Are you working right now? Full time? How long have you had this job?
Basically If you have a job right now DO NOT give up your job don't even consider it!
Telling everyone at 5 weeks seems crazy to me you have no idea what will happen and it sounds like you didn't even give yourself a chance to really think and decide if you want to continue this pregnancy.
You are a few years older than my dd and if she came to me with such news I would caution her to take some time to decide what she really wanted and that I would support her whatever decision she made but to not tell anyone except the father maybe at least until that decision was made
You've made it VERY hard for yourself because if you do decide to end the pregnancy everyone will at least know the pregnancy ended (whatever you tell them)
3 months is NOTHING you barely know him, I have a horrible feeling neither of you were being particularly careful with contraception OR sexual health either!
Regardless of what you decide you need to get a full Sti screening asap both for your health and if you continue the pregnancy potentially the baby's too. This is IMPORTANT!
Certain infections can increase the risks of pregnancy and cause problems for the birth and the baby potentially - there are precautions that can be taken but the hcps taking care of you need to know in order to implement these
I don't think the relationship will last it's highly unlikely so you need to prepare for being a single mum - which is tough! I've done it (though I was in my 30's when ex and I split)
Hopefully I and others are wrong but better prepared than not
Pregnancy and babies put a HUGE amount of pressure on even the strongest relationships.
Your emotions will be all over the place, add in side effects, possible medical concerns, then when baby is born sleep deprivation etc
Luckily my income and the financial side of things isn't a worry for me due to my working background and also his.
Don't inc his in your calculations - seriously you cannot depend on this not even child maintenance as it's so poorly enforced in this country
Check the costs and AVAILABILITY of childcare NOW in your area - I think that will give you a shock! But you need to plan for it as you really do need to return to work. Also some areas availability is so hard that you may need to book in asap.
Do not rely on vague promises by family/his family that they will mind the baby while you work. It's not guaranteed and if the people minding are sick/on holidays etc themselves then you have no cover and have to take time off work.
Better imo as a single mother to use a nursery as you're not left stuck in those kind of circumstances as they have extra staff to cover. And I say that as an ex childminder myself.
I'm past this stage in my life what are the rules on mat pay now?
When I had dd you only got full pay for a limited time, then part mat pay for a while and then you could stay on mat leave a bit longer but it was unpaid. So you need to check where you stand with this too.
Oh and ex and I didn't have our first argument until almost 2 years in, he was a very passive type.
The closeness you feel in the relationship "feels like I have been with him for years" could well be partly due to your pregnancy hormones because of course evolutionarily speaking we're biologically programmed to bond with the father of our child. You'd not even been together 2 months when you comceived? That's very very early stages, most people at that point aren't even at boyfriend/girlfriend stage they're just "dating"
Why is this most likely to happen?
Statistically -
Both your ages
Length of relationship
Not living together/married
Pregnancy not planned
I know you're not wanting to hear this stuff but it's true.
Just under half of all marriages in uk end in separation or divorce - that stat does not include couples who cohabit or never lived together but had children together, but what is known is that married couples are LESS likely to split than other couples.
I think I'm in a lucky position regarding the support I have and my job etc. I just can't help but think of what ifs and if I am doing the right thing!
I hope you're right - but then you posted because you have doubts and you'll have good reasons for those too
Having a plan b will also alleviate some of the stress because you won't feel so vulnerable IF certain things went wrong. So you'll feel calmer generally which will actually help.
I disagree with GoodVibesHere
It's people with mixed experiences as you can see from the replies so far...
What you ARE getting is responses from people who are ALREADY parents in whatever circumstances and therefore KNOW what it's like to have a baby, how hard and stressful and worrying that is, how expensive, the practicalities...
That's a perspective I think we're ALL coming from
I was with ex 3 years when we married, medical factors meant it took us almost 6 years to get dd after that and that took a toll I'll be honest, he was also army which is an additional pressure, but ultimately what caused our split was he couldn't cope with not being centre of attention after dd was born and sought that attention elsewhere by cheating! This is unfortunately quite common - though more so in younger guys. (He was late 30's)
I know he very much regrets because he told me so on a number of occasions, begged me to forgive him and take him back etc but that was never going to happen as he'd completely betrayed my trust. Plus he got ow pregnant!
There are no guarantees of course, but a longer relationship usually gives you a better and deeper knowledge of your partner to know if they really can be relied upon.
There are THOUSANDS of threads on here - look in the single parent and relationships boards - by women who THOUGHT they had found a good life partner and father for their child/ren and he turned out to be :
Lazy
Wouldn't commit
Selfish
Immature
Or even abusive - financially, emotionally or even sexually or physically or all of these!
You're more likely to end up with someone unsuitable if you rush into things.
For all his faults when dd was born my ex was hands on, pulled his weight with chores and mental load, did night wakings, early mornings etc
There are a LOT of men who don't do ANY of this.
I'm guessing by your age and circumstances you're also both still living at home with parents?
If so learning to live as an adult away from parents is ALSO a huge stressor on relationships
By doing everything so soon, so quickly you're piling the stress on yourselves and each other - that will also contribute to the likelihood of your splitting
My ex was spoiled! When we were first married at that point he'd never had to organise his own budget or make sure bills were paid or that the car was mot'd on time or any of that! He'd never had a job on civvy street, he'd gone from parents to barracks with nothing in between and frankly was infantilised by both!
It was a HUGE leaning curve for him practically and financially
I'm in a very lucky position to have a good job and a good career that I don't need to worry financially.
Usually careers of this type demand long hours, weekends etc - what kind of pay are you on? Because I remember a thread posted by a young lady in a similar situation and it turned out she thought she was on good pay when actually she was on above nmw but below national average and was very unaware of the costs of raising a child eg childcare costs.
Also pregnancy, mat leave and just being a mother does usually stall careers for many women - it shouldn't but it does. Mothers of young children are unfortunately still seen as unreliable, not as career focused etc it's not just during may leave you'll notice it when you return too though it's often very subtle the discrimination can be quite overt - especially if you work in a male dominated industry.
I do own my own home and I have lived on my own for a long time
Good you own your own place but not a long time really as lived alone at most 10 years more likely 5-8 years given your age.
The support I would get from my own family and his is definitely there and I feel lucky to have that.
Beware false promises
I moved to be near my family following split from ex as I was promised support as a single mum - what actually happened was I was doing more of the supporting! This was partly as peoples circumstances changed, but it was also because it's easy to promise...and easy not to follow through!
Certainly don't depend on support from his side - you don't know what will happen yet and if you do split they will absolutely come down on his side
DO NOT depend on his side for childcare for working!
Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
Lots for you to think about I know