Unplanned pregnancy, I am so scared to tell my partner

[emmaa1990]

Hello,

I am on a pill which I have been taking, I was on 3 lots of antibiotics- could this be how I have fallen pregnant?
Anyway I am late for my period, so yesterday I did a test off my own back, and to my shock it was positive. I am so so scared as this is totally unplanned- I still haven’t told my boyfriend of two years, I am so scared of how he will react. What if he says absolutely not, or is angry at me?

Please can someone give me advice or calm me down! Thank you

@lovescaca

It's worrying that ur scared to tell ur partner that u pregnant.

not really. I would be worrying if it were the other way round.

If she were pregnant unexpectedly and rocked up to her BF all breezily and happily and said 'guess what I''m pregnant'.

I remember taking xh to a public place to tell him. I wasn’t scared of him, I was scared of his reaction. He was shocked and said how etc but was happy at the same time. The baby is 21 now, we got over the shock!

Hope everything goes the way you want it too OP. Remember though you've had longer to process the news.

Oh bless you, I can feel the anxiety in your posts.

Try to relax. It will be fine.

Op please take a deep breath and put your DP firmly aside .

Time to really think about your future and take control of it.

Now just be you, ....you are 32 you must have considered whether you want children? What are YOUR feelings, have you ever seen your future with children, or been firmly against the idea?

What do you want your life to be like at 40, 50 and 60, child free, with a family, or what....?

At 32 you do have some time but not too much if you want children, l started trying at 34 and it took me until 38 to sucessfully have a baby,
fertility does drop off after 35.

I cannot stress enough (from experience) please forget everyone else for now including DP and think carefully about the life you want..

Once you know if you want this baby, you can talk to DP, be firm and strong, anyone who has sex runs the risk EQUALLY of accidentally falling pregnant, it is not just a womans fault or responsibility, but it will be your body and your decision, so make sure you make the right decision for yourself first.

Good luck

@emmaa1990

Yes it’s come up loads! He does want them, I don’t know why I am so scared. He wouldn’t react badly but I’m worried he will think I’ve missed my pills etc when I haven’t! I am worried of being accused, I don’t know - I’m just panicking so much!

Did he know you were on antibiotics ? Did your GP warn you about pill and contraception when they prescribed them to you? Did you discuss with yourmartnernabout this and either not having sexy or using alternatives? Tbf it’s well known, and you should know that antibiotics affect the pill . You should have discussed this with your partner However, pregnancies are not something women create on there own- it takes two so he must also know that no contraception is 100% fail safe and “accidents” happen fairly frequently. This is something he should have thought about since he started having sex with anyone. However, clearly a lot of blokes don’t or bury their heads in sand and think it is woman’s responsibility only. It’s not If he is that angry regarding your pregnancy then he too should have taken precautions to protect himself for that eventuality. He didn’t I assume so has some responsibility here. Don’t apologies for becoming pregnant. Accidents will happen. It is how he deals with the outcome that is key. If he gets angry that you have become pregnant it is time to leave him and consider your options re keeping the baby, if he is angry and upset about what to do about the pregnancy than that’s ok, as long as he isn’t abusive. He needs time to process it and then you can discuss what you both want

Don't beat yourself up. So far it sounds like he's not took it too badly it's obviously a big shock for you both

If your boyfriend thinks contraception is a. 100% fool proof and b. 100% up to you, he is 100% a dingbat.

Prioritise yourself now x

Ds2 conceived whilst taking the pill.
I missed one day. We were away, we took the risk. Not likely to happen is it? Wrong.

8 months after he was born I was pregnant again whilst taking the pill
Even though I had been METICULOUS about taking it after getting caught out and falling pregnant with DS2.

Sometimes for whatever reason it just doesn’t work. 🤷‍♀️

As a couple have you discussed the future, what that might look like? You mentioned that you have a child does he have any?

It takes two to tango!

Update he wants me to have an abortion x

What do you want?

@emmaa1990 crap. What exactly did he say? Don't let him pressure you into anything.

Don’t forget you’ve had a couple more days to get your head around it than he has. Keep talking to him and take your time

I'm so sorry. Don't let him rush you into anything.

What do you want to do? He may just be in shock and that's why he's reacted this way. I hope your alright ❤

@emmaa1990

Update he wants me to have an abortion x

You poor thing! He should've put a barrier method on his bits then, shouldn't he!!!! I hope you're okay. 34 is not exactly young, he needs to man up

He's hardly 'lovely' if he can't accept some responsibility for his own actions - you can't clap with one hand you know. He could've and should've wrapped his dick if he was so adamant he doesn't want kids.

Take him out of it. Decide what YOU want. Then take it from there. Remember that he's entitled to his opinion, but that doesn't change your opinion, it doesn't make your decision for you.
Plan your life as a single parent - does that look doable? Is it what you want?

Ugh!
What was his reasoning? What do you want?

He basically said that we haven’t been lived together (even tho he’s asked me to move in once his house is done up) and haven’t been together too long, I got angry and I said the things you’re saying are like we aren’t going to work out are there other reasons? Am I not serious to you? And I blurted out what would you have done it this was your ex? And he said would of been a different situation as was with her longer than me and basically lived with eahcther even tho he told me he hardly saw her and they didn’t work living together which was hurtful.

I just said I don’t want to talk right now and I went & I went online and booked an abortion and screen shot it to him and said il go alone,

I just feel really hurt and upset. He hasn’t even replied to me.

How long have you been together? TBH the ex thing is completely irrelevant - comparison like this is never a good thing. His points are all valid, and he is well within his rights for him to say he doesn't want a baby, just as you are well within yours to say you do. Obviously where you go from here really depends on what you want and how much his reaction changes your feelings towards him. Don't rush into an abortion on the back of a heavily emotional conversation - take some time to really think it through.

I mean this kindly, your relationship doesn't sound great.

Do you want the baby without him in the picture?

His behaviour is ridiculous, surely everyone knows the pill isn't 100% affective. If he didn't want a baby he should have worn a condom for extra protection or abstained from sex completely.

I don’t think you should have the pregnancy terminated. Your partner is in shock at his life going in a completely different direction. Give him time to process the news. If he really won’t stand by you, would you consider adoption rather than termination?