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Original poster

Too soon?

106 replies

BR96 · 23/02/2022 14:39

Hi all,

I am 25 and my partner is 29. We have only been together a little over 3 months but I feel like I've known him forever!! We are constantly laughing and having the best times with only 2/3 arguments.

I have recently just found out I am pregnant, I am around 5 weeks and him and all of our close family members are over the moon. I am also excited but for some reason I have began having a few doubts and I am feeling so guilty for having these thoughts.

is it too soon to have a baby with someone after such a short amount of time? what if I regret my decision of having the baby now and wish I just waited until I was a little bit older? am I a bad person for thinking this?

my mind is doing overtime!!

OP posts:
Babynames2 · 24/02/2022 10:02

2/3 arguements in the first few months is quite a lot, even if quickly resolved. DH and I had no arguements until DC came along, and that was after 2 and a half years, which still felt quite early.

DC add more pressure on a relationship than anything else, far more than living together or getting married, and you haven’t even done those yet. You have no idea how your relationship will fare under stress.

Having said that, it’s done now isn’t it? You’re already pregnant, and if he’s happy about it, plus both parents know, then you’re not likely to terminate are you? Unless you accept that your relationship will most likely end. Of course it may work out fine, in some cases it does, but in most situation like this the relationship breaks down.

You need to talk to him and make some choices about going forwards. Don’t sell your house to move in with him, if he has a house then let him move in with you and rent his out, don’t rent yours as otherwise it’ll be you left trying to find somewhere to live. Don’t give up work, and if I were you then either go back full time or look at you both reducing a day a week if you don’t want DC in full time childcare afterwards, rather than you being the one to make career sacrifices.

Original poster
BR96 · 24/02/2022 10:22

Thanks everyone for the advice, I've taken it all in and appreciate everyones opinions.

OP posts:
steppemum · 24/02/2022 10:59

I think all the talk about arguments is a red herring.

So much of that is down to personality. Some of us squabble more than others, it doesn't always mean that you are incompatible.

I find anyone saying they didn't argue for 2 years more strange than people saying they had a few arguments.

It also depends on what you mean by an argument.

dh and I had more arguments at the beginning than now, as we learnt about each other, sometimes we got the wrong end of the stick, or misunderstood, and that rarely happens now as we know eahc other so well.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy
QuirkyTurtle · 24/02/2022 11:11

DH and I had no arguements until DC came along, and that was after 2 and a half years, which still felt quite early.

You didn't have a SINGLE argument in 2.5 years? I'm sure you'll double down on this but I do not believe this for a second. Maybe some people just consider different things 'arguments'.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 24/02/2022 11:12

When I found out I was pregnant a few months into my relationship, I freaked out massively. Both of us just pretended it wasn’t happening for months. I was 19 at the time though. DD is now 8yo, her dad is my DH and we have a very much planned DD2.

I was incredibly lucky that my relationship worked out because we didn’t really know each other as well as we thought we did at the time.

I hope whatever decision you make works out well for you too.

TakeSomeMoreTea · 24/02/2022 13:57

@MrsDThomas

You sound naïve and irresponsible.
Not helpful
Original poster
BR96 · 24/02/2022 14:32

@MrsDThomas

You sound naïve and irresponsible.
How???
OP posts:
TakeSomeMoreTea · 24/02/2022 15:24

BR96

Ignore people like MrsDThomas.

I have no advice as I couldn't say either way to a very close relative. I just said I would support them whatever they chose to do. I kept my word too.

Don't feel guilty about anything. I know it is a hard decision to make. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

ParentalGuidances · 24/02/2022 16:28

@BR96 I’m going to be honest, I’d say it’s way too soon but it’s happened now so you need to make the best of it.

No matter how good your relationship is now, a child will most likely change that all. Sleep deprivation, interrupted sleep, possible morning sickness, house chores when you are ill. There’s so much to think about.

I thought I was in a fabulous relationship and I fell pregnant quite quickly into it, around 11 months in and I thought that was too soon.

Turns out I knew nothing until we were tested to our limits and both sleep deprived and mentally/physically/emotionally drained! It brought the worst out in us and although we love our children, we were nowhere near ready to start that journey.

threecupsofteaminimum · 24/02/2022 16:35

It is very soon but no one can ever predict the future.

Trust your gut is all I can really offer.

Oh, and congratulations x

MrsDThomas · 24/02/2022 18:03

We have only been together a little over 3 months but I feel like I've known him forever!! We are constantly laughing and having the best times with only 2/3 arguments

You’re 25, and sound like you are 15.

BloodyForeland · 24/02/2022 18:29

I wouldn't hesitate to terminate in your situation.

Original poster
BR96 · 24/02/2022 18:40

@BloodyForeland

I wouldn't hesitate to terminate in your situation.
Unfortunately I don't think I can go through with an abortion.
OP posts:
Original poster
BR96 · 24/02/2022 18:42

@MrsDThomas

We have only been together a little over 3 months but I feel like I've known him forever!! We are constantly laughing and having the best times with only 2/3 arguments

You’re 25, and sound like you are 15.

I sound like a 15 year old because I feel like i've known someone for longer than I have? Not sure how that works?
OP posts:
TracyMosby · 24/02/2022 18:47

I think it is important what your three arguments were about and how they were resolved.

Original poster
BR96 · 24/02/2022 18:51

@TracyMosby

I think it is important what your three arguments were about and how they were resolved.
They weren't about anything major, and were resolved by taking 5/10 minutes in separate rooms and talking when we had chilled out and thought about it with a clear mind
OP posts:
TracyMosby · 24/02/2022 18:54

It doesnt matter if theyre major. It is how they are dealt with. An argument is a difference of opinion. Sitting in different rooms doesnt resolve an argument. Someone either admits they were wrong or changes their opinion. I think examining what your argued about and how exactly each was resolved is really important, given that your relationship is so very new.

ladydimitrescu · 24/02/2022 18:59

3 arguments where you needed to be in separate rooms in the space of 3 months is a lot. That itself is a red flag you aren't built to last.
I think if you're prepared to be a single parent then go for it, but you cannot rely on happy ever after, after 12 weeks of a relationship.

TracyMosby · 24/02/2022 19:12

Dont go part time either as the money you out in your pension now is worth the most.

ParentalGuidances · 24/02/2022 20:20

Those saying OP should terminate - bit harsh

TakeSomeMoreTea · 24/02/2022 20:30

@ParentalGuidances

Those saying OP should terminate - bit harsh
There are some nasty women about.
Hiddenvoice · 24/02/2022 21:50

Sorry I feel like some of the comments to you have been far too harsh!
I know you’ve only spoken to both sets of parents which is completely normal.
I told my family and immediate friends when I was 6 weeks pregnant. I was excited and wanted to share. Nothing wrong with that!

You sound like a happy couple. You are smart enough to know that things will change and you’re only looking for advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I haven’t, I’ve been with my dh for 12 years and pregnant and I can only imagine we’ll have some tough times ahead but what new parents don’t have a tough time ahead of them?! Who knows my dh might decide it’s too much for him and leave!

You’ve said you don’t feel like you can terminate the baby. That’s absolutely fine, your decision!
Why not take some time to enjoy this new pregnancy bubble and talk to him about how you would like to plan out the pregnancy, will he move in with you etc
Best of luck to you both 💐

Original poster
BR96 · 24/02/2022 22:05

@Hiddenvoice

Sorry I feel like some of the comments to you have been far too harsh! I know you’ve only spoken to both sets of parents which is completely normal. I told my family and immediate friends when I was 6 weeks pregnant. I was excited and wanted to share. Nothing wrong with that!

You sound like a happy couple. You are smart enough to know that things will change and you’re only looking for advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I haven’t, I’ve been with my dh for 12 years and pregnant and I can only imagine we’ll have some tough times ahead but what new parents don’t have a tough time ahead of them?! Who knows my dh might decide it’s too much for him and leave!

You’ve said you don’t feel like you can terminate the baby. That’s absolutely fine, your decision!
Why not take some time to enjoy this new pregnancy bubble and talk to him about how you would like to plan out the pregnancy, will he move in with you etc
Best of luck to you both 💐

My first reaction was excitement - I never once thought about a termination etc. I guess when it began settling in that’s when the nerves were kicking in and I felt I wanted some opinions from other women that may have felt the same as me!

Thank you so much for your reply, it’s made me feel a lot better!! Good luck with your pregnancy❤️

OP posts:
PrettyBluebells · 24/02/2022 22:27

My good friend was pregnant within 3m of meeting her now DH. Their ds is now 21, they have a dd too and are really happy together, it isn't always doom and gloom. I wouldn't recommend it but it's too late now and you have a good chance of it working if you both want it.

Bluebuddha10 · 25/02/2022 03:07

@BR96
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I think there are some harsh comments on here, but in all honesty no one knows if it's too soon or not. Sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith. You didnt plan this, but its happened and if you are both happy about it, then that's a great start. I was with my ex for 10 years before we had children. We knew each other really well, got on great, had travelled together etc. But we still ended up splitting up after 21 years together - who knew! Things change, feelings change, there is no way of knowing how things may pan out. But it's worth talking with your partner about how you feel, about your fears, but if you are both happy then so be it. All relationships are different and take different journeys, there is no right or wrong way. Both my children were very much wanted and planned, but still i had fears, doubts, anxieties each time I fell pregnant. I think that's normal, it is life changing. Hope things work out for you x