At our breaking point with 8 week old DS and need help

[DaydreamBeIiever]

We have an 8 week old baby boy. He was fine when he was born, we could put him down for naps, he pooed regularly, seemed like a fairly content little thing, but since Christmas/New Year we’ve been having an absolute nightmare and nobody seems to want to help us.

He was diagnosed with reflux and I have tried all the home remedies- feed him sitting upright, hold him upright at least 20 mins after each feed, have crib tilted. It helps in as much as he no longer projectile vomits, but that’s about it. He was prescribed gaviscon which was a fucking disaster- it made him constipated, so we just swapped one thing that made him scream in pain for another. He’s not been the same since. He poos maybe once or twice a day, really wet poo, and when he does it comes shooting out with some force and almost always escapes his nappy. The rest of the time, he’s squirming and crying and clearly in a lot of discomfort. He’s now on 1.5ml Omeprazole suspension a day, which doesn’t appear to be having any effect. It’s hard to get a burp out of him and he never farts.

He’s EBF except for one bottle of expressed milk a day. He had tongue tie which was divided 4 weeks ago which improved things (ish) until recently- we’ve been referred back to the clinic though as it looks as though it may have re-tied (or whatever the term is).

Essentially, he is never just awake and content. If he’s awake, then his base level is fussing, squirming and uncomfortable/in pain. He cries so much- there have been nights where he’s barely drawn breath between screams until he falls asleep from sheer exhaustion. Not like colic crying- real agonised screams.

He has a tiny bit of eczema too so I’ve given up dairy in case it’s CMPA- it’s been 3 weeks and again, so far no change. We were giving him colief drops which may have been helping a tiny bit but it’s just so expensive- a £20 bottle only lasts a week.

He never lets us put him down. I can be holding him and he appears to be absolutely sparko, snoring and everything, and then I put him in his crib and he’s awake within a minute. The nights when he’ll sleep in his crib and just wake for feeds like a normal baby are few and far between. He’s perfectly happy to sleep on me or DH but we’re so tired we end up falling asleep holding him and that terrifies me because of the SIDS risk- more than once I’ve resorted to putting him in the sling and sleeping sitting up in the armchair. When he’s awake the longest he’s lasted in his bouncer or on the playmat is 10 or 15 minutes. Otherwise DH or I have to be holding him or I have him in the sling, but I worry that being in it for that amount of time is going to be bad for his hips.

On top of this we have a 2 year old DS who is currently on the (absurdly long) waiting list for SALT and an assessment for autism. He’s such a sweet little boy and I feel so awful that all this change and disturbance has been thrust upon him.

I just don’t know how much more we can take- we’re fucking exhausted and all these things I’m trying just aren’t making any difference. He’s putting on weight so health visitors/GPs don’t really seem to give a fuck - they just sympathise and tell me I’m doing all the right things. I feel like screaming. If I’m doing the right things then why is nothing fucking working?! Why is he still in pain all day long?

I don’t know what else to try and we can’t go on like this. He’s in pain constantly, DH and I are exhausted and our nerves are in shreds. I’m open to any and all suggestions.

You have my total sympathy, OP. Sounds miserable and exhausting. My HV spent over an hour trying to convince me there was nothing wrong with my newborn’s digestion, and as soon as baby let rip with an exorcist level projectile, HV practically ran for the door telling me I needed to take her to hospital

This doesn’t solve the problem, but on a small practical level - Colief is 7.99 for the smaller bottle at Savers, and you can order online if you don’t have one near. This lasts us about a week. Boots also sell a slightly less pricey alternative, Care Co-Lactase for 9.99 per 10ml. Not a massive difference but I agree that Colief is so expensive, that this helped us.

Dr Brown’s bottles helped us as well as revisiting swaddling which my baby hated at the start but now uses a zipped swaddle. Wishing you all the best.

Its been 5yrs since i had a baby but my lb was given colife drops on prescription, could you speak to the doctor and ask them for some? My baby was nowhere near as bad as your baby sounds and i managed get som so maybe worth a try?

Infacol, dentinox colic drops and gripe water might be worth a try they are way more reasonably priced than colief.

I would go to the gp and refuse to leave until they have done something to help. They are notoriously useless with these things.

Im thinking possible CMPA? Might need a dairy free formula which is available on prescription.

If it is reflux then there will be medications to try. I think ranitidine is no longer available but there should surely be something. Baby gab is on? There are also milk thickeners like Carobel.

We didn’t have a colic baby but she was in the nicu and had a wonderful therapist who he taught us so much about moving gas. Do you burp on your shoulder, or do you sit them down and do the lean them forward at 45 degrees and get the gas out with the base of your hand on their back, I’d recommend the latter, it really did work. Also he did a vigorous baby massage technique which I’m guessing is on YouTube, but it involved really moving their joints before feedings to try to get gas out and make room for food. It was like a daily full body baby chiropractor visit. Although I didn’t have a colic baby, I was one, with the gaviscon and all. Apparently I was pulling up to standing in my crib by 6 months it was so sore to lie down, the upright matters, so stick with the tilted mattress, strap that baby on in a carrier whenever you can, also consider use of pumping (to minimise air intake) with bottle feeding with a tiny bit of formula (we used a sensitive stomach one) to help probiotics for digestion. Sending you all the luck in the world that you find your solution soon x

Baby gaviscon *

I had a high needs baby who screamed all the time and wouldn’t sleep unless we were holding her. One day I fell asleep in a chair. Thankfully we were positioned in such a way that it was ok, but that day I redid our bed to make it ideal for cosleeping and DH moved to a bed in the guest room to further minimize the risk. Getting some actual sleep myself helped.

That first year nearly broke me. Some babies are just really hard. I’ve got an amazing teenager now. Those days do pass, even if they seem to stretch on forever when you are living them.

Have a hug OP

Sorry I can't offer much practical help I've never been through this.

One thing I will add is be careful cutting dairy, I probably have lactose intolerance (all the symptoms, no diagnosis because - well it would just cost the NHS and not change my life).

Anyway, I had an Iceland ready meal of fish and chips yesterday, and there must have been dairy in it in some form.

Good luck with the suggestions on here, one day this will be something you look back on this and smile.

Hi - haven’t had time to read whole thread so may be repeating.

Your story sounds similar to mine with two of my kids.

I remembered my brother being lactose intolerant

I changed to bottle feeding soya milk formula - against the advice of health visitor at first who didn’t feel it necessary

It worked wonders .

Second time round I didn’t hesitate.

Worth a try.

@heyday

My first born had non stop 'colic' when he born which went on for ages. We almost went stir crazy through sleep deprivation. Although he showed no obvious symptoms at the time he later went on to be diagnosed as having coeliac disease...ie intolerance to wheat and gluten. Perhaps it could be something similar for your DC??

This is what I was going to suggest - especially with the explosive wet poo.

I know you've tried cutting out dairy, but perhaps you could try going gluten free for a couple of weeks? It's not anywhere near as difficult as it used to be, although it is somewhat expensive :( - but if it turns out to be gluten, then it will make the world of difference to him.

A friend of mine became both lactose and gluten intolerant in her 4th pregnancy - turns out that baby is too (strange linkage!)

Definitely worth trying though. Good luck

We had this with ours. Tried everything, even admitted to hospital at one point.
Then slowly the hours spent crying just disappeared. The consultant said there was nothing physically wrong - get ear defenders, listen to music, just cuddle her, it’ll pass.

But yes - it’s savage!

My son was like this, I found letting him sleep in the car seat upright helped.

This was me OP, my DS is now 7 months. We went to cranial osteopath and it helped. We also saw a paediatrician (privately). Are you breastfeeding? My paediatrician diagnosed oversupply as a problem (he was being fire hosed in the face, which made him sick cos he was taking far too much) He knew this because he was putting on weight and going up his centiles - from the 9th to the 25th. I pumped an ounce of milk before every feed and the change came within a day. He was more content and slept so much better. I was really strict with myself and made sure I pumped every feed, regardless of what time!

Unfortunately it didn't totally "cure" the problem and in the end we have just had an allergy test confirming an allergy to milk, soya, wheat and nuts. But allergy testing can't be done until at least 7 months.

Cows milk and soya are very similar proteins so if he is allergic to cows milk, he will probably be allergic to soya.

I'm surprised your health insurance won't add your son to the policy. Could you ring them to check? We saw the paediatrician on our health insurance and it has been amazing. If not, can you ask for an NHS referral?

Just a comment on slings and hip damage. Make sure you get a sling that keeps his legs in a frog like position and then you do not need to worry about hip problems. My baby had hip dysplasia and we were recommended the ergo baby sling which was great and worked well from 8 weeks as no inserts were needed.

So sorry to hear this op. I had this with dd1. She had gaviscon and comfort milk (she was formula fed) and burping her face down seemed to help a little. But mainly she screamed herself purple for week until she grew out of it. They do grow out of it although I know it’s hard to imagine at the time

I had this with my first. A colicky baby can send you almost mad. Nothing helped, but I did switch to.bottle feeding so I could share all feeds with my partner and my mum, who would come to stay to also provide respite for us.

Hello!

I really feel your pain - I have been there.

I agree with your above statement: health professionals don't seem to care. Why? Because babies grow out of reflux by the time they're 1, most of the time. When you're in it though, it's stressful and disheartening.

I'm ttc #2 and I've thought a lot about this advice (initially to myself!) because when you have one reflux baby, you're highly likely to have other babies with reflux! So:

1. If you find sitting them upright for 20 minutes works, crack on. Didn't work for us really but I did it for months because that's what NHS online says. 2) Try not to drive yourself mad with the burping. Quite often, they just won't. 3) I tried the Gaviscon too and it was useless. Have a look on Amazon for infant carobel (it's by Cow & Gate). It's a milk thickener and you add as much or as little as you like. I found thicker milk helped but I knew that it'd cause constipation if too thick - which in turn causes reflux because of all the pushing! - so I accepted a medium of slight thickness. 3) Obviously this isn't medical advice of course but I stopped the omeprazole because my dd had such awful stomach cramps. Just what I did and I'm not in any way saying you should either.

It's SO hard when you're in it. My lowest point was being at a baby group and her projectile vomiting from up in the air, all over the floor. About 95% of mums looked horrified abs disgusted and the mum next to me whipped a Muslin out and started wiping up, telling me not to worry and she will sort that whilst I sorted my dd. In the future, like that mum, I always hope to be the mum that was the ally, not one that would stare in horror.

It does get better! It got a lot worse at 7 months when she was laying on her front attempting to crawl. However, when she started standing at 9 months, the reflux completely vanished within two weeks.

Understand how you feel. My DS was the same. The only thing I swore by was gripe water!

Keep trying different solutions, introduce them for a week at a time minimum.

• placing baby on their back facing you and cycling their little legs was a wonder for trapped wind. Can’t believe we only found out about it with the second baby.
• similarly Google a holding position called ‘tiger in the tree’

With each of these, he won’t like them at first because he doesn’t understand it will help him, but persevere.

In terms of putting them down, my second was like this. We discovered she wasn’t warm enough and had a totally different base temp to her older sibling. Try merino baby outfits, this also helps with eczema. I survived a LOT by accepting my date as well and using a sling constantly.

This sounds horrific for you all. Are you cutting soya from your diet too? Some CMPA babies react to it. You also need to read the labels on everything. You'd be really surprised what contains dairy and soya.

If you're really desperate you can also do an exclusionary diet where you cut all common allergens before reintroducing them but it is hard work. I can find you a link If you're interested.

Hopefully sorting the tongue tie again will help massively.

I'd get set up for planned safe cosleeping and see if that helps because you sleeping with him in the sling is dangerous. La Leche League has an excellent book called Sweet Sleep which tells you everything you need to know in the first chapter and is on Audible if you can't face reading.
Check out the UK Cosleepers Group for info on making it as safe as possible. There are a lot of women on there in a similar situation.

If SIDS worries you and you can stretch to it an Owlet smart sock might give you some peace of mind and works even if baby is sleeping on you.
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You might try an infant probiotic too.

It sounds like you're doing a great job in very hard circumstances

Sorry if you've already tried this but this should count as a "qualifying life event" or some other verbiage whereby your DH should be able to update his health insurance, might be worth double checking with HR and Axa/Bupa whoever it is. Best wishes OP.

My DD was exactly the same. It nearly broke me. A friend who had been through similar told me that if it got to the point I couldn’t take it anymore and felt I could snap, I should strap her into her car seat, put it in a room on the floor, close the door and go make a drink. I never had to do it but it helped to know I had an ‘out’ if she got too much.

I discovered some of the baby sensory channels on YouTube (in particular Hey Bear) and found that calmed her down. It was Christmas time too and she was fascinated by colour changing lights so we also got her some safe lights.

She was bottle fed and we found that the colic bottles (the ones with the tubes in) really helped.

I hope it passes soon.

The Gaviscon is an utter waste of time. I don't know anyone with a refluxy baby who has found it helpful. Maybe push for Ranitidine instead of Omeprazole? That worked a dream for my DD.

My sons pain was caused by nut protein in my diet, are you eating any nuts? I took these out and he would be much better within 48hrs once he had cleared his current blockage.

My son had exactly the same - two things - cranial oesto to help nerves in neck leading to digestion and nutramigen. As his digestive system matured he is now ok. We met a mother in a drs waiting room who said her son allergic to her breast milk even after giving up dairy and she suggested to ask dr to prescribe nutramigen and he improved the first day he started on it.

I feel your pain, OP. My baby had an awful reflux. After feeding her, the milk would be straight back out again. It was impossible to track how much she had taken and she started dropping weight rapidly. We switched to SMA Stay down formula and it was like magic.