She took my bloody co-op card

[HollowedOut]

I’ve had a friend staying with me for the last few days, she due to go home tomorrow. As a thank you for letting her stay she offered to cook us a meal this evening which I gratefully accepted. She needed to go up to Co-Op to get the ingredients so I said to her to take my membership card if she hasn’t got one.

She went up and bought all the ingredients and cooked a really lovely meal. We had a bottle of wine with the meal but fancied another so I popped up to Co-Op again to buy another. I scan my member card like always and she’s spent all my points! There was about £30 on there that I have saved up for months. I like to know that I’ve always got a bit on there in case I’m short one month, it’s just a bit of reassurance.

If someone asked you to take their loyalty card to a shop when you had offered to cook them a meal would you assume that meant the person was offering to pay for the meal with their points? Or would you think they just wanted you to scan their card at checkout so you have a few more points?

Apologies if I’m rambling but it’s 1am, I’ve drunk a bottle of wine and I’m disproportionately pissed off that she’s spent my points!

Nah if you offer someone your loyalty card that's clearly to collect points not to spend what's on it! She clearly has no Intentions of paying you back either. I think you're right to stop putting effort Into this friendship now OP, she has no respect for you hence leaving you to clean up.

I don't even know how to spend points so that thought wouldn't occur to me.

I have a Nectar card linked to my eBay (no Sainsburys where I live), no idea what the points actually do but they never seem to be worth anything lol.

My DH has a Tesco card and gives me a copy of his card so I can use it, it basically gives us money off the Clubcard items which can be quite a saving, but I wouldn't think to faff around with using points.

If you’re not going to put much effort into the friendship in future, you have nothing to lose from asking.

She’s been living abroad for quite a while. It is feasible that she doesn’t understand £30 is a lot of money to you or to anyone. I have done the expat thing and I had a very different concept of money at the time and it took quite a while to ‘get’ it on my return.

It is worth WhatsApping her when she gets home to ask for the cash transfer. Giving her the benefit of the doubt she may have genuinely thought you were ribbing her rather than asking for the money.

@WhatWhatWhatAgain

Her explanation, combined with reluctance to pay sounds a bit dubious. I would be mildly irritated by being asked to use someone else’s loyalty card although it is difficult to explain why. Perhaps because I avoid asking favours unless really necessary. I wouldn’t refuse though and certainly would not spend the points.

Is not really a favour though is it, not in the "can you put yourself out for me" sense. The cahier asks if you have a card, you say yes and hold it up to be scanned. It takes 5 seconds. You're not paying for it, you're not going out of your way to use a particular till etc. Other people's friendships confuse me.

You are pissed off with her about
Using the points
Plus
Leaving the kitchen in “a bloody mess”
Plus
“Expecting me to clean up afterwards”
Plus
Buying all new spices when You already had some

You don’t really like her generally, do you?

All the posters tying themselves in knots trying to make the op the one at fault.

Even if the cf thought that,shes now been put straight and theres still no sign of her giving the money back.

She knows exactly what shes done.
@HollowedOut you need to ask for the money back,it the friendship is over might as well ask.

@mam0918

I don't even know how to spend points so that thought wouldn't occur to me.

I have a Nectar card linked to my eBay (no Sainsburys where I live), no idea what the points actually do but they never seem to be worth anything lol.

My DH has a Tesco card and gives me a copy of his card so I can use it, it basically gives us money off the Clubcard items which can be quite a saving, but I wouldn't think to faff around with using points.

If you use places like the sea life centre the points can save you the cost of a family trip. Fine if you have enough to happily pay full price everywhere but Tesco is def one of the more worthwhile ones

Other people's friendships confuse me

Same, i feel so lucky every time I read friendship threads on here - why do people resent doing the simplest of favours and literally steal from each other??

Friendship over?

Known each other for decades
Close enough to stay over

@Bollindger

You need to tell her. Look I know you said you thought they made a mistake, but the £30 is part of this months food budget and I really need it back, I don't want to fall out with you or resent you when we can't buy basics supplies at the end of the month.

Imho this is a great way of handling it. Thanks for the inspiration :)

@Landedonfeet yes, I do like her. I never understand comments like this - do you never get irritated by things someone you like does? Being irritated by a particular action of my mother’s or similar doesn’t mean I don’t like her. It just means I don’t like that behaviour at that moment in time.

I’ve spoken to her and she didn’t realise she’d used my points and thought Co-op had messed up as they only charged her £7! She seemed pretty embarrassed but despite much heavy hinting from me she hasn’t yet offered to give me the £30 back. I can see how that might happen if she didn't didn't a card of her own and no idea how it worked I guess. But still. I would now demand the cash. Cf.

@mam0918

I don't even know how to spend points so that thought wouldn't occur to me.

I have a Nectar card linked to my eBay (no Sainsburys where I live), no idea what the points actually do but they never seem to be worth anything lol.

My DH has a Tesco card and gives me a copy of his card so I can use it, it basically gives us money off the Clubcard items which can be quite a saving, but I wouldn't think to faff around with using points.

Sometimes if you have a lot of points built up the Cashier will ask if you want to use your points and will tell you how many you have

@HollowedOut

Well, she’s headed off now anyway and I’m not planning on putting much effort into maintaining the friendship from now on. It’s a bit sad as we’ve known each other for years and would regularly send long emails/ WhatsApp messages while she lived abroad. Talking about stuff that you don’t with people when it’s face to face so I felt this friendship was possibly much deeper than she did. Ah, well.

She still didn’t offer the £30 and I couldn’t bring myself to ask for it outright, I’d heavily hinted and she just kept laughing it off as so embarrassing for her and what a dimwit she is 🙄.

I still haven’t had anyone tell me why it is cheeky to ask someone to put points on a loyalty card for you though. I do it all the time, I always check if they’ve got a loyalty card first though as I’d consider it cheeky to ask someone to do it if they had their own. I know it’s only pennies each time but I’ve got £30 since Christmas so it really does add up. I’m not embarrassed by people thinking that I’m short on money. I don’t think I’m tight, I just get satisfaction from a good bargain or lots of points on cards.

How ever much have you spent in the co op to amass £30 of points since Christmas?

I know prices have gone up and the co-op is expensive, but still.

What are people struggling with here about using loyalty cards? You simply swipe it and get points which equals money/discount vouchers. I thought this was universal knowledge and loyalty schemes are pretty widely used by many places. Even my teens know about them and love getting their free coffee from the coffee shop when they have enough stamps on their card etc.

OP it is definitely not cheeky to ask someone to take your card to get points if they don’t have one themselves. It is however very cheeky to take someone’s loyalty card and use it like a debit card!

It’s annoying because even if she gives you the £30 back (which doesn’t look likely), you can’t convert those to points. So if you’re bad with money as you say (so am I) then the £30 will get spent and you’re still without the points.

I have a nectar card which I use to save points for Christmas and my mum happily used it to collect points for me when she got fuel the other day.

@HollowedOut

Well, she’s headed off now anyway and I’m not planning on putting much effort into maintaining the friendship from now on. It’s a bit sad as we’ve known each other for years and would regularly send long emails/ WhatsApp messages while she lived abroad. Talking about stuff that you don’t with people when it’s face to face so I felt this friendship was possibly much deeper than she did. Ah, well.

She still didn’t offer the £30 and I couldn’t bring myself to ask for it outright, I’d heavily hinted and she just kept laughing it off as so embarrassing for her and what a dimwit she is 🙄.

I still haven’t had anyone tell me why it is cheeky to ask someone to put points on a loyalty card for you though. I do it all the time, I always check if they’ve got a loyalty card first though as I’d consider it cheeky to ask someone to do it if they had their own. I know it’s only pennies each time but I’ve got £30 since Christmas so it really does add up. I’m not embarrassed by people thinking that I’m short on money. I don’t think I’m tight, I just get satisfaction from a good bargain or lots of points on cards.

Just outright ask her for the £30 there's no point skirting round the issue. Your friendship is already basically over , it sounds like you don't really like her anyway it was more of an online thing.

As for the cheeky aspect I would only ask my OH to collect points for me even then if he spent them I wouldn't care. Asking someone who isn't a close relative to collect points for you just seems a bit tight and tacky. If I was giving someone a card I would use expect them to use it in a way that is beneficial to them for discounts or the points. A friend has used my clubcard when we were shopping together as she needed one to get the clubcard offers . I wouldn't just give it and expect them to collect points for me. Just different views I suppose.

As to why is it cheeky to ask someone to put points of your card. It just feels cheeky when you talk about it like this. You are asking them a favour that will get you money in.

I mean, it does make kind of practical sense but you are still asking them to do a favour and asking a lot of favours when you dont to is cheeky. You say you do it all the time with various people which sounds even more cheeky.

@Cuck00soup I do all my shopping there. It’s the only shop that’s walkable from my house and I don’t have a car at the moment so it’s pretty much 100% Co-Op.

She knew exactly what she was doing. She felt entitled to that money because she thought it was your job to feed her and clean up after her.

Send her a text now asking for then money, don't let her get away with it.

[quote HollowedOut]@Landedonfeet yes, I do like her. I never understand comments like this - do you never get irritated by things someone you like does? Being irritated by a particular action of my mother’s or similar doesn’t mean I don’t like her. It just means I don’t like that behaviour at that moment in time.[/quote]
A friend stay overnight with me
The next morning
If I was cross about them leaving my kitchen in a bloody mess; expecting me to clean up; AND pissed off they used my points to pay for food

I don’t know - not my view of the friendships I have

@Inastatus

What are people struggling with here about using loyalty cards? You simply swipe it and get points which equals money/discount vouchers. I thought this was universal knowledge and loyalty schemes are pretty widely used by many places. Even my teens know about them and love getting their free coffee from the coffee shop when they have enough stamps on their card etc.

OP it is definitely not cheeky to ask someone to take your card to get points if they don’t have one themselves. It is however very cheeky to take someone’s loyalty card and use it like a debit card!

Why should it be a general knowledge? Some people dont like those cards or find them annoying, or they might not be available in shops they use so why should they know exactly how any particular card works?

Second time you’ve seen her in a decade and now saying on the basis of this incident… you won’t maintain the friendship

Hmmm

I suppose we just have different approaches to what “friendships” are

If she in more of an online friend /or has been for a long time/ it may be that you dont click in person as much as you do online. I have some friendships that dont move well from the online into the real life too. Its sad really.