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Original poster

She took my bloody co-op card

627 replies

HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 01:18

I’ve had a friend staying with me for the last few days, she due to go home tomorrow. As a thank you for letting her stay she offered to cook us a meal this evening which I gratefully accepted. She needed to go up to Co-Op to get the ingredients so I said to her to take my membership card if she hasn’t got one.

She went up and bought all the ingredients and cooked a really lovely meal. We had a bottle of wine with the meal but fancied another so I popped up to Co-Op again to buy another. I scan my member card like always and she’s spent all my points! There was about £30 on there that I have saved up for months. I like to know that I’ve always got a bit on there in case I’m short one month, it’s just a bit of reassurance.

If someone asked you to take their loyalty card to a shop when you had offered to cook them a meal would you assume that meant the person was offering to pay for the meal with their points? Or would you think they just wanted you to scan their card at checkout so you have a few more points?

Apologies if I’m rambling but it’s 1am, I’ve drunk a bottle of wine and I’m disproportionately pissed off that she’s spent my points!

OP posts:
WhatWhatWhatAgain · 10/03/2022 21:07

“What I can't understand is, in this specific scenario, where you don't want/ can't collect the points, why shouldn't someone else have them? You are doing something nice for them but its not 'a favour', it has not put you out at all. It literally costs you nothing.

If they expected to take you points inserted of you being able to collect them yourself that would be completely different.”

The benefit to the other person seems so tiny, I just couldn’t really get a glow out of it. I wouldn’t feel I was doing something nice, particularly. Maybe I underestimate the value of points. Plus I just feel that people who are at ease with asking favours when they don’t need to are bad news. It would be different if the other person were actually in the shop, I think.
Anyway, much as I’m enjoying this attention I’d better leave it there.

OP, you would be entirely justified in asking for the £30. It’s very hard to believe it was a mistake.

Original poster
HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 21:10

Lol. My “mate” is driving home to Wales today. It’s so bloody obvious it’s her too if she reads it 😂🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
crunchermuncher · 10/03/2022 21:41

@WhatWhatWhatAgain

“What I can't understand is, in this specific scenario, where you don't want/ can't collect the points, why shouldn't someone else have them? You are doing something nice for them but its not 'a favour', it has not put you out at all. It literally costs you nothing.

If they expected to take you points inserted of you being able to collect them yourself that would be completely different.”

The benefit to the other person seems so tiny, I just couldn’t really get a glow out of it. I wouldn’t feel I was doing something nice, particularly. Maybe I underestimate the value of points. Plus I just feel that people who are at ease with asking favours when they don’t need to are bad news. It would be different if the other person were actually in the shop, I think.
Anyway, much as I’m enjoying this attention I’d better leave it there.

OP, you would be entirely justified in asking for the £30. It’s very hard to believe it was a mistake.

You've posted what seems like a very strange point of view and I'm interested in trying to understand. Because I can't quite believe what I'm reading tbh.

I understand irritation at a one sided relationship like your friend refusing to ever drive to you but surely this is different because it literally costs you nothing. It's like someone saying 'are you throwing that thing in the bin? Yes? Can I have it then? '

You keep talking about asking for favours being bad news. I would agree but it's not a 'favour' if it costs you nothing.

It would be different if you were collecting the points yourself but they expected you to just let them have them, for whatever reason.

It just sounds mean "if I can't have them, then no one can". A bit like setting fire to your old clothes rather than giving them to a charity shop!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General shopping
crunchermuncher · 10/03/2022 21:48

It seems like you're saying the giving away of points is simultaneously so small a thing that it doesn't feel like a good deed, but so much of a big deal that it would piss you off if someone asked you to.

ImInStealthMode · 10/03/2022 22:02

@HollowedOut

Lol. My “mate” is driving home to Wales today. It’s so bloody obvious it’s her too if she reads it 😂🤦‍♀️
If this is your heartfelt response over her being widely and publicly shamed in the media for £30 of store credit that she may or may not have intentionally spent from your co-op card (that she wouldn't have had access to if you hadn't thrust it on her to grab 30p) then obviously you weren't actually friends in the first place, so I'm not sure why you've made such a big deal of it Hmm
TigerLilyTail · 10/03/2022 22:52

I don't know why people on MN have to take everything to such extremes!

I live abroad. When I visit my parents who live in a rural area of the UK, their only local shop is a Co-op. When I pop to the Co-op, I take their point card so they can collect the points from my shopping. I would never use their points as I know they have been collecting them for a while. It's a perfectly normal thing to do.

I reckon the friend saw the points and was being a chancer by using them. She thought the OP wouldn't notice and she could save herself a few quid.

I would never cook for someone and leave them the mess to clear up.

The friend was very rude! I'm not surprised the OP is upset.

TheArtfulBlogger · 10/03/2022 22:59

@ImInStealthMode if it was so "unintentional" then the normal response would be to offer the OP her £30 back

If she doesn't after having time to get over her apparent "embarrassment" Hmm, then it wasn't "unintentional" at all

Original poster
HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 23:24

@ImInStealthMode I hardly made a big deal about it. I posted a thread on MN stating that I was a bit pissed off. I didn’t go to her sobbing and accusing her of stealing.

OP posts:
skybluee · 10/03/2022 23:26

It isn't dim or weird. I don't use loyalty cards. If I said I was going to the shop and someone said "here, take my card" I would've thought they were giving it to me for payment. I wouldn't have thought they would've wanted me to scan their card when I was buying stuff to get points for them unless they said that.

I would've just said to her I think there's been a misunderstanding, please can I have my £30 back as I was saving it?

SleepingStandingUp · 10/03/2022 23:31

@WhatWhatWhatAgain

“I once offered the man behind me to swipe for a Bean at Costa cos my battery was dead. I'll never see him again”

Random acts of kindness like this or giving away an unexpired parking ticket aren’t really relevant. I would feel good about giving away an unexpired parking ticket to a random stranger, but if someone asked me for it I would feel miserable.

Ah OK thats an interesting insight. So it's OK for you to say hey do you have a COOP card you want me to swipe and your friend accept, but it's the burden of being ASKED and expected to do something that they can't balance back that bothers you
skybluee · 10/03/2022 23:33

And to everyone who is saying about collecting points for other people, I just looked it up and at least for the CoOp, in the terms and conditions of the card it says:

"You can't give or transfer your rights or duties as a Member to anyone else (for example, you can't give your Membership card to someone to earn your reward, benefit from exclusive Member deals, offers and prices or get democratic points). You're responsible for keeping your Membership card and account safe"

so although it's not a big deal, everyone who is saying it's fine to scan other people's card and collect points and so on, technically it's not actually allowed.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/03/2022 23:38

I just couldn’t really get a glow out of it. I wouldn’t feel I was doing something nice, particularly, sometimes you do something for someone just cos they asked. Not for the glow.

Surgarblossom · 11/03/2022 05:39

She knew what she was doing.
It I gave someone my Boots advantage card because they didn't have one ( which I have done in the past) it's to collect the points not spend them, if you wanted to pay yourself you would have told her how much was on the card or better still given her your debit card/ cash.

Arabellla · 11/03/2022 05:42

@skybluee

And to everyone who is saying about collecting points for other people, I just looked it up and at least for the CoOp, in the terms and conditions of the card it says:

"You can't give or transfer your rights or duties as a Member to anyone else (for example, you can't give your Membership card to someone to earn your reward, benefit from exclusive Member deals, offers and prices or get democratic points). You're responsible for keeping your Membership card and account safe"

so although it's not a big deal, everyone who is saying it's fine to scan other people's card and collect points and so on, technically it's not actually allowed.

Omg no one cares
Quirrelsotherface · 11/03/2022 05:51

I haven't shopped in a co-op for years and have no idea how it works. I would have asked before I left but I do know what 'do you want to use your points' means and I would definitely have noticed if it knocked £30 off the bill!

She's an absolute CF.

WhatWhatWhatAgain · 11/03/2022 05:55

@SleepingStandingUp

I just couldn’t really get a glow out of it. I wouldn’t feel I was doing something nice, particularly, sometimes you do something for someone just cos they asked. Not for the glow.
Yes, if it were buying milk while I was out or posting a card on the way I wouldn’t give it a second thought. It could be the fact it’s forbidden. If someone offered me her Waitrose card in order to get myself a free coffee while I was out (when it was possible) I would also be uncomfortable with that.
Mummyoflittledragon · 11/03/2022 05:59

Are you going to ask her for the money? You said you’re not going to pursue this friendship so you have nothing to lose.

Alternatively you could send her a link to the article. 😳

RachelGreeneGreep · 11/03/2022 06:55

@HollowedOut

I’ve spoken to her and she didn’t realise she’d used my points and thought Co-op had messed up as they only charged her £7! She seemed pretty embarrassed but despite much heavy hinting from me she hasn’t yet offered to give me the £30 back.

I’m curious as to why so many posters think it is cheeky to ask someone to use their loyalty card if the person paying doesn’t have one of their own. I’m not taking anything away from them by asking them, the points wouldn’t go to anyone else and it doesn’t stop them getting discounts or anything. It probably is a bit daft to ask someone to do it when it’s only like another 25p in points or something but, like I said in my OP, I like collecting them and knowing I’ve got a bit on there for a rainy day.

So she 'thought the co-op had messed up' and she was getting thirty seven quid worth of stuff for seven quid. Hmm
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/03/2022 11:13

Well I think she's just outed herself as being a CF by not offering to refund you the £30.

She knew what she was doing, all right. Because if she had genuinely made a mistake and "accidentally" taken your £30 in a "dimwit" moment, then she should absolutely have offered you back your £30, but she didn't.
So yeah, buh-bye to that one - she's a taker.

So sorry you're out of pocket for it though, @HollowedOut - and had to clean up as well!

rookiemere · 11/03/2022 11:54

I don't understand why you haven't asked directly for the money back. At this point, it doesn't appear as if the friendship will last anyway. So "Hi friend, great to see you. Please could I ask you to put the £30 in my account sc/ac number from the meal ingredients last night - thanks for cooking btw it was ace. My points money is my emergency fund !. Thanks !"
If she doesn't reply or transfer the money, then yes I'll concede she is a CF.

crunchermuncher · 11/03/2022 12:03

I can't see the title of this thread without hearing "they took our jobs!" (Southpark aliens episode) Grin

Inastatus · 11/03/2022 13:15

@skybluee

And to everyone who is saying about collecting points for other people, I just looked it up and at least for the CoOp, in the terms and conditions of the card it says:

"You can't give or transfer your rights or duties as a Member to anyone else (for example, you can't give your Membership card to someone to earn your reward, benefit from exclusive Member deals, offers and prices or get democratic points). You're responsible for keeping your Membership card and account safe"

so although it's not a big deal, everyone who is saying it's fine to scan other people's card and collect points and so on, technically it's not actually allowed.

😱 the horror!
Gonnagetgoing · 11/03/2022 13:47

@Mummyoflittledragon

Are you going to ask her for the money? You said you’re not going to pursue this friendship so you have nothing to lose.

Alternatively you could send her a link to the article. 😳

@Mummyoflittledragon - if it were me - OP says she likes the person but yes she made a mess and she hadn't seen her for years.

If, just if, she wanted to keep the friendship I'd lay my cards on the table have an honest chat with friend and see if anything can be salvaged. If not, then so be it, friendship and money lost. If friend is apologetic and offers to pay all or some of the money back, then maybe friendship can be recovered.

I'm guessing the friend doesn't know about OP's financial circumstances, maybe she thought she was better off in outward appearance and I'm sure if she'd been told 'I' m saving the Co Op points' or 'please don't use the Co Op points' then she wouldn't use them. I think she was nice to offer to go to Co Op and cook a meal, rather than sit on her backside and not cook and expect OP to do it for her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/03/2022 14:04

@Gonnagetgoing
I agree the friend may not know, especially as she’s lived abroad for a fair chunk of time and said something similar made upthread. But not sure op is coming back.

Original poster
HollowedOut · 11/03/2022 14:55

@Mummyoflittledragon I’ve been back to the thread multiple times and have spoken about it with my friend Confused

OP posts: