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Original poster

16 yo daughter has fake ID delivered!!!

139 replies

TryingmybestMum · 01/03/2022 12:11

A letter arrived for my daughter this morning, I know at 16 I should respect her privacy and not open it but I did (feeling conflicted) . No address on envelope and clearly a card inside and no letter. It’s a citizens card stating she is 2 years old than she is (I.e stating she is 18)! I looked on the citizen card site and this looks really passable and the qr code works!!! Im furious but not sure how to play this conversation. Also furious that she gets allowance each month (no job yet until after GCSE’s) and it looks like fake ID are relatively expensive (compared to her allowance). I want to calm down and have something of a remotely calm conversation when she gets in but would welcome other thoughts. Anyone handled this??

OP posts:
TheRealityCheque · 01/03/2022 13:45

There's some proper pearl clutching going on here.

For me, it would be a proud mum moment.

Fake ID is a rite of passage and nobody is ever going to lose their home or job over it, what total horseshit.

gemloving · 01/03/2022 13:46

We all had one and went clubbing at 16 but that was in 2006!

Gilly12345 · 01/03/2022 13:47

Fake ID really?

Everyone has fake ID? I think not.

Good job you opened up the post. Stupid girl.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/03/2022 13:48

Maybe take her to a local license holder and they can explain how devastating the effects are for some. you want the bloke at the loc off licences to explain alcohol abuse to the ops 16 yo?

Hugasauras · 01/03/2022 13:54

Ah I remember my fake ID. It was terrible Grin I remember the bouncers giving me a Hmm face but letting me in anyway. Wouldn't happen nowadays I'm sure ...

Hugasauras · 01/03/2022 13:57

Anyway I wouldn't bother with any deviousness, stealth destroying, etc. She's 16 and can be spoken to like an adult. Just tell her you opened it by mistake and found it and you're worried about what she wants it for. Give her the space to talk to you about it, not hide things from you further.

Juno22 · 01/03/2022 13:59

When I was 16 I altered my passport to show I was 2 years older than I was. I'm so old that in those days the date of birth was written in pen.

I can't believe anyone thinks it's ok to open a 16 year old's post. It really isn't.

Original poster
TryingmybestMum · 01/03/2022 14:00

Thanks all, a bit surprised some people are being so angry with each other (it’s been a while since I’ve been on MN). 🙀.

Definitely will tell her I opened it (not up for lying) and say it’s because I was suspicious and worried (totally true). She had a number of challenges last year or so when she was pretty vulnerable so although I’m still not 100% ok with myself for opening and will understand if she isn’t then I’d probably do the same tbh. I’d rather have a conversation about this with her than be secretive about it(feels that just compounds invasion of privacy). Also she is still a minor and it is my responsibility to keep her safe.

I am absolutely going to ask calmly what she wanted it for. Totally get the ‘teens will be teens’ and as mentioned before we have some open conversations and boundaries and actually lots of 18+ things locally don’t get ID’d. Compounds my worry on what she wanted it for but would rather have a conversation on her headspace than just bin it and put my head in the sand.

Just a note as well…. I do have a 22 year old. He was super shy and would never have been looking to go out and about so a new route with the second who now wants to fast forward and be super grown up and a social butterfly. They are both lovely and we have proper conversations ( hence I absolutely won’t hide that I opened mail and confident we will have a non drama chat about it). Honestly when they were little I’d have been just as outraged at someone opening mail of their older teen but experiences evolve your thinking (good and bad ways) and still navigating this parenting. Definitely don’t think we all need to be ‘shout’ with each other though.

OP posts:
youlightupmyday · 01/03/2022 14:01

Meh. Storm in a pint glass tea cup

AlternativePerspective · 01/03/2022 14:08

These days the pubs and clubs are pretty hot on ID, either a passport or provisional/valid driving licence is pretty much all that is accepted.

If people think that it’s ok to have a fake ID to get into a club then you need to think carefully why bouncers generally let in young girls as opposed to teenage boys, it’s because they’re girls, young, vulnerable, and often easily targeted. Absolutely nothing to do with the fact that their ID is convincing.

It’s worth bearing in mind that back in the days when some of the posters proudly went into clubs and pubs with fake ID, girls dressed up to look older than they were were referred to as “jail bate”.

But hey let’s be proud of a young girl who wants to be older but doesn’t actually have the maturity to counter the advances of the creepy types who will either let her into, or spike her drinks while she is in a nightclub.

Lorw · 01/03/2022 14:12

Don’t worry OP, she’s hardly going to get into a club with that ID, most only accept driving licence or passport and even then most scan them these days, I’m 25 and had a valid passport and a club still wouldn’t let me in as I looked too young 😂

Ive been spiked in a club a few years ago though and thought I was so careful! Made me very unwell, thank god a nice man had called an ambulance for me cause I’d wondered off from my friends, don’t remember a single thing.

axolotlfloof · 01/03/2022 14:13

My Mum was of the opinion that it was safer to be in a pub than wandering the streets, so was happy for me to go to the pub aged 16/17.
We didn't have any ID though, and no one asked.
Presumably it's different now?

Momijin · 01/03/2022 14:14

@Northernsoullover

I've genuinely opened my 16 year olds mail in error (I wasn't used to anyone but me receiving mail save for a birthday card or two) I apologised profusely for opening the NI number (so he was probably 15) no harm done. I would tell her you opened it in error. It's a lie but so is using fake ID. You are both dishonest. As for not being a big deal I beg to differ. Maybe she doesn't intend buying alcohol but just wants to join in with peers but if buying alcohol is her goal then yes I would be cross. That said on mumsnet it's normal for most parents to encourage their youngsters to drink. There is a misconception that teaching them to drink responsibly will protect them from future harm. The evidence states the contrary.
I did the same because the only official looking envelopes have always been for me op to this point. And of they have their name then it is usually to the parent or carer of child's name.

You shouldn't have opened her post op. You could have waited until she got home to ask her to open it.

Tell her you opened it by mistake and ask her why she needs fake id.

bellsbuss · 01/03/2022 14:17

A large majority of 16/17 year olds have fake ID, they cost around £65. I know this as I have a 16 year old daughter who goes to bars and clubs with her similar age friends most weeks. Do I get worked up about it, no I don't as I was doing the same. I've just made sure she's aware of what could happen on a night out.

AlternativePerspective · 01/03/2022 14:24

Do the parents of these 16 year olds not have concerns over how prevalent spiking of drinks is these days? Far far worse than it used to be.

And tbh I would be surprised if your kids are genuinely getting into clubs and bars. My DS is 19 and works in a club and they won’t allow anyone in with anything but legit ID i.e. passport/driving driving licence, and many of the pubs ban under 18’s altogether after a certain time of night.

If you’re caught allowing under 18’s in, and trading standards do regular checks, then you as a landlord could lose your licence.

it absolutely isn’t a victimless crime hence why most decent establishments are so cautious. I wouldn’t consider a pub or club which routinely allowed under 18’s in with dodgy fake ID’s to be the kind of places I’d want my 16 year old to be hanging around.

DGRossetti · 01/03/2022 14:43

Surely the real story here is how useless Citizen cards are as ID ?

2bazookas · 01/03/2022 14:47

Destroy the letter and fake card, say nothing, watch out for further deliveries.

Lastofthecelebrations · 01/03/2022 14:48

Iv have worked in licensed premises for nearly thirty years. Company I work for are really strict on the underage policy. We only except photographic ID but I genuinely don't understand that if an ID is checked and is authentic looking how there is anything more I can be expected to do. We are trained to look out for under age customers, it's drummed into us to ask for ID( details are logged). Nowhere in my training have I been given a brief on how to spot a fake ID if it looks authentic!
Yes I could lose my job for knowing allowing an underage person on premises or not checking ID but iv never known anyone lose their "livelihood" for not spotting authentic looking fake ID!

user2519782463 · 01/03/2022 14:49

You're absolutely right to clamp down on it. Fake ID isn't only used in pubs and clubs. I have a friend who works for an adult site and they're constantly fending off applications to be models with fake ids.

betwixtlives · 01/03/2022 14:53

@girlmom21

Ignore all the people telling you everyone at that age has fake ID's. They don't. And even if they did, that wouldn't make it ok for your daughter to go to a nightclub full of alcohol and booze or whatever she's planning to do before she's even taken her GCSEs.

I was her age 10 years ago and nobody had fake ID's. We just sent the oldest looking people to buy our booze but the repercussions are much stricter now for businesses servicing minors.

alcohol and booze? good heavens Shock
girlmom21 · 01/03/2022 15:03

@betwixtlives ha I meant alcohol and drugs Grin

ArialAnna · 01/03/2022 15:24

A bit off topic, but I'm quite jealous of all these mumsnetters who appear to live in areas where the authorities enforce something as minor as ages restrictions in nightclubs etc. Where I live it seems like the police don't have enough resource to investigate / enforce anything other than violent offences.

CharlotteTuesday · 01/03/2022 22:39

Some hilarious responses on here

You did absolutely nothing wrong OP. Id have opened her bloody post too and made no apology for that at all.

I wouldn't open post as a matter of course! I would if my suspicions were raised. It's called parenting and teens require you to have eyes in the back of your head sometimes

As to what I'd do.. initially ask what she had bought it for and then take it from there

Uafasach · 01/03/2022 22:51

*You did absolutely nothing wrong OP. Id have opened her bloody post too and made no apology for that at all.

I wouldn't open post as a matter of course! I would if my suspicions were raised*

I completely agree with this. No such thing as the OP "losing the moral high ground" because she opened the letter - she did it because she was suspicious and was proven correct.

Obviouspretzel · 02/03/2022 07:03

Of course she has lost the moral high ground. As a teenager,the lesson here for me would be, my parents can't be trusted to respect my privacy so get the next ID delivered to someone else's house.