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Original poster

Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

376 replies

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:01

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 26/02/2022 17:54

@Shoxfordian

Have you replied and said something like- it’s ok, I’m negative so still coming?
I would do this.
Blondeshavemorefun · 26/02/2022 17:54

@BluebellsGreenbells

know you're allowed out and have to go to work, but why would you risk putting your friends at risk? Some people end up feeling really bad with it

Because these are a group out socializing - they could catch it anywhere.

This. The waiter - staff - taxi man - person in queue all could have it and be fine so going out as allowed
Walkingalot · 26/02/2022 18:01

A group of my friends went out before Xmas. I couldn't go. One by one they all got it (there were several days between) and that included one that had to cancel a flight.
While your friends themselves might not be overly concerned, you have to look at the wider picture, their family/extended family etc.

I totally get your disappointment but you did the right thing in telling them that there was a small risk.

Coffeepot72 · 26/02/2022 18:07

I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Seriously???? You’re the one who is potentially creating a risk, why should other people stay away?

But you shouldn’t have said anything.

Bananarama21 · 26/02/2022 18:10

Yabu some of those friends might have vulnerable family members or can't really afford to be off work sick especially as the grant has now stopped. Some people have suffered with jt and had long covid afterwards.

Takethecake0 · 26/02/2022 18:12

I think you have done the right thing by telling them, it’s all very well saying you’d make a different assessment if one of your friends had a vulnerable person at home, but it is not up to you to assess their risk and decide on their behalf.

It sucks this has stopped your first night out in ages, but it’s the right thing to do.

Bangolads · 26/02/2022 18:14

Obviously you should stay home🤷🏼‍♀️

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 26/02/2022 18:16

Whilst I get the concern for the wider picture and all that, I think if your friends were that concerned about Covid, they wouldn’t be going out at all 🤷🏻‍♀️ The risk is surely the same given they’re going to be surrounded by potentially dozens or even hundreds of people that have Covid and are unaware or aware and don’t even care. Those worried about the risk shouldn’t be going out at all in that situation if they’re so concerned.

LilacPaisley · 26/02/2022 18:19

So why is it not a better solution for the ones who don’t want to see the OP to stay at home? Esp if they are the only ones to think like this

Because there are a few (maybe more than half) of them, and only one of her. She's the reason the group is much reduced. I wouldn't want to be that person. I'd think they were selfish.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 26/02/2022 18:19

Getting exposed to chickenpox helps to prevent shingles -- your body is reminded to fight it off.

Sorry to be pedantic but that isn't actually true. Shingles occurs when someone had previously had chickenpox and is a reactivation of the virus. You can't get shingles if you have never had chickenpox.

PeacefulPrune · 26/02/2022 18:21

Why are you being so defeatest? Of course you are not going to get your way if you don't even voice it. Just say you'll take an LFT. Once you take one just put in the group that you're negative and looking forward to it.

illyawasthebest · 26/02/2022 18:23

@PeacefulPrune

Why are you being so defeatest? Of course you are not going to get your way if you don't even voice it. Just say you'll take an LFT. Once you take one just put in the group that you're negative and looking forward to it.
What a way to keep your friends friendly Grin
oviraptor21 · 26/02/2022 18:25

Agree with PP.
With a negative test surely your risk is lower than most people in the bar/restaurant/group because you can safely bet that most won't have done a test at all.

RockinHorseShit · 26/02/2022 18:31

Agree with PP.
With a negative test surely your risk is lower than most people in the bar/restaurant/group because you can safely bet that most won't have done a test at all.

Unfortunately not, she'd need at least 2 neg tests 24 hours apart to be sure. (Covid scientist friends advice)

This is the exact reason DH & 8 of his mates caught it, because the one carrying covid had only done 1 test.

I also disagree that the risk is the same sitting on a bus or going to the bar too. DH has done plenty of that, was exposed when his favourite pubs staff all caught it. He was just fine. Sitting at a pub table in continuous close contact with a carrier meant he caught it though

BoredZelda · 26/02/2022 18:32

There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again.

There is a reason. They people you are going with don’t want you to. You can start living your life in any way you wish, and they can do so in a way that suits them. Make whatever decisions you want. Expect people you will be around to do the same. It’s not up to you to tell them how to make their own choices.

If anyone is a contact of anyone who is ill with something I don’t want to get I’ll avoid them whether it’s covid or any other dodgy bug.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/02/2022 18:35

Getting exposed to chickenpox helps to prevent shingles -- your body is reminded to fight it off.

Eh? You can only get shingles if you've previously had chickenpox.

000oooh · 26/02/2022 18:36

It's been 2 years and most people are now triple jabbed. Life has to go on ffs. Tell them you're still coming

KeepingAnOpenMind · 26/02/2022 18:37

You were mad to even tell them. You never know who might be a covid cultist and take this kind of extremist position.

BoredZelda · 26/02/2022 18:40

Because these are a group out socializing - they could catch it anywhere.

Silly argument really. I don’t know of anyone who wouldn’t change their actions once an actual risk is identified, to try and mitigate it.

Let’s take an example of chicken. Everyone is at risk of getting food poisoning from chicken. 50% of the chicken you buy has campylobacter on it. But if there was a news story that there was a few people in your area became ill from chicken bought at the supermarket you use, you’d think twice about buying it there. Even if your actual risk hasn’t changed. It’s human nature.

BoredZelda · 26/02/2022 18:41

Tell them you're still coming

Yeah, go where you’re not wanted.

JustLyra · 26/02/2022 18:42

The funniest thing about this post is the hypocrisy.

The OP is taking steps to protect her elderly and vulnerable relatives by not visiting them when there is covid in the house - clearly showing they know there is a risk.

Yet is in a huff at their friends making their own risk assessment and deciding they’d rather not mix at the moment.

girlmom21 · 26/02/2022 18:43

@JustLyra

The funniest thing about this post is the hypocrisy.

The OP is taking steps to protect her elderly and vulnerable relatives by not visiting them when there is covid in the house - clearly showing they know there is a risk.

Yet is in a huff at their friends making their own risk assessment and deciding they’d rather not mix at the moment.

It's not really OP's fault. She hasn't been out in 7 whole months you know!
Blossom64265 · 26/02/2022 18:43

You are wrong. Just because you are allowed to go out legally, doesn’t mean going out when you know you are likely a disease vector is ok.

Lilifer · 26/02/2022 18:43

@feelingannoyed1

We're now in the phase of learning to live with it whether you like it or now. Everyone has had the chance to be vaccinated and boosted. It's rife in schools, and in most workplaces too. Unless you're not mixing with anyone, you're in constant contact with people who are positive or who are close contacts.

If I knew one of my friends had the holiday of a lifetime booked next week or had someone at home with cancer or was pregnant etc, then yes I would risk assess the situation and be the first to say I'd not go. This was exactly what I did just before Christmas because it would have ruined people's Christmas's if they'd had to spend it in isolation.

But for young healthy vaccinated friends with no sick or elderly household members and who are out socialising regularly in bars and restaurants then I feel the risk in this situation is much less. But of course I don't know everyone's exact situation and so i let them know as I think that's the right thing to do. Now if someone had replied saying they had a big trip booked next week and didn't want to risk it, then that would alter my perspective and I would have been happy to pull out. But honestly, I still don't think I should have to stay at home because one friend is anxious about getting it (and I know she's not pregnant or at increased risk etc), even though she is happy to go out and socialise in bars in close proximity to people she doesn't know.

I'll see if DH will go and get us a nice takeaway and bottle of wine, and enjoy another riveting evening on the sofa 😀

Yanbu OP, this stupid situation is the social legacy now of the last two year of government policy as aided by the media.
Lilifer · 26/02/2022 18:45

@Blossom64265

You are wrong. Just because you are allowed to go out legally, doesn’t mean going out when you know you are likely a disease vector is ok.
ODFOD with your "disease vector" language, you should be ashamed of yourself to call a fellow human being a disease vector.