Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy, I am so scared to tell my partner

353 replies

emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:13

Hello,

I am on a pill which I have been taking, I was on 3 lots of antibiotics- could this be how I have fallen pregnant?
Anyway I am late for my period, so yesterday I did a test off my own back, and to my shock it was positive. I am so so scared as this is totally unplanned- I still haven’t told my boyfriend of two years, I am so scared of how he will react. What if he says absolutely not, or is angry at me?

Please can someone give me advice or calm me down! Thank you

OP posts:
SameToo · 23/02/2022 16:51

What do YOU want @emmaa1990?

If he didn’t want a child then he should take responsibility for ensuring that doesn’t happen I.e. wear a condom. He can’t blame you for his laziness.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 16:55

I know & the hurtful thing is he always says how much he can’t wait to have a child. And yes I get that is not living together is a thing, but doesn’t everything work out in end?

I don’t know what I want - his reaction has made me upset and makes me feel like I should have an abortion as will he resent me? It’s such a tough situation x

OP posts:
Loki01 · 23/02/2022 16:57

@emmaa1990

I know & the hurtful thing is he always says how much he can’t wait to have a child. And yes I get that is not living together is a thing, but doesn’t everything work out in end?

I don’t know what I want - his reaction has made me upset and makes me feel like I should have an abortion as will he resent me? It’s such a tough situation x

Your relationship will not survive this. Either he will resent you or you will resent him. You need to think about yourself and what you want first. Forget about him.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 23/02/2022 16:58

Neither of you have given yourselves enough time to process this news.

Instead of nippy texts and calls you’d be better actually sitting down and talking about your situation. Face to face.

This is huge news and a potential relationship changer and it deserves a proper conversation before one or both of you make a decision you regret.

I’m sorry but unless you don’t ever have any intention of having another child, I am not sure you’ve given yourself enough time to let things sink in.

And sending a screen shot of an abortion appointment is not great in the circumstances. It seems like game playing still to me.

You both need to take time to really consider how to proceed. With regards to the baby and with regards to your relationship.

At the end of the day, the decision will be yours. Your body your choice.

But the knee jerk reactions and calls and texts need to stop. And a proper conversation needs to take place. Taking past relationships into it isn’t helpful. You are two years into a relationship and this shouldn’t matter any more.

You are both reeling. Give yourselves time to stop still enough to think.

Question887 · 23/02/2022 16:58

@emmaa1990 I'm so sorry he has reacted in this way, it could honestly just be shock. I wasn't living with my.partner when I unexpectedly became pregnant. Not ideal but we moved in together. He wasn't happy about the pregnancy initially but he did come around.
Obviously your partner is within his rights to not want a baby but he's probably in shock. You need to take some time and not make any rushed decisions. Presumably you're early in the pregnancy and don't need to rush into a decision just yet. Have some time to think about what you want, independent of your partner. He may come around and be involved but obviously you need to prepare yourself and decide if you can manage alone with a baby if it's what you decide you want. Do you have family/friends for support?

picklemewalnuts · 23/02/2022 16:59

I'm upset for you, Emma.

Two things- take him out of the equation. What do you want to do? You don't have to do what he wants.

Also, make sure he knows that the last thing you would want would be to be in the position of falling pregnant to a guy that doesn't want the baby. That if you were going to plan to have another it would be with a decent man who wants to have a baby with you, so you didn't have to negotiate with a selfish insensitive clot like him.

Tell him how angry you are with his behaviour.

Then, work out what you want to do about the pregnancy.

Don't feel obliged to stick with him if he changes his mind. Don't feel obliged to do what he wants.

Do what you want.

gogohm · 23/02/2022 17:03

I'll be honest here, it seems the relationship is over whatever you decide. Do what do you want, can you raise a child solo? (I know in theory cms but that's not guaranteed) do you have family for support? If you feel ready for a child he doesn't get a say

youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/02/2022 17:07

The relationship is over OP, I'm afraid. It won't survive this so your decision needs to be based on whether you feel you want to proceed with the pregnancy while single or whether that is something you don't want to do / feel able to do.

You will not be able to have a termination and have a healthy relationship with this man because his reaction has fucked it up too much.

If you have a termination and stay with him, you will feel insecure and resentful and it will become toxic.

You need to decide what you want to do without including your romantic relationship with him in the picture at all.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 17:11

Yeah I just don’t know what I want now tbh. It’s all just very hurtful

OP posts:
llamakoala · 23/02/2022 17:11

I’m sorry to hear that he is ignoring you. Perhaps he doesn’t deal with conflict well and this is big, unexpected news.
At best his behaviour could be a temporary blip. I’ve heard that people use silence to control a situation and I guess at worst he could be trying to make you feel obligated to have an abortion. He may not be doing this at all, and he may not be like that - just a thought I had.

I just wanted to gently say that if you terminate it doesn’t guarantee that the relationship will survive and you need to be sure you are happy with your decision, as difficult as it will be (for example if you had to bring up a new baby by yourself/with limited support from him). Or if you do choose to terminate the pregnancy, will you be ok with your decision.

There’s been some really good advice from previous posters so not much more to add, but I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this 💐

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 17:15

Yeah I think by him ignoring me is a way of making me think well I can’t do this as he’s ignoring me! He ignores me when he’s upset or angry all the time, it’s 100% a control thing and making me feel punished

OP posts:
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 17:16

I know he’s shocked like I am but the fact he decided to have this conversation over the phone then ignore me hurts a lot.

OP posts:
DiscordandRhyme · 23/02/2022 17:22

I have 11 month old DS next to me.

I was taking the pill with him and I was sick one morning and that's the only time I suspect the pill hadn't worked - yet I got pregnant.

The tiniest things can have a big impact sometimes.

Icouldabeenalawyer · 23/02/2022 17:27

@picklemewalnuts

I'm upset for you, Emma.

Two things- take him out of the equation. What do you want to do? You don't have to do what he wants.

Also, make sure he knows that the last thing you would want would be to be in the position of falling pregnant to a guy that doesn't want the baby. That if you were going to plan to have another it would be with a decent man who wants to have a baby with you, so you didn't have to negotiate with a selfish insensitive clot like him.

Tell him how angry you are with his behaviour.

Then, work out what you want to do about the pregnancy.

Don't feel obliged to stick with him if he changes his mind. Don't feel obliged to do what he wants.

Do what you want.

Great advice, totally agree with this. Whatever you decide to do, do it for you and your dc. Thinking of you. 💐
youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/02/2022 17:28

He ignores me when he’s upset or angry all the time, it’s 100% a control thing and making me feel punished

Nice blokes don't do shit like this OP, I promise you.

You need to figure out what you want based on the relationship being over.

Please don't rush your decision either way and certainly don't do something in anger that you can't then take back.

I would tell him you want space (I know he's already ignoring you but just to make it clear) and block him while you maybe talk to your GP about your choices.

No good can come from talking to this bloke right now while this situation is so raw.

AgathaX · 23/02/2022 17:49

his reaction has made me upset and makes me feel like I should have an abortion as will he resent me - I think there's a fair chance that your relationship won't recover from this whatever you decide to do. It's early days and maybe he just needs some time to digest the news, or maybe he's just an arse.

You need to think about this without him in the picture really.

Ursusmajor · 23/02/2022 18:02

OP. Take a week and then have a proper discussion when you’ve both had time to think. Don’t jump to conclusions based on his immediate reaction. I’d say to him that for you an abortion is a huge deal and won’t just make the situation go away. Then make a time in a few days to talk to him when he’s had a chance to get over the shock and let it all sink in.
Find someone else to confide in. Someone calm. Someone who won’t betray your confidence. This could be a friend, a family member or a counselor (might be hard to find one so quick though).
The final decision is always going to be yours. He can only tell you his preference.

Ursusmajor · 23/02/2022 18:03

I agree that the ignoring you as punishment is shitty behavior btw.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 18:07

Yeah he’s being horrible to me, he’s replied and just being so cold and nasty- I said I cannot believe you’re being this way, and he said well I’m telling you how I feel about it and you’re acting like some baby, he keeps saying he doesn’t know how this has happened almost accusing me! He’s just not being nice to me at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 18:10

At this point I don’t even think he cares about loosing me or whatever - I think all he cares about is me getting rid of baby, so he can peruse his life!

OP posts:
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 18:11

Omgggg I am so stressed out this is such a awful situation and his reaction has made me feel horrendous

OP posts:
dogmandu · 23/02/2022 18:14

If you do decide to go ahead with the pregnancy will this have an effect on the child you already have?

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 18:18

There’s no way I am going ahead now. I really don’t want to x

OP posts:
OrganisedChaos22 · 23/02/2022 18:18

Don't make a rash decision.

Text him and say you are aware it takes 2 to make a baby. The pill isn't 100% effective and if he was so against a baby he should have worn a condom.

themonkeysnuts · 23/02/2022 18:22

make this decision for you
and dump him, he sounds like a ratbag

Swipe left for the next trending thread