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Original poster

Too soon?

106 replies

BR96 · 23/02/2022 14:39

Hi all,

I am 25 and my partner is 29. We have only been together a little over 3 months but I feel like I've known him forever!! We are constantly laughing and having the best times with only 2/3 arguments.

I have recently just found out I am pregnant, I am around 5 weeks and him and all of our close family members are over the moon. I am also excited but for some reason I have began having a few doubts and I am feeling so guilty for having these thoughts.

is it too soon to have a baby with someone after such a short amount of time? what if I regret my decision of having the baby now and wish I just waited until I was a little bit older? am I a bad person for thinking this?

my mind is doing overtime!!

OP posts:
Yeahbutnotreally · 23/02/2022 15:48

You are having the best time but have had 2/3 arguments.

Throw in sleep deprivation, maternity leave & (possible) reduced income with massively increased expenditure. How much do you think arguments will increase?

AffIt · 23/02/2022 15:51

I've got cheese in my fridge that's older than your relationship.

Personally, I think you're out of your head, but the usual crowd who got pregnant within 20 minutes of meeting their OHs and have just celebrated their platinum anniversaries will be along soo, I don't doubt.

Refrosty · 23/02/2022 15:55

There's so much more to be uncertain about when you introduce babies into a relationship. You're already pregnant, so the most you can do is have the tough and important conversations now, to avoid misunderstandings in the future. (Like who will do night wakings, what schools you have in mind, if any parent had plans to name a kid after a family member etc).

For what it's worth, a baby strengthened my relationship with my DH, but we had our first kid 5 years after meeting, one year after marriage. You've got a lot of ground to cover, but I wish you all the best and congratulations! Flowers

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy
AladdinPrincess999 · 23/02/2022 15:56

I have two friends who got pregnant within the same amount of time as you have. Both are single Mothers now, struggling to make ends meet. One has been dragged through the courts and its still continuing 5 years on.

That being said, you can't truly know whether it'll work or not. You can never control if you become a single mum at any point. Thats the joys of the unknown.

Good luck and congratulations! Flowers

VanLife · 23/02/2022 16:04

Bit late now ...

TarcasticSwat · 23/02/2022 16:05

I've been with my husband for over 10 years and we fell in love very quickly. However, I would say that we were still learning about each other and growing in our relationship as far as 5 years after dating. I don't think you can truly know someone deep enough after only 3 months, never mind have a child with them. Like others have said I think it's very risky making such a big life decision with someone you don't know that well, you are very much still in the honeymoon phase and getting to know each other. You're not having a baby together you're having a child.

You won't ever get this "just the two of us" phase back again to have fun, go on holiday and grow as a couple.

GeneLovesJezebel · 23/02/2022 16:07

I wouldn’t expect your relationship to last.
Make sure you can manage this alone. And congratulations.

SpiderVersed · 23/02/2022 16:14

I know three couples who got pregnant within a similar timescale. THr first split up before the baby turned one, the second lasted 18 months and the third split up when the baby was 4.

I'm sure the "met like a DIsney Prince & Princess and got married happily ever after in a week" brigade will come along with their outlier stories 0 and I am genuinely impressed it works out for some people.

However, during that first 3 months I needed to remind myself of the bedrock strong relationship we had befopre the baby to help get through those times and so did most people I know. Having a baby together is HARD, especially if you don't know someone extremely well.

You're very young, your fetility isn't an issue as it might be at 40, and you've so much time ahead of you. I wouldn't go through with the pregnancy if I were you, but whatever you choose I wish you luck.

Original poster
BR96 · 23/02/2022 16:21

I didn't want any sarcastic comments, just wanted some advice as I have never been in this situation. I am struggling to come to terms with it myself as I never planned this, I was on contraception.
I am realistic and I understand that I am probably sounding crazy right now. I have known him and his family for years, but we have only had a relationship for 3 months.
Luckily my income and the financial side of things isn't a worry for me due to my working background and also his. I just wanted to know if anyone was or has been in a similar situation to me and how they dealt with it... but thanks anyway

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 23/02/2022 16:22

My friend got pregnant within a few months of being with her partner. She still lived at home so she panicked it was all too soon.
She wanted the baby so we were all supportive of her. Her and her partner moved in together and began to really learn about each other in the process.
It wasn’t easy, there were times when she would text to say she was upset or upset or worried she’d made a mistake.
3 years down the line they are still together, have a healthy little boy and are happy.
I’ve been with my dh for 12 years and I am 6 months pregnant yet every now and then I panic about the future and if I’m ready (ridiculous I know)
Babies change a relationship- some grow stronger whilst some don’t.
Do what is right for you! Don’t let others negative opinions get you down but don’t go along with feeling happy and upbeat just because others are.
Only you know your relationship- yes it’s new but so what! Doesn’t mean it can’t last!

pawpaws2022 · 23/02/2022 16:23

I think plan as though you would be a single parent. If it works, great, if it doesn't then you've planned for it

TakeSomeMoreTea · 23/02/2022 16:30

@AffIt

I've got cheese in my fridge that's older than your relationship.

Personally, I think you're out of your head, but the usual crowd who got pregnant within 20 minutes of meeting their OHs and have just celebrated their platinum anniversaries will be along soo, I don't doubt.

Well, you have a way with words.
LocalHobo · 23/02/2022 16:33

@VanLife

Bit late now ...
BR96 still has options.
TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 23/02/2022 16:35

Prepare for the possibility of being a single parent. It might happen.

Although just to satisfy the snarky poster up thread I fell pregnant 3 months after meeting DH. We are Rick solid and been together 14 years. Our baby girl was born on the 1 year anniversary of our first date!

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 23/02/2022 16:36

Rick solid??? Obv should have said rock solid 😂😂

Fedupsotired · 23/02/2022 16:38

Dh and I had had no arguments in 2/3 months! I think we didn't really argue until we had children!!

QuirkyTurtle · 23/02/2022 16:40

Ehh. Maybe, maybe not. I bought a house with my SO after 5 months together (circumstances at the time) even though everyone thought we were a bit mad, and it has worked out for us.

Sometimes when you know, you know. But sometimes you're wrong.

It's one hell of a risk to take, but couples have kids after 10 years together then break up after the kid was born. And sometimes one night stands result in kids and the relationship works out well. Who knows.

Congrats anyway and best of luck to you :)

Bromse · 23/02/2022 16:42

BR96, most people on this thread so far have not been sarcastic but are naturally concerned for you as you are young and have only known boyfriend for three months. The fact that you have known him and his family for years is something.

How does he feel about it? Having a baby will mean huge changes for you both.

I have no experience of your situation so I don't know what to say; therefore I will say nothing but wish you well, whatever you decide. It's quite natural for you to have some misgivings, nothing to feel guilty about.

HundredMilesAnHour · 23/02/2022 16:48

I think you're mad.

2/3 arguments in the first 3 months is actually quite a lot.

You're only 5 weeks pregnant and you're already telling people?!

I hope for your sake and the child's that it works out but if it does it will be more down to luck than judgement. Here's hoping you're lucky.

newbiename · 23/02/2022 16:48

I think it's too soon. You can't know someone well enough.
You've already had 2/3 arguments.
What about ?
How were they resolved.
I wouldn't have even told anyone yet.

Original poster
BR96 · 23/02/2022 16:56

I'm not going around blabbing to everyone about the pregnancy, the people that know are my mum and his parents. They know because I was asking for the same advice that I'm asking on here and if my decision was to then get rid of the pregnancy I'd rather it be sooner rather than later.
The arguments that we had weren't big and they were resolved very quickly.
I'm not silly and I know this is going to be hard, when he found out he was over the moon about it and he has been ever since, even when I have brought to his attention the way that I am feeling.
I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else had been in a similar situation to me, how they dealt with it and the best advice they could give.

OP posts:
freesoul12 · 23/02/2022 17:00

Congratulations! If you would have asked whether to get pregnant or not , that would be different considering your relationship. But it's pointless to stress about something that has not happened. Your boyfriend might be the best , who knows. Enjoy your pregnancy. People still divorce even after living 50 plus years . Time is not a factor and neither all human beings are same.

Arguing and bickering is ok and happens in every relationship and no matter what people say with sugarcoat. Those who will criticise it , i have not said violence and shouting is okay .

All the best !

Comedycook · 23/02/2022 17:01

Honestly, chances are you will end up a single mother. Sorry but it is quite likely. You don't really know each other. But, worse things happen.

You may last the distance but that will be more luck than judgment.

Congratulations though

Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2022 17:04

Be fully prepared to be a single mother because that is what's most likely to happen.

Hiddenvoice · 23/02/2022 17:14

You’ve got some time to think it over and decide what you would like for the future.
It’s good that he’s being so positive though, it’s actually quite nice that he’s happy.
Do what’s right for you. You’re relationship can make it, there’s every possibility for that and it sounds like you have a supportive family too!
Best of luck!