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At our breaking point with 8 week old DS and need help

150 replies

DaydreamBeIiever · 07/02/2022 22:59

We have an 8 week old baby boy. He was fine when he was born, we could put him down for naps, he pooed regularly, seemed like a fairly content little thing, but since Christmas/New Year we’ve been having an absolute nightmare and nobody seems to want to help us.

He was diagnosed with reflux and I have tried all the home remedies- feed him sitting upright, hold him upright at least 20 mins after each feed, have crib tilted. It helps in as much as he no longer projectile vomits, but that’s about it. He was prescribed gaviscon which was a fucking disaster- it made him constipated, so we just swapped one thing that made him scream in pain for another. He’s not been the same since. He poos maybe once or twice a day, really wet poo, and when he does it comes shooting out with some force and almost always escapes his nappy. The rest of the time, he’s squirming and crying and clearly in a lot of discomfort. He’s now on 1.5ml Omeprazole suspension a day, which doesn’t appear to be having any effect. It’s hard to get a burp out of him and he never farts.

He’s EBF except for one bottle of expressed milk a day. He had tongue tie which was divided 4 weeks ago which improved things (ish) until recently- we’ve been referred back to the clinic though as it looks as though it may have re-tied (or whatever the term is).

Essentially, he is never just awake and content. If he’s awake, then his base level is fussing, squirming and uncomfortable/in pain. He cries so much- there have been nights where he’s barely drawn breath between screams until he falls asleep from sheer exhaustion. Not like colic crying- real agonised screams.

He has a tiny bit of eczema too so I’ve given up dairy in case it’s CMPA- it’s been 3 weeks and again, so far no change. We were giving him colief drops which may have been helping a tiny bit but it’s just so expensive- a £20 bottle only lasts a week.

He never lets us put him down. I can be holding him and he appears to be absolutely sparko, snoring and everything, and then I put him in his crib and he’s awake within a minute. The nights when he’ll sleep in his crib and just wake for feeds like a normal baby are few and far between. He’s perfectly happy to sleep on me or DH but we’re so tired we end up falling asleep holding him and that terrifies me because of the SIDS risk- more than once I’ve resorted to putting him in the sling and sleeping sitting up in the armchair. When he’s awake the longest he’s lasted in his bouncer or on the playmat is 10 or 15 minutes. Otherwise DH or I have to be holding him or I have him in the sling, but I worry that being in it for that amount of time is going to be bad for his hips.

On top of this we have a 2 year old DS who is currently on the (absurdly long) waiting list for SALT and an assessment for autism. He’s such a sweet little boy and I feel so awful that all this change and disturbance has been thrust upon him.

I just don’t know how much more we can take- we’re fucking exhausted and all these things I’m trying just aren’t making any difference. He’s putting on weight so health visitors/GPs don’t really seem to give a fuck - they just sympathise and tell me I’m doing all the right things. I feel like screaming. If I’m doing the right things then why is nothing fucking working?! Why is he still in pain all day long?

I don’t know what else to try and we can’t go on like this. He’s in pain constantly, DH and I are exhausted and our nerves are in shreds. I’m open to any and all suggestions.

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 07/02/2022 23:05

I hope someone comes along with good advice.

My friend had a baby with similar issues many years ago and listening to her was heartbreaking.

Maybe report your thread to MNHQ and ask if there is a more useful board where you’d get better responses.

RNBrie · 07/02/2022 23:06

My first dc was like this. It was miserable, she cried all the time when she was awake and she would only sleep if I was holding her and walking around. I couldn't even sit down because she'd wake up again. She was on all the meds for reflux as well.

I know you already know this, but he will grow out of it. Its just a phase blah blah.

Mine got much easier when she started eating solids and we established a very rigid routine with sleep training so we always knew when she was hungry vs tired and when she was tired she slept well. But all in all it was the hardest six months of my life.

Keep going, you'll get there Flowers

cafenoirbiscuit · 07/02/2022 23:06

Maybe try a cranial osteopath? It helped my non-sleeping DD at a similar age. Is infacol still around?
Hugs to you - irs brutal x

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HanarCantWearSweaters · 07/02/2022 23:09

Oh OP it’s really bloody hard isn’t it, I’m sorry. He sounds so miserable and you must be too. Unfortunately some babies are just really colicky and IF everything else has been ruled out it’s sometimes just a matter of waiting it out. That doesn’t help you in the moment at all and it’s not what you want to hear I know.

Apologies if what I suggest you’ve tried before.
Does his poo appear mucousy, foamy, frothy or an abnormal colour? Does it ever look like there are grains of black sand in it?

When you burp him try and have his body titling to his left, the stomach is asymmetrical and so sometimes when they’re straight upright the bubbles get stuck at the top when the sphincter is off to the side. Ie his bum would be in centre of your chest, his chin on your right shoulder sort of position. Could also try some gentle manipulation to try and get any gas out of his bottom or to help with stool motility, lots of bicycling legs, tummy massage he might like tiger in the tree position with some wiggling going on around that area

If it is ‘just’ (as if that makes it any easier!) colic the only thing to hold onto is that he’s going to grow out of it starting from 3 months onwards as his oesophageal and digestive system develops and strengths. Incidences of colic peak around 3 months and from then on it starts to get a little better. You have my sympathies OP I know it is so, so hard. If you have any one, family a friend a nice neighbour who would come cuddle him while you get a couple of hours sleep please do reach out, I bet there are more people who would love to help than you think Flowers

WindInTheWillows7 · 07/02/2022 23:09

Could you fork out a bit to see a private paediatrician who specialises in acid reflux? (www.london-paediatrician.com/services/, for example). Maybe just one or two appointments for advice would be affordable.... just an idea.

Yumchips · 07/02/2022 23:10

My first was the same. Nobody understands the hell unless they've been through it themselves. My daughter grew out of it and at 10 months I sleep trained her as she never learnt any self soothing skills early on and wouldn't nearly be as good a sleeper as she is now. It does get easier, I can't say when but it will gradually happen after the 6 months mark...

Justkeeppedaling · 07/02/2022 23:11

I think some babies are just more "difficult" than others. My DD hardly slept (we also had an 18mth old), was sick everytime we fed her, and we were constantly knackered for about 6 months, and then things slowly started to get better. I went back to work when she was about 4 months old, and remember sitting on the toilet in work having 40 winks with my head in my hands.
DH and I had some humungous arguments during that period, we were so tired.
I can't help, but I can empathise. You'll get through it - we just do.

Could you take it in turns to take your toddler out for an hour or so, to have a break and to spend some one on one time with him?

BreakingUpWithMyPhone · 07/02/2022 23:11

Could he be constipated still? The wet poop once a day could be overflow, and the squirming and discomfort true rest of the time could be cause by constipation.

MistyFrequencies · 07/02/2022 23:12

Oh god I'm so so sorry. I've been there and it's so fucking tough.
We tried everything. Baby was on Omeprazole, I gave up dairy, everything you're saying sounds so familiar.
The only thing that even vaguely helped was probiotics. I'll try and find the brand and come back to you, was specifically for breastfed babies.
And co-sleeping. I would have never got any sleep otherwise, Google safe co-sleeping and see if you think might be an option for you.

KenAdams · 07/02/2022 23:12

I clicked on this because I knew exactly what you were going to say. This was my DD and it drove me to severe PND. She would only sleep on DH chest face down, meaning we couldn't sleep. BUT I got through it all somehow. We never had a solution just took each day as another hurdle.

Get anyone you can to come and give you a couple of hours break. Use the pushchair or car seat bit of the pram so they aren't lying flat and walk around with them. They might not calm down but being outside your four walls will help. Lots of black, white and red toys as a distraction for a few mins. Do what you need to do to get through.

DD is nearly 10 now and we've made it this far but I couldn't ever see it in the early days. Keep going with it.

Lockdownbear · 07/02/2022 23:12

Op one thing I picked up on another discussion on here from two nursery staff, be careful not to put nappies on too tight at the waist as that can be a cause of reflux.

Hope you get a solution soon.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 07/02/2022 23:14

You’ve probably tried and discounted but white noise and swaddling if you haven’t already tried?

Lolliepoppie · 07/02/2022 23:14

No advise re the reflux. But for transferring into crib, have you tried warming crib with a warm hot water bottle first. Also shushing when putting down and keeping your palm with light pressure on his chest as soon as you put him down so he knows you’re still there and settles (this was suggested by a sleep nanny and was a game changer for us).

Flowers it sounds like you’re coping amazingly with a really gruelling situation.

MistyFrequencies · 07/02/2022 23:15

Pro-Ven Probiotics for Breastfed Babies.

Thatsplentyjack · 07/02/2022 23:15

I tried colief drops with all of mine. They helped a bit but with the third I went against the health visistors advice and switched her to lactose free formula. What a difference that made. Used it until she was about 10 months and switched back to cow and gate without much fuss. She was on omeprazol too without any joy. I'm not saying that's what you should do ( I couldn't breastfeed any of mine unfortunately)that's just what helped us. Also stopped giving infacol.

Babyroobs · 07/02/2022 23:16

Cranial Osteopath was the only thing that helped when my ds was like this.

ThisisMax · 07/02/2022 23:16

Our first baby was like this. Its colic I would say, unbelieveably difficult to manage if you are already sleep deprived. We got a cranial osteopath who was amazing from session 1, we got infacol drops and co- slept, we learned the key grip which was a godsend too. It will pass I promise. Try to be kind to each other as both of you will be stressed.

Onceuponatimethen · 07/02/2022 23:18

I’m not a hcp just a mum with a similar dc. I was wondering about ASD because my dc like this now has an HF ASD dx.

Things that helped for him were co sleeping - we all got more sleep. I know there are risks. We followed the guidance to make it as safe as we could.

Also wearing him in a sling constantly - literally everywhere. This seemed to help settle him and it did get better.

Classical music.

Helping him get to sleep with movement eg in a buggy or walking around in the sling.

I’ve been there and it’s very hard Flowers

Theunamedcat · 07/02/2022 23:18

Tilt the cot higher than you think it should be my ds was virtually upright in hospital he slid out of his nest at one point and his legs were hanging out the cot he was snoring away bless him

He had eczema too we were given dermabase gel which was fab

We used a tummy tub for bathing but a builders bucket does the same job

ElmtreeMama · 07/02/2022 23:23

I was EXACTLY where you are 4 weeks ago, without the toddler and appreciate that can only make things harder.
My DD was so uncomfortable EVERY second and no one cared as she was gaining weight

Things that have helped a tiny bit is tummy massage, increase in omeprazole, regular gripe water and my husband and I sleep in shifts as she would ONLY sleep face down on me
We each did 3 hour stints over 12 hours (7-7)

However, she's 12 weeks this week and I'd say the last 3-4 days have started to see some actual changes including periods of no crying, times she will lie sill for a few minutes and also sleeping on her back when put down for up to 30 minutes with loud white noise.

It is brutal and sad and shocking I know, so FlowersFlowers

I second Nappy not being too tight and no waistbands
We also have baths sometimes twice a day as it was only time she wasn't miserable

Isntisironic1 · 07/02/2022 23:24

I feel your pain my second born was like this. I found carrying her around in a sling a god send, also baby massage was amazing (she was also terribly constipated).
Also if you can (second hand if need be) invest in a 4moms baby rocker. I don’t remember them being around when DD was born but my sisters little one was the same and this was the only that would settle him. Lastly I know it is horrendous now but it doesn’t last forever, light is at the end of the tunnel

MarthaJonesPhone · 07/02/2022 23:25

@MissHavershamReturns

I’m not a hcp just a mum with a similar dc. I was wondering about ASD because my dc like this now has an HF ASD dx.

Things that helped for him were co sleeping - we all got more sleep. I know there are risks. We followed the guidance to make it as safe as we could.

Also wearing him in a sling constantly - literally everywhere. This seemed to help settle him and it did get better.

Classical music.

Helping him get to sleep with movement eg in a buggy or walking around in the sling.

I’ve been there and it’s very hard Flowers

Same situation for us too.

Baby Bjorn bouncer was brilliant as was a boppy pillow.

Omeprazole was awful made DS vomit more. Ranitidine and Domperidone really helped.

Best of luck Thanks

ElmtreeMama · 07/02/2022 23:25

Also just a heads up cranial osteopathy did nothing for us..not saying its not worth a try but don't pin all your hopes on it x

Lndnmummy · 07/02/2022 23:26

OP, I have been where you are. Its a very dark place. This might be unpopular but have you consider bottle feeding? Having gone through the scale of meds, gaviscone, renitadine, omeprazole our consultant adviswd neocate milk on prescription. Please consider giving it a go. You will need to fight for it but persevere. Your baby and you deserve some help. Both our boys needed neocate (with gaviscone) and omeprazole. It worked in the end. Another thing to try is the omeprazole in tablet form. You crush them and create a paste with it using either forumla or weak apple juice. This form of omeprazole is helping the baby faster.
For me not breastfeeding helped my mental health enormously. I didnt need to worry about what I was eating, mastitis, tounge tie. It also meant baby could go longer between feeds which helped his reflux. You are not alone. One hour at a time. Use us for support.

DaydreamBeIiever · 07/02/2022 23:26

Thanks all for the sympathy and advice.

A few people have suggested cranial osteopath, I’ve got hold of a few recommended names so will be making some calls but I understand it’s jolly expensive- usually I’d be happy to throw what little money we have at the problem but we had to buy a new car just before he was born so we don’t have a lot in the pot right now. I know it can sometimes be done through health insurance but DH gets his through work and only has a one month window per year to change his policy so we can’t add DS til then. But will get an idea of costs and if we can manage it then I’ll give it a try.

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