Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

[feelingannoyed1]

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

I wouldn’t want to mix with you either, irrespective of Boris’ new rules. In a couple of days You could test positive and a couple after that I could and a couple after that my elderly mum could have it.

Also worth noting you might not actually e negative at all OP regardless of your LF test.

@NewMum0305

In the nicest way possible, you told people because you suspected that a few of them might not want to socialise with you due to the risk, but wanted them to miss out on the night our rather than you, even though you’re the one affected?

This. You're being totally selfish.

Because you want a night out, you're causing your friends to have to cancel theirs.

YANBU, we can't keep living our lives like this. Yes, you might catch covid from the person in your house, but you might not, or you might not catch it for another week. etc, etc. I have all kinds of examples from co-workers and friends, some of whom have had their entire family come down with it (eventually, rarely all at once) and some who've never managed to catch it despite the rest of the family having it.

I guess what I'm saying is, I'm very sorry that you're missing out on your much-anticipated night out.

In a similar boat I told our group, and said I'd duck out if any one person felt uncomfortable or vulnerable. All said it was fine

It isn't up the organiser surely, unless it is at her house? I would still go 🤷

I had really hoped that one of the plus points of covid was that the lesser of spread of flu, noro etc during the last couple of years would have made people realise that it’s just sensible to avoid where you can

And before I get jumped on about zero hours contracts and intolerant employers - I said where you can

Social meetings when you have a contagious illness in your home, any contagious illness, should only happen with the full agreement of everyone. Spreading bugs and illnesses around unnecessarily just makes everyone’s lives harder.

It’ll quickly be back to normal though I see. Probably worse actually because now mixing with people while contagious has basically been sanctioned by the government

@feelingannoyed1

We'll I'm not going so I'm not putting anyone at any potential risk.

COVID is everywhere at the minute and we are all coming into contact with positive cases and close contacts all the time. Unfortunately that's what life is like now if you like it of not. People who know they are positive are even allowed back into workplaces.

I have abided by every rule the whole time, and have also avoided going on nights out when I was a close contact even though I could have gone, but I didn't want to put anyone's Christmas's at risk because it was obviously the right thing to do.

Now the rules have lifted but I'm still stuck at home, and I can't quite get my head around why. I'm not going to be mixing with my elderly parents who have health conditions until I know our whole house is Covid free, but surely the risk of meeting with a few friends who are young and healthy is much less, especially considering they are out socialising in bars and restaurants pretty often and most likely in close contact with people who are higher risk than me.

What about their elderly relatives or the relatives of the people on the table behind you or in the queue for the loo . You know you are a covid risk because you have it in your house. You could well test positive tomorrow. It it extremely contagious. My son caught it on a night out. He and his wife kept away from each other as soon as he started to feel ill She tested positive after 2 days.

@MrsBerthaRochester

I would just send a laughing face and say dont be daft of course im coming as Im negative. It really is time to get on with life. PARTY!!!!!! Doommongers feel free to hide at home and stop pissing on other folks chips.

Really? Gosh. That's a brave message to send. Arrogant some might say.

If you sent that to most folks I suspect they wouldn't go out that night to party with you - and the next time they arranged to meet up they wouldn't bother invite you. Or ever again.

Yet most have to go to school and work wtc if positive in house
When myself and ds had covid my dh had to go to work and my other da had to go to school
People are mixing all the time now with people who live with someone who is positive , they just don't know it
Don't be friends with a teacher pe nurse they are prob in contact regularly with a positive case

We're now in the phase of learning to live with it whether you like it or now. Everyone has had the chance to be vaccinated and boosted. It's rife in schools, and in most workplaces too. Unless you're not mixing with anyone, you're in constant contact with people who are positive or who are close contacts.

If I knew one of my friends had the holiday of a lifetime booked next week or had someone at home with cancer or was pregnant etc, then yes I would risk assess the situation and be the first to say I'd not go. This was exactly what I did just before Christmas because it would have ruined people's Christmas's if they'd had to spend it in isolation.

But for young healthy vaccinated friends with no sick or elderly household members and who are out socialising regularly in bars and restaurants then I feel the risk in this situation is much less. But of course I don't know everyone's exact situation and so i let them know as I think that's the right thing to do. Now if someone had replied saying they had a big trip booked next week and didn't want to risk it, then that would alter my perspective and I would have been happy to pull out. But honestly, I still don't think I should have to stay at home because one friend is anxious about getting it (and I know she's not pregnant or at increased risk etc), even though she is happy to go out and socialise in bars in close proximity to people she doesn't know.

I'll see if DH will go and get us a nice takeaway and bottle of wine, and enjoy another riveting evening on the sofa 😀

Last week I was a close contact (dh) and plans for the weekend but decided to cancel rather than risk the people I was visiting.
I became symptomatic on Sunday. Was very thankful I hadn't gone away.

To be honest if I had a household contact I wouldn’t go anyway.

I’m out and about and ‘living life’ whatever that means but I can include being cautious for others I’d be in close contact with when covid is rife despite what ridiculous rules this government put out.

@AngelinaFibres me and ds had it yet other ds and DH never caught it, its random who it works
But any time you go out now your likely near someone who has a positive case at home
We are in the learning to live with it stage and come april many won't even know they have it
I had no real symptoms when i had it , ds had a sore throat for a day

@feelingannoyed1

We're now in the phase of learning to live with it whether you like it or now. Everyone has had the chance to be vaccinated and boosted. It's rife in schools, and in most workplaces too. Unless you're not mixing with anyone, you're in constant contact with people who are positive or who are close contacts.

If I knew one of my friends had the holiday of a lifetime booked next week or had someone at home with cancer or was pregnant etc, then yes I would risk assess the situation and be the first to say I'd not go. This was exactly what I did just before Christmas because it would have ruined people's Christmas's if they'd had to spend it in isolation.

But for young healthy vaccinated friends with no sick or elderly household members and who are out socialising regularly in bars and restaurants then I feel the risk in this situation is much less. But of course I don't know everyone's exact situation and so i let them know as I think that's the right thing to do. Now if someone had replied saying they had a big trip booked next week and didn't want to risk it, then that would alter my perspective and I would have been happy to pull out. But honestly, I still don't think I should have to stay at home because one friend is anxious about getting it (and I know she's not pregnant or at increased risk etc), even though she is happy to go out and socialise in bars in close proximity to people she doesn't know.

I'll see if DH will go and get us a nice takeaway and bottle of wine, and enjoy another riveting evening on the sofa 😀

If someone in your group had a household full of noro virus would you think they should cancel?

Because learning to love with covid is the same as living with other things.

No-one with half a brain would expect their mates to sit round a table with them if their household was all ill with something like that so why is covid different?

We all take risks every time we go out that we might come into contact with someone with something, but mixing with someone we know is a close contact of something contagious is not the same as passing someone at the bar who might be.

know you're allowed out and have to go to work, but why would you risk putting your friends at risk? Some people end up feeling really bad with it

Because these are a group out socializing - they could catch it anywhere.

It's weighing up the risks. LFTs don't always pick up omicron
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2022/01/05/swabbing-nose-throat-lateral-flow-tests-accurate-nose-only-samples/

If I had a positive case in my house I still would not go out. I'm in England. Much the same as if I had a case of d&v in my house, I wouldn't expect to socialise.

@Mirrorball2022 what about work? Would you not go in
The barmen serving you could live with someone who has covid you just won't know
The lady touching your shopping in tesco or the bus driver etc etc

Sorry, but no one I know is socialising if they've got a case in their house. I've had three lots of 7days LFT due to known, non household positive contacts this year and have not socialised indoors each time. I have had two lots of people cancel on me when I've told them and that is fine.

My dad is very vulnerable, he has incurable cancer although I don’t see him everyday if one of my friends told me someone in their family had covid but they were still coming out I wouldn’t attend. Id expect the same respect the other way round. You don’t know what’s going on in someone’s lives. Not everyone can get back to ‘normal’ but it is a shame you are missing your night out, could you reorganise your own event in a few weeks?

@KitKattaktik what your whole household has days of school and work if one person has d & V
We stay off if ill but we don't all always get it
I can't imagine calling work and saying my dh has a sickness bug so I won't be in either , im fine but well he has it so im staying home

The only thing i will say is i never tested positive once on a lft when i had covid only knew as did a pcr because DS had it, wasn't supposed to but I did because my bf i was seeing a week later is having chemo
That said with the rules changing i think most of us will be mixing with others who have a household case or been a close contact

@BluebellsGreenbells

know you're allowed out and have to go to work, but why would you risk putting your friends at risk? Some people end up feeling really bad with it

Because these are a group out socializing - they could catch it anywhere.

This.

Anyone who is out socialising, should be very well aware they are placing themselves at +++ risk of contracting the virus. Do you think the servers/bar staff etc etc would stay at home if they didn't "have to"? Of course not, most of them are on zero hours contracts and if you don't show, you don't get paid. That's just one example.

However it's been 7 months since I have had a night out with friends, I guess this is why I'm more annoyed than others might be in this situation.

But some of us haven't been 'out' for nearly 2 years!

@NewMum0305

In the nicest way possible, you told people because you suspected that a few of them might not want to socialise with you due to the risk, but wanted them to miss out on the night our rather than you, even though you’re the one affected?

Totally agree with this comment.

Forget covid a moment but I wouldn't want to be on a night out with someone who's household had gastric flu or usual flu just in case.

You are the person it's affecting so you need to stay home and look forward to the next get together. I don't see how you can think it's fair for the friends "uncomfortable" to miss out.

I wouldn't knowingly socialise with someone with anything infectious. It's always been a bit thoughtless to go out knowing that one of your kids has a lurgy that you're likely to pass on.