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Original poster

Why are some parents choosing not to share photos of their children on social media?

162 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 18/02/2022 16:19

Someone I know has just made a status announcing they've had their baby but won't be sharing pictures at least not until they are older

And come to think of it, I know a few people who have not even shared their child's name

I don't even have many Facebook friends but after I had my baby I did a sweep of my Facebook and removed a bunch of people so now I have maybe 200 people on there that I know.

I don't post loads of pictures of my daughter but I post maybe every couple of months a photo or a story

Is that ok? Should I not be doing this?

Feel a bit upset like maybe I'm a bad mum and should have considered more carefully

Should I take them down?

OP posts:
Unavailableusername · 18/02/2022 18:37

www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/james-close-county-durham-court-17143259 @RewildingAmbridge

Just one hideous example.

I'm not keen to post photos online although instances like this may be rare.
It frustrates me that schools are so obsessed with promoting themselves on social media whilst also teaching kids not to post images of themselves (especially in identifiable uniform) and child protection training says the same.

Unavailableusername · 18/02/2022 18:42

@ElvisPresleyHadABaby

What are your thoughts on private WhatsApp chats to family? Secure ? Thanks. Your post is hard to read but so important.

KimWexlersPonyTail · 18/02/2022 18:44

I think of SM like having a noticeboard outside your house so i never post pics of me or family. Its just no ones business. I am not interested in other people's family and they dont need to know about mine!

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Fluffymule · 18/02/2022 18:50

I think many do it to protect the Childs privacy. How does one know when a child is old enough to give full informed consent for example?

There’s also distaste of people who use their children on social media to generate social currency, revenue, and other metrics. I think this in turn has made some parents, not in the ‘influencer’ world, think again about the ethics of putting minors on social media.

It’s one thing to share a photo to a locked down friends and family group on Facebook or a private Instagram account, but anything else would concern me.

supermoonrising · 18/02/2022 18:50

@Beees
He cannot consent to them being on there
Meh. Kids don’t get to decide most stuff that happens.. Who there parents are, where they live, their upbringing, what school they go to, what their diet is, etc. A picture of a kid smiling at the camera is just a kid smiling at the camera. There are 8 billion people in the world. Nobody cares apart from possibly a couple of dozen friends/relatives, and FB is just a convenient way to share a few photos with them.

radioactive4 · 18/02/2022 18:52

I don't post photos of my kids on social media.

I think it's massively cringe. Can you imagine if your parents put photos of you as a toddler/young child/teen on their Instagram or Facebook?!

Complete invasion of privacy.
They are too young to consent so I don't do it.

trilbydoll · 18/02/2022 18:52

I stopped when they started school because when I was 15 I would have been mortified by pictures of myself aged 7. I never posted many though, there's probably about 20 photos in total of both dc on my Facebook.

romdowa · 18/02/2022 18:54

I don't put pictures up of my baby because I live in a few small town and his picture would be shared with half the town purely because their noses are at them. I don't want those kinds of people having pictures of my son.

CrunchyNotMe · 18/02/2022 18:55

My DCs are not old enough to consent. The internet is forever.

Marmelace · 18/02/2022 18:56

Because I'd rather let them have the choice when they become adults.

Lesperance · 18/02/2022 18:57

[quote supermoonrising]@Beees
He cannot consent to them being on there
Meh. Kids don’t get to decide most stuff that happens.. Who there parents are, where they live, their upbringing, what school they go to, what their diet is, etc. A picture of a kid smiling at the camera is just a kid smiling at the camera. There are 8 billion people in the world. Nobody cares apart from possibly a couple of dozen friends/relatives, and FB is just a convenient way to share a few photos with them.[/quote]
Right. I agree. Kids don't have much agency.
I guess the point is, the child might care later, and weighing it up, at least for me, on a personal level, my need to share doesn't trump my child's right not to have their image on the internet. I make that choice, for my child, and my choice is not to put them on line.
But, and this is what I think people have trouble understanding, as much as I might look askance at, say, a parent giving coke to a 1 year old, I'm really indifferent to parents putting their child's photo on line. I could not care less. But I make a different choice for my child, who might care later. And if they don't? Then it doesn't matter either. I can't see a positive for the child in having their photo on line.

wherethewildthingis · 18/02/2022 18:57

@ElvisPresleyHadABaby - I appreciate you've shared that quote in good faith. But it is, as you say, completely anonymous and cannot be verified here. It is frightening for parents to think that could be happening with the images they share and I think it's unlikely to be true.
Images of child abuse - of all kinds, whatever the particular perversion- are very readily available. No one needs to bother photoshopping innocent images. Yes some people may find that specifically arousing but images of that type absolutely are not common in the UK.
The quote also mentions that things have to change, and puts the onus on parents to change how they share images. I agree things have to change - the conviction rate for child sex offences in the UK is very low and even more so for those who view and share abuse images. The criminal justice system should get its own house in order actually, not try to frighten and shame innocent parents into changing their behaviour.
It is not the case that parents who share images of their children online are placing them at high risk of being made into pseudo abuse images. I don't think it's OK really to spread misinformation like this on a parenting site that could leave people feeling like they have let their kids down.

FTEngineerM · 18/02/2022 18:57

I’m not sure I get the consent argument?

They don’t consent to me changing their nappy. They don’t consent to me putting them in clothes. They don’t consent to me taking them out in public with CCTV. They don’t consent to me taking them to nursery so a stranger cleans their private’s. They don’t consent to me bathing them.

Why is their lack of consent a reason not to post baby photos?

They’re hardly going to get to 35 be at a job interview and the interviewer goes ‘ah - you would have got the job but your mam was proud that day you played the drums when you were 1 and shared a picture, sorry’.

radioactive4 · 18/02/2022 18:58

@SpaghettiArmsMurderer

People still post on Facebook? I thought that had died out!

Yes 😂

Marmelace · 18/02/2022 18:58

[quote supermoonrising]@Beees
He cannot consent to them being on there
Meh. Kids don’t get to decide most stuff that happens.. Who there parents are, where they live, their upbringing, what school they go to, what their diet is, etc. A picture of a kid smiling at the camera is just a kid smiling at the camera. There are 8 billion people in the world. Nobody cares apart from possibly a couple of dozen friends/relatives, and FB is just a convenient way to share a few photos with them.[/quote]
So if your child asked you not to post their picture or to you they didn't like certain foods etc, you would ignore them?

Marmelace · 18/02/2022 18:59

Tell you not to you

Suprima · 18/02/2022 19:05

Because once you post it- you no longer own that picture.

Facebook and Instagram could completely legally sell that picture, for whatever reason they wish.

It doesn’t seem like it’s an issue now, but if FB goes the same way as MySpace and bebo when the next big thing comes along- they will use the data and images freely given to generate profit.

You are also contributing to a bank of facial recognition which will one day be used to identify your child.

ChuckBerrysBoots · 18/02/2022 19:05

I find all the comments about feeling embarrassed if your parent posted childhood pictures of you really hard to get my head around. My parents have photos of us as kids all over their house. They have lots of friends I don’t know who visit and see those pictures. That’s fine, doesn’t bother me at all. Similarly if they had Facebook and posted pictures there, it wouldn’t bother me as, well, they’re just photos and personally I quite like looking back at them.

TabithaHazel · 18/02/2022 19:08

I feel like social media is a way to keep in touch with people who you wouldn't be in touch with on a day to day basis - so why would you put photos up for these acquaintances to see? For close friends and family whatsapp is surely better.

Marmelace · 18/02/2022 19:09

@FTEngineerM

I’m not sure I get the consent argument?

They don’t consent to me changing their nappy. They don’t consent to me putting them in clothes. They don’t consent to me taking them out in public with CCTV. They don’t consent to me taking them to nursery so a stranger cleans their private’s. They don’t consent to me bathing them.

Why is their lack of consent a reason not to post baby photos?

They’re hardly going to get to 35 be at a job interview and the interviewer goes ‘ah - you would have got the job but your mam was proud that day you played the drums when you were 1 and shared a picture, sorry’.

So when they take pictures of you getting your arse wiped in an old people's home, you will be fine with them posting the picture with no consent.
Beees · 18/02/2022 19:15

[quote supermoonrising]@Beees
He cannot consent to them being on there
Meh. Kids don’t get to decide most stuff that happens.. Who there parents are, where they live, their upbringing, what school they go to, what their diet is, etc. A picture of a kid smiling at the camera is just a kid smiling at the camera. There are 8 billion people in the world. Nobody cares apart from possibly a couple of dozen friends/relatives, and FB is just a convenient way to share a few photos with them.[/quote]
There's lots of things my small child has so say in of course there are because it's my job as parent to make the choices I see best for him. However some decisions are necessary for me to make such as changing him or where he goes to nursery. Others however he absolutely gets a say in and his choices are just as valid as mine. For example he doesnt like soup so I don't force him to eat it and his right to decide his privacy in future isn't superceded by my desire to post a picture of his smiling face.

Why wouldn't you give them the choice on something which would be so inconsequential to me but would potentially be there forever for him in future?

Maray1967 · 18/02/2022 19:17

I don’t use Facebook but wouldn’t put any pics of my DC on any form of social media except in very small WhatsApp family or friendship groups and only if they’re ok with it. Neither of them is keen on having photos shared.

Maray1967 · 18/02/2022 19:18

Posted too soon - I agree with the poster above. It’s their choice - I don’t want any trace of silly or potentially embarrassing photos of them stuck online.

minipie · 18/02/2022 19:19

I don’t use Facebook.

If I did I wouldn’t post photos of my kids.

Partly due to privacy, future etc. But mainly because I just don’t think people would be that interested.

This is probably why I’m not on Facebook

AuntTwacky · 18/02/2022 19:19

Wouldn't put any photos of DC on any social media