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At our breaking point with 8 week old DS and need help

150 replies

DaydreamBeIiever · 07/02/2022 22:59

We have an 8 week old baby boy. He was fine when he was born, we could put him down for naps, he pooed regularly, seemed like a fairly content little thing, but since Christmas/New Year we’ve been having an absolute nightmare and nobody seems to want to help us.

He was diagnosed with reflux and I have tried all the home remedies- feed him sitting upright, hold him upright at least 20 mins after each feed, have crib tilted. It helps in as much as he no longer projectile vomits, but that’s about it. He was prescribed gaviscon which was a fucking disaster- it made him constipated, so we just swapped one thing that made him scream in pain for another. He’s not been the same since. He poos maybe once or twice a day, really wet poo, and when he does it comes shooting out with some force and almost always escapes his nappy. The rest of the time, he’s squirming and crying and clearly in a lot of discomfort. He’s now on 1.5ml Omeprazole suspension a day, which doesn’t appear to be having any effect. It’s hard to get a burp out of him and he never farts.

He’s EBF except for one bottle of expressed milk a day. He had tongue tie which was divided 4 weeks ago which improved things (ish) until recently- we’ve been referred back to the clinic though as it looks as though it may have re-tied (or whatever the term is).

Essentially, he is never just awake and content. If he’s awake, then his base level is fussing, squirming and uncomfortable/in pain. He cries so much- there have been nights where he’s barely drawn breath between screams until he falls asleep from sheer exhaustion. Not like colic crying- real agonised screams.

He has a tiny bit of eczema too so I’ve given up dairy in case it’s CMPA- it’s been 3 weeks and again, so far no change. We were giving him colief drops which may have been helping a tiny bit but it’s just so expensive- a £20 bottle only lasts a week.

He never lets us put him down. I can be holding him and he appears to be absolutely sparko, snoring and everything, and then I put him in his crib and he’s awake within a minute. The nights when he’ll sleep in his crib and just wake for feeds like a normal baby are few and far between. He’s perfectly happy to sleep on me or DH but we’re so tired we end up falling asleep holding him and that terrifies me because of the SIDS risk- more than once I’ve resorted to putting him in the sling and sleeping sitting up in the armchair. When he’s awake the longest he’s lasted in his bouncer or on the playmat is 10 or 15 minutes. Otherwise DH or I have to be holding him or I have him in the sling, but I worry that being in it for that amount of time is going to be bad for his hips.

On top of this we have a 2 year old DS who is currently on the (absurdly long) waiting list for SALT and an assessment for autism. He’s such a sweet little boy and I feel so awful that all this change and disturbance has been thrust upon him.

I just don’t know how much more we can take- we’re fucking exhausted and all these things I’m trying just aren’t making any difference. He’s putting on weight so health visitors/GPs don’t really seem to give a fuck - they just sympathise and tell me I’m doing all the right things. I feel like screaming. If I’m doing the right things then why is nothing fucking working?! Why is he still in pain all day long?

I don’t know what else to try and we can’t go on like this. He’s in pain constantly, DH and I are exhausted and our nerves are in shreds. I’m open to any and all suggestions.

OP posts:
Nailsbythesea · 08/02/2022 06:48

Massive hug. Make and insist on the face to face appointment now with the GP. A sympathetic one.

My son did not have tongue tie. But he would not absolutely would not sleep on anyone but me - he would scream and scream until he passed out. It was awful I had a c section and an elder daughter who was so wellbehaved and then quite frankly the sleep monster from hell. I was hallucinating and literally in PJ for 24/7 - take a walk the HV said - I couldn’t walk into the kitchen - honestly how I didn’t murder him (and it shocks me to say it I don’t know) there was no respite - none.

You might find he needs a specialised milk and Breast fed isn’t for him - but with the Breast is best mantra - people will weigh in - I tried everything - swaddling, sling everything - oh my giddy aunt - have you tried this? Someone would ask or that? And I’d feel like screaming I’m not fucking stupid I read the internet of course I’ve fucking tried.

I would say my rescue came in the form of a lady from my church who said what can I do to help - take the kids new born 8 weeks and 7 I said - so she did collected them at 6 am and dropped them of after tea and video and PJ for eldest at 7.30 am and I went for a bath, fresh sheets and I slept. She did this at these once a week. For about 4 weeks and it was just the break I needed to function. I made myself stay in bed all day even if I couldn’t switch off and sleep I played classical music and shit my eyes sipping tea. For the short term this is what save you.
But go to see the GP face to face and say to the receptionist most are kind that this isn’t normal and you can’t cope and you are broken not at breaking point. Broken.

If I was near you this Saturday I would have them for you?

For mine - no use to you! Nothing worked he was breast fed and then bottled fed and then special hospital prescription milk - sleeping on me. So I propped up in bed. Going on solids helped. When he was less sick.

He is now 8 and still like a ninja comes in my bed at 12-1 and curls up he needs to be close to me. His sister at a push if I can’t. Or a hot water bottles and his teddies. Even (not mumsnet to say) but he would sleep on our Labrador - he needed the warm and heartbeat mainly my heart beat.

When he was 2 I found out he was pretty much deaf and it made sense - it had been missed on all the hearing tests. He was only a delayed speech that alerted me and the fact there was no reaction when our labradors barked or there was a sudden noise. He had masked it as he was good crawling and walking and responding to faces.

I do hope you get some rest. The referrals I’m sure you are pushing but speak to your gp face to face and use the words broken - I can’t cope- etc use them be totally honest. I can’t promise a sympathetic gp but maybe ask the receptionist to speak to one that is - say I need a really empathetic GP who can I speak to face to face - I really am broken and I need help -

Ballcactus · 08/02/2022 06:49

On the sleep, my son would only sleep being held for 2 months, then he would sleep with me in bed until 6 months, then we tried him alone and it was hit and miss some nights would sleep a few hours alone. He’s 16 months now and just started sleeping alone, and through. I’m sorry it’s so hard, it can be a very lonely place

Mambles · 08/02/2022 06:56

Will he take a dummy? We had all of this with our first and tried Infacol, Colief, Gaviscon etc and nothing helped, other than dipping his dummy in gripe water. We never really gave him proper doses of it, but it honestly worked like an "off" switch! He would stop crying, start sucking his dummy and snuggle in, without it we were screwed. I think it was just that the flavour distracted him, as I think is the case with most colic medicines tbh.
Could be a cheap idea to try?
Also, co-sleep if you can. I didn't want to with either of mine, as I was worried about SIDs, but if you follow safe sleep guidelines you will likely be absolutely fine. I've still got my 7 month old in our bed as he cries every time he realises he's in his cot
He was also formula fed and only improved when we switched to a lactose free formula, so you could be right in thinking he could have an underlying intolerance/allergy.

Interested in this thread?

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Mambles · 08/02/2022 06:57

Sorry, eldest DS was ff, youngest is EBF and currently cosleeping

Geranium1984 · 08/02/2022 06:58

This sounds horrendous, I can't believe you're doing this with a 2yo aswell.
I can't offer any advice myself but I used a sleep consultant who was also really good with tummies as I suspected an allergy.
Anyway she helps people seek better help to sort the problem if you're being fobbed off. Parent and baby sleep coach.
Good luck xxx

Orphlids · 08/02/2022 06:58

Hi OP. Sorry, I haven’t time to read the whole thread, so I’m sorry if I’m repeating what others have said.

My daughter had terrible reflux, and eventually could barely feed due to the agony. Despite referral to hospital, no one was able to offer any effective help, until one wonderful health visitor suggested biological nurturing, which, for us, made such a difference. Here’s what to do:

Get your DH to take a few days off work, or get your DM over for a few days. You go to bed. Draw the curtains, and turn off the lights. No telly or radio, so have a book if you can manage it in the gloom! Take all your clothes off, and take all baby’s clothes off except his nappy. Get in bed together and have skin on skin, and just bloody stay there for three days. Only leave that bed for the lavatory. DH waits on you hand and foot, creeping in silently to give you your meals and take plates away. Allow baby to breastfeed from you as and when he likes.

I was so sceptical when this was suggested to me, but of course I was at the end of my tether, so we gave it a go, and it was really helpful for us. My daughter was able to feed for the first time in weeks without pain. She was like a new baby. The HV told me the process acted like a sort of reset button for baby. After a few days, we left the bedroom, and the effects lasted a couple of weeks, at which point her symptoms gradually returned, so we just repeated the process.

Of course I don’t know if it would be as effective for you as it was for us, but it might be worth a try. I feel for you so much - even nine years later I remember so clearly the absolute hell of watching my baby suffer, and feeling so helpless. Wishing you the very best of luck. It sounds like you’re doing an absolutely smashing job. Baby is lucky to have you. 🌺

Somethingvague · 08/02/2022 07:05

Another one who has been there. I felt like I'd ruined my life. But it does get better - I have a lovely 3.5 year old now and it all feels like a distant memory (whereas at the time it felt inescapable). 12 weeksish things did get better. Then 6 months much better when he could sit up by himself. Things that helped:

  • Dummy
  • Swaddling with velcro swaddle blankets
  • laid back feeding to try and slow fast letdown (or catching let down in a hakaa)
  • bicycle legs to help get the gas out

I wish I'd also just tried switching to bottles now too. But things will get better - hang on in there x

ConfusedbyCovid · 08/02/2022 07:06

It’s horrendous but it does pass.

Sling helps in the day. One of those stretchy ones.
It helped DD get more sleep which did help overall, and I could do things with my toddler without putting her down and her waking.

Somethingvague · 08/02/2022 07:07

Oh and burping technique. Sit them on your lap and support their head while moving their body in little circles - gets massive burps out.

canary1 · 08/02/2022 07:07

Many great suggestions here about dealing with the causative issues. In the meanwhile you and your husband are exhausted - what about getting some short term help - perhaps night nanny/ mat nurse so you can have occasional sleep, perhaps some nanny time during day so you have a break/ spend a bit of time with your other son.

Alondra · 08/02/2022 07:11

OP, apologies if this advice has already been posted...

Have you tried changing your diet? No milk, no eggs. Some breasfeeding infants are very susceptible to the mother's diet. If it doesn't work don't feel guilty for switching to formula like Aptamil. If it still doesn't work, you really need a good paediatrician.

autienotnaughty · 08/02/2022 07:15

This was us. What helped was ranitidine. Me going dairy free (i did it the whole 18m I breastfed) tilted cot and lots of winding. And time. We didn't wean til 6m due to allergies (dc is allergic to dairy soya and nuts) weaning helped a bit but he was already more settled by then anyway. It's feels horrific but it once meds are sorted it does get easier.

With regards to cmpa it does take a few weeks for dairy to fully leave system. So can take up to six weeks to see improvement. And you may know this but dairy sneaks into lots of things such as bread, gravy, crisps, cereals etc. I also gave up soya as the protein is very similar which again is in a lot of foods. I had oatly milk, pure butter and Jackson's bread.

autienotnaughty · 08/02/2022 07:20

Oh and the sleep we tag teamed. I would go to bed about 8pm and oh dealt with baby. I'd sleep til 12 then oh would go to bed and I would get up as and when with baby. I'd average around 6 hours a night oh about 7. On weekend we took a night each so we each got a decent nights sleeep ( we slept in a separate room) oh half would bring baby in to feed on my night off or use expressed if we had enough but he dealt with everything else.

mummyh2016 · 08/02/2022 07:28

I had this with DD, not as bad as you by the sounds of it. Everyone telling you to try infacol/gripe water/infacol as it's cheaper, I'm presuming you have tried these already before going into colief and if your baby is anything like mine was they didn't make any difference whatsoever. I did manage to get colief on prescription, my GP wasn't happy and didn't want to but I basically said it was only this that was stopping me from collapsing with exhaustion but if he didn't prescribe it I couldn't afford to buy it. This was back in 2017 and I know rules regarding what can and cannot be prescribed change all the time but it's worth a try.

Ilovechocolatetoomuch · 08/02/2022 07:33

My ds had very bad colic and sounds similar in that we could never put him down.
Infacol saved me I gave it every single feed and around 3 months he grew out of it.
Before that I remember swaddling and bouncing gently on the bed for 3 hours every eve to stop him screaming. He is 8 now and sleeps like a dream, this phase will pass op keep going.

onedream · 08/02/2022 07:37

I would say regarding the dairy, keep going without it, as you are bfeeding it could take up to 6 weeks to get it out of his system, 3w from yours and additional 3w from his if that makes sense so you still could see improvement if the dairy is the problem, we saw improvement after week 5 when I stopped.

felttipn · 08/02/2022 07:49

My dd is 4 now but I really relate, I found those first 6-7 months horrendous. I was surrounded by 'mum friends' with perfect babies and I felt mortified taking my screamy child anyway, often having to leave meet ups or groups early as I felt so bad about her fussiness and crying.

One thing I will say about possibly switching the formula is that it becomes a really expensive guessing game. DD was so difficult to feed that I ended up trying many different formulas, and many different types of bottles. It's hard to know what's working.

We got a next to me which helped with sleeping. And weaning was a bit of a turning point.

If I could turn back time, I would have paid £200 or whatever it is to see a private paediatric gastroenterologist for an expert opinion about reflux diagnosis and management.

It WILL get better.

MissPeregrine · 08/02/2022 07:57

I feel for you OP, as this was us and it was hell!

DS (now 15) screamed for 3 months, projectile vomited constantly. As he wasn’t gaining weight he was referred and the consultant prescribed Gaviscon which was an absolute miracle cure for us. DS started to gain those much needed pounds.

Before we got to that stage though we’d tried everything. It was horrendous and was partly the reason why we only have one.

Could you try Gaviscon again? If it is reflux it really could help although I’m no expert.

Flowers for you OP.

Chickenpoxtwins · 08/02/2022 07:57

The mention of projectile vomiting makes me wonder if it might be pyloric stenosis and not just reflux. More common in boys and he's around the right age.

MissPeregrine · 08/02/2022 07:59

Btw, we had the coilef drops on prescription but for us they didn’t work.

GnomeDePlume · 08/02/2022 08:02

Another colic survivor here. Infacol wasnt a cure but did help a little. Gripe water did little physically but did have the benefit of making DD1's sick smell better!

It started to get better from around 3 months.

She is now 26 and still gets bad stomach aches but knows how to manage them. Lupus is now being investigated as other auto immune conditions have come to light.

Afonavon · 08/02/2022 08:04

I have no advice, but a fuckload of sympathy/empathy.

It is shit and difficult normally, but you have an excruciating version of this difficult stage.

I wish I could help

MissPeregrine · 08/02/2022 08:11

At times we used the top n tail bowl to catch the vomit.

sarahbanshee · 08/02/2022 08:14

Our DS (now 13!) was exactly like this. We wore him in the sling literally all the time at this stage. Took it in turns to wear him so the other could go to bed, and at night sometimes sat in the armchair wearing him to snooze. If you’ve got a decent sling (not a Bjorn but a wrap sling) it will be fine for his hips. In some cultures all babies live in the sling!

The thing that worked in the end was time - by 12-14 weeks he was a bit more settled, by 6 months it was fine. And in the meantime the sling, Gaviscon and ranitidine (no longer available I think) and hanging on by our fingertips. Get every bit of help you can and screw everything that’s not essential.

Ilkleymoor · 08/02/2022 08:16

Ask friends and family for help. Ask clearly for what you actually need - dinner made, cleaning, playing with 2 yr old. My friend suffered like this. I went over regularly and just held the baby. The crying didn't upset me as much and it gave my friend a chance to calm down a bit or even nap. I went weekly. It won't change your world but if people can do a few things for you it will help you hold on. My friends baby was significantly better at 6 months, fine by 9 months.

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