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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy, I am so scared to tell my partner

353 replies

emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:13

Hello,

I am on a pill which I have been taking, I was on 3 lots of antibiotics- could this be how I have fallen pregnant?
Anyway I am late for my period, so yesterday I did a test off my own back, and to my shock it was positive. I am so so scared as this is totally unplanned- I still haven’t told my boyfriend of two years, I am so scared of how he will react. What if he says absolutely not, or is angry at me?

Please can someone give me advice or calm me down! Thank you

OP posts:

wildthingsinthenight · 23/02/2022 14:59

Why have you booked an abortion??
Don't do something you'll regret please

AgathaAllAlong · 23/02/2022 15:07

This sounds very upsetting for you. I'd give yourself real time to think through all the options and have a calm conversation with him too. Whatever you decide it has to be what YOU want.

TibetanTerrah · 23/02/2022 15:11

@emmaa1990 I'm saying this kindly, but it is a very bad idea to impulsively book a termination.

You sound like you're trying to get a reaction from him which may well look manipulative - sending a screenshot and saying you'll do it alone.

Just back away from him for a bit and give yourself a few days to clear your head, and come back here to vent/talk/get advice as needed, we're here for you

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy

diddl · 23/02/2022 15:23

I think a lot of people only rely on one form of contraception don't they?

Presumably Op was on the pill because she didn't want to get pregnant.

That having failed at this point, the next logical step would be an abortion.

Obviously though emotions & hormones now come into play & it isn't as simple as just taking the next step.

He could just be in shock, although it sounds as if things got a little heated & there might be no coming back form that.

At your ages & 2yrs in I think a lot of people would think that to be quite a committed relationship-especially having talked about living together.

Nelliephant1 · 23/02/2022 15:23

Slow down. Cancel the termination and tell him you've cancelled it so he knows that it isn't a done deal.

Take some time and work out what you want. At the moment there's no rush. It's an important decision and you must both get it right. Take care and breathe! 💐

AgathaX · 23/02/2022 15:25

I think you've booked the termination as a way of lashing out. That's understandable, but I think you need to cancel it. Give yourself a couple of weeks for this to sink in. Consider your options properly. The decision is yours, not his. You need to take your time to think it through, not rush into something so drastic that you may bitterly regret for the rest of your life. If you decide after 2 or 3 weeks that a termination is your best option then of course you need to go ahead and do it. But it will then be something that you can accept and live with a lot easier

TedMullins · 23/02/2022 15:29

I don’t think it’s fair to say he should’ve worn a condom therefore he’s a dick - yes in an ideal world people would double up on contraception but I have used the pill on its own before in relationships and I don’t want children at all - I would (and have) have an abortion if it had failed, but I wasn’t insisting my partner wore condoms too.

He is within his rights not to want a child, but he cannot pressure you to do anything. Ultimately, it’s your body, so while he can feel whatever he feels, his preference is irrelevant when it comes to deciding what you want. It does sound like you’ve booked an abortion as a spur of the moment reaction to possibly try and guilt trip him. Take him out the picture completely and think about what YOU want - could you/would you be a single parent?

Dinosaurs1991 · 23/02/2022 15:29

Did he outright say he wants you to get an abortion?

I fell pregnant early last year despite being on the coil of all things. My OH (and father to our then two children) did not want any more children. He was visibly concerned about the pregnancy and I could tell he wasn't at all happy but he never once suggested I terminate.

After a few days he came to me and said of his own accord "i think we should keep it"

Fast forward to now and our DC3 is the apple of his eye.

Do not rush into an abortion that you might later regret.

Give him a week to gather his thoughts and if his position remains the same then take him out of the equation and have a serious think about what you want to do on the basis you'll be a single parent.

He might come around, he might not, but it's you who has to live with your decision.

Tomeeornottomee · 23/02/2022 15:32

@emmaa1990 please please really consider if this is what you want. You must be very early on in your pregnancy so you have the luxury of a bit of time. Think on it over the weekend and then make your decision. It’s such a knee jerk reaction I worry you will come to regret it. I’m sorry that this is his reaction. Do you think your relationship will continue after this? Whatever you decide to do I wish you well. 💐

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/02/2022 15:36

I'm afraid it's time. Time to decide you can have a different life if you want. You can make your own decisions, do what's right for you and be confident in your choices.

Do YOU want a baby? Not him, not for the relationship, not to please someone else. YOU.

You don't have to do what he wants.

CherryBlossomCheer · 23/02/2022 15:44

Don’t have a termination unless it’s what you actually want. This has to be your decision now, not his, but go into it expecting to go it alone as a single parent.

If you do want a termination that’s equally fine. Just make sure it’s your choice.

Hiddenvoice · 23/02/2022 15:48

I’ve read all of your comments, I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
You need to spend some time thinking about what you want! Yes he has a voice and opinion to share but at the end of the day do you want this baby? It isn’t a matter of if you can imagine yourself being with him forever etc, it’s
If you want to keep the baby- with or without him.
I understand the whole being nervous to tell him, you kinda anticipated what he was going to say and that is nerve wracking.
He’s thinking of it in terms of you don’t live together, he doesn’t know how it will work out and he has been hurt before. I wouldn’t bring the ex into it as it’s a completely different situation.
I think the two of you need to sit down and talk about what you both want for the future - can you see yourselves being together as a family? Can you see yourself raising the child without him?
It’s up to you what you want to do but take some time to think about it. He’s only just found out and will need time to process it all. He’s jumped to a reaction that he may not mean right now.

KneadingKitty · 23/02/2022 15:50

Keep an eye on your lines, they should ideally be getting stronger not staying faint because your HCG should be rising.

It honestly doesn't sound like you are in a good position to have the baby, but if you want it and feel you can do it then you don't need him. My ex wanted me to abort our third child. He's 5 now and I couldn't imagine my life without him. However, having him has been hard too. Very hard.

Ursusmajor · 23/02/2022 15:58

OP, look into the counseling session offered by the clinic. And give yourself some time to think about all this and decide what you want to do.
Men are often crap with pregnancy. My first was planned and my DH was still shocked when it happened first month. He’d been expecting it to take a while for some reason I don’t fully understand. I don’t think it felt real to him until I was 5 months gone with a big bump. Men sometimes think an unplanned pregnancy is just a mistake that can be easily erased. But actually feeling pregnant and then having to consider either continuing or terminating and going through with either pregnancy and birth or early pregnancy and abortion is a huge deal as a women.
It sounds like, to you, this pregnancy is something you wanted, but it’s just happened perhaps a year or two earlier than expected and whilst still on contraception.

Mamamamasaurus · 23/02/2022 16:03

@KneadingKitty

Keep an eye on your lines, they should ideally be getting stronger not staying faint because your HCG should be rising.

Pregnancy tests shouldn't be used to measure if your pregnancy is progressing - particularly if you use more than one brand of test. There are many variables which can affect the test - hydration levels being just one. Don't use home pregnancy tests to determine if your hormone levels are increasing, only blood tests will do that.

whynotwhatknot · 23/02/2022 16:12

He didnt soundlovely at all as you were worried already he might react like this

you have to decide if you want this child to raise it alone or termination but how you could carry on with him either way i dont know

CaMePlaitPas · 23/02/2022 16:24

Do you want to get rid of the pregnancy OP? Because it won't save a relationship.

AladdinPrincess999 · 23/02/2022 16:29

I think you've acted to impulsively with booking a termination. You're clearly hurt right now and he's obviously shocked because its a big deal. Whether he's 34 or not.

You need to keep communication lines open. Get everything out into the open. Let him have his say and equally have yours. Then you can come to a conclusion.

Good luck.

Mummapenguin20 · 23/02/2022 16:39

What do you want op

JimmyShoo · 23/02/2022 16:41

Give yourself time for the shock to wear off and then think about what you actually want. Allow your partner to do the same.

bubbletrouble18 · 23/02/2022 16:42

Please cancel the termination, it's a very hard decision to make and it shouldn't be done because of what he's said.

Take some time and allow him some more time, but as other posters have said - keep communication open with him. Don't shut him out (although you're within your rights to be upset and hurt), and don't let him brush things under the carpet.

Give you both some more time OP. If he doesn't want a child, either with you or at all, he's within his rights. As are you to want a baby, or not want a baby.

bubbletrouble18 · 23/02/2022 16:42

@CaMePlaitPas

Do you want to get rid of the pregnancy OP? Because it won't save a relationship.

^^ this.

butterpuffed · 23/02/2022 16:47

Please cancel the termination appt, it's not something do be done on impulse. You need to think about it and talk with your partner.

Original poster

emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 16:48

I’m so upset - sorry I haven’t replied to you all, I will later on. He’s ignoring me now- I feel so crap. His reaction to be honest is so hurtful.

I don’t really know how to feel or what to do. X

OP posts:

Original poster

emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 16:49

I don’t feel like I fit into his life, I don’t know if he’s actually serious about me anymore, the way he’s reacted - it’s making me question what I mean to him!

OP posts:

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