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Original poster

She took my bloody co-op card

627 replies

HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 01:18

I’ve had a friend staying with me for the last few days, she due to go home tomorrow. As a thank you for letting her stay she offered to cook us a meal this evening which I gratefully accepted. She needed to go up to Co-Op to get the ingredients so I said to her to take my membership card if she hasn’t got one.

She went up and bought all the ingredients and cooked a really lovely meal. We had a bottle of wine with the meal but fancied another so I popped up to Co-Op again to buy another. I scan my member card like always and she’s spent all my points! There was about £30 on there that I have saved up for months. I like to know that I’ve always got a bit on there in case I’m short one month, it’s just a bit of reassurance.

If someone asked you to take their loyalty card to a shop when you had offered to cook them a meal would you assume that meant the person was offering to pay for the meal with their points? Or would you think they just wanted you to scan their card at checkout so you have a few more points?

Apologies if I’m rambling but it’s 1am, I’ve drunk a bottle of wine and I’m disproportionately pissed off that she’s spent my points!

OP posts:
Original poster
HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 11:32

She also expected me to clean up afterwards l! She’d made a right bloody mess cooking, I had to mop the floor from the amount of sauce on it. If it was just the mess or the spending the card it wouldn’t have really bothered me (although her not offering to pay back now she knows has further pissed me off). It’s the combination of both those things that have left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth after her stay

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 10/03/2022 11:33

You could on the other hand turn it round and ask her, so when are you coming inviting me over to stay and will this be reciprocated?! Or am I reaching here?!

Arabellla · 10/03/2022 11:34

She's not a friend. Don't invite her round again.

Interested in this thread?

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General shopping
FlippyFloppyFlappy · 10/03/2022 11:35

Yeah if I was the friend I'd be mortified that you mentioned the £30, if it was an accident or cross wires, I'm shocked she hasn't offered you the money.

thevassal · 10/03/2022 11:35

So many weirdos on this thread! Of course everyone would know you meant "take my card to get extra points" not "take my card to pay for the meal you just said you were buying for me as a thank you!" And the poster who said op was being greedy by trying to get the points- do you live in the real world??? They are free, OP may as well have them than nobody!

Even if she was clueless and somehow misunderstood and managed to pay with the points (very unlikely in my humble opinion as they make it very clear when they ask this, even on the automated screens) surely she would have noticed when the cost was free or very cheap compared to what she was expecting for a full basket of shopping? And then come back to you and said "I'm so sorry i think I made a mistake with your points, here's 30 quid cash so you don't lose out!"

Or at the very least when OP thanked her for the dinner admitted "actually I don't think i paid for it" rather than accepting the thanks for something she hadn't bought!!!

AryaStarkWolf · 10/03/2022 11:36

Also, not only would the cashier have definitely ASKED her if she wanted to use the points, lets just say she did and your friend misunderstood the question or whatever, if the she was only charged £7 and thought the cashier had messed up, the first thing someone in that situation would do would be to look at the receipt and she would have then seen that points were used

Gonnagetgoing · 10/03/2022 11:36

@HollowedOut

She also expected me to clean up afterwards l! She’d made a right bloody mess cooking, I had to mop the floor from the amount of sauce on it. If it was just the mess or the spending the card it wouldn’t have really bothered me (although her not offering to pay back now she knows has further pissed me off). It’s the combination of both those things that have left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth after her stay
@HollowedOut - ah this makes more sense now. And I totally get why you’d be pissed off. I would be too.

You need a word with her full stop re all this. If she’s nit apologetic or willing to pay back money then you can reconsider the friendship but it looks like as she’s been living away you’ve lost touch anyway.

marqueses · 10/03/2022 11:45

@Gonnagetgoing

You could on the other hand turn it round and ask her, so when are you coming inviting me over to stay and will this be reciprocated?! Or am I reaching here?!
She could say that but that doesn't solve the problem of how she buys food with the £30 that was being saved for a time when money was tight.

I like the suggestions above of being honest and neutral by explaining that you need the money back as it's part of your normal food budget and make it clear that she needs to pay you back

Thewindwhispers · 10/03/2022 11:46

“I’ll pop to the shops and cook”
“Ok, take my card”

I’d have thought you were offering to pay.

LlamasintheFog · 10/03/2022 11:48

I'm a lot more dubious about the friend now than I was at first. I can see how offering her your card could have been misconstrued, although it would negate her cooking for you as a thank you. But now you've explained what happened and she's still not paid - I'm afraid that suggests it was deliberate. If I had inadvertently taken money in this way I'd be mortified, getting the money back to you ASAP and the fact she isnt doing that is not a good look at all..

shssandhr · 10/03/2022 11:58

I was going to go with a simple misunderstanding at first but it sounds like she's dishonest anyway. It takes a certain type of person to take a full basket to the checkout, it costs 7 quid, she thinks mmm that's a bit cheap maybe the cashier has made a mistake and then doesn't check the receipt or mention it at the till. She knew full well the items cost way more than that.
So either her version of the story is true and she didn't point it out to the person at the till OR she knows full well she took the points off the total.
Dishonest, cheeky fucker.

Bollindger · 10/03/2022 12:00

There is one big red flag here.

Would not the friend have come back to the house and said...OMG it only cost £7 for everything.
Is there anyone on here who would not have mentioned this at sometime in the day?

Original poster
HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 12:03

Well, she’s headed off now anyway and I’m not planning on putting much effort into maintaining the friendship from now on. It’s a bit sad as we’ve known each other for years and would regularly send long emails/ WhatsApp messages while she lived abroad. Talking about stuff that you don’t with people when it’s face to face so I felt this friendship was possibly much deeper than she did. Ah, well.

She still didn’t offer the £30 and I couldn’t bring myself to ask for it outright, I’d heavily hinted and she just kept laughing it off as so embarrassing for her and what a dimwit she is 🙄.

I still haven’t had anyone tell me why it is cheeky to ask someone to put points on a loyalty card for you though. I do it all the time, I always check if they’ve got a loyalty card first though as I’d consider it cheeky to ask someone to do it if they had their own. I know it’s only pennies each time but I’ve got £30 since Christmas so it really does add up. I’m not embarrassed by people thinking that I’m short on money. I don’t think I’m tight, I just get satisfaction from a good bargain or lots of points on cards.

OP posts:
Takeawaytonight · 10/03/2022 12:05

37 on ingredients? Would have been cheaper to get a takeout or pizza

FlippyFloppyFlappy · 10/03/2022 12:05

I don't think there's anything cheeky about asking someone to accrue points for you if they don't have a card themselves 🤷🏼‍♀️

Whatamesssss · 10/03/2022 12:05

Just send her your bank details so she can send the £30. Don't apologise or say sorry to bother you etc. She is a CF.

SpiderVersed · 10/03/2022 12:08

@Thewindwhispers

“I’ll pop to the shops and cook” “Ok, take my card”

I’d have thought you were offering to pay.

I'd have thought that too.
SarahAndQuack · 10/03/2022 12:10

It's definitely rude not to offer it back now you've said it.

Giveaschitt · 10/03/2022 12:10

@Thewindwhispers

“I’ll pop to the shops and cook” “Ok, take my card”

I’d have thought you were offering to pay.

But that isn't the conversation they had...
PoshPyjamas · 10/03/2022 12:11

I would have thought you were offering to pay.

I also find it very frustrating when people won’t say what they mean. It depends on how good a friend I was speaking to, but it’s possible I wouldn’t have offered the money back in annoyance at what you call ‘hints’ and I might call passive aggressiveness.

AryaStarkWolf · 10/03/2022 12:11

@Thewindwhispers

“I’ll pop to the shops and cook” “Ok, take my card”

I’d have thought you were offering to pay.

That wasn't the conversation though and it wasn't a Credit/Debit card she was offering.

The OP clearly asked her if she had a loyalty card and when the friend said no she asked her to take hers in that case. Asking her if she had her own implies that if she wasn't going to take the points herself then would she use the OPs card so the points weren't wasted

ASaucerfulOfSecrets · 10/03/2022 12:12

Surely a simple 'Hey friend, I kind of needed that £30 for emergencies, could you leave it on the side please' is the best option?

Landedonfeet · 10/03/2022 12:14

I don’t have loyalty cards
And never use
If someone said take mine
I’d assume I use for payment

Landedonfeet · 10/03/2022 12:14

But given it was meant to be a treat
I wouldn’t have used

Landedonfeet · 10/03/2022 12:15

@PoshPyjamas

I would have thought you were offering to pay.

I also find it very frustrating when people won’t say what they mean. It depends on how good a friend I was speaking to, but it’s possible I wouldn’t have offered the money back in annoyance at what you call ‘hints’ and I might call passive aggressiveness.

But given it was meant to be a thank you treat

Wouldn’t you have declined?