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Original poster

She took my bloody co-op card

627 replies

HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 01:18

I’ve had a friend staying with me for the last few days, she due to go home tomorrow. As a thank you for letting her stay she offered to cook us a meal this evening which I gratefully accepted. She needed to go up to Co-Op to get the ingredients so I said to her to take my membership card if she hasn’t got one.

She went up and bought all the ingredients and cooked a really lovely meal. We had a bottle of wine with the meal but fancied another so I popped up to Co-Op again to buy another. I scan my member card like always and she’s spent all my points! There was about £30 on there that I have saved up for months. I like to know that I’ve always got a bit on there in case I’m short one month, it’s just a bit of reassurance.

If someone asked you to take their loyalty card to a shop when you had offered to cook them a meal would you assume that meant the person was offering to pay for the meal with their points? Or would you think they just wanted you to scan their card at checkout so you have a few more points?

Apologies if I’m rambling but it’s 1am, I’ve drunk a bottle of wine and I’m disproportionately pissed off that she’s spent my points!

OP posts:
MrsHumphrieswife · 10/03/2022 11:02

@PegasusReturns

Whether OP was ambiguous or not is a red herring. The friend was offering to pay for and make a meal as a thank you.

Even if OP had said here is cash please take it the friend should have responded “don’t be ridiculous, I’m paying, this is my way of saying thank you”.

Using the card under any circumstances was poor.

Quite.
jollygreenpea · 10/03/2022 11:02

Well here's a lesson for all the 'misunderstanding' people, if some one offers you their loyalty card (that you don't have) it means add the points don't spend them.

Either way she is dishonest, she deliberately used your points or she didn't mention that her shopping should have been more than £7.

Original poster
HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 11:04

@Gonnagetgoing I think you have to pay £1 or so for the card in the first place as it’s a member thing. They’re really good and do actually give a lot to local charities and schools which is why I got one in the first place. And I like that I can save up my points for a rainy day/ treat rather than just getting a load of crappy vouchers for stuff I don’t buy like Sainsbury’s do.

OP posts:

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General shopping
Original poster
HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 11:04

I don’t work for Co-op btw

OP posts:
cantbecoping · 10/03/2022 11:04

The question is... has she got form for this? Is she normally a mean and grabby person?

Original poster
HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 11:05

Although I guess I’d say that even if I did work for them

OP posts:
Original poster
HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 11:06

@cantbecoping I don’t know really. I was at uni with her and then she moved abroad. She only moved back a few months ago and this is only the second time I’ve seen her in a decade. We chat all the time online but not much opportunity for crabbiness there

OP posts:
Masdintle · 10/03/2022 11:07

£30 is a week's food shop for me. I'd be well pissed off

Maves · 10/03/2022 11:08

Mmm this may be your fault...she didn't specify why you gave her the card if I'm honest I wouldn't be as tight to give someone my card for points! So maybe she assumed you meant use the points either ask her for it back or suck it up you got a meal cooked for ya even if you asked for half back?

NoWordForFluffy · 10/03/2022 11:08

I'm not sure I'd believe her explanation. She would / could have queried it and it would / could have been resolved in store if she'd checked.

Though I'm not sure you were clear to her, potentially.

And I like that I can save up my points for a rainy day/ treat rather than just getting a load of crappy vouchers for stuff I don’t buy like Sainsbury’s do.

This is factually incorrect, mind you. I have over £240 in Nectar points which I can spend how I like, which I get from shopping there, plus at eBay, Argos, and loads of other places. Plus I maximise points offers as well. If you think that's how Nectar works, you're not using it right!

cantbecoping · 10/03/2022 11:09

[quote HollowedOut]@cantbecoping I don’t know really. I was at uni with her and then she moved abroad. She only moved back a few months ago and this is only the second time I’ve seen her in a decade. We chat all the time online but not much opportunity for crabbiness there[/quote]
I initially said it was a mistake on her part and not intentional but now that you have said it to her, if it were me, I would be falling over myself to give you the money back. The fact that she is not doing that is dodge..

newbiename · 10/03/2022 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LookItsMeAgain · 10/03/2022 11:13

@HollowedOut - challenge her on this bit -
I’ve spoken to her and she didn’t realise she’d used my points and thought Co-op had messed up as they only charged her £7! She seemed pretty embarrassed but despite much heavy hinting from me she hasn’t yet offered to give me the £30 back.

Say "Listen. I've been struggling to get past this but surely if you were only charged £7 you must have realised that something was up? You offered to 'get' dinner and it seems that I 'got' dinner here because you used my points to pay. I really can't be without those points as I save them in the event I need them in an emergency. This wasn't an emergency. Can you please transfer the £30 to me or if you have it in cash I'll take that too. I just can't be without the equivalent points or money. I know this might make you uncomfortable but it is what it is."

newbiename · 10/03/2022 11:13

@TheRealityCheque

Hmmm.

"Here, take my loyalty card" is not clear, imo.

It's £30. Suck it up.

It's a lot to some people. She says she saves the points for when she hasn't got much money.
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/03/2022 11:13

OP checked her mate didn't have her own card first. Which also meant it was clear she was not offering to pay.

Some people have a wide disconnect between points/vouchers and how they were obtained. They view them as a free windfall that serendipitously dropped randomly into your lap and which should be used ASAP before you lose it or it expires - fair enough if it's a 'Spend £X and get 25% off' coupon snipped out of a magazine, but not when it's something that has been actively paid for and/or built up.

This reminds me of the recent thread where OP got a perpetual very generous discount card (a third off, iirc) from a restaurant and also had a gift voucher that her DM had bought and given her for her birthday. She and her DH went out with a group of friends and she had already saved them a fortune by having her discount applied to the whole bill for her table (hence she had to be the one paying at the till); but then, when, the others were settling up what they owed her, they automatically took off their 'share' of her birthday gift voucher as well!

I was trying to think positively from the pov of the friend, but after the latest update, it isn't looking very good on her, if she isn't offering to repay it now. All I can think is that she was expecting OP to pay for the food all along (she might have been one of those who would have brought the receipt for OP to repay her) and interpreted the 'use my card' as an acknowledgement of this - and maybe she doesn't have the money herself, to pay it back.

Alternatively, I suppose she could have been planning on buying (and paying for) the very basics herself, but misinterpreted the 'use my card' as 'go on, let's have a treat' - then asked the cashier what the balance was and thought "Woo-hoo!" before ploughing into the wine and posh dessert section as well.

rogueone · 10/03/2022 11:15

Maves if that was the case why has OP friend stated she hadnt realised and thought it was a checkout error?

Its not tight to give someone your card for points (unless they have there own for that shop), i have folks in sainsburys asking at checkouts if anyone wants their points. I give my card to my kids to collect points if popping to shops.

IAmNeverWrong · 10/03/2022 11:16

Maybe the cashier said, "You do know you've got enough points to pay for this?" and your friend thought, "Ah, so that's why Hollowed said to take her card."

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and let it go, personally, as what you said was ambiguous.

AryaStarkWolf · 10/03/2022 11:19

@HollowedOut

I’ve spoken to her and she didn’t realise she’d used my points and thought Co-op had messed up as they only charged her £7! She seemed pretty embarrassed but despite much heavy hinting from me she hasn’t yet offered to give me the £30 back.

I’m curious as to why so many posters think it is cheeky to ask someone to use their loyalty card if the person paying doesn’t have one of their own. I’m not taking anything away from them by asking them, the points wouldn’t go to anyone else and it doesn’t stop them getting discounts or anything. It probably is a bit daft to ask someone to do it when it’s only like another 25p in points or something but, like I said in my OP, I like collecting them and knowing I’ve got a bit on there for a rainy day.

I think she's lying about that, I have a Boots card and they would never use the points without asking if you wanted to use them first
NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 10/03/2022 11:24

It probably is a bit daft to ask someone to do it when it’s only like another 25p in points or something. But by my reckoning that's about the value of the points she'd have gained through doing the shop for you OP. Really not worth it.

Mind you I'm beginning to think less of your friend for not challenging the price (£7) she was charged by the shop, when she knew the value of the spend was considerably more!

jytdtysrht · 10/03/2022 11:24

I would say bullshit did she think the coop had messed up. Rather, she thought that you didn't keep close tabs on the points balance. Furthermore, if she really thought the coop had messed up, I'd have expected her to say to you - we're getting a really cut price dinner here, they only charged me £7!!

Really, a cashier would notice a £7 charge for £37 worth of food. And I've never had points used without the cashier asking.

Arabellla · 10/03/2022 11:27

Ask her to transfer the money today. Say you need it for your weekly shop urgently.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/03/2022 11:28

Whether OP was ambiguous or not is a red herring. The friend was offering to pay for and make a meal as a thank you.

OP wrote: As a thank you for letting her stay she offered to cook us a meal this evening which I gratefully accepted.

Most of us would naturally include 'and pay for' in that, but that isn't what she actually ever offered. In making her offer, she could have just meant to let them have a rest from cooking for the evening rather than to financially pay for them.

Well here's a lesson for all the 'misunderstanding' people, if some one offers you their loyalty card (that you don't have) it means add the points don't spend them.

But it doesn't, though. It likely means that, but it might also mean use this to pay for it. A loyalty card is used for collecting AND spending points. You would hope that most neurotypical and/or socially-aware people would assume you meant the first - or at least tactfully check first - "Oh, yes - I'll get you the points" ; "No, no, I meant to use my points to pay for it" - but it's not objectively categorical.

I could just as easily say "Here's a lesson for all the 'dinner is in the evening' people: it's not, it's in the middle of the day" - but I'd be just as wrong to make a sweeping proclamation and assume that there was universal consensus on it.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 10/03/2022 11:29

@ajytdtysrht you have a fair point. OP I've totally changed my mind and think you have every right to ask nicely for your £30 back! It's a pity though that a nice 'thank you' meal (and she did go out and buy the ingredients and then cook for you all) has been totally spoiled, and potentially a friendship too.

CustardySergeant · 10/03/2022 11:31

@IAmNeverWrong

Maybe the cashier said, "You do know you've got enough points to pay for this?" and your friend thought, "Ah, so that's why Hollowed said to take her card."

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and let it go, personally, as what you said was ambiguous.

But she didn't have enough points to pay for it. The shopping came to £37 because the 'friend' paid £7.She said "she didn’t realise she’d used my points and thought Co-op had messed up as they only charged her £7!"
ABitBesotted · 10/03/2022 11:32

I'd be upset. I spend my CO OP points at Christmas- usually about sixty pounds, it means we can have extras we couldn't otherwise.

As you say having the card is a little safety net.

I think she stole, sorry

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