scan their card at checkout so you have a few more points?

Apologies if I’m rambling but it’s 1am, I’ve drunk a bottle of wine and I’m disproportionately pissed off that she’s spent my points!

OP posts:
Dumblebum · 10/03/2022 09:20

Go gently op. I think this is a misunderstanding and not she’s tried to Rob you. It’s hardly like you’d not find out.

Pyri · 10/03/2022 09:23

Yeah you need to just ask her!

Joinedforthis22 · 10/03/2022 09:24

I think it's a misunderstanding too, it's a bit daft of her but unless she's got history for being a CF I could see it as an honest mistake. Maybe she thought you were offering to pay as she was going all out on the meal in terms of effort.

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woody87 · 10/03/2022 09:28

What a CF! This is exactly like something my SIL would do, I just read it out to DH and he said the same straight away!

Also we both agree with you. You were clearly saying "use my card for points"

I would be fucking raging and I would bring it up with my "friend" before she left.

Porcupineintherough · 10/03/2022 09:28

Sounds to me like she thought you were offering to pay for the ingredients whilst she provided the labour. Otherwise why would you offer her your card. Lesson learnt, next time keep your card in your purse.

Mybestyear · 10/03/2022 09:32

If I was going shopping and someone said to me 'here, take my loyalty card', I would think they meant to use the points on it. I don't think she's tried to rip you off. On a side matter - and I mean this kindly as I am an alcoholic - if you drank a bottle of wine and were drunk at 1am, you could have been over the limit on the school run. Round my area, the police are notorious for stopping mothers on the school run and catching them out for drinking the night before and still having alcohol in their system, even though they feel completely fine.

SixteenTwelve · 10/03/2022 09:32

I think you inadvertently implied “don’t worry about paying, I’ve got lots of points on my card so use them instead”. Just a misunderstanding but you can’t really ask for it back it would seem petty

Gilly12345 · 10/03/2022 09:34

Is she still staying with you?
Maybe a conversation is needed?
Has she history of being a cf?
Did you say to use loyalty card to collect points or use points?

Pumpfive · 10/03/2022 09:36

I wonder if she didn't realise? I'm not sure how a coop card works though.

HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 09:36

@Mybestyear I walk the dc to school

OP posts:
Pumpfive · 10/03/2022 09:36

I say this because I would like to think a true friend wouldn't purposely take £30

GameofPhones · 10/03/2022 09:37

I have a Coop card, but didn't know you could spend the points directly. Maybe she was asked at the till if she wanted to spend them and said 'Yes' without thinking. Is she familiar with the Coop card system?

MrsHumphrieswife · 10/03/2022 09:38

So basically you paid for the meal that was meant to be thanking you for letting her stay? You paid for your own thank you gift? Which she also ate? So she thanked you by eating a meal that you paid for?

I would be re-thinking that friendship OP. You let her stay and then bought her a nice meal at the end of it. Not exactly grateful, is she?

billy1966 · 10/03/2022 09:40

@MrsHumphrieswife

So basically you paid for the meal that was meant to be thanking you for letting her stay? You paid for your own thank you gift? Which she also ate? So she thanked you by eating a meal that you paid for?

I would be re-thinking that friendship OP. You let her stay and then bought her a nice meal at the end of it. Not exactly grateful, is she?

No one is that stupid.

Tight users do this type of thing.

ISpyCobraKai · 10/03/2022 09:42

@SarahAndQuack

I agree with those saying she assumed you meant 'and use the points on my card'.

Mind you, if I were the friend I'd feel a right wally when you told me.

I'd feel like a right wally too, luckily my friends know that I'm not a CF, I'd pay it straight back and apologise. They also wouldn't be incredibly rude about me, or think the worst of me, in fact quite the opposite, they'd assume I was being a numpty and ask nicely. If it turns out to be an honest mistake perhaps the friend needs to consider how the OP thinks of her?
TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/03/2022 09:43

I think it was a mistake, mainly because I wouldn't have insisted someone take my coop card (if I had one) unless I wanted them to use the points. Why else would they need it?

SarahAndQuack · 10/03/2022 09:45

@ISpyCobraKai, YY, my friends too.

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 10/03/2022 09:47

@SixteenTwelve

I think you inadvertently implied “don’t worry about paying, I’ve got lots of points on my card so use them instead”. Just a misunderstanding but you can’t really ask for it back it would seem petty
I'm split on this. If I were the friend and had intended to pay for the meal I would have mentioned what had happened and transferred the money.

£30 is a small sum to lose a friendship over so I'd think that if the friend hasn't realised that she would be only too pleased to pay it (although I get that it's not the same psychological comfort to the OP as having that reserve on her card).

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 10/03/2022 09:48

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I think it was a mistake, mainly because I wouldn't have insisted someone take my coop card (if I had one) unless I wanted them to use the points. Why else would they need it?
To collect the points from the shopping on OP 's card that over time add up to £30?
Gonnagetgoing · 10/03/2022 09:49

I’d actually split difference so eg you both pay half and point out there were spices there.

It does sound like a honest mistake and her assuming it was ok to use points and you not telling her she couldn’t use points.

If it were me I wouldn’t use the points but she has probably assumed it was ok.

SarahAndQuack · 10/03/2022 09:49

I also don't get why people think this is so obviously tight/stupid/cheeky.

It is absolutely typical to have that sort of back-and-forth conversation where one person offers to do something to to say thanks, the other insists it's not necessary, the first one says really they'd love to, the other says well if you are sure, it's very kind, but please at least let me pay ... it's very British.

burnoutbabe · 10/03/2022 09:50

even is the till lady automatically used the points by mistake, the friend woulD KNOW she was supposed to pay £30 and actually paid nothing.

So would have £30 to offer to OP as soon as she got home.

So its not that sort of misunderstanding.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/03/2022 09:50

It does but surely if you are a guest and offer to cook a meal by way of thanks, you don’t just mean “ cook” using food your host had paid for.

Most of us would assume that, but I don't think it's universally obvious. Actually cooking a proper meal is a significant contribution, even if you don't pay for the ingredients yourself.

In a household with a SAHM/W who cooks all of the household meals, would you expect the husband not to appreciate or recognise that huge contribution to the family, on the basis that, although she's the one who puts in all of the effort in cooking the meals, he is the one whose earnings have paid for the food, so she 'hasn't really done anything much'?

It was very ambiguous and I can't understand why you wouldn't say "If you don't have a Co-op loyalty card, could you please take my card and get your points put on it, so that they don't go to waste".

'Use my card' could reasonably mean several things, including 'use it to pay'. She might have thought you were doing a Mrs Doyle-style compromise and saying "OK, then, we'll gratefully accept your cooking our meal - but we insist on paying for the ingredients".

Most Co-ops these days - even the little ones - have self-service tills. These can be ambiguous as well, as SS tills often ask if you want to 'use' your loyalty card when paying, without it being particularly clear whether it means 'use my points on this card TO pay' or 'add my points to this card WHEN I pay'.

Also, she might be used to a bigger supermarket where they combine a credit card and loyalty card in one, so 'using' that shop's card is basically both paying and collecting the points/discounts.

As for those questioning why she didn't notice the big chunk coming off the bill, some better-off people don't really bother to look at totals and just scan their payment card without noticing how much they're paying. She could even have spotted something on special offer (boxes of wine or whatever) and stocked up on it for herself - and thus the differential wasn't nearly as obvious if she was already spending enough to fill the boot of her car.

Some people also have learning difficulties (or are just not very bright) and it wouldn't occur to them to query an amount that most of us think looks obviously wrong.

I think the only two reasonable options are to either let it go or to blame the machine/cashier for assuming wrongly. I really don't think you can assume CFery on her part and go in all guns blazing - especially when you said "Here, use my card".

veevee04 · 10/03/2022 09:50

It's a grey area If a friend purposely gave me their coop card I would assume they were saying to spend points. As far as I remember you don't get a discount at the till like clubcard prices or its very low like 25p. The money she spent out of her own pocket will go on your points balance. I think it's a misunderstanding and you shouldn't fall out over it just don't give anyone your loyalty cards anymore.

7eleven · 10/03/2022 09:51

If she’s normally a good friend, I’d just put it down as a misunderstanding and let it go.