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Original poster

Too soon?

106 replies

BR96 · 23/02/2022 14:39

Hi all,

I am 25 and my partner is 29. We have only been together a little over 3 months but I feel like I've known him forever!! We are constantly laughing and having the best times with only 2/3 arguments.

I have recently just found out I am pregnant, I am around 5 weeks and him and all of our close family members are over the moon. I am also excited but for some reason I have began having a few doubts and I am feeling so guilty for having these thoughts.

is it too soon to have a baby with someone after such a short amount of time? what if I regret my decision of having the baby now and wish I just waited until I was a little bit older? am I a bad person for thinking this?

my mind is doing overtime!!

OP posts:
caranations · 23/02/2022 17:17

I got pregnant after 7 months together and we are celebrating our silver wedding anniversary next year. I'd say the main thing, looking back, was that we didn't spend all that long together just as a couple before dc came along.

KittensTeaAndCake · 23/02/2022 17:33

My DSis got pregnant by her then boyfriend after about 5 mins 😂 They are still together nearly 30 years later.
I knew I was going to marry my DH straight away too. You've known him years OP, it'll be fine.

Exciting times. Good luck Thanks

lyd4165 · 23/02/2022 17:43

Hi, my boyfriend and I decided to have a baby together just 2 months after we became an official couple. I was pregnant by 4 months into the relationship. 8 years on and we’ve been married 5 years and have 3 sons now. Couldn’t be happier. As in your case we weren’t strangers when we met we had gone to school together and lived in the same town vaguely as each other. I think each situation is unique. All the best. 💐💐

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RedCandyApple · 23/02/2022 17:46

Yes this happened to me and he is fully absent now and not involved at all

RedCandyApple · 23/02/2022 17:49

Oh drip feed I’ve just seen you’ve known him years, that really should have been in your op as that’s very different a paints a different picture entirely if you’ve known him years why did you put that you feel like you’ve known him forever? Even though it’s only been 3 months, but turns out you’ve known him and his family years Confused

formalineadeline · 23/02/2022 17:50

is it too soon to have a baby with someone after such a short amount of time?

Yes. You're in the Disneyland phase of the relationship, of course it all feels magical now. That's not representative of how it would be in 3 years or with a baby.

am I a bad person for thinking this?

No, of course not. It's very sensible to step away from the fantasy and consider your options carefully.

Original poster
BR96 · 23/02/2022 17:51

@RedCandyApple

Oh drip feed I’ve just seen you’ve known him years, that really should have been in your op as that’s very different a paints a different picture entirely if you’ve known him years why did you put that you feel like you’ve known him forever? Even though it’s only been 3 months, but turns out you’ve known him and his family years Confused
I should have worded it better, I have known him and his family for years, obviously I haven't had constant communication with him and know him on a friendship level. The relationship feels like I have been with him years.
OP posts:
Original poster
BR96 · 23/02/2022 17:51

@lyd4165

Hi, my boyfriend and I decided to have a baby together just 2 months after we became an official couple. I was pregnant by 4 months into the relationship. 8 years on and we’ve been married 5 years and have 3 sons now. Couldn’t be happier. As in your case we weren’t strangers when we met we had gone to school together and lived in the same town vaguely as each other. I think each situation is unique. All the best. 💐💐
This is lovely!!! Thank you x
OP posts:
Original poster
BR96 · 23/02/2022 17:55

@Aquamarine1029

Be fully prepared to be a single mother because that is what's most likely to happen.
Why is this most likely to happen?
OP posts:
fairgame84 · 23/02/2022 17:56

I had a whirlwind romance with DS dad. I thought we would last forever, we were perfect together.
I got pregnant within 5 months and hormones kicked in and the arguments started. We split for good when DS was 16 months old.
If I could go back I would not do it again.

Original poster
BR96 · 23/02/2022 17:57

@AffIt

I've got cheese in my fridge that's older than your relationship.

Personally, I think you're out of your head, but the usual crowd who got pregnant within 20 minutes of meeting their OHs and have just celebrated their platinum anniversaries will be along soo, I don't doubt.

Enjoy your cheese
OP posts:
SierraHotelIndiaTango · 23/02/2022 17:59

At 3 months on he's not really a partner , and 2 or 3 arguments in that time doesn't bode well ...

GoodVibesHere · 23/02/2022 18:00

Congratulations OP.

Be aware that a lot of comments on here will be from people who have had a bad experience - it seems to me that people are always less likely to comment on this sort of thing if they've had a more stable experience of a relationship which has worked.

I do think 25 is a great age to have a baby. It's very normal to have worries and wobbles in pregnancy, your body will be full of hormones. Look after and be kind to yourself 😀You sound sensible to me, and I wish you both much happiness together with your baby.

Original poster
BR96 · 23/02/2022 18:02

@GoodVibesHere

Congratulations OP.

Be aware that a lot of comments on here will be from people who have had a bad experience - it seems to me that people are always less likely to comment on this sort of thing if they've had a more stable experience of a relationship which has worked.

I do think 25 is a great age to have a baby. It's very normal to have worries and wobbles in pregnancy, your body will be full of hormones. Look after and be kind to yourself 😀You sound sensible to me, and I wish you both much happiness together with your baby.

Thank you!

I only downloaded this app today😂 so thanks for the tip!!

I think I'm in a lucky position regarding the support I have and my job etc. I just can't help but think of what ifs and if I am doing the right thing! Thank you again

OP posts:
YingMei · 23/02/2022 18:09

This Happened to me at 26. For us it has worked out and we are happily married ten years later and have another (planned!) child.
I was fully prepared, however, with a plan B of how I was going to manage if I ended up a single parent - I felt the chances of this were high.
Whilst I am so happy with DH I wouldn't recommend this is a starting point. Seeing as it's already happened to you, you just plough on and see how it goes. It'll work out or it won't there's no magic ball.
I would advise having a plan B though - I felt better for having this in place.

Disneysaurus · 23/02/2022 18:10

only 2/3 arguments

That’s a lot, in only three months. You owe it to your baby to pick it’s father carefully, you don’t even know him. You asked. It’s too soon.

RedCandyApple · 23/02/2022 18:14

Be aware that a lot of comments on here will be from people who have had a bad experience - it seems to me that people are always less likely to comment on this sort of thing if they've had a more stable experience of a relationship which has worked.

Really? I always notice the opposite on these threads! People always come on saying they got pregnant the first time they slept with the man and now they’ve been married 30 years! Which irl I don’t know anyone that’s happened to the women I know who got pregnant with someone very soon are.. single mums

TillyTopper · 23/02/2022 18:23

Personally I'd say yes, it's too soon. I see so many people on here that haven't really made an informed decision about the father of their kids and chosen carefully. I think 3 months is way too soon, but if you're prepared to go it alone if something happens to the relationship then go for it.

MunchyMonsters · 23/02/2022 18:27

OP
Noone here can tell you what will happen, you need.to decide if you want a baby or not. If you truly do not want a baby then you need to abort. His happiness doesn't come in to it.

People are saying it won't work because statisticsly, for every 1 happy ending, there are 10 unhappy endings, so realistically you do need to consider all options and eventualities.

Worst case scenario (and a high probability) will you be happy as a single mum?

MunchyMonsters · 23/02/2022 18:30

Fwiw. I planned a baby aged 30 with someone I'd known for 8 months. We were together for 12 years. Do I regret it? No. Was I prepared to be a single mum before we conceived ? Yes.

TeaForTiger · 23/02/2022 18:31

I would say that you are probably high risk to separate when the baby young. Maybe you won't and everything will work out, but I think you need to be fully prepared to go it alone if necessary. You don't know this man well enough to be able to rely on him.

So can you support yourself and your child?
Do you have your own home? A good support network? A career?
Will he be a good Dad? Because you're choosing him for this child as well as a yourself.

Original poster
BR96 · 23/02/2022 18:39

@TeaForTiger

I would say that you are probably high risk to separate when the baby young. Maybe you won't and everything will work out, but I think you need to be fully prepared to go it alone if necessary. You don't know this man well enough to be able to rely on him.

So can you support yourself and your child?
Do you have your own home? A good support network? A career?
Will he be a good Dad? Because you're choosing him for this child as well as a yourself.

I'm in a very lucky position to have a good job and a good career that I don't need to worry financially. I do own my own home and I have lived on my own for a long time so I can support myself and I am very confident that I could support myself and a child if I did ever become a single mum. I know that he would be a great dad as he has always wanted children and has alot of children in his family which I know. I should've wrote my post a little bit better as I do know his family well. The support I would get from my own family and his is definitely there and I feel lucky to have that.
OP posts:
Ginandcrispsarebliss · 23/02/2022 18:44

Congratulations OP. My Dsis fell pregnant within a two months of meeting her boyfriend. (Now husband). They are happy and been together for 8 years. She was fully prepared to be a single parent and she has a good career/home. I hope things work out for you.

TeaForTiger · 23/02/2022 18:52

I think you sound like you are in a great position! Having a baby is HUGE and it's completely normal to feel nervous about it.

Congratulations Smile

SingleHandSue · 23/02/2022 18:56

I was pg after 2 months of being together with my now DH at just 20.

We were head over heels in love but no one else thought our relationship would survive.

The only reason we’re still together now 21 years later is because we were both determined we would never let our baby or each other down.

Sounds great but to be honest we’ve both had struggles with mental health and have really struggled financially. We never had the chance to travel together, I’ve still never been abroad, I never learnt to drive and I’ve only worked in low paid jobs.

These were the sacrifices we made to prove that we would make it and I’ll be honest and say that there are times when I’ve wondered if we did the right thing (Staying together, not keeping DS)

It’s only now at the age of 41 that we are finally able to do things for ourselves and improve our lives but we struggle to do that because we actually don’t know what we enjoy! So long was spent just surviving and making sure our DC were ok that we’ve forgotten us.

Good luck with everything op, you’ll do just great however things turn out. Just don’t forget yourselves in the times ahead

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