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Original poster

Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

376 replies

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:01

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

OP posts:
RockinHorseShit · 26/02/2022 17:16

Sounds like your friends are being sensible & following the actual science, rather than bumbling BloJob

I get that it's not what you want to hear, but you will potentially put them at risk & the right thing to do is not to go.

It's one night, there will be others, you're friendships might not recover if they catch it from you. DH caught it in similar circumstances & was fuming with his friend who infected 9 people that night. They all are as they've missed work & therefore needed money, due to his stupidity. Don't be the dickhead friend he was

Oneborneverydecade · 26/02/2022 17:26

@oviraptor21

The advice where I am has for a while been that close contacts don't need to isolate. Unless my close contact was obviously symptomatic I would continue to go out and about as usual. Non-symptomatic omicron is not the same at all as measles. Yes ... we do need to move to a phase of treating covid as like a mild flu unless a new more dangerous variant comes along.
Exactly. When my DC were positive I continued going into work because I was needed and wouldn't be paid otherwise. DH, DC3 and I remained negative. There's no point relaxing the rules and having vaccinations if we're all going to stay home anyway
AngelinaFibres · 26/02/2022 17:29

All the people saying that you are in contact with people when you go to work, get on a bus etc etc. Yes you are abd many people have no choice because they have to go to work outside their home. That is work. Nobody needs to go to a bar and drink gin and tonic, lovely as it is. Nobody who has a positive case in their house ever NEEDS to go out socialising. They may well NEED to go to work, to buy food, to drop something off with a relative who relies on them. Those things are necessary. Sitting in a bar for the evening, going to a social event at someone's house, when you have anything contagious doing the rounds in your house, is absolutely never ,ever ,even slightly necessary.

TempName01 · 26/02/2022 17:30

Yes the barman or the person in the shop might have covid but you are only briefly in contact, it’s not the same as sitting next to someone for several hours.

EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 17:34

But for young healthy vaccinated friends with no sick or elderly household members and who are out socialising regularly in bars and restaurants then I feel the risk in this situation is much less

Are you sure you really know all about the household members and contacts of each and every one of your group of friends? Because obviously at least one or two of them feel they have cause to worry.

And how about the contacts of the people at the next table, or those standing near you at the bar or in the Ladies?

Hugasauras · 26/02/2022 17:36

I agree with a lot of the posts here. It's disappointing, of course it is, but I wouldn't go to a social event if DD or DH were at home with Covid. If I had to go in to work then I would, but that's not a social/optional obligation. As it is I WFH from so I would pretty much self-isolate anyway.

If we have a bug in the house, not just Covid but a nasty cold, sickness bug, whatever and I'm due to see someone socially, then I either reschedule or I let them know the situation and say I understand if they'd rather not. Part of friendship is being aware of our friends' wellbeing and circumstances, surely?

toomuchlaundry · 26/02/2022 17:37

Why haven’t you organised nights out yourself if you want to go out?

ragged · 26/02/2022 17:37

no I wouldn't want to interact with friend whose child had flu or norovirus or chicken pox

see, that wouldn't bother at me -- to socialise with someone who had recently had noro, CP, flu or C19 in household.

I'm fairly sure it's BAD for us to never be exposed to infectious diseases. People think "safe" = try to be never exposed when reality is that a never exposed strategy means "get very sick when you finally do catch it." Covid had one superpower -- it was brand new.

I dunno when people will get their heads around that trade-off.

5128gap · 26/02/2022 17:37

If the plan is to go out to restaurants, bars, club, whatever, they are at no more rusk from you being there than not, because you can guarantee there'll be people in the venue who actually have covid, never mind close contacts. I agree with you OP, if they are nervous, they should stay home.

TravellingFrom · 26/02/2022 17:39

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Sorry but I wouldn't want you to come either. I don't want COVID!

Just accept it for what it is, stay home and keep testing.

Not an answer to you in particular @GreenFingersWouldBeHandy because there has bene many posters saying the same thing.

Can I ask why it should be the OP missing out on the evening out rather than you, as the one who don’t want to be in contact with someone in a contact case?

I don’t get from the OP that many people are against seeing the OP. Another friend said they would be OK for the OP to come.

So why is it not a better solution for the ones who don’t want to see the OP to stay at home? Esp if they are the only ones to think like this.

Hugasauras · 26/02/2022 17:40

Also it's about degrees of risk. Of course you're at risk from other people being close contacts when you go out, but you aren't generally sitting next to those people for hours in close proximity. If someone else in the pub is incubating Covid but not someone I know, I'm unlikely to be near to them for any length of time. But I'll be sitting next to a friend for potentially hours, and that makes it higher risk if you know someone currently has Covid in the household.

JustLyra · 26/02/2022 17:41

@5128gap

If the plan is to go out to restaurants, bars, club, whatever, they are at no more rusk from you being there than not, because you can guarantee there'll be people in the venue who actually have covid, never mind close contacts. I agree with you OP, if they are nervous, they should stay home.
That’s just inaccurate though.

Other people are not going to be sat round a table with them for hours. Other people are not potentially going to hug them on arriving and leaving. Other people aren’t going to be pouring from the same cocktail jug or passing their phone round the table to look at the latest pic of their kitten/child/house.

There is risk going out anywhere when people you come into brief contact with may have something contagious, but it’s not the same risk as sitting in close proximity with someone who has something contagious or has been in very close contact with it on that day.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/02/2022 17:41

but would you be happy to meet up with a friend who didn't have flu but someone in their household did?

People keep using this question as a weird gotcha attempt but I genuinely don't know anyone reasonable who'd still be seeing mates socially while their live in partner / kids under the same roof had flu. Reasonable people would just not socialise in person for that week or so...

Anything else is selfish and unnecessary whether flu or covid.

Hope90x · 26/02/2022 17:41

@5128gap

If the plan is to go out to restaurants, bars, club, whatever, they are at no more rusk from you being there than not, because you can guarantee there'll be people in the venue who actually have covid, never mind close contacts. I agree with you OP, if they are nervous, they should stay home.
Absolutely.
TravellingFrom · 26/02/2022 17:42

@TempName01

Yes the barman or the person in the shop might have covid but you are only briefly in contact, it’s not the same as sitting next to someone for several hours.
I feel thee is need to reiterate there. Covid is in the air. Being close to someone is nowhere near main thing about getting covid. Thé barman having Covid might well give you covid even if you only come close to them for a few seconds. Because it will mainly depend on the quality of the ventilation of the room and how the air circulate in the room. That’s why people who are on the other side of a room can catch covid from a positive person.

I’m surprised that the idea that only people you are close to for a while are an issue tbh.

TravellingFrom · 26/02/2022 17:43

@youvegottenminuteslynn

but would you be happy to meet up with a friend who didn't have flu but someone in their household did?

People keep using this question as a weird gotcha attempt but I genuinely don't know anyone reasonable who'd still be seeing mates socially while their live in partner / kids under the same roof had flu. Reasonable people would just not socialise in person for that week or so...

Anything else is selfish and unnecessary whether flu or covid.

Really? I have NEVER heard anyone talking that way before. Not for the flu, a cold, DV or anything else for that matter.
EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 17:44

@ragged

no I wouldn't want to interact with friend whose child had flu or norovirus or chicken pox

see, that wouldn't bother at me -- to socialise with someone who had recently had noro, CP, flu or C19 in household.

I'm fairly sure it's BAD for us to never be exposed to infectious diseases. People think "safe" = try to be never exposed when reality is that a never exposed strategy means "get very sick when you finally do catch it." Covid had one superpower -- it was brand new.

I dunno when people will get their heads around that trade-off.

Not the same things. Someone who has recently had noro etc is probably not infectious. Someone whose child currently has the relevant illness many well be incubating the virus and be at the highest level of risk for spreading the illness. Why on earth would you deliberately risk catching these things when you could avoid it, especially if you might thereby also be putting other vulnerable people at risk? It's not as if catching things like flu or covid realistically give you immunity from catching it again.
pictish · 26/02/2022 17:45

Should have kept quiet.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/02/2022 17:46

@TravellingFrom

Fair question. I'm in a vulnerable group. Of most of my close friends, most of their parents are in vulnerable groups (cancer. COPD, dementia etc...). I"m double vaccinated and boosted but know friends who are as well and who have since tested positive.

I just wouldn't feel comfortable potentially exposing people close to me to COVID. It's one night out. There will be plenty more nights out in future. Hope that explains it a bit.

AngelinaFibres · 26/02/2022 17:47

@5128gap

If the plan is to go out to restaurants, bars, club, whatever, they are at no more rusk from you being there than not, because you can guarantee there'll be people in the venue who actually have covid, never mind close contacts. I agree with you OP, if they are nervous, they should stay home.
Yes but they won't be hugging those people when they meet and part. They will spend 2 minutes with the bartender or no minutes if the bar have an app. They may pass someone in the ladies or in the queue, or in a doorway. They wont be spending hours with those people. They won't be leaning in to someone else's face or raising their voice to make themselves heard in a noisy place. They won't be laughing, shouting, singing whatever with those people. They WILL be with their friends and one of those friends has covid in her house
EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 17:49

Can I ask why it should be the OP missing out on the evening out rather than you, as the one who don’t want to be in contact with someone in a contact case?

Because the second person may not be the only one? Because there will be other people in the venue whom the OP is putting in danger?

Because official government guidance for people in OP's position is that they should "limit close contact with other people outside your household, especially in crowded, enclosed or poorly ventilated spaces"

viques · 26/02/2022 17:49

OP, you say it is “all about weighing up the risks” and that you yourself won’t be seeing vulnerable relatives while someone in your household is positive. So are you saying it’s ok for you to weigh up your risks but not for other people to weigh up their risks? Hmmm.

As others have said, takeaway, bottle of wine, and you will see your friends another time.

ragged · 26/02/2022 17:50

Lots of people have asymptomatic flu because they have very high resistance to getting very sick from it often because they had flu before or a vaccine. This is the situation we're heading towards with covid.

Getting exposed to chickenpox helps to prevent shingles -- your body is reminded to fight it off.

Sometimes being exposed to germs helps keep you from getting sick from them in future. It's how our immune systems work.

btw, Toddlers or immuno-resistent people shed noro virus for days after their symptoms stopped. Similar with cold viruses...

Safe does not mean = never catch it, never spread it.
Safe = don't get very sick from it.

Different objectives.

JustLyra · 26/02/2022 17:50

I’m surprised that the idea that only people you are close to for a while are an issue tbh.

It’s not the only issue. But it’s one of the biggest issues.

Londoncallingme · 26/02/2022 17:51

I do think that by telling them you were giving them the chance to opt out of you attending.