Page 16 | She took my bloody co-op card

HollowedOut · 2022-03-10T01:18:00+00:00

I’ve had a friend staying with me for the last few days, she due to go home tomorrow. As a thank you for letting her stay she offered to cook us a meal this evening which I gratefully accepted. She needed to go up to Co-Op to get the ingredients so I said to her to take my membership card if she hasn’t got one. She went up and bought all the ingredients and cooked a really lovely meal. We had a bottle of wine with the meal but fancied another so I popped up to Co-Op again to buy another. I scan my member card like always and she’s spent all my points! There was about £30 on there that I have saved up for months. I like to know that I’ve always got a bit on there in case I’m short one month, it’s just a bit of reassurance. If someone asked you to take their loyalty card to a shop when you had offered to cook them a meal would you assume that meant the person was offering to pay for the meal with their points? Or would you think they just wanted you to scan their card at checkout so you have a few more points? Apologies if I’m rambling but it’s 1am, I’ve drunk a bottle of wine and I’m disproportionately pissed off that she’s spent my points!

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/03/2022 13:20

@TenoringBehind

I think it could well be a misunderstanding and it isn’t worth falling out over.

Stealing £30 would be worth falling out over for me. Not everyone can afford to lose that and laugh it off.

thevassal · 10/03/2022 13:21

Good analogy!

You'd have to be pretty dim to
A - not realise what OP meant in the first place
B - despite being the only person in the UK not to have heard of reward points, manage to pay with them despite as a pp said you need to confirm twice
C - not realise when you had to pay that the your basket of shopping only cost you £7 rather than £37 (or, in that case, dishonest if you realised it was wrong and didn't say anything)
D - nor to look at your receipt (which is surely the first thing you'd do if you believed you'd be undercharged) and see the bit that said paid with points

And even if you were that stupid, if you were a stupid but nice person you would firstly tell OP the coop had undercharged you rather than taking the credit for paying for things you hadn't. I would also pay for something else as an additional thank you, as that was the whole point of getting the meal. And finally if you managed not to realise and for whatever reason kept quiet and accepted the thanks anyone who is not a complete dick would then apologise sincerely once OP told her what she'd done, and immediately pay her back (which is no more than she'd been happy to spend anyway so isn't asking for much!)

Bookworm20 · 10/03/2022 13:26

@thevassal

Good analogy!

You'd have to be pretty dim to
A - not realise what OP meant in the first place
B - despite being the only person in the UK not to have heard of reward points, manage to pay with them despite as a pp said you need to confirm twice
C - not realise when you had to pay that the your basket of shopping only cost you £7 rather than £37 (or, in that case, dishonest if you realised it was wrong and didn't say anything)
D - nor to look at your receipt (which is surely the first thing you'd do if you believed you'd be undercharged) and see the bit that said paid with points

And even if you were that stupid, if you were a stupid but nice person you would firstly tell OP the coop had undercharged you rather than taking the credit for paying for things you hadn't. I would also pay for something else as an additional thank you, as that was the whole point of getting the meal. And finally if you managed not to realise and for whatever reason kept quiet and accepted the thanks anyone who is not a complete dick would then apologise sincerely once OP told her what she'd done, and immediately pay her back (which is no more than she'd been happy to spend anyway so isn't asking for much!)

This. And she knew. And the first thing I do when I think I may have been over or under charged is look at the receipt.

Any chance OP that she is absolutely totally broke? Although that does not excuse the mess and not clearing up!

daringdoris · 10/03/2022 13:28

Another rurally-dwelling co-op shopper here who thinks your friend is being cheeky. I also really appreciate the buffer of knowing there's some money on there for when money is tight or for when my son goes on an errand on his own.

I agree with the poster who said that if a shop had made a mistake and only charged you £7, it's the first thing you'd say when you got in (in the extremely unlikely event that neither the cashier nor the customer noticed such an unusual situation!) She knew.

I often give my card to people who stay with me who haven't got one and they have never spent my points! I have also done it with friends and family when shopping for others during lockdown and there's never the assumption that you'd use somebody else's points!

BobbyeinArkansas · 10/03/2022 13:53

On a completely separate note and I haven't read the full thread, but I have read all the OPs posts, if I went to a shop and spent what I figured was about £35 on groceries and I only got charged £7, I'd absolutely query it. Just old fashioned honesty innit.

But anyway and again, this has probably already been said, but they never spend your points without asking. They'll have told her that she has points worth £30 and does she want to put them towards the groceries and she'll have said yes. So already she has displayed some cheeky fuckery.

On that basis, I'd have no hesitation in messaging her saying something along the lines of "Do you mind reimbursing me for the £30 of points from the supper last night? I was saving them for next weeks shop and now I'm a bit short".
You don't owe her the 2nd sentence but it might guilt her into refunding you.
If she chooses not to or ignores you, then don't bother getting into it with her. Know that she isn't much of a friend and let it come to its natural conclusion.

Even if the whole thing was an accident ie if they didn't ask her if she wanted to spend the points, I know if it were me, I'd be so mortified that the first thing I'd say after apologising was if I could have your bank details so I could send the equivalent to your bank account. And I'd still feel guilty because knowing you have the points and you deciding how and when to spend them is in some weird way better than the money in your bank account.
I save Boots points like a fiend and I have about £45 currently. I like saving them up. I don't know what for or when I'll spend them but I like having them. If someone offered me £45 for all of my points, I'd definitely decline.

Tdcp · 10/03/2022 13:53

Out of the hundreds of times you've handed your card over to the cashier, the one single time they mess up and use your loyalty points just happens to be the time that your friend uses the card... Call me a cynic but that doesn't sound plausible to me.

Also the fact that she knows you're not happy about it and still hasn't offered to pay up, considering that she was supposed to be paying for the meal in the first place, says a lot. The second you wasn't happy about "the accident" I'd have offered to pay you back.

UKRAINEwearewithyou · 10/03/2022 14:00

Oh dear @HollowedOut she sounds like a chancer. She didn't realise why they only charged her £7 - of course she did and she thought you might not notice!

What a cheat. Leaving a mess to boot. Not much of a friend IMO

JanetheObscure · 10/03/2022 14:02

I genuinely thought this might have been a misunderstanding before hearing her excuse. But it wasn't. If she genuinely thought the Co-op had made a mistake and genuinely didn't know that she was spending £30-worth of your points, then she would have offered to reimburse you immediately.

Do you think there's any chance that she always expected you to pay for the meal and was only ever offering to do the shopping and cooking? That, in fact, she's quite annoyed that she had to stump up an extra £7? There seems to be no other explanation for the way she's behaved this morning, as well as yesterday.

rosiebl · 10/03/2022 14:08

Agree with @BobbyeinArkansas

Send a message tonight when you know she's home and not busy along the lines of; "Could you transfer me that £30 for the shopping please, here's my bank details. Thanks"

Livefortherain · 10/03/2022 14:15

I have worked for co-op in the past and was never told to offer to use the points on their card.

I would personally send a message once she's gone if you don't want to say it in person. Something like "I didn't want to make a fuss at the time but I have been thinking about it more, can you transfer me the £30 you used on my co-op card please? I keep that money on there for emergencies and that £30 can go a long way when I need it."

ImInStealthMode · 10/03/2022 14:16

Annoying as this may be, I think it's a bit much to describe it as 'stealing £30' as if this friend has been rifling through OP's wallet when her back was turned.

It was never 'cash' in the first place. It was credit to use in one particular shop. If the friend doesn't frequently use or value loyalty cards (or at least ones that work this way) I can see how she doesn't see it in the same way as the OP and some PPs do.

If she'd taken it to Tesco for a big shop and her bill was £30 less because she'd got all the Clubcard deals she's not otherwise entitled to it wouldn't be an issue, would it?

Honestly if she's a good friend I wouldn't fall out over it.

Dixiechickonhols · 10/03/2022 14:24

If deal was she was going to pay for ingredients and cook I’d ask her for the money. You’ve got nothing to lose. Usually you have to ask to use money on your card. Occasionally staff ask you but it’s rare.
I use a small Co op a lot, they have the best reductions down to pennies early evening and the meat has decent welfare standards. The money adds up (I think you get more if you buy co op products) and I can fully understand wanting to keep some on the card as an emergency back up if things are tight.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/03/2022 14:26

“Awww I’ve been saving those points for months for when I’m struggling because I know I can’t dip into those like I can with cash. Never mind, mistakes happen please can you transfer me the £30 to insert bank details and I’ll stick it in a tin so I can only use it when I need it!”

Perfect

Straightforward, honest, inoffensive and her response will tell you everything you need to know

marqueses · 10/03/2022 14:26

@Butchyrestingface

I do it all the time, I always check if they’ve got a loyalty card first though as I’d consider it cheeky to ask someone to do it if they had their own.

Is this a thing? As I said up thread, I don't have loyalty cards. It feels cheeky and grabby to me to be routinely asking friends and family to collect points for you on their purchases.

But as I'm obviously so out of the loop, prepared to be told this is totes de rigueur.

Maybe your definition of grabby is different to the norm then, the person who doesn't have the loyalty card is losing nothing.Why would they feel hard done to that the person who does is gettng the benefit.

You'd have to be some kind of weirdo to say no, I don't have a loyalty card and no I'm not swiping yours, how very dare you even ask such a thing

Also a one off occurance with a friend who she sees once in a blue moon isn't what routinely means either

Butchyrestingface · 10/03/2022 14:35

Maybe your definition of grabby is different to the norm then

Must be. Or maybe not, since some others on the thread have expressed the same thought.

You'd have to be some kind of weirdo to say no, I don't have a loyalty card and no I'm not swiping yours, how very dare you even ask such a thing shock

Can't imagine too many people would express themselves that way. I know I wouldn't. Think I would feel a bit taken aback by the request, particularly in OP's scenario, but doubt I'd say anything.

Also a one off occurance with a friend who she sees once in a blue moon isn't what routinely means either grin

Just as well I implied no such thing then. I actually quoted the part of her post I was responding to - you know, the bit where she says she does it "all the time". Can't you read?

Original poster

HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 14:49

@Butchyrestingface what do you think is granny and cheeky about it? I’m not grabbing anything from anyone, no one loses out by scanning my card instead of not scanning a card. If they’re buying Co-op products they’re likely to get their overall shop more cheaply as it applies offers. I also don’t see how it is cheeky as there is no extra effort or work involved in asking someone to scan your card, unless you consider holding a card against a scanner for a second too big a chore to do for a friend.

OP posts:

cantbecoping · 10/03/2022 14:49

@ImInStealthMode

Annoying as this may be, I think it's a bit much to describe it as 'stealing £30' as if this friend has been rifling through OP's wallet when her back was turned.

It was never 'cash' in the first place. It was credit to use in one particular shop. If the friend doesn't frequently use or value loyalty cards (or at least ones that work this way) I can see how she doesn't see it in the same way as the OP and some PPs do.

If she'd taken it to Tesco for a big shop and her bill was £30 less because she'd got all the Clubcard deals she's not otherwise entitled to it wouldn't be an issue, would it?

Honestly if she's a good friend I wouldn't fall out over it.

This.... exactly.

It wasn't cash, it was store credit. She didn't ask for the card nor would she have known there was any money on it, she was on her merry little way to go to the shop with her OWN money to buy the ingredients when OP asked her to take her card. Had OP not asked her to take the card she would have bought it with her own money. It is not like she took an actual bankcard and took 30 quid off it.

SpoilTheirFunMaybe · 10/03/2022 14:51

YANBU OP, I was shopping with my brother the other day he was paying I said "Do you have a clubcard?" and he said "No" I gave him mine and he got the points for me, I'd have assumed the same as you and that she was just getting the points.

LaurenKelsey · 10/03/2022 14:53

I’ve read through all 16 pages of this thread but I’ll still go ahead and throw in my thoughts.
1.Friend believed she was massively undercharged by the Co-Op but chose not to say anything.
2.Friend (likely) looked at the receipt to see why she was undercharged but chose not to tell you about your points being used.
3.When confronted about using your points, friend STILL chose not to make it right.
This adds up to a CF who isn’t trustworthy. I’m sorry, OP. The friendship may not be over, but you’ll never see it the same way again.

cantbecoping · 10/03/2022 14:54

[quote HollowedOut]@Butchyrestingface what do you think is granny and cheeky about it? I’m not grabbing anything from anyone, no one loses out by scanning my card instead of not scanning a card. If they’re buying Co-op products they’re likely to get their overall shop more cheaply as it applies offers. I also don’t see how it is cheeky as there is no extra effort or work involved in asking someone to scan your card, unless you consider holding a card against a scanner for a second too big a chore to do for a friend.[/quote]
Sorry OP but no matter what way you dress it up it seems cheeky to me. I cannot ever imagine handing one of my friends who happened to be going to the shop my Tesco card and asking them to put the shopping points on it. Now your 37p that you could have made on giving her the card has cost you £30!

MrsHumphrieswife · 10/03/2022 14:59

*Annoying as this may be, I think it's a bit much to describe it as 'stealing £30' as if this friend has been rifling through OP's wallet when her back was turned. It was never 'cash' in the first place. It was credit to use in one particular shop8

This is such a dim comment. It had a cash value to OP of £30 to spend in the shop. So yes, OP has lost £30 of shopping.

Just like if you got a £30 gift card so spend in a store and someone took it and spent it, they'd have spent your £30. Its the same thing.

misskatamari · 10/03/2022 15:02

It's like I'm in a parallel universe on this thread!

Op, it is in NO way weird or cheeky to ask someone doing a shop for you to pick up points if they don't have a card.

It's not like you're accosting strangers in the street doing it. She was going to the shop, from your house, she doesn't have a loyalty card, so she used yours. It is completely normal. Honestly don't give it the headspace wondering if you've committed some terrible social faux pas. Ffs it a shop loyalty card, as if anyone cares enough to be mortally offended by this! Bonkers! She was rude. Not paying you back and laughing it off - rude

Mariposista · 10/03/2022 15:04

I'd be furious too, and this needs dealing with. However, do it face to face or by phone call if she has left. Don't sink to her level and take the coward's way out by texting.

AryaStarkWolf · 10/03/2022 15:04

Sorry OP but no matter what way you dress it up it seems cheeky to me. I cannot ever imagine handing one of my friends who happened to be going to the shop my Tesco card and asking them to put the shopping points on it. Now your 37p that you could have made on giving her the card has cost you £30!

"dress it up" don't be fucking ridiculous, she asked her to scan a card, how in the world is that cheeky?

Dixiechickonhols · 10/03/2022 15:12

But giving the card to friend was potentially saving friend money plus op gets a few pennies added to card. It also triggers offers and coupons you can spend immediately eg free bar of chocolate or £1 off x product. I wouldn’t see as grabby.
Tesco is obviously more blatant example with 2 prices displayed but anywhere with a loyalty card is same type of thing.

She took my bloody co-op card

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