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Original poster

Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

376 replies

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:01

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

OP posts:
000oooh · 26/02/2022 18:46

I don't know if making a thread on here was the best thing (I've learned the hard way) as several posters have severe health anxiety and so you will only get that viewpoint

Bangolads · 26/02/2022 18:47

@JustLyra exactly!!!

girlmom21 · 26/02/2022 18:48

@000oooh

I don't know if making a thread on here was the best thing (I've learned the hard way) as several posters have severe health anxiety and so you will only get that viewpoint
Not being a selfish arse doesn't mean you have health anxiety.
Bangolads · 26/02/2022 18:48

@000oooh then you clearly haven’t read all the posts because there is a huge variety of viewpoints on this thread. Or was that just hyperbole as a means to dismiss people’s valid concerns?

Lilifer · 26/02/2022 18:49

@000oooh

I don't know if making a thread on here was the best thing (I've learned the hard way) as several posters have severe health anxiety and so you will only get that viewpoint
There are also just pure arseholes on here which is another reason maybe why best not to post things like this sort of situation
Happy36 · 26/02/2022 18:49

Sorry, I didn't see this in the OP. As far as your friends are concerned, it depends on where you are going. If you are going to the cinema, for example, everyone will be wearing a mask, so if you have a negative PCR there is really not more risk than going to the supermarket, if you and your friends are vaccinated and not CEV. If you're going into someone's home, then I can see how they might be anxious about your being a close contact, despite your negative PCR, similarly if you are eating / drinking therefore taking masks off HOWEVER if the restaurant or bar is in any way crowded then your friends will be around strangers and have no idea whether those people are close contacts (or even if they have tested negative today). So for me their reaction depends on where you had planned to go and what you had planned to do.

For you, though, are you happy going out if someone in your household has tested positive, if it's not essential?

RockinHorseShit · 26/02/2022 19:05

You took the words right out of my mouth @girlmom21

It's gobsmacking how some poster choose to ignore the science & anecdotal experience of other posters to fit their own selfish aims.
I'm all for "we've got to get on & live with this" we do, but as with anything else in life, if we're sensible we minimise the risks to both ourselves & others. Missing a night out, whether much needed or not, won't kill anyone, but it might just save several people from coming down ill. Nothing to do with covid paranoia. It's just good manners. I would & have avoided going out & meeting people with other bugs in the house too. I don't understand why anyone would choose to risk making their friends ill. I think I'd be reassessing any friends that did that tbhConfused

EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 19:05

Lots of people have asymptomatic flu because they have very high resistance to getting very sick from it often because they had flu before or a vaccine. This is the situation we're heading towards with covid

And yet 160 people a day are still dying from covid. And we can't assume that there will be no further and more serious variants. You can never guarantee that having flu gives you any immunity to flu in the future, simply because new variants turn up very regularly.

Getting exposed to chickenpox helps to prevent shingles -- your body is reminded to fight it off

Nonsense. Getting chickenpox leaves you vulnerable to shingles. You won't get shingles unless you have had chickenpox.

Sometimes being exposed to germs helps keep you from getting sick from them in future. It's how our immune systems work.

And sometimes being exposed to germs makes you very ill, permanently disables you, or kills you.

LethargeMarg · 26/02/2022 19:08

@OnceuponaRainbow18

I'm sorry, but i wouldn't want to socialise with someone who had a household Covid case, and I don't think I'm unusual in that regard.

Blimey. What do you think the rest of us have been doing throughout? I’ve been teaching kids where all 5 other members of their family have covid!!!!! Wish I had the luxury of refusing to see someone who’s family have covid

But work and school are essential whereas a night out with friends is not and you're supposed to be keeping cautious as a contact still so a night in the pub isn't really the same as a school .
Boosterquery · 26/02/2022 19:10

Haven't RTFT, but I'm with the organiser on this. I wouldn't want to meet up with someone while they had a Covid positive family member at home. A couple of times when I've been due to meet up with friends they have cancelled due to DC having Covid. I know some people breeze through Covid, but a lot don't, and that can be the case even for young and normally healthy people.

EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 19:19

There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again

Apart from the fact that government guidance is still against it. It's no longer a rule, but it's absolutely weird that people seem to interpret this as meaning that government scientific officers are telling us to throw all caution to the winds.

ODFOD with your "disease vector" language, you should be ashamed of yourself to call a fellow human being a disease vector.

WTF, @Lilifer? It's a purely factual term, it's not offensive. It's no different to saying that someone is potentially infectious.

EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 19:21

@000oooh

I don't know if making a thread on here was the best thing (I've learned the hard way) as several posters have severe health anxiety and so you will only get that viewpoint
Nonsense. I don't have health anxiety, I just have a healthy respect for maintaining my personal wellbeing and that of those I love. And I wouldn't put my wish to have a night out ahead of other people's safety.
Cottagepieandpeas · 26/02/2022 19:22

To me, ‘living with Covid’ means still being cautious and considerate.
I have managed to avoid it so far and as someone who has invisible underlying conditions I really appreciate that other people are being thoughtful.

If someone in my household tested positive I would do my best to keep away from people as much h as possible.

RockinHorseShit · 26/02/2022 19:33

If someone in my household tested positive I would do my best to keep away from people as much h as possible.

Exactly, DH had it recently, I cancelled a meet up with old friends visiting my hometown, despite not having seen them in well over a year. They were very grateful. Ofc I was sad as were they, but it was the right thing to do. I went to the shop once, told the postman to keep right back & why & wore masks indoors around DD for a few days as I'd shared a bed for a night with a positive DH before he got the text about "the super spreader birthday drink" night out he'd had, it's common sense not bloody health anxiety, especially when DH & 8 of his mates caught it so easily Confused

labyrinthlaziness · 26/02/2022 19:46

Things will go back to normal

But 'normal' is not static - it is normal for things to change and evolve @Derbee - it used to be normal to smoke in pubs, it used to be normal for men to wear a hat, it used to be normal for ladies to wear gloves. Some of the changes we have seen due to covid will stay, it would be abnormal for everything to just revert.

Change is fine, it is one of the things that has made humans successful. Covid isn't going away, and so neither will some covid behaviours.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/02/2022 19:52

Why do you need her permission to go into a pub/Club. It's not got her name over the door has it. We're allowed out with Covid now aren't we, in any case. All restrictions have been lifted haven't that.

People's little Hitler days are over.

Not only that but you're not even positive.

Lilifer · 26/02/2022 19:56

@EthelTheAardvark

There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again

Apart from the fact that government guidance is still against it. It's no longer a rule, but it's absolutely weird that people seem to interpret this as meaning that government scientific officers are telling us to throw all caution to the winds.

ODFOD with your "disease vector" language, you should be ashamed of yourself to call a fellow human being a disease vector.

WTF, @Lilifer? It's a purely factual term, it's not offensive. It's no different to saying that someone is potentially infectious.

@EthelTheAardvark no I think that term is quite de humanising and just not a nice way to describe a human being - people use the phrase disease vectors to describe rats and other vermin, to apply that phrase to a human person is in my opinion vile.
StiffyBing · 26/02/2022 20:13

It's interesting for me to read this as I've spent all day with my closest friend and as I dropped him off at home he mentioned that his husband is tucked up in bed with Covid. I love my buddy but I'm pretty pissed off with him right now.

SazCat · 26/02/2022 20:15

@StiffyBing

It's interesting for me to read this as I've spent all day with my closest friend and as I dropped him off at home he mentioned that his husband is tucked up in bed with Covid. I love my buddy but I'm pretty pissed off with him right now.
Yeah that would annoy me. He could have at least told you beforehand so you were aware and had the choice whether to still see him!
JustLyra · 26/02/2022 20:32

@StiffyBing

It's interesting for me to read this as I've spent all day with my closest friend and as I dropped him off at home he mentioned that his husband is tucked up in bed with Covid. I love my buddy but I'm pretty pissed off with him right now.
That’s so rude.

One thing about covid is that it has shown who some of the most selfish people are in our social circle.

DiscordandRhyme · 26/02/2022 20:37

I've not been out with friends in about 10 years I so miss it so completely get you OP.

I'd not have told them personally.

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 26/02/2022 20:41

My friends would have told me and would have received the response you got. Even vaccinated Covid can still be awful and people are still dying. I don’t care what Boris says, if I’d had close contact I wouldn’t mix unless absolutely necessary, certainly not for a get together.

Liveandkicking · 26/02/2022 20:46

@Jaxhog

However it's been 7 months since I have had a night out with friends, I guess this is why I'm more annoyed than others might be in this situation.

But some of us haven't been 'out' for nearly 2 years!

That’s very sad for you but not something other people want to emulate
Abraxan · 26/02/2022 20:51

@feelingannoyed1

I'm just interested to know, do you think all your friends would have told you they were a close contact in the same situation? Or would they just have gone on the night out and not mentioned it?
I. Emir e my close friends would tell me, especially as I'm CV. Having covid twice I've been ill both times, with long term implications.
BluebellsGreenbells · 26/02/2022 21:03

What will you all do when LFT are withdrawn and people no longer test? I know a lot of people who don’t test when they’re free!

OP wouldn’t know her child had Covid and nor would you and you still need to go to work or school or anything else.