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Dp won't let kids leave the house because of Russian invasion

327 replies

Privateandconfidentialplease · 01/03/2022 08:28

We live in the UK and he won't let our secondary school age kids leave the house and go to school. It is 10 minutes away so pretty local. He is usually intelligent, aware of world events and history. He used to be in the marines and is very aware of military history and stuff. You get the picture. I think the kids can go in as normal but have discussed it with him and he wont budge. So they will have more time at home now. He wants them to have the whole week off. I have said they can stay home today and we will discuss it tomorrow. After all the lockdowns....self isolation due to covid twice.
Is he crazy?

OP posts:
keysonthetable · 01/03/2022 11:05

Can you gently explain that keeping them at home does not protect them physically any more than they would be at school.

However, what it could do is harm their mental health making them scared to go out.

Kids in WW2 carried on going in to school after nights of broken sleep in air raid shelters, doing their homework by torch or candle light.

Keep calm and carry on ! It's surely better for their mental health.

Bromse · 01/03/2022 11:06

It's completely unnecessary for your children to stay at home. Why? Everyone here is going about their business as normal. We haven't been invaded.

MumbleCrumbs · 01/03/2022 11:06

I empathise, I am hating sending my eldest to school at the moment as it is so far away that I couldn't get to her easily in a crisis (my younger two go to a school three doors down) and all I want to do it keep them all at home with me. I also recognise that I have a panic disorder and agoraphobia too which makes the threat much more amplified in my mind than it probably is in reality. I also think the affects of lockdown are probably affecting people's ability to deal with this crisis rationally. We have just gotten over an awful pandemic that has left many of us traumatised, and the day it is declared "over" a 70 year old madman threatens nuclear war. It's a horrible situation but I think he requires love, support and understanding. This isn't abuse, this is a man who loves his children feeling really scared and vulnerable. Even my stoic, impervious DH has been glued to the news with a worried look on his face the last two days.

Lovemusic33 · 01/03/2022 11:09

Sounds like you dh has PTSD and the recent events has triggered it. He needs to see that his actions are not normal.

I agree with those saying ‘the more you know about nuclear weapons the more anxious you will be’, it’s easy for us not to panic because most of us don’t know a lot about nuclear weapons or Russia. I know several ex forces who say they know way too much, I can see this building anxiety.

Your child needs to go to school, your dh needs to see a doctor because his behaviour is effecting you and your child.

catscatscatseverywhere · 01/03/2022 11:10

Does he really think situation will change in a week? He needs to get a grip.

Cornettoninja · 01/03/2022 11:11

That said, if we were told we had an incoming nuke, first thing I’d do is get my kids from school so at least we could all die from radiation poisoning together

Fair enough, but I wouldn’t let my dd die from radiation poisoning (as opposed to a quick demise in the initial blast) if I could help it and would make sure she didn’t have to suffer that if I truly believed that was an imminent realistic possibility.

That’s where my biggest concern lies, someone with few realistic avenues available to avoid or deal with the absolute worst case scenario is already trying to isolate their family. There’s a real possibility that avoiding a worse fate could become a viable option for them.

busyeatingbiscuits · 01/03/2022 11:13

@Comedycook

I'm sorry for everyone who is worried and anxious right now...but it absolutely isn't understandable or proportional to be crying taking your children to school or keeping them at home because there's a war in another country. Sorry but it just isn't.
People aren't scared about a war in another country though, they are worried about what will happen in the event of a nuclear bomb in Europe.

If we're a survivable distance from a bomb you will have a very limited amount of time to get to your children.
If they are locked down in a school you will probably not be able to get to them.

The risk of a nuclear bombing is currently pretty low (imo - but I'm not an expert) but the consequences are extremely severe. So it is reasonable to consider how you would try to keep your children safe in those circumstances. It's not like being anxious about alien abductions - of course it is an understandable anxiety.

TYbakedpotato · 01/03/2022 11:13

@Comedycook

I can see his point of view: if the worst happens he doesn’t want to spend the last time before it in work

How on earth can you understand this point of view? It's absolute nonsense. Good job most people don't think like this or no shops would be open, buses running or doctors working! Just in case we're nuked and don't want to be at work when it happens Hmm

I didn't say I agreed with him keeping the kids off school, just that I could understand his POV. With his background, he's probably been following the news more closely than most, and probably has a more informed opinion on what the worst case scenario could look like

Like most people, the concept of war is horrible to me, but I'm lucky enough to not know what the reality of war is like. It's easier for me to carry on with my day-to-day life whilst we're waiting for the world to potentially end, because I can't picture what it would look like if the world did. He's an ex-marine. He's been trained to know what the worst possible outcome looks like, no wonder he's struggling.

As I've said before, I don't think the OP is going to persuade him to change his mind, and she needs support from either one of his military mates, or if she doesn't have any contact details for them, from a military service/charity. This is a man who genuinely believes he is doing his best for his family based on the intelligence has access to - I can't see him listening to anyone right now who hasn't gone through a similar experience to him.

He's not abusive, he's not necessarily having a mental health crisis -
he just has a different POV, and that POV needs tempering by someone with a similar military background who can talk him down to a more balanced compromise, e.g. the kids going to school, but coming straight home for quality family time.

Nanny0gg · 01/03/2022 11:16

@Privateandconfidentialplease

I don't think I am enabling him. Usually what I say goes...regarding the kids. He really wont budge on this. I reckon if i insist they go in it won't go well. I will try to get them in tomorrow tho. He said he isn't going into work this week. He said he doesn't want to spend the last hours of life at work.
Speak to the school. If this carries on you'll have Education Welfare round anyway.

Are you 'allowed' out?

Wolfiefan · 01/03/2022 11:17

@Privateandconfidentialplease you are most certainly enabling him. You’ve lied to the school for a start.
And things wouldn’t go well if you tried to get the kids to school? As in he would hurt someone? Then it’s a police matter.
The kids need to be at school. They are safer there.

BananaPlants · 01/03/2022 11:18

@BringBackCoffeeCreams - A shelter is a good idea though isn’t it? I have only been able to identify an under stairs cupboard as the best sheltering place, after reading this leaflet, but would feel more reassured to have a basement and would be preparing it if I we did have. My DH thinks I am bonkers because I have bought an battery operated radio and duct tape.. but my anxiety is actually soothed a little by this (rational or not!)
www.ready.gov/nuclear-explosion

JustDanceAddict · 01/03/2022 11:20

Oh dear. I echo other posters that he needs some serious help.
While I can’t say I’m not worried, I’m certainly carrying on as normal and if we were nuked then being in your house or 10 mins away makes no difference- goodbye world it will be for everyone. In the meantime, we have to carry on.

Comedycook · 01/03/2022 11:21

My DH thinks I am bonkers because I have bought an battery operated radio and duct tape

What on earth are you going to do with duct tape in the event that we are attacked by nuclear weapons? Confused

tribpot · 01/03/2022 11:22

I wonder if he had seen this article from the Beeb, which I'm convinced at one point had a headline implying Putin had said he was thinking about letting off a nuclear bomb between the UK and Denmark to 'see what would happen'. This is the speculation of a security analyst, not anything Putin (is known to have) said. Utter clickbait by the Beeb.

None of us know what is going to happen but @keysonthetable is right. Keeping them at home does not protect them and is harmful for the children. It's time to Keep Calm and Carry On. It does sound as if he needs some support. I think you have to put your foot down about the kids going to school tomorrow, for their sakes.

herehere22 · 01/03/2022 11:22

What an idiot. Imagine if he was an Ukrainian man being asked to fight. He'd hide under his mummy's skirt

busyeatingbiscuits · 01/03/2022 11:23

@Comedycook

My DH thinks I am bonkers because I have bought an battery operated radio and duct tape

What on earth are you going to do with duct tape in the event that we are attacked by nuclear weapons? Confused

Presumably to tape up any gaps where you are sheltering to prevent fall out getting in?
ThatsNotMyGolem · 01/03/2022 11:25

Very odd behaviour.

FindingMeno · 01/03/2022 11:25

@herehere22

What an idiot. Imagine if he was an Ukrainian man being asked to fight. He'd hide under his mummy's skirt
That's nasty
Hobbesmanc · 01/03/2022 11:26

@herehere22

What an idiot. Imagine if he was an Ukrainian man being asked to fight. He'd hide under his mummy's skirt
What an unpleasant and unkind post.
anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet · 01/03/2022 11:27

Jesus Christ how many people on here that are so bloody ill informed about PTSD? He is obviously struggling. He needs to reach out to military support saafa and the like or you need to on his behalf. The military are very prepared for Putin and have been watching him play his silly games for many years having his airforce flying in and out of our airspace etc. Please get him some help and tell him to put his trust in his brothers and sisters who are still serving

BananaPlants · 01/03/2022 11:29

@busyeatingbiscuits and @Comedycook - That is right, apparently to put over air vents and seal door gaps etc up , to keep particles out

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.indy100.com/amp/survive-nuclear-attack-check-list-2656803762

Maybe not the most solid source, but to be fair I’m clutching at straws a bit here now 😬

Comedycook · 01/03/2022 11:32

Well you learn something new everyday

MakeThingsRight · 01/03/2022 11:33

He needs help with his mental status right now. I would actually let the school know because not only can they be there for your children but it can sometimes speed up a MH or Adult Social Services referral - all positive things!

SeeMyLanyardAndWeepBitch · 01/03/2022 11:34

[quote Athrawes]Try calling SSAFA and see if one of their field support staff can pop round for a chat
www.ssafa.org.uk/about-us/how-we-help[/quote]
This is an excellent idea. The man sounds as though he has PTSD.

People calling him crazy and abusive isn't helpful.

Hoppinggreen · 01/03/2022 11:35

@herehere22

What an idiot. Imagine if he was an Ukrainian man being asked to fight. He'd hide under his mummy's skirt
Not only is that a nasty and unnecessary comment but it has no basis in fact.
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